Too bad you didn't know about James River Assembly of God- complete with Starbucks and giftshop!
Or Willow Creek. (I'd say what I call it, but it might be against forum rules). Mc+
My ex wife started going there (from my divorce lawyer, it seems that's typical). I found out because the boys started refering to their mother's church as "the church where we don't pray."
Some time after this, my older son asked if his friend Ben (a follower of Rome) had icons. When I said yes, that others had icons, not just us, but some don't, like grandma's (my mother, Evangelical Lutheran). He then brought up that "mama's church doesn't have icons. Or even a cross" and then asked why. "Because they think it makes people sad," I replied (the founder of WC said that polls showed people didn't like crosses, and someone said "the cross is a downer.").
My son thought for a moment, then shook his head and said, "Tsk! They call that a church. it's not a church, it's a mall."
Last year, they decided that because Christmas was on a Sunday, they wouldn't have services. My 7 year old's response? "That's dumb."
I joked that perhaps this year they'd cancel Easter services, because it falls on a Sunday this year
My sons told me that they did have Easter services, and it was all dark. "Why?" I asked. "Because it's not really a church. It's more a place where we sit and watch people" was the reply.
And I'd like to ask those televagelists (all protestant, that I've seen) who hath appointed them God's IRS and collector of tithes?