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Moderated Forums => Other Topics => Topic started by: Shiny on June 25, 2012, 08:44:53 PM

Title: My life is a spiraling black abyss
Post by: Shiny on June 25, 2012, 08:44:53 PM
And you can all take in part of mocking and ridiculing me.
Title: Re: My life is a spiraling black abyss
Post by: NicholasMyra on June 25, 2012, 08:45:42 PM
Racist.
Title: Re: My life is a spiraling black abyss
Post by: Shiny on June 25, 2012, 08:47:23 PM
Black isn't a color
Title: Re: My life is a spiraling black abyss
Post by: HabteSelassie on June 25, 2012, 08:56:20 PM
Greetings in that Divine and Most Precious Name of Our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ!
(http://www.planet-familyguy.com/pfg/images/episodes/2ACX17.jpg)
And you can all take in part of mocking (http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0576974/quotes?qt=qt0251219) and ridiculing me.
I'll pass..

Cheer up :)

stay blessed,
habte selassie
Title: Re: My life is a spiraling black abyss
Post by: Shiny on June 25, 2012, 08:57:43 PM
I'll cheer up when I can do some breaking up.

EDIT: ROFL I totally forgot that Family Guy scene, that was brilliant and well needed. Thank you.
Title: Re: My life is a spiraling black abyss
Post by: Aindriú on June 25, 2012, 09:03:16 PM
Breaking up is hard to do.
Title: Re: My life is a spiraling black abyss
Post by: Shiny on June 25, 2012, 09:05:22 PM
Breaking up is hard to do.
It is, especially when the other person would be homeless if I did it.
Title: Re: My life is a spiraling black abyss
Post by: Aindriú on June 25, 2012, 09:06:30 PM
Breaking up is hard to do.
It is, especially when the other person would be homeless if I did it.

Give her a week.


Wait, she'd just steal everything.
Title: Re: My life is a spiraling black abyss
Post by: Shiny on June 25, 2012, 09:07:30 PM
Breaking up is hard to do.
It is, especially when the other person would be homeless if I did it.

Give her a week.


Wait, she'd just steal everything.
It's already been a week.

And I'm about to ask JamesRottnek what cigs he smokes so I can start.
Title: Re: My life is a spiraling black abyss
Post by: Shanghaiski on June 25, 2012, 09:09:04 PM
Breaking up is hard to do.
It is, especially when the other person would be homeless if I did it.

Is she economically dependent on you? Or is there a lease she can't get out of?
Title: Re: My life is a spiraling black abyss
Post by: Shiny on June 25, 2012, 09:13:30 PM
Breaking up is hard to do.
It is, especially when the other person would be homeless if I did it.

Is she economically dependent on you? Or is there a lease she can't get out of?
Well she was "forced" into my care after being kicked out of her place of residence because her caregiver refused to let her go to a critical doctor's appointment to get refills on meds when somehow watching the caregiver's kids that day was of utmost importance...when there is an older sister of those kids that could have stayed home and watched them for 2 hours.

Yes it is utterly insane and unreasonable, there really is no more to the story than that.

I refuse to let her sleep in her car, eventhough she insists.

And get this, the day this happens was the day I was going to end it. Now I got this weight and if I was to end it, it would haunt me for a long time no knowing if she is doing ok or not being on her own.

Life sucks baawwwwwwww poor me, I did this to myself of course. But I needed a place to vent. A diary just doesn't suffice. Blah blah blah.

I love getting into these messes with these crazy girls
Title: Re: My life is a spiraling black abyss
Post by: biro on June 25, 2012, 09:16:00 PM
Quote from: Achronos

I love getting into these messes with these crazy girls

And you love complaining about it.

Just take a cold shower and get a clue.
Title: Re: My life is a spiraling black abyss
Post by: Shiny on June 25, 2012, 09:17:56 PM
Quote from: Achronos

I love getting into these messes with these crazy girls

And you love complaining about it.

Just take a cold shower and get a clue.
Haha amazing.

The rest of my other girlfriends are much more harsher than you, biro.
Title: Re: My life is a spiraling black abyss
Post by: Shanghaiski on June 25, 2012, 09:18:37 PM
Breaking up is hard to do.
It is, especially when the other person would be homeless if I did it.

Is she economically dependent on you? Or is there a lease she can't get out of?
Well she was "forced" into my care after being kicked out of her place of residence because her caregiver refused to let her go to a critical doctor's appointment to get refills on meds when somehow watching the caregiver's kids that day was of utmost importance...when there is an older sister of those kids that could have stayed home and watched them for 2 hours.

Yes it is utterly insane and unreasonable, there really is no more to the story than that.

I refuse to let her sleep in her car, eventhough she insists.

And get this, the day this happens was the day I was going to end it. Now I got this weight and if I was to end it, it would haunt me for a long time no knowing if she is doing ok or not being on her own.

Life sucks baawwwwwwww poor me, I did this to myself of course. But I needed a place to vent. A diary just doesn't suffice. Blah blah blah.

I love getting into these messes with these crazy girls

I'm afraid I'm coming to the story late and missed the history. Is this a former girlfriend? You say she had caregivers? Is she in need of medical help? Sorry, I missed the backstory.

God be with you and may a solution work out soon. You may have a "wonderful" opportunity here to exercise patience, something your body needs anyway. Barring that, write a novel or take up playing the bagpipes.
Title: Re: My life is a spiraling black abyss
Post by: biro on June 25, 2012, 09:19:57 PM
Quote from: Achronos

I love getting into these messes with these crazy girls

And you love complaining about it.

Just take a cold shower and get a clue.
Haha amazing.

The rest of my other girlfriends are much more harsher than you, biro.

Sorry I bothered.
Title: Re: My life is a spiraling black abyss
Post by: Shiny on June 25, 2012, 09:23:25 PM
Breaking up is hard to do.
It is, especially when the other person would be homeless if I did it.

Is she economically dependent on you? Or is there a lease she can't get out of?
Well she was "forced" into my care after being kicked out of her place of residence because her caregiver refused to let her go to a critical doctor's appointment to get refills on meds when somehow watching the caregiver's kids that day was of utmost importance...when there is an older sister of those kids that could have stayed home and watched them for 2 hours.

Yes it is utterly insane and unreasonable, there really is no more to the story than that.

I refuse to let her sleep in her car, eventhough she insists.

And get this, the day this happens was the day I was going to end it. Now I got this weight and if I was to end it, it would haunt me for a long time no knowing if she is doing ok or not being on her own.

Life sucks baawwwwwwww poor me, I did this to myself of course. But I needed a place to vent. A diary just doesn't suffice. Blah blah blah.

I love getting into these messes with these crazy girls

I'm afraid I'm coming to the story late and missed the history. Is this a former girlfriend? You say she had caregivers? Is she in need of medical help? Sorry, I missed the backstory.

God be with you and may a solution work out soon. You may have a "wonderful" opportunity here to exercise patience, something your body needs anyway. Barring that, write a novel or take up playing the bagpipes.
There's really no history.

Achronos' Guide to Relationships:

1.) Find a really attractive girlfriend
2.) Spend a few months infatuated with new girlfriend
3.) Gloss over any potential red flags or issues
4.) Once infatuation ends, notice all the red flags and issues
5.) Be miserable for months until girlfriend pulls the trigger ending the relationship because I've been so distant because of Step 4
6.) Be sad for 2 weeks by the loss of attachment
7.) Be somewhat ok after
8.) Start from Step 1 again.

Call this hubrism but I have a messianic complex when it comes to women. Somehow I am drawn to those that need "saving" but ending up being nothing but anchors.

But I have much more embarrasing stuff done than what's going at the moment.

I'll get a normal girl one day when I stop being the knight in shining armor.
Title: Re: My life is a spiraling black abyss
Post by: Shiny on June 25, 2012, 09:26:35 PM
Quote from: Achronos

I love getting into these messes with these crazy girls

And you love complaining about it.

Just take a cold shower and get a clue.
Haha amazing.

The rest of my other girlfriends are much more harsher than you, biro.

Sorry I bothered.
Nah I appreciate it. I need to hear it, believe me I have been berated constantly as of late over this whole thing. It just reinforces the fact that I am a complete failure when it comes to doing what I want without feeling remorse or guilt.
Title: Re: My life is a spiraling black abyss
Post by: FatherGiryus on June 25, 2012, 09:27:03 PM
No, you won't.  Your 'picker' is broken.

I'll get a normal girl one day when I stop being the knight in shining armor.
Title: Re: My life is a spiraling black abyss
Post by: Shiny on June 25, 2012, 09:27:32 PM
No, you won't.  Your 'picker' is broken.

I'll get a normal girl one day when I stop being the knight in shining armor.
There is something wrong with me then, Father.
Title: Re: My life is a spiraling black abyss
Post by: FatherGiryus on June 25, 2012, 09:29:20 PM
Based on what you've described, yes.

No, you won't.  Your 'picker' is broken.

I'll get a normal girl one day when I stop being the knight in shining armor.
There is something wrong with me then, Father.
Title: Re: My life is a spiraling black abyss
Post by: Shanghaiski on June 25, 2012, 09:30:39 PM
No, you won't.  Your 'picker' is broken.

I'll get a normal girl one day when I stop being the knight in shining armor.

She will find you when you stop looking and just focus on getting your life together. At least that's what I hope for myself. You could always volunteer for the parish babushki and maybe one of them will set you up with her granddaughter.
Title: Re: My life is a spiraling black abyss
Post by: Shiny on June 25, 2012, 09:42:19 PM
The funny part about that, Shanghaiski, is I wasn't even looking when I met my current girlfriend. Honest to God. I was doing just great as a catechumen, having a great time with friends, etc. The last thing on my mind was actually dating.

I was devestated by not the last gf, but the one before that and it really messed up my head. A month after (yes incredibly dumb because I needed to heal) and I started dating this other girl but she was in Greece for the most part but we ended up seperating because of "spiritual differences"

I'm quite content once this is over remaining single for quite a long time. I'm exhausted but again that's my own fault and there is no one to blame here but myself.

Sorry I just needed to get this off my chest and I know this site isn't a therapy forum or a psychologist but your opinions are of great interest to me and I do take it to heart.
Title: Re: My life is a spiraling black abyss
Post by: Shanghaiski on June 25, 2012, 09:44:56 PM
Well, if it's any comfort, many of us here do the same stupid things over and over again. At least you're not posting rehashed heresy on an Orthodox Internet forum. You're not so bad off.
Title: Re: My life is a spiraling black abyss
Post by: orthonorm on June 25, 2012, 09:47:07 PM
Quote from: Achronos

I love getting into these messes with these crazy girls

And you love complaining about it.

Just take a cold shower and get a clue.

SNAP.

You are gold tonight.

Title: Re: My life is a spiraling black abyss
Post by: JamesR on June 25, 2012, 09:53:04 PM
What if you dump her but still let her live with you?
Title: Re: My life is a spiraling black abyss
Post by: Shiny on June 25, 2012, 09:53:56 PM
What if you dump her but still let her live with you?
LOL, James I appreciate the humor.
Title: Re: My life is a spiraling black abyss
Post by: Aindriú on June 25, 2012, 09:54:48 PM
You did say she was hot?
Title: Re: My life is a spiraling black abyss
Post by: JamesR on June 25, 2012, 09:58:04 PM
What if you dump her but still let her live with you?
LOL, James I appreciate the humor.

Okay. Well just hold out for a few weeks until she gets a new place then dump her.
Title: Re: My life is a spiraling black abyss
Post by: Shiny on June 25, 2012, 10:02:23 PM
You did say she was hot?
Si.

What if you dump her but still let her live with you?
LOL, James I appreciate the humor.

Okay. Well just hold out for a few weeks until she gets a new place then dump her.

What new place? She barely can afford to eat. We just went to get her an application for Section 8 housing.

Time until a voucher comes to use? Oh 6 months - 5 years.

Her boss might be able to get her a place to room for awhile and then her really good friend is moving in town so she might go there too.

That is to say it lasts this long.

Then the cold showers to come.
Title: Re: My life is a spiraling black abyss
Post by: orthonorm on June 25, 2012, 10:11:13 PM
You did say she was hot?
Si.

What if you dump her but still let her live with you?
LOL, James I appreciate the humor.

Okay. Well just hold out for a few weeks until she gets a new place then dump her.

What new place? She barely can afford to eat. We just went to get her an application for Section 8 housing.

Time until a voucher comes to use? Oh 6 months - 5 years.

Her boss might be able to get her a place to room for awhile and then her really good friend is moving in town so she might go there too.

That is to say it lasts this long.

Then the cold showers to come.

I have been known to house the houseless . . .
Title: Re: My life is a spiraling black abyss
Post by: Papist on June 25, 2012, 10:35:05 PM
Man, that is a tough situation. I apologize that I don't have any witty quip to make you laugh, but I'll be prayin for you.
Title: Re: My life is a spiraling black abyss
Post by: Ionnis on June 25, 2012, 10:40:17 PM
Achronos, it sounds like you are in an awful situation.  I have no advice whatsoever, but you have my prayers for what it's worth.
Title: Re: My life is a spiraling black abyss
Post by: Shiny on June 25, 2012, 10:48:37 PM
Did I say how much of an affect she is having on my mental health as of late? I think I'm suffering from depression yet again.

No I don't ask for a pity party, but just something I'm reminded of.

I dread coming home now
Title: Re: My life is a spiraling black abyss
Post by: William on June 25, 2012, 10:51:40 PM
I think you should be honest. It isn't really fair to her if she's really into the relationship and you aren't.
Title: Re: My life is a spiraling black abyss
Post by: Shiny on June 25, 2012, 10:53:48 PM
I think you should be honest. It isn't really fair to her if she's really into the relationship and you aren't.
And believe me I know that and that's also what is digging in my soul. The problem is where would she go? How is she going to survive on a part time job?

I feel as though I have some responsiblity in the matter or maybe I don't because we aren't married.

I just can't imagine the guilt. I would be sure God would punish me until I'm dead for it.
Title: Re: My life is a spiraling black abyss
Post by: Gebre Menfes Kidus on June 26, 2012, 04:40:55 AM
No such thing as a "normal" girl (or man). We're all screwed up brother. Those that think they're normal are usually the ones with the most issues. Take a break from relationships for a while and seek your joy in Christ (easier said than done, I know). I learned these things the hard way, believe me. The savior complex is strong in many of us, and it's difficult to eradicate. It's common to women also, as many women are drawn to screwed up men because they think they can fix them. There are no easy answers. Matters of the heart are difficult. There is no formula for success. Cling to Christ and the rest will follow. Sorry to hear about your struggles my friend.


"Lord have mercy."


Selam
Title: Re: My life is a spiraling black abyss
Post by: Father Peter on June 26, 2012, 05:07:42 AM
Lord have mercy on you both.
Title: Re: My life is a spiraling black abyss
Post by: katherineofdixie on June 26, 2012, 09:26:02 AM
(Even us "normal" girls can appreciate a knight in shining armor. Although of course, it can be can debated whether or not I'm normal, I told my husband recently that I was certain that he was capable of and would take care of me/protect me if necessary. Though I'm pretty self-reliant/independant and didn't think I would ever need it!
A week later I fell and broke my right arm and it's now immobilized in a splint. (Yes, I'm typing one-handed!)
And he has taken good care of me. )

On the practical side, there is a lot of help for people in a situation like your ex-gf, at least where I live. Do you know what programs are available or organizations there are in your area?
Title: Re: My life is a spiraling black abyss
Post by: Volnutt on June 28, 2012, 01:53:04 AM
Praying.
Title: Re: My life is a spiraling black abyss
Post by: Ergib on June 28, 2012, 09:51:30 AM
I think you should be honest. It isn't really fair to her if she's really into the relationship and you aren't.
And believe me I know that and that's also what is digging in my soul. The problem is where would she go? How is she going to survive on a part time job?

I feel as though I have some responsiblity in the matter or maybe I don't because we aren't married.

I just can't imagine the guilt. I would be sure God would punish me until I'm dead for it.


Lord have mercy on us!

She is not your child! If you can afford it, find a place, pay her 1st month’s rent and give her some cash for food….ect. Then, ask her forgiveness and confess to your Spiritual father so that you won’t feel guilty….
Title: Re: My life is a spiraling black abyss
Post by: Asteriktos on June 28, 2012, 11:06:52 AM
Well that sucks. Been there. Sorta. Well not really. But yeah really. Anyway, that sucks.
Title: Re: My life is a spiraling black abyss
Post by: Schultz on June 28, 2012, 11:20:26 AM
What if you dump her but still let her live with you?
LOL, James I appreciate the humor.

I know at least two people who dumped their SOs and still lived with them.

It was weird visiting.

I tried it once just out of stubborness (I wasn't leaving and she was just biding her time until she could move to FL).  I lasted about two weeks before I couldn't take it anymore and slept on my brother's and parents' floors until she finally moved out.  Then I had to live in that empty house for two months until the lease was up.

Title: Re: My life is a spiraling black abyss
Post by: ialmisry on June 28, 2012, 12:23:25 PM
Quote from: Achronos

I love getting into these messes with these crazy girls

And you love complaining about it.

Just take a cold shower and get a clue.
Haha amazing.

The rest of my other girlfriends are much more harsher than you, biro.
Have you seen "The War of the Roses" on living together post bliss?
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5ebv3i_9Ltc
Title: Re: My life is a spiraling black abyss
Post by: ialmisry on June 28, 2012, 12:25:23 PM
Breaking up is hard to do.
It is, especially when the other person would be homeless if I did it.

Is she economically dependent on you? Or is there a lease she can't get out of?
Well she was "forced" into my care after being kicked out of her place of residence because her caregiver refused to let her go to a critical doctor's appointment to get refills on meds when somehow watching the caregiver's kids that day was of utmost importance...when there is an older sister of those kids that could have stayed home and watched them for 2 hours.

Yes it is utterly insane and unreasonable, there really is no more to the story than that.

I refuse to let her sleep in her car, eventhough she insists.

And get this, the day this happens was the day I was going to end it. Now I got this weight and if I was to end it, it would haunt me for a long time no knowing if she is doing ok or not being on her own.

Life sucks baawwwwwwww poor me, I did this to myself of course. But I needed a place to vent. A diary just doesn't suffice. Blah blah blah.

I love getting into these messes with these crazy girls

I'm afraid I'm coming to the story late and missed the history. Is this a former girlfriend? You say she had caregivers? Is she in need of medical help? Sorry, I missed the backstory.

God be with you and may a solution work out soon. You may have a "wonderful" opportunity here to exercise patience, something your body needs anyway. Barring that, write a novel or take up playing the bagpipes.
There's really no history.

Achronos' Guide to Relationships:

1.) Find a really attractive girlfriend
2.) Spend a few months infatuated with new girlfriend
3.) Gloss over any potential red flags or issues
4.) Once infatuation ends, notice all the red flags and issues
5.) Be miserable for months until girlfriend pulls the trigger ending the relationship because I've been so distant because of Step 4
6.) Be sad for 2 weeks by the loss of attachment
7.) Be somewhat ok after
8.) Start from Step 1 again.

Call this hubrism but I have a messianic complex when it comes to women. Somehow I am drawn to those that need "saving" but ending up being nothing but anchors.

But I have much more embarrasing stuff done than what's going at the moment.

I'll get a normal girl one day when I stop being the knight in shining armor.
GET OUT OF THE SAVIOR BUSINESS ASAP!!!!!
Title: Re: My life is a spiraling black abyss
Post by: jewish voice on June 28, 2012, 01:32:44 PM
My advice is for you to take your butt over to the caregivers parents whatever and play the ref and take her stuff back there tell them your not getting into this anymore your done with the games hers and there's and drop her right there at home and walk away.
Title: Re: My life is a spiraling black abyss
Post by: LizaSymonenko on June 28, 2012, 01:38:45 PM

That's not really a bad idea....if those "caregivers" you speak of are family.
It would be good to mend the rift between the family.  Before that episode was she okay living where she was? 
Don't "dump" her back on their doorstep, but, see if you can't get them talking.

Remember, it is our duty to care for our neighbors, however, that doesn't mean she has to stay with you, if the relationship is over.  Help her get on her feet as much as you can and let her go. 

Perhaps you could assist her in finding full time employment?
Title: Re: My life is a spiraling black abyss
Post by: Shiny on June 28, 2012, 08:44:47 PM
(Even us "normal" girls can appreciate a knight in shining armor. Although of course, it can be can debated whether or not I'm normal, I told my husband recently that I was certain that he was capable of and would take care of me/protect me if necessary. Though I'm pretty self-reliant/independant and didn't think I would ever need it!
A week later I fell and broke my right arm and it's now immobilized in a splint. (Yes, I'm typing one-handed!)
And he has taken good care of me. )

On the practical side, there is a lot of help for people in a situation like your ex-gf, at least where I live. Do you know what programs are available or organizations there are in your area?
No idea on the programs or organizations, I wouldn't know where to begin. I'm sure the typical application for foodstamps, money asstiance, etc.

My advice is for you to take your butt over to the caregivers parents whatever and play the ref and take her stuff back there tell them your not getting into this anymore your done with the games hers and there's and drop her right there at home and walk away.
Her former caregivers are not her parents. And we both agreed that we will not be engaging in any sort of future contact with them over what has happened.
Title: Re: My life is a spiraling black abyss
Post by: katherineofdixie on June 29, 2012, 08:30:06 AM
In our area, United Way has a "help-line" - 211, which directs people to various agencies and organizations that can assist them. Perhaps there's something similar in your area? In any case, United Way might be a good place to start.
Title: Re: My life is a spiraling black abyss
Post by: Shiny on June 29, 2012, 01:53:42 PM
Cool thanks for the support Katherineofdixie.

Just a headsup, I will not be contributing to this thread anymore because someone had the audacity to use this thread as ammunition to insult me instead of actually posting here to wish that both of us do better. But I guess that's just Christian charity.

Thank you all again for the thoughtful replies, they have all been taken to heart.
Title: Re: My life is a spiraling black abyss
Post by: FatherGiryus on June 29, 2012, 03:43:36 PM
I do hope you get help, but don't get too annoyed next time when you start a thread with "And you can all take in part of mocking and ridiculing me" and people actually take you up on the invitation.

Just a thought.

You may now continue to do whatever you want.  You also know where to get help, because you know that there are those who care as well.


Cool thanks for the support Katherineofdixie.

Just a headsup, I will not be contributing to this thread anymore because someone had the audacity to use this thread as ammunition to insult me instead of actually posting here to wish that both of us do better. But I guess that's just Christian charity.

Thank you all again for the thoughtful replies, they have all been taken to heart.
Title: Re: My life is a spiraling black abyss
Post by: Shiny on June 29, 2012, 04:04:47 PM
I do hope you get help, but don't get too annoyed next time when you start a thread with "And you can all take in part of mocking and ridiculing me" and people actually take you up on the invitation.

Just a thought.

You may now continue to do whatever you want.  You also know where to get help, because you know that there are those who care as well.


Cool thanks for the support Katherineofdixie.

Just a headsup, I will not be contributing to this thread anymore because someone had the audacity to use this thread as ammunition to insult me instead of actually posting here to wish that both of us do better. But I guess that's just Christian charity.

Thank you all again for the thoughtful replies, they have all been taken to heart.
And I had no problem with people ripping me a new one, like biro did earlier in the thread (hilariously too might I add). However someone used this thread in a bickering fest to cut me down, and for that I won't tolerate it.

After that incident last night, I'm going to keep my personal life private as I should have done from the get go. It's clear people have worse intentions against me.
Title: Re: My life is a spiraling black abyss
Post by: HabteSelassie on June 29, 2012, 04:23:34 PM
Greetings in that Divine and Most Precious Name of Our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ!


After that incident last night, I'm going to keep my personal life private as I should have done from the get go. It's clear people have worse intentions against me.

That my brother, is the wisest decision.  We should treat this forum like our parishes, and if we wouldn't feel comfortable discussing matters with random strangers at church over coffee, perhaps this forum is equally not the best place for the gritty details.  A simple request for prayer might have gone a lot further, but I can understand, women make us have to vent sometimes.  Then again, that is what priests and complaining to other women (like your sister/momma/platonic homegirl) is for ;)

At the least, I am prayin for ya!

stay blessed,
habte selassie
Title: Re: My life is a spiraling black abyss
Post by: Shiny on July 10, 2012, 12:08:30 AM
Hey folks, I am not trying to be an attention whore but even more stuff has been troubling my soul and caused me to despair.

My best friend relationship has been torn a part to what I thought were different intentions on using me for monetary reasons. And now there is a scandal at work involving me.

Can't catch a break. I just hope the job apps I have sent out gets me out of this state so I can start a new life.

This has caused me to be more cynical now and has hardened my heart. I ask for all prayers.
Title: Re: My life is a spiraling black abyss
Post by: Volnutt on July 10, 2012, 08:37:43 AM
:( praying
Title: Re: My life is a spiraling black abyss
Post by: Shiny on October 04, 2012, 11:43:44 AM
Welp.

I did it. Didn't think it woukd be this painful. She's destroyed and I have two of her family members sending me the nastiest death threats on Facebook.

I know wasn't going to bring up my personal life, but I really need healing.

Thanks to a certain someone for the help.

Maybe this week vacation will help.

Damn.
Title: Re: My life is a spiraling black abyss
Post by: vamrat on October 04, 2012, 01:24:27 PM
Welp.

I did it. Didn't think it woukd be this painful. She's destroyed and I have two of her family members sending me the nastiest death threats on Facebook.

I know wasn't going to bring up my personal life, but I really need healing.

Thanks to a certain someone for the help.

Maybe this week vacation will help.

Damn.

God be with you, hommie!
Title: Re: My life is a spiraling black abyss
Post by: Αριστοκλής on October 04, 2012, 05:57:44 PM
Man up, Achronos and place the fault where it REALLY belongs, then go to Confession.

Been there, done that.
Title: Re: My life is a spiraling black abyss
Post by: Shiny on October 04, 2012, 06:22:48 PM
Man up, Achronos and place the fault where it REALLY belongs, then go to Confession.

Been there, done that.

You mean the fault on me? Yeah Im only blaming myself. Unless your talking about something else.
Title: Re: My life is a spiraling black abyss
Post by: Αριστοκλής on October 04, 2012, 06:45:02 PM
Man up, Achronos and place the fault where it REALLY belongs, then go to Confession.

Been there, done that.

You mean the fault on me? Yeah Im only blaming myself. Unless your talking about something else.
I'm not criticizing you.
Title: Re: My life is a spiraling black abyss
Post by: Papist on October 04, 2012, 06:56:31 PM
Prayers for you man. I know relationship stuff is always soooooooo hard.
Title: Re: My life is a spiraling black abyss
Post by: Shiny on October 04, 2012, 09:15:10 PM
What I don't understand is just how hard this is. Before last night I played it over and over in my head and thought I could walk away without my emotions wrecking havoc. Right now I am sick to my stomach. Don't know if it's the guilt or love.
Title: Re: My life is a spiraling black abyss
Post by: Shanghaiski on October 04, 2012, 10:35:25 PM
Hey folks, I am not trying to be an attention whore but even more stuff has been troubling my soul and caused me to despair.

My best friend relationship has been torn a part to what I thought were different intentions on using me for monetary reasons. And now there is a scandal at work involving me.

Can't catch a break. I just hope the job apps I have sent out gets me out of this state so I can start a new life.

This has caused me to be more cynical now and has hardened my heart. I ask for all prayers.

God be with you in your quest.
Title: Re: My life is a spiraling black abyss
Post by: vamrat on October 04, 2012, 11:29:28 PM
What I don't understand is just how hard this is. Before last night I played it over and over in my head and thought I could walk away without my emotions wrecking havoc. Right now I am sick to my stomach. Don't know if it's the guilt or love.

Both.  It will take a while but this too shall pass.
Title: Re: My life is a spiraling black abyss
Post by: Papist on October 05, 2012, 10:54:18 AM
What I don't understand is just how hard this is. Before last night I played it over and over in my head and thought I could walk away without my emotions wrecking havoc. Right now I am sick to my stomach. Don't know if it's the guilt or love.
The hardest feelings in the world to overcome. But, I promise, there is light at the end of he tunnel.
Title: Re: My life is a spiraling black abyss
Post by: Shiny on October 05, 2012, 02:47:57 PM
I don't care too much about how I'm suffering but She texted me wanting to call her and I caved into it. Shes getting a counselor to come to her sisters house and talk with her because she won't even move. She can't eat, crying all the time, blah.

She needs more prayers than I do. I just don't want to sound like callous or whatever but she needs God right now. Im very empathetic towards her because I've been in her shoes but I worry my empathy will cause me to get back with her just for her sake.

I know bad mistake calling her but eh.
Title: Re: My life is a spiraling black abyss
Post by: vamrat on October 05, 2012, 06:18:34 PM
I sent you a PM.  Some of this just hits too close to home.  If at some point I can say anything that might be of benefit to the forum at large I will repost.
Title: Re: My life is a spiraling black abyss
Post by: Papist on October 05, 2012, 10:58:26 PM
I don't care too much about how I'm suffering but She texted me wanting to call her and I caved into it. Shes getting a counselor to come to her sisters house and talk with her because she won't even move. She can't eat, crying all the time, blah.

She needs more prayers than I do. I just don't want to sound like callous or whatever but she needs God right now. Im very empathetic towards her because I've been in her shoes but I worry my empathy will cause me to get back with her just for her sake.

I know bad mistake calling her but eh.
Goodness. All I can say is that I have been in some very bad relationship situations without the will to walk away, even thought walking away would have been the best thing for me. I pray you have the strength to move on.
Title: Re: My life is a spiraling black abyss
Post by: Shiny on October 06, 2012, 02:50:34 AM
Thanks for the replies. Can't get too detailed, only have my phone in the middle of nowhere.

I'm doing pretty well on Day 2, alot better.
Title: Re: My life is a spiraling black abyss
Post by: mabsoota on October 07, 2012, 06:50:00 AM
may God have mercy on you and on yr friend.
praying for you.
Title: Re: My life is a spiraling black abyss
Post by: Cyrillic on October 07, 2012, 06:57:51 AM
And then I thought I had it bad. I feel really sorry for you Achronos, you're a nice guy, you don't deserve this. I can't give you any advice on relationship problems, but I can pray for you.
Title: Re: My life is a spiraling black abyss
Post by: quietmorning on October 07, 2012, 11:00:49 AM
Lord have mercy on our dear Achronos.  +++
Title: Re: My life is a spiraling black abyss
Post by: Shiny on October 07, 2012, 01:02:34 PM
I don't want to sound like a nut, but since this break up I truly want to deepen my relationship with God. It's something I've wanted for a long time that just couldn't happen with my ex. I'd go to high Mass (I'm WRO) only but I never got to do anything else. I think it was 5 months into my relationship where my heart grew fonder for the Orthodox Church and how much I missed it. I observed just how dark I was spiritually because before that I was kind of hyperdox. But the difference in me was night and day.

Anyway I'm glad I'm away for a week so I can be strong when I see her on Tuesday.
Title: Re: My life is a spiraling black abyss
Post by: Shiny on October 10, 2012, 02:55:12 PM
Well we had a talk yesterday since I got back. I had her spend the night until she figures out her living situation. So she basically has no one but me. She's going to have to live out of her car but I told her to patch things up with her former guardian so she can live there temporarily. But she doesn't want to. So I'm helpin her pack up tonight and she will have to be gone tomorrow. The worst part is I don't even feel bad for her anymore, I'm over this whole situation. An her begging to stay with me is getting on my nerves. That really does only push me further away. It ain't my problem right?

Just awesome.
Title: Re: My life is a spiraling black abyss
Post by: Fabio Leite on October 10, 2012, 04:23:54 PM
We usually think that a mistake is something like a point, an action that we perform in a certain point in time.

This, though, may be and usually is just the beginning of the mistake.

Breaking up with her was not right. But neither was staying with her. The tension this kind of situation brings comes from the fact that starting the relationship was the mistake, which was prolonged for all this time, leading to a situation where you have to chose the lesser of two evils. The first steps out of a swamp are still in the mud. But how did you actually enter the swamp after all?

You have accutely described your irresponsible attitude toward women. From this point on, "repent, go, and sin no more".

Stop over-promising to girls just because you are enfatuated to them. Better still fight enfatuation so you can find true love. They are two very different things. Enfatuation is the devil's temptation in your life to prevent you from having and giving love. It is how he makes you into his instrument to hurt people and yourself.

There are five sins here: 1) Seeing women as objects to satisfy your needs of sex, romance and challenge while they are not. They are full human beings with needs. Needs that you cannot satisfy as this case made painfully obvious; 2) Indulgence in that attitude; 3) In making them believe that you can satisfy their emotional needs you actually corrupt them by preventing them to access the opportunities they lost while with you and by planting seeds of cynism and despair in them. Further, by putting yourself and them in a path that was not chosen by God, you deviate both you and her; 4) Thinking that it is their responsibility to make up for the pain that you cause them by remembering they are responsible for their lives just after you had falsely committed to actually take part in that responsibility and failed, failed not because of lack of try in your part, but because you called upon you a mission much above your inner strength; 5) Vanity and over your own spiritual strength. Not everybody is suffciently strong to tackle  any kind of suffering of other people, or to get them out of the holes they are. That is why not everybody is fit to deal with prisoners, or with drug addicts. You are obviously not prepared to deal with the kind of problems you have been looking for. Do not call to you battles that God does not give you and has not prepared for you. He will defend you only in the challenges He wants for you. Don't be prideful in dealing with people's problems. You cannot solve them all, you are not supposed to solve them all, don't tell yourself that your interest is helping a woman with problems when it is really just to have fun with her and it is easy in her emotional state.

In short, repent not only from specific actions, but from your general attittude and stand on these issues. Repent, confess, ask forgiveness to all the girls that you hurt if you can find them. Turly help them *if* possible, if in your possibilities, if they let you and if that will not light old sparkles in them. Stop being a false promise, because the devil is the father of all falseness.

Repent, confess and stop sinning. Seek help for that if necessary.
Title: Re: My life is a spiraling black abyss
Post by: Shiny on October 10, 2012, 05:04:09 PM
What the hell was that?
Title: Re: My life is a spiraling black abyss
Post by: orthonorm on October 10, 2012, 05:07:52 PM
We usually think that a mistake is something like a point, an action that we perform in a certain point in time.

This, though, may be and usually is just the beginning of the mistake.

Breaking up with her was not right. But neither was staying with her. The tension this kind of situation brings comes from the fact that starting the relationship was the mistake, which was prolonged for all this time, leading to a situation where you have to chose the lesser of two evils. The first steps out of a swamp are still in the mud. But how did you actually enter the swamp after all?

You have accutely described your irresponsible attitude toward women. From this point on, "repent, go, and sin no more".

Stop over-promising to girls just because you are enfatuated to them. Better still fight enfatuation so you can find true love. They are two very different things. Enfatuation is the devil's temptation in your life to prevent you from having and giving love. It is how he makes you into his instrument to hurt people and yourself.

There are five sins here: 1) Seeing women as objects to satisfy your needs of sex, romance and challenge while they are not. They are full human beings with needs. Needs that you cannot satisfy as this case made painfully obvious; 2) Indulgence in that attitude; 3) In making them believe that you can satisfy their emotional needs you actually corrupt them by preventing them to access the opportunities they lost while with you and by planting seeds of cynism and despair in them. Further, by putting yourself and them in a path that was not chosen by God, you deviate both you and her; 4) Thinking that it is their responsibility to make up for the pain that you cause them by remembering they are responsible for their lives just after you had falsely committed to actually take part in that responsibility and failed, failed not because of lack of try in your part, but because you called upon you a mission much above your inner strength; 5) Vanity and over your own spiritual strength. Not everybody is suffciently strong to tackle  any kind of suffering of other people, or to get them out of the holes they are. That is why not everybody is fit to deal with prisoners, or with drug addicts. You are obviously not prepared to deal with the kind of problems you have been looking for. Do not call to you battles that God does not give you and has not prepared for you. He will defend you only in the challenges He wants for you. Don't be prideful in dealing with people's problems. You cannot solve them all, you are not supposed to solve them all, don't tell yourself that your interest is helping a woman with problems when it is really just to have fun with her and it is easy in her emotional state.

In short, repent not only from specific actions, but from your general attittude and stand on these issues. Repent, confess, ask forgiveness to all the girls that you hurt if you can find them. Turly help them *if* possible, if in your possibilities, if they let you and if that will not light old sparkles in them. Stop being a false promise, because the devil is the father of all falseness.

Repent, confess and stop sinning. Seek help for that if necessary.

I forced myself to finally glance over the second of your wordy posts in fear of what you might suggest here. If the length of your post didn't speak to hubris, the content certainly does.

But to the bolded part.

Achronos,

P
l
e
a
s
e

d
o
n
'
t

d
o

t
h
a
t
.

Is this long enough?
Title: Re: My life is a spiraling black abyss
Post by: vamrat on October 10, 2012, 05:16:52 PM
I think Fabio had some good points in there.  It takes two to tango and while don't think that taking all the blame is healthy in a breakup you will be much better off the next time around it you analyze your own failings and correct them.  That, and repentance as well.

But I am going to have to back orthonorm up in the DO NOT CALL ALL THESE GIRLS UP.  You will never hear the end of it.  If you do decide to call them back and apologize, please, please keep a pistol and one bullet or a cyanide capsule around.  Sometimes suicide is the best option.  Giving a string of women who you may or may not have hurt emotionally an opportunity to rag on you is a great time to contemplate it.  I know I would.
Title: Re: My life is a spiraling black abyss
Post by: orthonorm on October 10, 2012, 05:20:40 PM
I think Fabio had some good points in there.  It takes two to tango and while don't think that taking all the blame is healthy in a breakup you will be much better off the next time around it you analyze your own failings and correct them.  That, and repentance as well.

But I am going to have to back orthonorm up in the DO NOT CALL ALL THESE GIRLS UP.  You will never hear the end of it.  If you do decide to call them back and apologize, please, please keep a pistol and one bullet or a cyanide capsule around.  Sometimes suicide is the best option.  Giving a string of women who you may or may not have hurt emotionally an opportunity to rag on you is a great time to contemplate it.  I know I would.

This is a bit different than coming off all Optimal Elder on somebody over the internet.

Solid advice in two sentences?

I have a false tooth that is cyanide capsule for that special moment.
Title: Re: My life is a spiraling black abyss
Post by: Shiny on October 10, 2012, 05:21:47 PM
lol at calling up ex-gf's. That is ridiculous and absurd.

Best course of action is no contact/no communication. I'm moving on with my life, and I'm sorry Fabio but your advice is just god awful.

EDIT: I mean seriously dude how is starting up a relationship a mistake? No relationship is never a mistake, and if it doesn't work out then it's a great learning experience. And let me tell you I've learned alot about myself.
Title: Re: My life is a spiraling black abyss
Post by: Fabio Leite on October 10, 2012, 06:14:20 PM
Achronos,

You call it ridiculous and absurd. Some of them will call it liberating. I am not recommending something I suppose that should work. I am recommending something that I did.

True, some find in it opportunity to vent their frustrations. Others as an opportunity to feel superior. One or two, though, say thank you in tears. We hurt people much more than you suppose in this. Even some who have convinced themselves that it was ok. Hopefully you too will find out it is not ok.

God meant us to either be alone or with one person only. No "experimentation" thing, as much as our times appreciate it. "Let thy fountain be blessed: and rejoice with the wife of thy youth". Proverbs 5:18. God does not tell us to find a woman with whom we will not have problems with. He simply says "stick to the woman I gave in your youth". And in those times, this woman was chosen by your parents. 

People are not things we experiment with to learn more about ourselves and what we truly need or want. They are... people who exist for God's sake just like you and me. They do not exist to pay the cost for your "self-discovery" with their broken hearts.

The right relationship will not be the one where there is no pain or suffering, but the one that you decide to keep despite pain and suffering. When both your will and character become greater than the pain, then, and only then, will you be able to truly love and be loved.


lol at calling up ex-gf's. That is ridiculous and absurd.

Best course of action is no contact/no communication. I'm moving on with my life, and I'm sorry Fabio but your advice is just god awful.

EDIT: I mean seriously dude how is starting up a relationship a mistake? No relationship is never a mistake, and if it doesn't work out then it's a great learning experience. And let me tell you I've learned alot about myself.

 

Title: Re: My life is a spiraling black abyss
Post by: Shiny on October 10, 2012, 06:23:51 PM
You call it ridiculous and absurd. Some of them will call it liberating. I am not recommending something I suppose that should work. I am recommending something that I did.
Newsflash, there is nothing NOTHING a dumper can say to help the dumpee. You have to let them heal on their own. The only thing you can say, which is the only thing they want, is for you to say "Oh let's just forget about this ever happened and let's get back together". Well guess what, that's not really going to happen and if that dumper did come back how do you know it's not going to happen again?

There's nothing I can say to make her feel better, only to get her time/space to heal and move on. Calling up an old ex 3 years later "Oh I'm so sorry" is so stupid, and could even potentially open up old wounds.

Quote
God meant us to either be alone or with one person only. No "experimentation" thing, as much as our times appreciate it. "Let thy fountain be blessed: and rejoice with the wife of thy youth". Proverbs 5:18. God does not tell us to find a woman with whom we will not have problems with. He simply says "stick to the woman I gave in your youth". And in those times, this woman was chosen by your parents. 
My parents are divorced, so that's not happening.

Secondly, what do you mean no "experimentation". Guess what dating is bub?

Quote
People are not things we experiment with to learn more about ourselves and what we truly need or want.
Yes let me get into a relationship with someone just to hurt them so I find out who I really am. Nonsense. The only reason why I said I learned things about myself was AFTER the relationship is over. It's the healthiest thing to do. Look at what you can take away from it, something you learned from it and MOVE ON.

And yes sometimes in a relationships you do realize what you need and want. It happens. And that is one of the reasons why I needed to break up.

Quote
The right relationship will not be the one where there is no pain or suffering, but the one that you decide to keep despite pain and suffering. When both your will and character become greater than the pain, then, and only then, will you be able to truly love and be loved.
Actually I think a marriage is blood, sweat and tears. Marriage ain't rainbows and butterflies.
Title: Re: My life is a spiraling black abyss
Post by: orthonorm on October 10, 2012, 06:40:43 PM
Marriage ain't rainbows and butterflies.


In some States of the Union it is.
Title: Re: My life is a spiraling black abyss
Post by: Shiny on October 10, 2012, 06:42:43 PM
Marriage ain't rainbows and butterflies.


In some States of the Union it is.
lolz
Title: Re: My life is a spiraling black abyss
Post by: vamrat on October 10, 2012, 06:44:14 PM
Marriage ain't rainbows and butterflies.


In some States of the Union it is.

There's a reason they call it "gay" marriage.
Title: Re: My life is a spiraling black abyss
Post by: Fabio Leite on October 10, 2012, 09:15:40 PM
Instead of "I'm so sorry" which is couple's talk, use the formal and religious: "Forgive me for anything that I might have done that hurt you" or something to that effect. The objective is not trying to console, it is to ask forgiveness. We are precisely coming down from the pedestal. We are not the "great" guy who is to help them somehow. We are their equal, their brother. And this is important for relationships. If you feel you have to mentor the other person, hold your instinticts and rise up to the challenge: be a mentor. You don't have to have a relationship to mentor someone if it's really necessary. In fact, it is unethical for a mentor to have this kind of relationship to the mentoree.

What I suggested is nothing of my own invention. It's just Jesus instructions:

If therefore thou art offering thy gift at the altar, and there rememberest that thy brother hath aught against thee,
leave there thy gift before the altar, and go thy way, first be reconciled to thy brother, and then come and offer thy gift.

St. Mat 5:22-24

For many guys who, after all don't have movie-like enemies, some of our most immediate "brothers"(or sisters in this case) is precisely the many girls whom we've hurt. We were brave enough to approach them, sometimes even seduce them, we were brave enough to break up with them, we sure can be Christian and brave enough to ask their forgiveness, even to those who even think it's not necessary.

As I said, yes, some do get angry, some do get arrogant or simply ignore it. Some say what you just said, since they were educated in the same age and values. But a couple feel really grateful and needed it. Besides God did not say anything about the reaction we should expect from the "brother" we reconciliate with. He just said we should go ask forgiveness. The martyrs were not afraid of horrible painful deaths for Christ. Why should we be afraid of some reproach made by girls?
Quote
My parents are divorced, so that's not happening.

I'm sorry to hear that. But the proverb is not restricted to parenting orientation. The meaning of "the girl of your youth" is to progress from the first feelings of love we have for a girl. We must go beyond the phase of romantic and sexual interest (the young phase of love) toward a mature relationship. But we must stay with that girl we loved when love was "young". Unfortunately today people want only the first sensations of love and keep changing. This is like always going back to the beginning of the race because one loves more the thrill of waiting for the start shot than actually completing the race. The one who is loyal to the beginning of the race is he who finishes it.


Quote
Secondly, what do you mean no "experimentation". Guess what dating is bub?

Exactly. Dating, in the form we exercise it today is anti-human and ungodly. We basically use each other in experiments, reducing ourselves and the other to things instead of people. Since what we think and do doesn't change reality, it simply helps in allienating us more, for our perception gets disconnected from reality - we partially perceive people as things.
It really is irrelevant if people agree to do that for the final effects, just like if two people agree in coupled suicide it doesn't make the act right.

Getting to know each other should happen before any kind of non-just-friends relationship. Getting to know virtues and vices, habits, everything. For respect of the person as image of God, our loyalty and the giving of our entire life must include our present, past and future, nothing less. Or as Master Yoda would put it "Do. Or do not. There is no try."

You call it ridiculous and absurd. Some of them will call it liberating. I am not recommending something I suppose that should work. I am recommending something that I did.
Newsflash, there is nothing NOTHING a dumper can say to help the dumpee. You have to let them heal on their own. The only thing you can say, which is the only thing they want, is for you to say "Oh let's just forget about this ever happened and let's get back together". Well guess what, that's not really going to happen and if that dumper did come back how do you know it's not going to happen again?

There's nothing I can say to make her feel better, only to get her time/space to heal and move on. Calling up an old ex 3 years later "Oh I'm so sorry" is so stupid, and could even potentially open up old wounds.

Quote
God meant us to either be alone or with one person only. No "experimentation" thing, as much as our times appreciate it. "Let thy fountain be blessed: and rejoice with the wife of thy youth". Proverbs 5:18. God does not tell us to find a woman with whom we will not have problems with. He simply says "stick to the woman I gave in your youth". And in those times, this woman was chosen by your parents.  
My parents are divorced, so that's not happening.

Secondly, what do you mean no "experimentation". Guess what dating is bub?

Quote
People are not things we experiment with to learn more about ourselves and what we truly need or want.
Yes let me get into a relationship with someone just to hurt them so I find out who I really am. Nonsense. The only reason why I said I learned things about myself was AFTER the relationship is over. It's the healthiest thing to do. Look at what you can take away from it, something you learned from it and MOVE ON.

And yes sometimes in a relationships you do realize what you need and want. It happens. And that is one of the reasons why I needed to break up.

Quote
The right relationship will not be the one where there is no pain or suffering, but the one that you decide to keep despite pain and suffering. When both your will and character become greater than the pain, then, and only then, will you be able to truly love and be loved.
Actually I think a marriage is blood, sweat and tears. Marriage ain't rainbows and butterflies.

Title: Re: My life is a spiraling black abyss
Post by: Shiny on October 10, 2012, 09:29:30 PM
Fabio I have to know, and I want your opinion on this because I'm curious as to what response I'll receive, my girl has no father nor any family that will take her in.

In fact, her father, who has an empty house, will not let her stay because it would be uncomfortable for him if he has dates that come over.

I'm not making this up.

So considering that she has no one to go to, to live with, I assume you want me to have her stay. No?
Title: Re: My life is a spiraling black abyss
Post by: Fabio Leite on October 10, 2012, 09:52:44 PM
I actually thought that you had already solved this. And the advice was related to prevent something like that from happening again.

But, since you are considering that, let me put in this way: what would you want if you were her? Not what you would want if you were in her shoes because maybe in that respect you could take more than her. But if you were actually her, with the kind of strength she has and everything? I *suppose* that the answer is "I would like to at least have more time to organize my life, so don't simply put me out for now. Give me half an year at least".

Now if you decide to take her in that is what I would advice (also from personal experience, not identical but similar): Rules. Rules. Rules. Not cold fascist rules, you two had something once after all. But rules to make clear that you are helping her to get up on her own feet again. No dating in the house for any of the two in the mean period. That is to prevent further broken feelings and also protects any healthy relationship you may have (or her!).

Have a clear project for her. To get  a friend to live with, a job where she could pay her own rent somewhere , make the project adaptable - she has to be able to support herself in a decent, self-respecting way. We surely cannot help the person who doesn't want to help herself, but, from what I understood, you didn't even give her time to try after announcing you wanted her out. If I asked that question to myself I would answer that the most humane thing to do would be to say that she will have some time to organize her life, at least. Find a job so she can pay a rent in a decent place, get a network of good friends besides your own circle to help her and so on.



Fabio I have to know, and I want your opinion on this because I'm curious as to what response I'll receive, my girl has no father nor any family that will take her in.

In fact, her father, who has an empty house, will not let her stay because it would be uncomfortable for him if he has dates that come over.

I'm not making this up.

So considering that she has no one to go to, to live with, I assume you want me to have her stay. No?
Title: Re: My life is a spiraling black abyss
Post by: Shiny on October 10, 2012, 09:59:33 PM
Couple of things. None of her "friends" are there to support her and let her stay. Secondly she doesn't have the money to get her own place. I got her to save up a a thousand dollars but her salary, she just can't move out.

Section 8 housing is about 6 months - 5 year waitlist.

I ain't into the whole bootstrap BS, but I've contemplated a 30 day timetable to find a place. Once that time period ends then she will have to leave.

I don't know yet, I just can't tolerate her any longer. And you know what how the hell is it my responsiblity to care for her when we aren't even married?

And no this wasn't "solved" same girl here.
Title: Re: My life is a spiraling black abyss
Post by: Fabio Leite on October 10, 2012, 10:13:29 PM
30 days is a bit too tight, but feasible.

It's not you civil responsibility but it is your spiritual responsibility to at least try prevent the worst. Even if she was just a man-friend. You don't have to solve all her problems, but at least not just be homeless.

All that Christian talk of accepting our crosses, "giving up ourselves for Christ", "I must decrease, for He to increase in me" you know that? This is it. No theological jargon. It's the thing itself. It's your chance. You said you are a cathecumen, right? So be glad, because this is the Holy Spirit teaching you directly.

You say you don't tolerate her. But I suppose that what you really don't tolerate is the idea of having to live with her forever. That is no longer on the table. It's an impossibility and she knows that. You know that. *That* burden is no longer on your shoulder. Now, what you have is a person in *real* need of your help. Just that.
Title: Re: My life is a spiraling black abyss
Post by: Shiny on October 10, 2012, 10:20:31 PM
Yeah you're right Fabio, that's the thing I was trying to rationalize and with the advice of others it was best to let her go because what responsibility was it of mine?

Maybe this is the right thing to do.