How does a Non-Greek Guy Talk to a Greek Lady???

[SoulBrother]

I've been attending the Greek Orthodox church for a while.  And I realize that Greeks are not very friendly people with people outside their race (nationality).  So I like this Greek Lady at the church, but here is the problem, I have no problem talking to the girl, in fact, I have plenty of experience in talking to ladies, however what is difficult about talking to a greek women, not only do I have to convince the lady but I have to convince the family.

So how do I convince the family???  Are there books on how to convince a greek family that you are good enough to marry their daughter???

[Schultz]

I've been attending the Greek Orthodox church for a while.  And I realize that Greeks are not very friendly people with people outside their race (nationality).  So I like this Greek Lady at the church, but here is the problem, I have no problem talking to the girl, in fact, I have plenty of experience in talking to ladies, however what is difficult about talking to a greek women, not only do I have to convince the lady but I have to convince the family.

So how do I convince the family???  Are there books on how to convince a greek family that you are good enough to marry their daughter???

My Big Fat Greek Wedding

[SolEX01]

So how do I convince the family???  Are there books on how to convince a greek family that you are good enough to marry their daughter???

You don't need books - Come to DC in 10 days for the Young Adult League (YAL) Conference.  As long as you're under 40 and pay the required fees and 3 or 4 nights hotel stay (the Marriott is likely to be sold out by now and there are hotels further up Connecticut Ave. which may be available and cheaper), there are friends to be made and one can learn something about the Orthodox Christian faith in the process.

Young Adult League 2008 Convention Website

[Jetavan]

Whatever you do, don't wear your "Ataturk for President" T-shirt.

[Bogoliubtsy]

I've been attending the Greek Orthodox church for a while.  And I realize that Greeks are not very friendly people with people outside their race (nationality).  So I like this Greek Lady at the church, but here is the problem, I have no problem talking to the girl, in fact, I have plenty of experience in talking to ladies, however what is difficult about talking to a greek women, not only do I have to convince the lady but I have to convince the family.

So how do I convince the family???  Are there books on how to convince a greek family that you are good enough to marry their daughter???

You should convince the family that you are good enough to marry their daughter by acting in a way that will make them truly believe you are good enough to marry their daughter. It will also help if their daughter feels the same way.

[ozgeorge]

Just be yourself. Be honest. Don't try to play someone else to please her or her family.
I attended the Wedding of my Cousin's Daughter on Sunday and nearly vomited into my dessert when her father, my Cousin, got up to give his speech about how happy he was that her new husband "shared the same morals and ethics" as his family. This guy ripped my older brother off for $250,000 as well as ripping two of his own brothers off for even more. One of his own brothers is suing him!

[Anastasios]

I've been attending the Greek Orthodox church for a while.  And I realize that Greeks are not very friendly people with people outside their race (nationality).  So I like this Greek Lady at the church, but here is the problem, I have no problem talking to the girl, in fact, I have plenty of experience in talking to ladies, however what is difficult about talking to a greek women, not only do I have to convince the lady but I have to convince the family.

So how do I convince the family???  Are there books on how to convince a greek family that you are good enough to marry their daughter???

I've always found Greek people to be friendly with us xenoi. I mean, they liked me enough to make me a priest...

[prodromas]

I've been attending the Greek Orthodox church for a while.  And I realize that Greeks are not very friendly people with people outside their race (nationality).  So I like this Greek Lady at the church, but here is the problem, I have no problem talking to the girl, in fact, I have plenty of experience in talking to ladies, however what is difficult about talking to a greek women, not only do I have to convince the lady but I have to convince the family.

So how do I convince the family???  Are there books on how to convince a greek family that you are good enough to marry their daughter???

Be like a son to her father and like a son to her mother.

[Schultz]

Be like a son to her father and like a son to her mother.

In short, do what the mother tells you

[Heorhij]

My wife and I are Ukrainians, and we happen to attend a mission parish that is almost entirely ethnic Greek. We never encountered any hostility or even any reservation toward us from the Greeks. They certainly know that we aren't ethnic Greek (although I am, actually, 1/8 ethnic Greek, but I grew up in the former Soviet Union and know next to nothing about the Greek language or culture). All we saw and felt, so far, was sincere friendliness, warmth. I don't know, maybe that's because we are as "un-American" (or "un-mainstream American") as these Greeks...

[Rosehip]

I haven't had a lot of experience with Greeks, but most of the Greeks whom I have met  on a superficial level have seemed very friendly and warm. I personally would find it a bit difficult to fit into the culture as I have spent so much time with the much more reserved Russians.  What astounded me was how thoroughly mainstream the Greeks  were (compared to myself and the pious Russians I know-mostly recent immigrants still finding their way in life in a foreign culture). Au contraire, most of the Greeks in my area have lived here for quite some time and are thoroughly integrated into this society, although of course they do maintain great pride in their "greekness" and most live happily in "greektown". I know several Greek women who are happily married to non-greeks and met a Greek man once who was married to a Chinese woman. If the attraction is mutual I can't see there being a huge problem! Best wishes in your romantic ventures.

[Αριστοκλής]

My Big Fat Greek Wedding

Schultzie read my mind...

[Irenaeus07]

Schultzie read my mind...

You know I just watched that movie, my big fat greek wedding.  It goes to show when you marry a greek woman, you are not just marrying the greek woman but her family.  I don't think most americans are accustomed to that.

[SouthSerb99]

I've been attending the Greek Orthodox church for a while.  And I realize that Greeks are not very friendly people with people outside their race (nationality).  So I like this Greek Lady at the church, but here is the problem, I have no problem talking to the girl, in fact, I have plenty of experience in talking to ladies, however what is difficult about talking to a greek women, not only do I have to convince the lady but I have to convince the family.

So how do I convince the family???  Are there books on how to convince a greek family that you are good enough to marry their daughter???

SB,

    Greeks are like Serbs (my ethnic background) and one of the things "we" as a people faced when we came to the west was the dilution of our ethnicity, culture and religion.  The "push back" against this sort of thing, often ends up in the wrong place.  Sometimes it comes out as "separatist" or arrogance or an air of "you're not good enough for us".  This is the first major obstacle you'll face and in some cases it might be insurmountable.

   Here is my suggestion to you (as I saw it happen in my family).  When my sister met my brother-in-law, I knew it was going to be some interesting times at the SS99 home.  He was a 5th generation Canadian with a RC religious background.  He knew NOTHING of Serbia or Serbian customs.  He knew nothing of Orthodoxy or our religious practices and to steal a phrase from "My Big Fat Greek Wedding", I think our family found his family "dry like toast".  That is probably the gentle way of saying "we thought they lacked any ethno-cultural sophistication or flavor". 

    Having said that, my b-in-law took a real "manly" approach to the family and I think it served him well.  When he and my sis were getting really serious, he came to the house and wanted to talk to my father (primarily) and me about what it meant to be marrying a Serbian girl (or in your case even dating).

    We had very high expectation of anyone (Serbian or other) of coming into our home, but the only thing my problem worried about was that he (and his family) might not understand "our" way of doing things.  My father told him that we celebrate "Slava" and he showed him the Icon of St. Nicholas in our house.  He talked to him about our religious practices and other Serbian customs, like celebrating Vidovdan.  These items were the essence of who we were as a people and it was important that my b-in-law understood that these areas were off limits to ridicule or disrespect.

When he showed that he would value these items as much as we did, he showed that he "accepted us" as much as we needed to "accept him".  He proved that by my sister marrying him, she would NOT loser her Slava, nor would their children.  They would NOT abandon the Church and the practices of our ancestors for the last 1000 years.

Before they married, he converted (you're already a huge step ahead).  He is well known in our Church, well liked and has NEVER done anything to make me question his commitment to preserving those things that are very important to my sister and my family.  In return, my b-in-law is just amazed at what my family has done for him.  My mother looks after him better than one of her own (if he's ever in the neighborhood he ALWAYS stops by for a hot meal and "drinks", not matter what Mom is doing).  My father helped him financially (big time) so that he could start his own business and is now making more than a million dollars a year.  I would not trade him for a "Serbian b-in-law" in a million years.  I don't believe my sister could have done any better.

The truth is, once he convinced us he would respect our religion and culture, he was a shoe in.  Some might have a higher standard than we did, but I think the most anyone can ever ask of you is to respect those things that might be "foreign" to you (as you should expect they respect the things foreign to them). 

And if all of this fails... yes, just watch "My Big Fat Greek Wedding". LOL

[Sophie]

I've been attending the Greek Orthodox church for a while.  And I realize that Greeks are not very friendly people with people outside their race (nationality).  So I like this Greek Lady at the church, but here is the problem, I have no problem talking to the girl, in fact, I have plenty of experience in talking to ladies, however what is difficult about talking to a greek women, not only do I have to convince the lady but I have to convince the family.

So how do I convince the family???  Are there books on how to convince a greek family that you are good enough to marry their daughter???

Greeks are friendly, but I guess we may also seem rather distant and exclusive at times.

I take it you have already got to know the girl then, and that you have talked to each other about how you feel about each other, or is it that you want to get to know her family so that you can get to know her better? Please explain better. Maybe, you haven´t talked enough yet? Does she know how you feel?

It does not take convincing the family, it takes convincing the girl. The family, unless we are talking about underage people, follows along. My (Greek) family approves of presentable, clean, hardworking, respectable and respectful young men who would accept to become Orthodox - if they are not already - to be with their daughters. It seems that you already fulfill the last qualification. After all, they see you at church. I would feel - and this, as a person who grew up in Greece with Greeks - that someone who attends a Greek Orthodox Church is very close to my culture already, although knows little about it.

[Heorhij]

You know I just watched that movie, my big fat greek wedding.  It goes to show when you marry a greek woman, you are not just marrying the greek woman but her family.  I don't think most americans are accustomed to that.

Here's a clip I found:

http://movies.nytimes.com/movie/261239/My-Big-Fat-Greek-Wedding/trailers

(Unfortunately, the part where Costa answers "No!" to Ian's question about dating his daughter is too short in this clip. A fuller version is:

Costa: I am the HEAD of the family! So, before dating my daughter, you should ask me, "May I date your daughter?"

Ian: OK, so may I date your daughter?

Costa: NNNNNNO!!!!!!!)

[buzuxi]

Tell her you want to take her out for a Frappe. That may work

[Tzimis]

I've been attending the Greek Orthodox church for a while.  And I realize that Greeks are not very friendly people with people outside their race (nationality).  So I like this Greek Lady at the church, but here is the problem, I have no problem talking to the girl, in fact, I have plenty of experience in talking to ladies, however what is difficult about talking to a greek women, not only do I have to convince the lady but I have to convince the family.

So how do I convince the family???  Are there books on how to convince a greek family that you are good enough to marry their daughter???

Greek parents usually like to control there children's lives. If you are the Alpha male type than you have no chance. Submission is your best chance. And if you are a real Soulbrother. That makes things even worse.

[SolEX01]

Be Yourself and/or emulate the examples set by the men below.

Memorial Day Trip to Clearwater, FL

[SoulBrother]

Greek parents usually like to control there children's lives. If you are the Alpha male type than you have no chance. Submission is your best chance. And if you are a real Soulbrother. That makes things even worse.

Well I am a real soul brother... Thanks for your advice.....

Foreign people tend to think they own their children.

[Tzimis]

Foreign people tend to think they own their children.

Own, might be a little over the top. I would call it manipulate. The parent manipulates until the child realizes that they actually have the power to control there parents. It's a vicious cycle, but it works.

[stewie]

as a non-Greek married to a Greek woman, all I can say is that there is no one-size-fits-all answer.  while my wife never had the "marry Greek" hangup, some of her friends do.  They wouldn't even consider marrying another ethnic background, Orthodox or not.

there's no magic to it.  treat her as you would any other girl you are interested in, and hope that if she has an idea in her mind that she wants to end up with a Greek guy, you're able to change her mind.
 

[Heorhij]

Foreign people tend to think they own their children.

I am not sure about "own," but Ukrainians do most certainly have different idea about parent-children relationship compared to modern politically correct "progressive minded" Americans. My wife and I liev in the US; we are both over 50, but we cannot imagine not calling our mothers, who live in Ukraine, on the phone every week. We also cannot imagine not calling our 24-y.o. daughter on the phone, and she cannot imagine not calling us. It's just normal. We never restricted her in anything, but we worry and care about her more than about anything else in the world, and she knows it and she does not mind. Again, it is so normal to us. When our daughter was in high school, though, one of her classmates ran away - just for the heck of it, kind of like to "test" herself, can she do it. She was away for 3 weeks, rode buses, never called home. Her father had a heart attack, was in a hospital. But our daughter's school teacher told the kids in her class that this classmate of theirs just had to go through a "right of passage," and that it is so normal, so good for her... I just can't imagine this could ever happen with a Ukrainian kid. And I can't imagine a Ukrainian adult, let alone a schoolteacher, say that this kind of cold, heartless attitude to parents is "normal."

[Schultz]

I am not sure about "own," but Ukrainians do most certainly have different idea about parent-children relationship compared to modern politically correct "progressive minded" Americans. My wife and I liev in the US; we are both over 50, but we cannot imagine not calling our mothers, who live in Ukraine, on the phone every week. We also cannot imagine not calling our 24-y.o. daughter on the phone, and she cannot imagine not calling us. It's just normal. We never restricted her in anything, but we worry and care about her more than about anything else in the world, and she knows it and she does not mind. Again, it is so normal to us. When our daughter was in high school, though, one of her classmates ran away - just for the heck of it, kind of like to "test" herself, can she do it. She was away for 3 weeks, rode buses, never called home. Her father had a heart attack, was in a hospital. But our daughter's school teacher told the kids in her class that this classmate of theirs just had to go through a "right of passage," and that it is so normal, so good for her... I just can't imagine this could ever happen with a Ukrainian kid. And I can't imagine a Ukrainian adult, let alone a schoolteacher, say that this kind of cold, heartless attitude to parents is "normal."

I talk to my mother (and always have) at least once a week and all my siblings do the same (my father's a different story, but that's just how he is).  Even my brother, the proverbial black sheep of the family, at the height of his "misbehavior", talked to my mother at least once a week.  I talk to each of my siblings at least once a month, even the ones I really don't have anything in common with.  I can't imagine what it would be like otherwise and I certainly don't understand people who don't keep in touch with their family, especially when there's been no real falling out.  Then again, my father didn't really talk to his family a whole lot after my grandfather died, but, again, that's how "he is".  My family is also far from "ethnic".  My wife comments all the time just how un-ethnic we are.

The teacher's endorsement of this "rite of passage" is kind of scary. 

Foreign people tend to think they own their children.

How does my second generation from immigration mother-in-law fit into that one?  She's the most manipulative person I've ever met.

[pensateomnia]

I would feel - and this, as a person who grew up in Greece with Greeks - that someone who attends a Greek Orthodox Church is very close to my culture already, although knows little about it.

I agree. The OP is (a) Orthodox and (b) attends a Greek Orthodox parish. He's already part of the extended family.

Provided he has a steady job, is reasonably healthy and close to the same age as the girl in question, the yiayiades et al. will swarm him with acceptance, hugs, kisses and many proclamations about his being a good boy.

This happens to me on a daily basis.

[prodromas]

I am not sure about "own," but Ukrainians do most certainly have different idea about parent-children relationship compared to modern politically correct "progressive minded" Americans. My wife and I liev in the US; we are both over 50, but we cannot imagine not calling our mothers, who live in Ukraine, on the phone every week. We also cannot imagine not calling our 24-y.o. daughter on the phone, and she cannot imagine not calling us. It's just normal. We never restricted her in anything, but we worry and care about her more than about anything else in the world, and she knows it and she does not mind. Again, it is so normal to us. When our daughter was in high school, though, one of her classmates ran away - just for the heck of it, kind of like to "test" herself, can she do it. She was away for 3 weeks, rode buses, never called home. Her father had a heart attack, was in a hospital. But our daughter's school teacher told the kids in her class that this classmate of theirs just had to go through a "right of passage," and that it is so normal, so good for her... I just can't imagine this could ever happen with a Ukrainian kid. And I can't imagine a Ukrainian adult, let alone a schoolteacher, say that this kind of cold, heartless attitude to parents is "normal."

George this rite of passage thing is crazy! In our Greek household if I did this my father would throttle me and you also know i'm greek because I can so nonchalantly put a smiley face after talking about throttling children.

[LBK]

"Throttle", prodromas? That would be letting you off easy by Greek Father standards!   

[Sophie]

George this rite of passage thing is crazy! In our Greek household if I did this my father would throttle me and you also know i'm greek because I can so nonchalantly put a smiley face after talking about throttling children.

In our Greek household it would not even cross our mind to run away, let alone considering it our right, hehe! I live in Spain and talk to my parents in Greece on the phone every other day or every couple of days and to my sister practically every day.

I think this thread is being systematically hijacked...

[prodromas]

In our Greek household it would not even cross our mind to run away, let alone considering it our right, hehe! I live in Spain and talk to my parents in Greece on the phone every other day or every couple of days and to my sister practically every day.

I think this thread is being systematically hijacked...

Well not really just some things SoulBrother should know about the culture.

[cizinec]

I would assume that a non-Greek guy would do it the same way a Greek does.


http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Speech_production

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