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Author Topic: Help! Advice for myself and a family member please.  (Read 1237 times) Average Rating: 0
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88Devin12
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« on: July 04, 2008, 05:26:46 PM »

Ok, a few weeks ago, my grandmother had to be taken to the hospital. She had a blood clot in her leg. She got this blood clot by sitting at her house, not moving more than six feet, even to go to the bathroom (she put her potty chair next to her). She all the sudden wanted to come to our house, so we invited her over. She stayed here a few hours, got up to go to the bathroom and started crying, her leg was 3-5 times its normal size. So my mom took her to the hospital.

That is when the trouble started...
My grandmother was trying to decide which hospital to go to... My mother was going to take her to a hospital that is about 30 minutes or more away because my grandmother wanted to go there. However, as they were going down the highway, my grandmother was complaining to a family member on the phone that my mother wasn't going to take her where she wanted to go. So my mother started taking her to the hospital she wanted to go to, then my grandmother asked what she was doing and my mother told her, and my grandmother said she hurts way too much to go any farther... So my mother took her to the hospital closest to us. (which my grandmother told her to do)

Later that night, she began complaining to family members that she wasn't getting the care she needed and my mother didn't take her where she wanted to go. My mother was in tears and was ready to not even talk to my grandmother until she got out of the hospital. The whole reason my grandmother didn't like this hospital was because she didn't know the doctors, and the doctors/nurses would not be pushed around by her and would do what they needed to do rather than what my grandmother wanted them to do.

She also had my aunt in tears by telling her the whole reason my uncle died was because of this medicine etc... Well we had enough, and so my mother called and talked to her aunt and her aunt came and talked to my grandmother, and by that time, everything was good. She didn't really give us any more troubles.

Then, it just so happened that my Priest from Springfield was in town because his father was in the same hospital. So before he and his family left, he came up to see my grandmother with me, who once she saw him, began crying (joy, not sadness).

Now my grandmother has been home with us until tomorrow. She has had my mother (who works at home) constantly doing things for her, and interrupts her while shes working, and since shes been with us, my mother has made more mistakes working than she ever has, and has to work almost 24 hours a day just to get her normal workload done.
My grandmother also has had us do simple tasks for her that she could do for herself, and only gets up to go to the bathroom. She will also call people, and even though she feels great, she will all the sudden be near death. (that is, while she is on the phone)
When the nurse and rehabilitator come, she starts lying through her teeth, saying she has gotten a good workout and gets up a lot and walks around. However my mom acts like my grandmother might have forgotten, and ends up telling the nurse what exactly she does, and that makes my grandmother mad.

Just yesterday, my grandmother wanted me to print off a page about those scooters. My mother asked her why she needed a scooter. And my grandmother ended up telling her "She wants a scooter so she doesn't have to walk"... Well now my grandmother wants to go home, and we know she is going to go home and sit around like she did before.

While she acts like this, she then talks about my Priest like he is her best friend. (that is, when I discuss Orthodoxy w/ my parents) Yet she doesn't like to listen to any religious music or religious tapes/podcasts and I know my Priest is an absolutely great guy, but he would tell her (in love and care) what is really wrong with her. I know she wouldn't like that at all.

My mother is trying to do what she can for my grandmother, even sacrificing things important to her or that we need to help her mother. Yet not once in her whole life can she ever remember her mother telling her she loves her. And that bothers my mom a lot. She does everything she can, but only gets redicule and reubuke in return.

We hate to do it, but I talked to my mother, and we decided my grandmother is going to end up killing herself with another blood clot whether she is here or at home. So my mother is going to move my grandmother back home because my mother doesn't want to have to watch my grandmother kill herself in our own home...

My grandmother is the ONLY person that gets me out of my more Orthodox mindset, and she is the only one that gets me and my mother to feeling "self-righteous" I try to always consider myself worse than everyone else... But I just can't do that with her, all I can think about is how much worse than me she is.

What should I do, what should we do?
« Last Edit: July 04, 2008, 05:29:21 PM by 88Devin12 » Logged
PeterTheAleut
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« Reply #1 on: July 04, 2008, 06:22:38 PM »

Have you sought professional counseling?  Not that we can't or won't provide you any answers, but, in this particular case, I would advise you to not let OC.net replace the professional help you may need right now.  After all, we're just a bunch of internet hacks. Wink
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« Reply #2 on: July 05, 2008, 12:00:48 PM »

I agree with Peter here, professional counseling is a good idea.  It would also be worth looking into a visiting nurse for your grandmother, especially with her history of blood clots.  That way, a nurse can check on her as frequently as necessary and help her take care of herself.  My prayers are with you, and may the Lord have mercy on your family.  Best of wishes!
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« Reply #3 on: July 05, 2008, 09:31:15 PM »

I agree; professional advice is needed.

Lord have mercy.
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« Reply #4 on: July 05, 2008, 11:09:40 PM »

Professional help for the grandmother, too.  Tell her doctor about this.  It could be a sign of other medical problems.

Ebor
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88Devin12
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« Reply #5 on: July 05, 2008, 11:30:32 PM »

We already know she has bi-polar disease and was once hospitalized for a year because of it when my mother was younger. She's gotten worse with age, but recently has gotten slightly better than what she had been.

Right now everything is ok, we moved her back into her house today.
« Last Edit: July 05, 2008, 11:30:57 PM by 88Devin12 » Logged
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« Reply #6 on: July 06, 2008, 01:06:45 AM »

Sometimes older persons will show signs of 'dementia' in different ways.  Or it could be related to something else like medication interactions or some other thing.  That's why it's vital to report any change of behaviour or excessive behaviour to the person's doctor(s). 

Ebor
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« Reply #7 on: July 06, 2008, 01:41:29 AM »

Not that I have much medical knowledge, but has your grandmother's doctor considered micro-strokes? They're very hard to detect, but strokes can cause this sort of difficult, often irrational behaviour, what with the brain damage and all (and the micro-strokes, left undetected and therefore unmedicated, can end up leading to big, really damaging strokes).I witnessed this many years back in one of my grandmothers.
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« Reply #8 on: July 06, 2008, 06:29:48 AM »

Lord Have Mercy.....That's what true family is Family sqwabbles.....Still the love and concern is there....God Bless ....SmileyCentral.com" border="0
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« Reply #9 on: July 06, 2008, 12:39:31 PM »

I agree very strongly with others: it's a serious medical matter. She needs to be thoroughly examined, and there must be some professional (maybe a nurse) visiting her on a regular basis. Lord, have mercy.
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