But then again is my apprehension a sign of an ignorance of my own thoughts, my own passions in life? Or is this all evidence of how far I have strayed and how desperately I need spiritual direction? I've had these feelings for almost a year now, doesn't that mean something? Oh what a mystery this life is!
Alyosha, we all need help...it's not just you! Without knowing you, we cannot give any definite answers for you yet regarding your excitement and apprehension. Probably there is a combination of all the things you've pointed out, and maybe a few more things.
For you, I think you need to speak to a priest in person, to work on these things.
My real problem is that I want to approach my local Orthodox Church to see what the folks there think of my situation but what would they likely say to someone who is due to leave town forever in 3 months? What is there for me to do?
What will they likely say to you? Probably 'hello'!
Just go ahead and speak to the priest. Believe me...he's probably come across folk like you before! But it's a start for you to begin answering this call that you know is there
And what if you're leaving in 3 months? So what! Prove to me that Jesus Christ isn't going to arrive again in one month's time. The important thing is to live every day as if you will be meeting Christ that hour. You owe it to yourself and you owe it to Him to contact this local parish.
I'm going to be active duty for the next 5 years of my life and probably wont be in one particular place in the world for any longer than 8 months at one time during that span. I'm so frustrated that this all had to happen now, when my life is about to be turned upsidedown and changed forever. But I'm so happy knowing that I might be closer to finding truth and love in this life.
Please, what should I do?
Alyosha, this may surprise you, but...there are Orthodox chaplains in the military. In fact, the military, police, and fire departments love to have Orthodox chaplains because we can cut across many denominational lines. We will not offer a Mystery to a non-Orthodox person, but oftentimes we're listed as people acceptable to visit if one cannot find clergy of their 'own' church.
If you want to, please PM me and I will forward to you the contact number of a priest I know very well who is also a Chaplain in the US Army Reserve. Or, you and I can talk about your questions also.
The important thing for you is...you've come to the right place and the right people. We will do all we can to help you!