Author Topic: Orthonorm's Dating and Relationship Advice Column  (Read 154350 times)

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Offline Gebre Menfes Kidus

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Re: Orthonorm's Dating and Relationship Advice Column
« Reply #2295 on: September 05, 2014, 01:57:01 AM »
Don't date ****** (inappropriate word for black people), they'll probably end up robbing you.

Racism is a sickness, and this kind of talk is truly anti-Christian and vile. Please try to work to do a better job at controlling your own posting behavior. Such disgusting attitudes and 'advice' as displayed here are unacceptable. Please pray and seek spiritual counsel, lest you further wound the confession you claim in the eyes of others (who are, in case you have forgotten, created equal to you and equally beloved children of God), and your own soul by harboring such hatred and bigotry.

+1

Amen!


Selam
"Bad art may be forgiven; but to remain unmoved by beauty will not. Doubts may be forgiven; but a lack of wonder will not. Tilting at windmills may be forgiven; but allowing our neighbors to be grinded in the gears will not. Denying the existence of the Creator may be forgiven; but ignoring the glories of creation will not."
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Offline Chiere

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Re: Orthonorm's Dating and Relationship Advice Column
« Reply #2296 on: September 07, 2014, 05:37:55 PM »
I'm not sure what to say right now, except that I am very sorry for what I said about black people yesterday. It was rude, insulting, and totally untrue. I'm not even sure why I said that. I will be more artful of what I say and the words I use. That's all I can think of to say right now.

To God Be the Glory!

Offline hecma925

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Re: Orthonorm's Dating and Relationship Advice Column
« Reply #2297 on: October 06, 2014, 11:04:08 PM »
From a comedic tome (I found on my dad's bookshelf), written by an ex-Roman Catholic priest-turned-Protestant:

Quote
Best of all is for Protestant ministers to preach without ceasing to their people:  "Do not marry a Catholic.Do not permit yourself to fall in love with a Catholic, for love is unreasoning and lures its victims into thinking that they are exceptions to all rules and experiences.  Fear of the threats of the Church is greater than the love which a Roman Catholic girl or boy may profess for you.  This fear will win out in the end and rob you of your love and happiness as well as the eternal salvation of yourself and your unborn children. [author's emphasis]

Lehmann, L. H. "The Problems of Mixed Marriages." Out of the Labyrinth. Chino, CA: Chick Publications, 1982. 202. Print.

There you have it, folks.  If you marry a Roman Catholic, or even think of dating them, you're going to hell.
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Offline TheTrisagion

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Re: Orthonorm's Dating and Relationship Advice Column
« Reply #2298 on: October 06, 2014, 11:13:47 PM »
How can your eternal salvation be robbed if you are part of the elect and predestined to be saved? Also, what are you supposed to do if you are predestined by God the marry a Catholic?  The plot thickens.  I think a Chick tract is needed to sort all this out.
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Offline hecma925

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Re: Orthonorm's Dating and Relationship Advice Column
« Reply #2299 on: October 07, 2014, 08:25:28 AM »
How can your eternal salvation be robbed if you are part of the elect and predestined to be saved? Also, what are you supposed to do if you are predestined by God the marry a Catholic?  The plot thickens.  I think a Chick tract is needed to sort all this out.



Should have paid attention at the Chick seminar.
Happy shall he be, that shall take and dash thy little ones against the rock. Alleluia.

Once Christ has filled the Cross, it can never be empty again.

"But God doesn't need your cookies!  Arrive on time!"

Offline Chiere

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Re: Orthonorm's Dating and Relationship Advice Column
« Reply #2300 on: October 09, 2014, 06:02:36 PM »
How can your eternal salvation be robbed if you are part of the elect and predestined to be saved? Also, what are you supposed to do if you are predestined by God the marry a Catholic?  The plot thickens.  I think a Chick tract is needed to sort all this out.



Should have paid attention at the Chick seminar.

The Chick seminar...is that where they show you where to find the prettiest girls? LOL.

To God Be the Glory!

Offline rakovsky

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Re: Orthonorm's Dating and Relationship Advice Column
« Reply #2301 on: October 15, 2014, 01:21:32 PM »

Offline hecma925

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Re: Orthonorm's Dating and Relationship Advice Column
« Reply #2302 on: October 15, 2014, 05:28:58 PM »
How can your eternal salvation be robbed if you are part of the elect and predestined to be saved? Also, what are you supposed to do if you are predestined by God the marry a Catholic?  The plot thickens.  I think a Chick tract is needed to sort all this out.



Should have paid attention at the Chick seminar.

The Chick seminar...is that where they show you where to find the prettiest girls? LOL.

Only Babylonian whores.
Happy shall he be, that shall take and dash thy little ones against the rock. Alleluia.

Once Christ has filled the Cross, it can never be empty again.

"But God doesn't need your cookies!  Arrive on time!"

Offline Chiere

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Re: Orthonorm's Dating and Relationship Advice Column
« Reply #2303 on: October 20, 2014, 10:38:34 AM »
How can your eternal salvation be robbed if you are part of the elect and predestined to be saved? Also, what are you supposed to do if you are predestined by God the marry a Catholic?  The plot thickens.  I think a Chick tract is needed to sort all this out.



Should have paid attention at the Chick seminar.

The Chick seminar...is that where they show you where to find the prettiest girls? LOL.

Only Babylonian whores.

Well, I'm not that desperate for sex, so I don't think I'll be checking those out.

To God Be the Glory!

Offline hecma925

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Re: Orthonorm's Dating and Relationship Advice Column
« Reply #2304 on: January 23, 2015, 05:13:52 AM »
Man, what a crazy night last night! Ok so I was at the bar and this really attractive woman came up and sat beside me. Now orthonorm and opus were in another part of the bar at the time. Anyway, so we start talking, and she's really attractive, but something about her was just off, like you could tell she was a little crazy. So I said I had to get back to my friends, and she was like "What's wrong, tiger? Don't you want this?" and I was like "Um, you're very attractive, but..." and she said "let me ask you something" and I said "ok..." and she said "It's my face, isn't it? You think I'm a butterface!" and I tried to assure her that that was not the case at all, that she had a very pretty face, but she wouldn't listen. Then she started crying, and I tried to put my arm around her to console her and she snapped at me like a wild beast "don't touch me you pathetic wretch!"  

Well, suffice to say I was taken aback, but she apologized immediately and said she didn't know what came over her. I said it was ok, that maybe she should go home and get some sleep. And she said "let me ask you another question, a very private question," and I said ok. So she said "Imagine your ultimate fantasy girl. It has to be someone real though. Like an actress. Who is she?" I was a bit confused, but she pressed me several times to name someone. So finally I said "I dunno, Emmanuelle Chriqui I guess". She said "Ahh" and then just sat there with a serious look on her face. Then she leaned in and whispered to me: "If I chopped her head off, and took her skin, and wore it like a mask over my head, would you then make love to me? Would I then be pretty enough for you?"

That was about all I could take? I jumped back and said "what are you talking about? are you crazy?" and she looked at me longingly and said "what is it that you want? just tell me what you want!" and she started clawing at me and sort of growling. Just then orthonorm and opus saw what was going on and they hurriedly pushed me out of the bar, and we raced to the car as this wild woman chased us, screaming "I need to feel like you love me! Make me feel like a woman!"  Well, we finally got to the car and she came up and started banging on the window, and we were saying "go go go" and she was spitting and hissing, but finally norm got the car started and we sped away. Whew, it was close, I'll tell ya!

Did you ever go back to that bar?
Happy shall he be, that shall take and dash thy little ones against the rock. Alleluia.

Once Christ has filled the Cross, it can never be empty again.

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Offline ironchapman

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Re: Orthonorm's Dating and Relationship Advice Column
« Reply #2305 on: May 20, 2015, 01:56:25 AM »
How can your eternal salvation be robbed if you are part of the elect and predestined to be saved? Also, what are you supposed to do if you are predestined by God the marry a Catholic?  The plot thickens.  I think a Chick tract is needed to sort all this out.

Backsliding, man, backsliding.

Although the Methodists, Anglicans, and Lutherans(?) don't believe in predestination, at least not as part of their "traditional" theologies".

As for my love life, it is still nonexistent. Hopefully, I'll be able to find someone once I get back to school this August.
« Last Edit: May 20, 2015, 02:04:05 AM by ironchapman »
"The whole problem with the world is that fools and fanatics are always so certain of themselves, and wiser people so full of doubts." --Bertrand Russell

Offline nothing

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Re: Orthonorm's Dating and Relationship Advice Column
« Reply #2306 on: June 01, 2015, 11:08:16 PM »
oops wrong thread
« Last Edit: June 01, 2015, 11:08:27 PM by nothing »
Atheists are weak because they are deaf to joy and are unable to dance.

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While the prospects of an operatic cosmic catastrophe may always be looming behind us due to our temperaments, we do tend to be around lots and lots of the opposite sex from cradle to grave.

Offline ironchapman

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Re: Orthonorm's Dating and Relationship Advice Column
« Reply #2307 on: September 25, 2015, 02:11:10 AM »
How can your eternal salvation be robbed if you are part of the elect and predestined to be saved? Also, what are you supposed to do if you are predestined by God the marry a Catholic?  The plot thickens.  I think a Chick tract is needed to sort all this out.

Backsliding, man, backsliding.

Although the Methodists, Anglicans, and Lutherans(?) don't believe in predestination, at least not as part of their "traditional" theologies".

As for my love life, it is still nonexistent. Hopefully, I'll be able to find someone once I get back to school this August.

Having gotten to North Dakota, I can verify the truth of the adage "In North Dakota, there's a girl behind every tree, and there aren't many trees."

The search continues.
"The whole problem with the world is that fools and fanatics are always so certain of themselves, and wiser people so full of doubts." --Bertrand Russell

Offline TheTrisagion

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Re: Orthonorm's Dating and Relationship Advice Column
« Reply #2308 on: September 28, 2015, 11:44:32 PM »
How can your eternal salvation be robbed if you are part of the elect and predestined to be saved? Also, what are you supposed to do if you are predestined by God the marry a Catholic?  The plot thickens.  I think a Chick tract is needed to sort all this out.

Backsliding, man, backsliding.

Although the Methodists, Anglicans, and Lutherans(?) don't believe in predestination, at least not as part of their "traditional" theologies".

As for my love life, it is still nonexistent. Hopefully, I'll be able to find someone once I get back to school this August.

Having gotten to North Dakota, I can verify the truth of the adage "In North Dakota, there's a girl behind every tree, and there aren't many trees."

The search continues.
I will set you up with kelly. She keeps moaning about not being able to find a good Orthodox guy.
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Offline vamrat

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Re: Orthonorm's Dating and Relationship Advice Column
« Reply #2309 on: October 09, 2015, 04:44:18 PM »
I'll set you up with Trisigion's mom.







I'm sure she know's someone wonderful up in ND for your to create progeny with.
Das ist des Jägers Ehrenschild, daß er beschützt und hegt sein Wild, weidmännisch jagt, wie sich’s gehört, den Schöpfer im Geschöpfe ehrt.

Offline TheTrisagion

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Re: Orthonorm's Dating and Relationship Advice Column
« Reply #2310 on: October 09, 2015, 06:55:55 PM »
wait, wut?  :o
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Offline hecma925

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Re: Orthonorm's Dating and Relationship Advice Column
« Reply #2311 on: October 09, 2015, 07:10:37 PM »
Oh, you didn't know?  Your mom is the greatest matchmaker for Orthodox (Christians and Jews, you know, Israel is God's chosen People, Yayyy) people in the US. She bridges the gap between the Old and New Worlds.  I hear she may get a Gramota from ROCOR.
Happy shall he be, that shall take and dash thy little ones against the rock. Alleluia.

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Offline scamandrius

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Re: Orthonorm's Dating and Relationship Advice Column
« Reply #2312 on: February 04, 2016, 11:53:58 PM »
I'm just curious:  Has anyone actually benefited from his advice?

Offline hecma925

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Re: Orthonorm's Dating and Relationship Advice Column
« Reply #2313 on: Yesterday at 03:51:54 AM »
I'm just curious:  Has anyone actually benefited from his advice?

Looking to date someone new?
Happy shall he be, that shall take and dash thy little ones against the rock. Alleluia.

Once Christ has filled the Cross, it can never be empty again.

"But God doesn't need your cookies!  Arrive on time!"

Offline NicholasMyra

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Re: Orthonorm's Dating and Relationship Advice Column
« Reply #2314 on: Yesterday at 05:36:57 AM »
I'm just curious:  Has anyone actually benefited from his advice?
Zarathustra's Tarantula has not.
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Re: Orthonorm's Dating and Relationship Advice Column
« Reply #2315 on: Yesterday at 08:27:57 AM »
I took orthonorm's advice and got faced with a restraining order. 10/10 would do again.
Atheists are weak because they are deaf to joy and are unable to dance.

Quote from: Porter ODoran
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Quote from: William T
While the prospects of an operatic cosmic catastrophe may always be looming behind us due to our temperaments, we do tend to be around lots and lots of the opposite sex from cradle to grave.

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Re: Orthonorm's Dating and Relationship Advice Column
« Reply #2316 on: Yesterday at 09:18:54 AM »
I took orthonorm's advice and got faced with a restraining order. 10/10 would do again.

LOL.
This is a great day for this forum and for the internet. Mor's energies like a burning comet are raining possibilities for enlightenment upon us all.

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Mor, you're a jackass.

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Re: Orthonorm's Dating and Relationship Advice Column
« Reply #2317 on: Yesterday at 09:38:59 AM »
I'm just curious:  Has anyone actually benefited from his advice?
orthonorm has given me the wisdom I needed to face the day. Glory to the orthonorm!
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Re: Orthonorm's Dating and Relationship Advice Column
« Reply #2318 on: Yesterday at 11:41:31 AM »
I'm just curious:  Has anyone actually benefited from his advice?

Looking to date someone new?

Why? You available?

Offline hecma925

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Re: Orthonorm's Dating and Relationship Advice Column
« Reply #2319 on: Today at 05:15:57 AM »
I'm just curious:  Has anyone actually benefited from his advice?

Looking to date someone new?

Why? You available?

If the chanting's good....maybe.
Happy shall he be, that shall take and dash thy little ones against the rock. Alleluia.

Once Christ has filled the Cross, it can never be empty again.

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Re: Orthonorm's Dating and Relationship Advice Column
« Reply #2320 on: Today at 11:29:58 AM »
I'm just curious:  Has anyone actually benefited from his advice?

You had to go to the old unofficial oc.net chat room if you wanted the good advices. The stuff in this thread was drivel meant to confuse people, lest the truth epiphanize, and in being thus epiphanized the masses should actualize it forthwith, to the ruin of their souls and bodies.