Author Topic: Tactless visitors  (Read 4527 times)

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Offline zebu

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Tactless visitors
« on: June 08, 2008, 07:32:26 PM »
Today, a friend of mine brought a friend to church.  After liturgy, she was bragging about how when she was a young girl, she visited an Orthodox service and had communion.  She was joking and laughing about it.  Everyone she was talking to was just kind of shocked, and extremely uncomfortable.  I don't think she was trying to be offensive or make an ass of herself (which is what happened), I think she was just horribly tactless and not used to conducting herself in a churchy environment of any kind.  What would you do in such a situation? I mean, you don't want to offend her or make her feel stupid, but at the same time, when she says things like that in a joking way, she is making an ass of herself, almost like she has her fly down or something.  We all just kind of stood there awkwardly until she was done talking.  Has anyone else had any really tactless visitors before?
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Offline PeterTheAleut

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Re: Tactless visitors
« Reply #1 on: June 08, 2008, 07:42:05 PM »
Well, in this specific case, you could have told your friend to pull his/her friend aside to tell her in a private conversation that people just don't talk like this in a church environment.
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Offline Entscheidungsproblem

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Re: Tactless visitors
« Reply #2 on: June 08, 2008, 07:53:07 PM »
Yup, I remember someone a knew brought a Protestant friend to a Latin mass at a parish I attended.  Between saying "What language is Lucifer up there speaking?" and "Mmmmmm.  Human flesh eh?  Good thing you had some poor saps blood to wash it down." comments, I can say he made everyone extremely uncomfortable and made a great impression on people of his denomination...   ::)
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Offline Riddikulus

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Re: Tactless visitors
« Reply #3 on: June 08, 2008, 08:37:13 PM »
Personally, I believe that pointedly ignoring someone who is behaving like that is probably the best option. I don't mean turning your back on them or anything like that, but rather than risk a verbal brawl outside the Church, steer the conversation into less distubing waters. It also pays to remember that the silly, stupid and rude things that we do or say always come back to haunt us. That might happen immediately or it might take years, but at some point as she matures in her own faith, this young woman will squirm with embarrassment for being such a twerp. Pray for her.  :)
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Offline ozgeorge

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Re: Tactless visitors
« Reply #4 on: June 08, 2008, 09:41:55 PM »
It's like when someone breaks wind in a mixed social setting. The best thing to do is behave like it didn't happen and just move on.
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Offline Riddikulus

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Re: Tactless visitors
« Reply #5 on: June 08, 2008, 10:01:50 PM »
It's like when someone breaks wind in a mixed social setting. The best thing to do is behave like it didn't happen and just move on.

 :laugh: yeah!
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Offline prodromas

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Re: Tactless visitors
« Reply #6 on: June 08, 2008, 10:57:42 PM »
Well I was that tactless person in a situation once. We had a speaker an iconographer at our church and I was really excited and when our priest introduced him I started applauding when he came to speak and no one clapped bar from 2 people about 5 seconds in to my clap. Anyway my friend was talking to me in the hall and just lovingly brought up that we don't clap in the church. I wasn't offended in fact I was relieved that someone told me so I don't make an ass out of myself again. I would just have a nice chat about the subject of the Eucharist and just say its not her fault as she didn't know.
« Last Edit: June 08, 2008, 11:05:55 PM by prodromas »
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Offline stashko

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Re: Tactless visitors
« Reply #7 on: June 09, 2008, 02:52:20 AM »
It's like when someone breaks wind in a mixed social setting. The best thing to do is behave like it didn't happen and just move on.


Actually a person broke wind infront of me in the serbian church....i heard it and i stepped back ...it was a feast day the Dormition of the Holy Virgin..after the Holy Liturgy they had a Lunch/Dinner...the person happen to be sitting across from me so i mention casually that he must be troubled by gas ,,he said  why yes i am...then he turned red...he remembered what he did in church.....is that a sin to pass gas in church...????...SmileyCentral.com" border="0
ГОСПОДЕ ГОСПОДЕ ,ПОГЛЕДАЈ СА НЕБА ,ДОЂИ И ПОСЕТИ ТВОЈ ВИНОГРАД ТВОЈА ДЕСНИЦА ПОСАДИЛА АМИН АМИН.

Offline jaderook

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Re: Tactless visitors
« Reply #8 on: June 09, 2008, 11:29:47 AM »

Actually a person broke wind infront of me in the serbian church....i heard it and i stepped back ...it was a feast day the Dormition of the Holy Virgin..after the Holy Liturgy they had a Lunch/Dinner...the person happen to be sitting across from me so i mention casually that he must be troubled by gas ,,he said  why yes i am...then he turned red...he remembered what he did in church.....is that a sin to pass gas in church...????...SmileyCentral.com" border="0

There are a good many people in this world who can't control things of this nature for whatever reason; more than you'd be inclined to think.  Take my father, for instance.  He had colon cancer and has a colostomy.  He has no control over his bowels, and while total strangers have no clue as to his condition, there is sometimes noise that can't be helped.  It's not a sin, it's a health issue.

Offline lubeltri

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Re: Tactless visitors
« Reply #9 on: June 09, 2008, 02:26:51 PM »
There's a very good Evangelical friend of mine. I used to invite her to Mass with me, but every time we went, she insisted on going up to receive Communion! No matter what I said, she always replied, "I like Catholics. I'm down with JPII. So why not?" Sigh...she's coming to visit in July. I'd take her to the Latin Mass with me, but . . . she's also down with B16!

Offline prodromas

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Re: Tactless visitors
« Reply #10 on: June 09, 2008, 09:41:38 PM »
There's a very good Evangelical friend of mine. I used to invite her to Mass with me, but every time we went, she insisted on going up to receive Communion! No matter what I said, she always replied, "I like Catholics. I'm down with JPII. So why not?" Sigh...she's coming to visit in July. I'd take her to the Latin Mass with me, but . . . she's also down with B16!

I'm down with the B16 Catholic bomber himself. Yeah I know what you mean Lubeltri, I know atheist greeks that will still commune because they have fasted for the week for pascha because "that's what you do after you fast".
The sins I don't commit are largely due to the weakness of my limbs.

1915-1923 Հայոց Ցեղասպանութիւն ,never again,
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Offline stashko

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Re: Tactless visitors
« Reply #11 on: June 09, 2008, 11:30:01 PM »
There are a good many people in this world who can't control things of this nature for whatever reason; more than you'd be inclined to think.  Take my father, for instance.  He had colon cancer and has a colostomy.  He has no control over his bowels, and while total strangers have no clue as to his condition, there is sometimes noise that can't be helped.  It's not a sin, it's a health issue.


God Bless your Dad and Grant Him permanent Healing,,,when it happened and were it happened it was a shock..i never thought at that time ,, it could be related to a sickness,,thank you for opening my eye's that see but were blind....SmileyCentral.com" border="0
ГОСПОДЕ ГОСПОДЕ ,ПОГЛЕДАЈ СА НЕБА ,ДОЂИ И ПОСЕТИ ТВОЈ ВИНОГРАД ТВОЈА ДЕСНИЦА ПОСАДИЛА АМИН АМИН.

Offline PeterTheAleut

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Re: Tactless visitors
« Reply #12 on: June 13, 2008, 05:46:37 PM »
I remember something tactless I said at a parish annual meeting many years ago, and I had been Orthodox for a few years.  I believe we were hearing the annual financial report when the treasurer said something about how much money our church had invested in such things as incense.  I made some offhanded comment about "all that money going up in smoke."  I don't think my attempt at a joke was very well received. :-[
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Offline prodromas

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Re: Tactless visitors
« Reply #13 on: June 14, 2008, 02:05:27 AM »
I remember something tactless I said at a parish annual meeting many years ago, and I had been Orthodox for a few years.  I believe we were hearing the annual financial report when the treasurer said something about how much money our church had invested in such things as incense.  I made some offhanded comment about "all that money going up in smoke."  I don't think my attempt at a joke was very well received. :-[

Well Peter if I was there then I would have laughed and I would have another story to put up here :D.
The sins I don't commit are largely due to the weakness of my limbs.

1915-1923 Հայոց Ցեղասպանութիւն ,never again,
ܩܛܠܐ ܕܥܡܐ ܐܬܘܪܝܐ 1920-1914, never again,
השואה  1933-1945, never again,
(1914-1923) Ελληνική Γενοκτονία, never again

Offline _Seraphim_

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Re: Tactless visitors
« Reply #14 on: June 14, 2008, 11:00:00 AM »
Well Peter if I was there then I would have laughed and I would have another story to put up here :D.

You took the words right out of my mouth! :laugh:
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Offline _Seraphim_

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Re: Tactless visitors
« Reply #15 on: June 14, 2008, 11:09:44 AM »
When I first began attending Divine Liturgy I was in the habit of always bringing a water bottle wherever I went... including Protestant services.  Without even thinking about it, I brought a water bottle into the nave during Liturgy every week for a couple months.  Looking back, I can see that this made several people somewhat uncomfortable, but no one said anything to me.  I suppose they were trying to just let me figure it out on my own that the Liturgy wasn't the time or place to be eating or drinking ANYthing non-sacramental.  I don't think I would have necessarily been offended if anyone had said something to me about leaving my water bottle outside... but their patience really spoke more to me than any words would have.
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Offline Myrrh23

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Re: Tactless visitors
« Reply #16 on: June 14, 2008, 09:08:51 PM »
If people are saying or doing certain things that are wrong, I would think not correcting the person could possibly leave them with poop on their knees. I think there should be a balance in helping a person to grow spiritually and socially, and doing what OzGeorge suggested. I think his advice would apply to ignoring flatulence in Church, but not someone making a joke out of sacred practices, like abstaining from Communion if you're non-Orthodox. We don't have to verbally graze any important arteries in the neck, but a gentle nudging towards for gentle and respectful behavior should be cultured in everyone..like good manners at the table. :)

Friul, your friend actually said those horrible things? It's bizarre that they would say such things, especially the "poor sap's" part. They're Christian too... :o
« Last Edit: June 14, 2008, 09:22:04 PM by Myrrh23 »
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Offline Entscheidungsproblem

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Re: Tactless visitors
« Reply #17 on: June 14, 2008, 09:47:58 PM »
Friul, your friend actually said those horrible things? It's bizarre that they would say such things, especially the "poor sap's" part. They're Christian too... :o

Well, "cannibalistic" Catholics aren't Christian to them. ::)
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