I was reading the local paper today and it always has ads for various churches. The ads use terms like : Anglo-Catholic tradition, diverse and life affirming, contemporary to describe their various venues. But I would love to see some truth in advertising so I though of re-writing a few of the ads as follows:
For an Evangelical Church
Bored at Church?
Is Your Pastor/Priest a jerk?
Fellow parishoners stuffed shirts?
Then come to our multi-media worshipalloza extravaganza. Come as you are no need to dress up. Hear the Gospel message delivered by our Hawaiian shirt wearing, fresh from the Comedy Club Pastor. No heavy topics discussed like sin or fasting or the like.
For an all Convert Orthodox Church
Tired of not hearing spoken English?
Forced to eat foods at coffee hour that you cannot pronounce?
Half the parish not even American citizens?
Then come to our all English speaking liturgy where every one will greet you IN ENGLISH.
All American Coffee and donuts after the service
No difficult chanting or montone droning in the choir.