Now I feel free to talk about my homosexuality since I admit it few days ago. What I'm going to say now is something very personal, and I hope even those who don't like me, to not take a chance in using this thread to act unkindly.
I came out of the closet to my family ( actually most of my family ) 5 years ago. My family are not Christian, and no, they are not Non-religious. I won't mention my background publicly here but I guess many members know about my background. I grew up in a society where homosexuality is considered a big no no. Where I've been called "sodomite" ( Now you know why I'm hostile to that word, it brings awful memories ). I left the religion of my childhood, because of so many things and one them is the hate that was directed toward me. Went to Christianity, found out Christ. For the first time in my life I was able to call God " my father", it was the first time I find out that God actually capable of loving , that God actually wants me to be with him. Later on however, I left Christianity and became Atheist. I realized that I have no place in any religion. I shut down the idea that I will ever believe in God. It was enough for me to read some verses in the OT about how people like me should be killed, and to close the Bible, put it in the closet and say to myself " Not in a million year". Nevertheless, I continued my search until I came back to Christianity and the rest you know about it by now.
My homosexuality is not somethings easy. I'm married to my partner now, and I'm very happy with him. But the idea that I'm Christian ( I was ), sometimes made me feel strange in some of the gay community, and the fact that I'm gay, made me feel strange in some Christian churches. If I meet with gay people, and the issue of "Christians hate us" kind of thing comes up, I jump and defend Christians and try to clarify that many Christians out there do not hate us. But enough is enough. Every once in a while there is a story about this bishop and that bishop, this pastor and that pastor calling gays sick, calling for their killing. Patriarchs calling gay marriage "cancer". Patriarch pushing for laws that will make gays live in more misery. News about laws in Africa pushed by Christian MPs and supported by Christian leaders. How is that any different than the religion I grew up in ? It is not different. The same attitude but different faces. The same language but different books. The same preaching but different preachers. Saints calling me all kinds of names in their writings, and I still have to honor them and kiss their icons ?
And you wonder why there are times when I got fed up and decided to leave Christianity because of some Christians. There are times when I ask myself, why bother ? Here I have Atheist/Non-religious people who accept me, who make me feel safe, who don't go around pushing for laws that will criminalize me, who don't call me "sodomite", who don't think that my love to my partner is some kind of twisted disease that we need to be cured of. But one thing they don't have, and that is God.
Can you imagine someone telling you that your love to your husband/wife is sickness ? That your marriage is a big awful sin and that you need to leave your husband/wife if you want to be "saved" ? It is not easy to hear these words and to read them from those who are supposed to be your brothers and sisters. Sadly, God take all the blame, because I can't get angry at the people, I get angry at Him, I blame Him. Many times I said to Him " Didn't you know that the words you allowed to be written in your book will cause me and my people to get persecuted for thousands of years to come ? why did you allow such verses be in your book? verses that justifies many crimes against me ? " What about when you know that a member in this forum would most likely wish your death because of his traditionalist beliefs ? a person that accuse you of wanting to "corrupt" his church.
Now with the Same-Sex marriage in America, this whole feeling is on again. I see some Christians crying about how God's wrath is coming. I wonder where God's wrath is on what is happening to Christians in the Middle East ? Where God's wrath is for the millions of people with no home, no safe water, and thousands of children die everyday in a selfish world driven by greed ? Where God's wrath is when a man hanged to death because of who he loves ? Where God's wrath is when a mother taken away from her children, raped, and now she is a slave ? Where God's wrath is on those who kill people in His name ? They mean to tell me that God's wrath is waking up now ? That God's wrath was sleep the last few months ?
I might not blame or be that harsh on people from different religions, because their tradition is quite different from what Christianity is. You might notice how many non-Christians easy to point out to the faults of some Christians more than pointing out to the faults of others. Probably it is not bigotry, but probably it is because Christianity is the ONLY religion that says "God is love", that Christianity is the ONLY religion where God supposedly became human and died for us, that Christianity is the ONLY religion that says "forgive your enemies...etc" . Maybe that is why the world is very quick to notice what some Christians do, because on some level, the world expects more from Christians who follow a religion quite different from other religions. Maybe on some level, the world looks up to Christians to see if " by their fruit you know them...".
First, it is cool that you expressed yourself openly here. Second, "Christians" who condemn you and hate you because of your sin are not Christians of good example. Your sin (homosexual sex) is not much worse than the sin of those who fornicate with women outside the marriage. Don't feel hopeless. For some reason, known to God, He gave us the laws to which we must obey. God will accept in to Kingdom only those who obeyed to his law and those who repented. Purified their soul. Some things are not to be questioned about God. He gave you a heavy cross, but you have no right, for your own good, to fail carrying that cross. Even 1000 years of earthy suffering is worth to spend only 1 second in Heaven. Imagine what a beauty awaits those who carry their cross to the end and defeat the devil and sin.
The love for your same sex partner is not the sin, but the lust you have for him is sin. People often mix those two words, they mix up love with lust. The love is what caring mother feels for her child. Love is when someone sucrifices their life for someone they care. But to have forbidden sex (same sex, sex outside marriage, etc...) that is not love, that is lustful sin, something that is from this world.
To be Christian, you must leave everything earthly in order to gain everything heavenly. It is up to you to decide. You shall either chose the way of the Gospel, or the way of the sin. You know, if you truly have faith, what awaits those who fail. And that is something you don't want. How terrible is to live in darkness forever with demons, without God and His Light of love for eternity. Those who end up there, they feel so horrible stupid because they didn't use the chance they had while they were on earth to prove themselves as worthy for the life in heaven with God and all His saints.
You must chose, there is no nice way to please your both lustful and spiritual needs.
I urge you to reconsider your life's choices.