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Bogoliubtsy
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« on: November 20, 2003, 02:11:42 AM »

Insufferable Blowhard Signs Email as "The Unworthy Servant of God"


University of Ohio Campus, Ohio, USA -- In a move which has outside observers scratching their heads, but longtime list participants wondering what the fuss is, Ohio Online Orthodox Forum (OOOF) participant John ("the Forerunner") Langweilig (online name: OrthodoxerThanThou) signed all his emails in the past three months as "the unworthy servant of God, John."

Posts posted by Langweilig over this signature include one in which he tells list participant David ("the King") Davidov that he is going to Hell, one in which he calls His Holiness Patriarch FEOFAN of Petersburg, Moscow, Nizhny Novgorod and All the Russias Besides "the Antichrist", and one in which he makes derogatory canine comparisons about the mother of list participant Tim ("the Apostle and friend of St. Paul") Tbolsky.

"I would like to say is outrage," said COROC spokesman Fr. Vasiliy Vasileivich, "but is pretty common behavior for Online Forum."

"It's still an outrage" said Fr. John Johnson, rector of All Saints of Middle-Class North America, a Rump OCA parish near Washington, D.C.

"Is better than eating lunch with Roman Catholic," opined Fr. Vasiliy.

"Is it?" wondered Fr. John.

"Is nothing in Rudder against being whiny, obnoxious, passive-aggressive, foul-mouthed cretin," noted Fr. Vasiliy.

"Oh, well then I suppose it's okay then," conceded Fr. John.

"That's not a concession, you long-nosed visigoth! I was being sarcastic!" added Fr. John.

"Sorry," said our intrepid Onion Dome reporter.

"Anyway," added our intrepid Onion Dome reporter hurriedly, "I don't suppose the point of the article is that it's against the Rudder, but rather that it's screamingly ironic."

"What is ironic?" asked Fr. Vasiliy.

"To make a total jerk of oneself, and then sign with a mealy-mouthed proclamation of one's humility," explained our intrepid Onion Dome reporter.

"Is ancient tradition," said Fr. Vasiliy lamely.

"Oh, well I suppose it's okay then," said our intrepid Onion Dome reporter, sarcastically.

"Is perhaps not best possible witness," admitted Fr. Vasiliy glumly.

"You should let your conscience be your guide," said Jiminy Cricket, hopping onto the TV set.

"Who is saying this?" wondered Fr. Vasiliy, looking around wildly.

"The bug on the television," said Fr. John.

"Bug is on television?!" said Fr. Vasiliy, cheering considerably.

"I'm not going to honour that with a reply," said Fr. John.

"You just did," pointed out our intrepid Onion Dome reporter.

"Yuck! There's a bug on the television set!" said Langweilig, swatting at Jiminy Cricket with a rolled-up diocesan newsletter.

"Zoiks!" said Jiminy Cricket, hopping to the top of a tall bookshelf.

"Reminds me of that obnoxious Jiminy Cricket from that stupid Pinnochio story," said Langweilig, his ears and nose becoming distinctly longer, and his fingers fusing together into split hooves.

"Have a care, Rabadash," said Jiminy from atop the bookcase. "Your doom is near."

"I am thinking we are getting stories mixed up here," interjected Fr. Vasiliy from the window of a house with legs.

"It's the result of too much Ohio Orthodox logic," suggested Fr. John. "You can't twist reality around forever without paying the price."

"Nyeeee-he-he-he-he-he-he-he!!!!" screamed Baba Yaga, as her house ran off with Fr. Vasiliy.

"Clearly this is a case of --" began Professor Yeraslav Penguin of St. Toucan's Seminary and Roadside Icon Shoppe, only to be cut off as he turned into a large Penguin.

"It's all in Lewis, all in Lewis," said Charles Williams drily. "What do they teach them in these schools?"

The Onion Dome

< added link to source. John >
« Last Edit: November 20, 2003, 04:33:56 AM by prodromos » Logged

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Linus7
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« Reply #1 on: November 20, 2003, 11:01:05 AM »

The first clue that this was not a serious report came in the name Langweilig.

That is German for boring.

Amusing.

I think this is my favorite part:

Quote
"To make a total jerk of oneself, and then sign with a mealy-mouthed proclamation of one's humility," explained our intrepid Onion Dome reporter.

"Is ancient tradition," said Fr. Vasiliy lamely.
« Last Edit: November 20, 2003, 11:04:35 AM by Linus7 » Logged

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« Reply #2 on: November 20, 2003, 11:48:17 AM »

While the whole thing is hilarious, I would have to say that this is my favourite part:

"I would like to say is outrage," said COROC spokesman Fr. Vasiliy Vasileivich, "but is pretty common behavior for Online Forum."

"It's still an outrage" said Fr. John Johnson, rector of All Saints of Middle-Class North America, a Rump OCA parish near Washington, D.C.

"Is better than eating lunch with Roman Catholic," opined Fr. Vasiliy.

"Is it?" wondered Fr. John.

"Is nothing in Rudder against being whiny, obnoxious, passive-aggressive, foul-mouthed cretin," noted Fr. Vasiliy.

"Oh, well then I suppose it's okay then," conceded Fr. John.

"That's not a concession, you long-nosed visigoth! I was being sarcastic!" added Fr. John.

"Sorry," said our intrepid Onion Dome reporter.
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« Reply #3 on: November 20, 2003, 12:05:03 PM »

From whence  does the man get his ideas ?

Hmm - will have to watch what I post Cheesy
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« Reply #4 on: November 20, 2003, 12:23:23 PM »

The first clue that this was not a serious report came in the name Langweilig.

That is German for boring.

Snort.
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« Reply #5 on: November 20, 2003, 12:28:24 PM »

Any particular reason for mousetheif using Rump OCA instead of OCA?  I think there could be many more clever alternatives.  I'm sure those of us here at OC.Nyet can think of some.  Smiley
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« Reply #6 on: November 20, 2003, 01:41:20 PM »

I've been wondering what is the difference betweeen the normal OCA and the "Rump OCA"?  I'm almost afraid to ask!  LOL
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« Reply #7 on: November 20, 2003, 02:25:01 PM »

Of course, on another forum which I am not allowed to name they are grumping around about how "puerile" the Onion Dome is. You might think that the chrism is a salve to cure you of having a sense of humor (or proportion, for that matter)-- although come to think of it, some of the worst offenders haven't had it applied yet. . . .  Tongue
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« Reply #8 on: November 20, 2003, 02:30:43 PM »

Keble,

Quote
although come to think of it, some of the worst offenders haven't had it applied yet. . . .

See!  And you were probably thinking you had nothing in common with these fanatical curmudgeons!

Seraphim
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« Reply #9 on: November 20, 2003, 02:34:26 PM »

Of course, on another forum which I am not allowed to name they are grumping around about how "puerile" the Onion Dome is. You might think that the chrism is a salve to cure you of having a sense of humor (or proportion, for that matter)-- although come to think of it, some of the worst offenders haven't had it applied yet. . . .  Tongue

Keble,

Someone also posted on that board that:

"We know Jesus never laughed"

What? Geez!

 Tongue
« Last Edit: November 20, 2003, 02:34:44 PM by TomS » Logged
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« Reply #10 on: November 20, 2003, 02:36:30 PM »

I always get a kick out of people who proclaim to be good and "real" Christians but then act in a different way. Why come to a board to stir up controversy? It seems that this action is not very Christ centered.

Keble,

Quote
although come to think of it, some of the worst offenders haven't had it applied yet. . . .

See!  And you were probably thinking you had nothing in common with these fanatical curmudgeons!

Seraphim

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« Reply #11 on: November 20, 2003, 02:51:23 PM »

From whence  does the man get his ideas ?

Hmm - will have to watch what I post Cheesy

It's getting so that when something raucous or odd pops up on the Indiana list or here or a couple of other places I read, I make a mental note of "I bet *THAT's* going to show up soon at the Onion Dome."  Smiley  We always check that place on Friday mornings as an end of the week pick-me-up.

Quote
It's all in Lewis, all in Lewis," said Charles Williams drily. "What do they teach them in these schools?"


The one a few weeks ago about about C.S. Lewis found to be an Anglican was a stitch.  

Ebor


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« Reply #12 on: November 20, 2003, 02:53:52 PM »

Of course, on another forum which I am not allowed to name they are grumping around about how "puerile" the Onion Dome is. You might think that the chrism is a salve to cure you of having a sense of humor (or proportion, for that matter)-- although come to think of it, some of the worst offenders haven't had it applied yet. . . .  Tongue

Keble,

Someone also posted on that board that:

"We know Jesus never laughed"

What? Geez!

 Tongue

Well, I guess it's time to look for our copy of The Name of the Rose.
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« Reply #13 on: November 20, 2003, 03:05:34 PM »


Someone also posted on that board that:

"We know Jesus never laughed"


One wonders just how they know this... Huh

Am I forgetting some small part of the Gospels that states this?

Ebor
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« Reply #14 on: November 20, 2003, 04:10:50 PM »

I should add(if anyone really cares) that I find a good amount of the "satire" on The Onion Dome to be of poor taste. This one, however, I couldn't pass up.
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« Reply #15 on: November 20, 2003, 04:56:21 PM »

About the Rump OCA... notice that if you take just the initials, it is ROCA. And the parish that the article is mocking is an English-only mission parish whose priest is Fr. George Johson. The church is ROCOR, but all English, so the author is probably mocking this "Russian" parish because its mindset is more OCA in some ways (hence all English - absolutely NO Russian) than ROCOR. I know the people of the parish and the priest. The article is VERY funny SmileySmileySmileySmiley
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