Redneck Turtle Burger
Step One: Mold hamburger meat into patties.
Step Two: Season the beef.
Step Three: Take a shot of cheap whiskey, our chef chose Bushmills.
Step Four: Continue to season the beef patties.
Step Five: Preheat the oven to 400 degrees.
Step Six: Fold the bacon over the seasoned beef patty in a basket weave pattern.
Step Seven: Secure the bacon with toothpicks.
Step Eight: Insert five hot dog ends into the patty. They will serve as the turtle’s head and legs.
Step Nine: Make several small slits at the tip of each “leg” to serve as “fingers.”
Step Ten: Cut a triangle-shaped piece of hot dog and insert it into the patty as a tail.
Step Eleven: Pose awkwardly with your raw meat turtle burger.
Step Twelve: Place the turtle on an oven rack and then place on aluminum pan. Cover turtle loosely with foil dome and bake for 20 to 30 minutes.
Step Thirteen: Remove turtle from oven, let cool briefly and remove toothpicks. Enjoy.
Congratulations, you have successfully made a Redneck turtle burger, the most epic meal you will ever cook. Now go grab another shot of whiskey and dig in.