OrthodoxChristianity.net

Moderated Forums => Liturgy => Topic started by: Tikhon.of.Colorado on July 25, 2011, 07:39:30 PM

Title: Share your liturgical mishap stories here!
Post by: Tikhon.of.Colorado on July 25, 2011, 07:39:30 PM
Has anyone ever seen something at liturgy that was really out of the ordinary, even an accident?  Like, the altar boys starting a fire, or, God forbid, the priest dropping the chalice?

I've heard of all this, but wonder if it's ever really happened?
Title: Re: Share your liturgical mishap stpries here!
Post by: LBK on July 25, 2011, 07:50:39 PM
A VERY large and hairy spider slowly crawled up the priest's phelonion as he stood in front of the Holy Table during Vespers. The spider got within a couple of inches from the neck edge before crawling back down again. Not once, but three times. Father had no idea what was happening, and the few of us who were in the nave at the time were helpless, as none of us had a blessing to enter the altar, and there were no altarboys serving that night. We all had a good laugh about it afterwards.
Title: Re: Share your liturgical mishap stories here!
Post by: Salpy on July 25, 2011, 10:20:10 PM
We've had smoke alarms go off during the liturgy.

Then there was the deacon who took his prayer book and swatted a fly on the altar.

I've heard an urban legend about naughty altar boys mixing popcorn kernels with the incense.  I don't know if that has ever really happened, though.
Title: Re: Share your liturgical mishap stories here!
Post by: Tikhon.of.Colorado on July 25, 2011, 10:29:37 PM
We've had smoke alarms go off during the liturgy.

Then there was the deacon who took his prayer book and swatted a fly on the altar.

I've heard an urban legend about naughty altar boys mixing popcorn kernels with the incense.  I don't know if that has ever really happened, though.

My bishop has told me about that, and It made Father genuinely afraid that I would try it  :laugh:
Title: Re: Share your liturgical mishap stories here!
Post by: FrChris on July 25, 2011, 10:34:58 PM
Let's see.....

I almost burned down the Birmingham cathedral. Twice.

I once was backing up while censing the dean of the Birmingham parish during the Feast of the Holy Cross, and tripped over a step leading to the solea. My arms swung wildly and I wrapped a censer around the neck of an altar boy, bringing him down with me.

In fact, the Birmingham community considered selling "Fr Chris Liturgical Bloopers" in DVD format as a fundraiser at one time.

I once was torchbearer and forgot to lower my lit candle as I walked out through the Deacon's Door. The candle broke but remained lit as it flopped around throughout the entire Gospel reading.

Once while spraying holy water my sprinkler fell apart in my hands, emptying itslef over one person while sprinkler parts were strewn around those attending.

Once for an Epistle reading, the person who was going to read the epistle in English stopped suddenly and I did not notice it. I flattened him when I collided with him. I once did a similar thing at Holy Cross, but not as dramatic.

In fact, my liturgical ineptitude is so extreme that a semi-honorary society was created at Holy Cross seminary, where I was basically founder and leader-for-life:

ISLIP: Institute for the Study of Liturgical Ineptitude in Practice.
Title: Re: Share your liturgical mishap stories here!
Post by: Asteriktos on July 25, 2011, 10:41:27 PM
ISLIP: Institute for the Study of Liturgical Ineptitude in Practice.

I thought that sounded familiar... yep... (http://www.orthodoxchristianity.net/forum/index.php/topic,13436.msg186197.html#msg186197)  :)
Title: Re: Share your liturgical mishap stories here!
Post by: scamandrius on July 25, 2011, 10:56:17 PM
We had a parishioner who had a heart attack during the Liturgy.  Our priest kept on going.

I also once passed out while at the chanters' stand during Vespers (it was so hot in the church; A/C wasn't working) for a few minutes.  I fell backwards and nearly hit my head on the bishop's throne.
Title: Re: Share your liturgical mishap stories here!
Post by: Irish Hermit on July 25, 2011, 11:44:56 PM
I had a friend fall into a grave once!

Someone else's friend  :laugh:

(http://data1.blog.de/blog/s/simbelmynesfilmkritik/img/Alles-auf-Zucker2.jpg)
Title: Re: Share your liturgical mishap stories here!
Post by: Irish Hermit on July 25, 2011, 11:48:40 PM
The bottom section of the censer must have been slowly unscrewing itself for months -- and one day it came apart as I was censing and went crashing into the wall!  Thank the Lord it did not connect with anybody!!
Title: Re: Share your liturgical mishap stories here!
Post by: augustin717 on July 25, 2011, 11:52:03 PM
What our sacristan said once quite loud, in the altar, during vespers is both funny and unprintable in its peasant vulgarity. Those that were in church that evening had a good laugh about it.
Title: Re: Share your liturgical mishap stories here!
Post by: Paisius on July 25, 2011, 11:58:01 PM
One of the funniest things I've ever seen. Our priest sent two of the elementary school boys out to ring the bell prior to vespers. Bear in mind the bells are just a few feet from the church right next to a side door. He told them to ring it twelve times. They both put on the ear muffs and as one of them started ringing the other one counted the number of rings screaming at the top of his lungs ONE.....TWO........THREE.......

It was so funny father actually lost his composure for a few moments. I'll never forget it.
Title: Re: Share your liturgical mishap stories here!
Post by: Irish Hermit on July 25, 2011, 11:59:25 PM
The troparion below and its mention of headaches caused the reader to go into uncontrollable laughter
and he couldn't read past that phrase...
and of course that set off everybody else in the church

10 November

=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=
* St. Aedh MacBricc of Meath
* St. Elaeth of Anglesey
* St. Just of Canterbury
* St. John the Irish of Mecklemburg
=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=


St. Aedh MacBricc, Bishop of Meath
(Aod, Aedsind, Aidus)
-----------------------------------------------------------------
Died 589. The Lives of Aedh are full of miraculous events of healing,
bilocation, and other marvels. The son of Breece
of the Hy Neill, Aedh worked on his father's farm. His conversion
occurred when he was dissuaded by Bishop Saint Illathan of Rathlihen
(f.d. June 10) from kidnapping a girl from his brother's household in
retaliation for the refusal to give him his inheritance on his father's
death. Instead he became the bishop's disciple. He founded a monastery
at Cill-air and Rathugh in Westmeath and eventually became a bishop. He
cured Saint Brigid (f.d. February 1) of a headache, so is often invoked
to cure headaches (Benedictines, Delaney).

Troparion of St Aedh MacBricc tone 1
Founder of churches, Wonderworker Hierarch and curer of headaches,/ thou
art rightly praised for thy missionary labours,/ O Father Aedh
Macbricc./ We celebrate thy memory, O Saint,/ praying that we may be
given grace to emulate thee,/ for the re-establishment of Orthodoxy in
these islands/ and for the salvation of our souls.

Title: Re: Share your liturgical mishap stpries here!
Post by: Maria on July 26, 2011, 12:45:31 AM
A VERY large and hairy spider slowly crawled up the priest's phelonion as he stood in front of the Holy Table during Vespers. The spider got within a couple of inches from the neck edge before crawling back down again. Not once, but three times. Father had no idea what was happening, and the few of us who were in the nave at the time were helpless, as none of us had a blessing to enter the altar, and there were no altarboys serving that night. We all had a good laugh about it afterwards.

Three times?

That was a very Orthodox spider.
Surely the purpose was to get your attention and praise the Lord that nothing happened.
Title: Re: Share your liturgical mishap stories here!
Post by: 88Devin12 on July 26, 2011, 12:46:29 AM
We had the power go out near the beginning of Liturgy one day. It was kinda funny actually, some tried to get it back on (to no success), it wasn't entirely off, but they had to shut off the A/C so the unit wouldn't be ruined.

It actually happened RIGHT at the Great Entrance the exact moment we opened the iconostasis door to begin the procession.

We were wondering how the heck we could get the water heated so it could be poured in with the body & blood, and Father's son did some quick thinking, took the water in the kitchen, and was able to heat it up somehow (I guess their stove isn't electric? not sure how he did it). Other than that, it didn't change the service one bit. The power completely came on after communion.

___________________________

A couple weeks ago, I was serving with a Priest at the mission that I attend during summers and the Priest actually forgot to open the doors at the beginning of Liturgy, so i kind of had to remind him. We ended up playing it cool and waiting until just before the Little Entrance (since liturgically they would have been closed anyway after the Great Litany) to open them up. Apparently he had forgotten, because they do the opening/closing different at one of the other churches in the area. (I think he said it was the Serbian one)

___________________________

It was during Holy Week (I think) and Father's other son apparently hadn't had anything to eat/drink for about a day. So we were standing there, Father was standing in the middle of the church (as was required for the service) and his son was standing there by him (to give him the censer at appropriate times). As the choir, we were standing right behind them. All the sudden his son starts to slump, and Father immediately grabbed him and easily set him on the floor (to gasps from everyone). His mother (a doctor) came over and checked him out, he had passed out but was okay, they ended up taking him to the narthex and gave him something to snack on and drink.
It was just something that shocked all of us and almost stopped our hearts, because we weren't obviously expecting it, and it could have been bad had Father not been paying attention to him. (Father apparently saw his eyes roll back and knew he was out before he fell) He ended up being okay, and the service continued. Just a scary moment.

___________________________

One time one of the cantors uncircumcised Christ instead of making him uncircumscribed...
Title: Re: Share your liturgical mishap stories here!
Post by: John of the North on July 26, 2011, 12:48:12 AM
I was attending a Divine Liturgy once served by two priests. During the Great Entrance, somehow the Bread slipped off the diskos while they stood in the Royal Doors. They handled it quite well I thought.

Once, during a Bishop's visistation, one of the choir members fainted in the choir loft.
Title: Re: Share your liturgical mishap stories here!
Post by: 88Devin12 on July 26, 2011, 12:55:08 AM
The bottom section of the censer must have been slowly unscrewing itself for months -- and one day it came apart as I was censing and went crashing into the wall!  Thank the Lord it did not connect with anybody!!

Wow... I'm gonna have to start checking that! Never thought of that happening... (the censer gets REALLY hot too, so I'd be afraid of fire, or severe burns)

We have a couple Priests who hold the censer still under their robes sometimes... I always keep an eye on it to make sure they don't light themselves on fire... The thing just gets so red hot that I get worried about them when they do that. lol

_____________________

I'm hoping and praying that the littler kids that sometimes serve at the altar don't end up burning themselves. I like to let them do things to help out, but I'm always worried they'll burn themselves with the censer, or when pouring the hot water, or when handling candles... Man, I need to be less paranoid.
Title: Re: Share your liturgical mishap stories here!
Post by: LBK on July 26, 2011, 02:41:29 AM
Three times?

That was a very Orthodox spider.

That very thought went through my mind as well at the time.  :laugh:
Title: Re: Share your liturgical mishap stories here!
Post by: PeterTheAleut on July 26, 2011, 02:55:10 AM
There was that one Pascha Liturgy many years ago when I walked out into the middle of the nave to read the Epistle lesson and forgot my service book with the Prokeimenon and Alleluia verses in it. I had to signal to the choir director that I didn't have the Prokeimenon with me and that he needed to chant it. That was rather embarrassing. :-[

There was also the Ascension Liturgy a few years ago when I misread the pericopes for the Epistle reading (Acts 1:1-11 or so) and ended up reading on to about the end of the chapter, to include the story of how Judas hanged himself and fell to the ground and his guts busted out. :P

Another Pascha, one of our basses dropped out of the choir and almost fainted because he was running dangerously low on protein from having fasted all day. His wife and the physician who sings in our choir ran him to the parish hall and had him eat a couple of deviled eggs to get his protein level back up.

We've had not one, but two of our Epistle readers on separate occasions announce the Alleluia of the Epistle "in the Ninth Tone" (in reference to a special Moscow Chant Alleluia that we sing on feast days, a musical setting that stands outside of the usual 8 tones).

I also heard the story about how an old priest caught his beard on fire when he got a candle too close.
Title: Re: Share your liturgical mishap stories here!
Post by: PeterTheAleut on July 26, 2011, 03:06:35 AM
ISLIP: Institute for the Study of Liturgical Ineptitude in Practice.
Isn't there another similar acronym, FALL? ISLIP and FALL. :laugh:
Title: Re: Share your liturgical mishap stories here!
Post by: PeterTheAleut on July 26, 2011, 03:11:48 AM
One time one of the cantors uncircumcised Christ instead of making him uncircumscribed...
That's kinda like some of the malapropisms I've heard in church.

The dild wonkeys (instead of wild donkeys)

Calling Christ immoral instead of immortal

The bombles in the tombs (instead of "upon those in the tombs")
Title: Re: Share your liturgical mishap stories here!
Post by: LBK on July 26, 2011, 03:23:17 AM

I'm told that one priest, during his Theophany sermon, said "Christ was baptised in the john by Jordan". Hard to beat, if it's true.  :laugh: :laugh:
Title: Re: Share your liturgical mishap stories here!
Post by: PeterTheAleut on July 26, 2011, 03:24:18 AM

I'm told that one priest, during his Theophany sermon, said "Christ was baptised in the john by Jordan". Hard to beat, if it's true.  :laugh: :laugh:
I've heard that one, too. :laugh: Somehow, I remember that blooper being attributed to Fr. Thomas Hopko.


Man, this thread is too funny! :laugh: :laugh: :laugh:
Title: Re: Share your liturgical mishap stories here!
Post by: LBK on July 26, 2011, 03:30:32 AM
Quote
announce the Alleluia of the Epistle "in the Ninth Tone" (in reference to a special Moscow Chant Alleluia that we sing on feast days, a musical setting that stands outside of the usual 8 tones).


Must have been composed by Fr Vasily of Sts Boris, Gleb, Vladimir and Olga in Sydney, Australia.  :laugh:
Title: Re: Share your liturgical mishap stories here!
Post by: mike on July 26, 2011, 05:42:04 AM
- I've collapsed during the Great Entrance when I went out with the candle.
- The cloth caught fire on the Sacrifice Table after the Chalice was placed there after Communion
- I've heard stories of altar servers  adding marijuana / petards to the censer
- The blessing of the newly built Skete was cancelled because the Igumen forgot his antimension. The Metropolitan got really mad then.
- My grandmother like to discuss with Priests when they give announcements.
- When I was 3 or 4 I overturned the candlestand 3 times as big and heavy as I was.
- My cat started to poop when we were having our house blessed.
Title: Re: Share your liturgical mishap stories here!
Post by: LBK on July 26, 2011, 07:27:12 AM
Quote
- The blessing of the newly built Skete was cancelled because the Igumen forgot his antimension. The Metropolitan got really mad then.

Ooooh, Lordy!! That's taking his pick from the shovels ....  :o :o :laugh:

Quote
- My cat started to poop when we were having our house blessed.

A venerable old priest lived in quarters adjacent to the church he served in. The two buildings were connected by a corridor. Everyone in the congregation knew the priest's cat, as she frequently entered the church during services, and would quietly mill around the people, and sometimes curl up for a snooze. One Sunday, as Father was giving the sermon, the cat came into the church, wandered around the nave for a bit (nothing unusual). Just as Father was getting to the crucial moment of the sermon, Puss walked up the steps of the ambon, and calmly went straight into the altar through the open Royal Doors, tail in the air.

Father henceforth made sure the door to the corridor was closed during service time to eliminate the possibility of the cat stealing the show again. He would open the door only after the service had ended, so that Puss could do her rounds.
Title: Re: Share your liturgical mishap stories here!
Post by: genesisone on July 26, 2011, 08:03:38 AM
My priest once reminded the congregation that Communion is served only to those who are baptized and cremated Orthodox.

I don't remember the passage being read, but the reader referred to the "Jews and the geeks". I wasn't sure what I heard until I noticed an altar boy trying almost unsuccessfully to stifle his laughter.
Title: Re: Share your liturgical mishap stories here!
Post by: Keble on July 26, 2011, 08:54:43 AM
We had an interim some years back who came to us from being chaplain at the local hospital (he also helped serve at our wedding). The very first Sunday, he pulled on the bell rope, and the chain attaching it to the bell wheel broke, with chain and rope falling from the ceiling in a tremendous crash. A couple of years earlier, during the Easter vigil someone had been ringing it and managed to stand it upside down, so that pulling on the bell rope did nothing. Someone had to get a ladder and a long pole and poke the bell to turn it right side up again.

I happened before my time, but there was one Sunday where the reader got stuck with the one of the OT readings with a long list of names, and about half way through gave and said "and all those other people."

Ebor can tell you a great story about a thurible.
Title: Re: Share your liturgical mishap stories here!
Post by: Keble on July 26, 2011, 09:00:09 AM
As far as heat: back before the church expansion the building had no heat and the sacristy had no water in the winter. There is one legendary series of Sundays one summer where the notes in the service registry read:

"Hot!"
"More so!"
"Hotter than Hell!"
Title: Re: Share your liturgical mishap stories here!
Post by: augustin717 on July 26, 2011, 10:30:14 AM
Our old chanters-of whom some are dead now, may God  rest them, would routinely show up drunk in different stages of intoxication especially on eves of great feasts like Christmas etc. Then they would mess up the readings, jump lines, start arguing with each other etc. A couple of older priests-both of them dead by now, had similar habits. On time he was censing at vespers but he was so intoxicated that he literally crashed into one of the royal icons to the amusement of those present.
Title: Re: Share your liturgical mishap stories here!
Post by: Shanghaiski on July 26, 2011, 10:41:20 AM
We had a parishioner who had a heart attack during the Liturgy.  Our priest kept on going.



I think he's supposed to.
Title: Re: Share your liturgical mishap stories here!
Post by: zekarja on July 26, 2011, 10:44:58 AM
We had a parishioner who had a heart attack during the Liturgy.  Our priest kept on going.



I think he's supposed to.

I read somewhere that a Divine liturgy must always be finished. If a priest dies while celebrating, another priest must finish where he left off.
Title: Re: Share your liturgical mishap stories here!
Post by: Shanghaiski on July 26, 2011, 10:45:42 AM
The troparion below and its mention of headaches caused the reader to go into uncontrollable laughter
and he couldn't read past that phrase...
and of course that set off everybody else in the church

10 November

=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=
* St. Aedh MacBricc of Meath
* St. Elaeth of Anglesey
* St. Just of Canterbury
* St. John the Irish of Mecklemburg
=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=


St. Aedh MacBricc, Bishop of Meath
(Aod, Aedsind, Aidus)
-----------------------------------------------------------------
Died 589. The Lives of Aedh are full of miraculous events of healing,
bilocation, and other marvels. The son of Breece
of the Hy Neill, Aedh worked on his father's farm. His conversion
occurred when he was dissuaded by Bishop Saint Illathan of Rathlihen
(f.d. June 10) from kidnapping a girl from his brother's household in
retaliation for the refusal to give him his inheritance on his father's
death. Instead he became the bishop's disciple. He founded a monastery
at Cill-air and Rathugh in Westmeath and eventually became a bishop. He
cured Saint Brigid (f.d. February 1) of a headache, so is often invoked
to cure headaches (Benedictines, Delaney).

Troparion of St Aedh MacBricc tone 1
Founder of churches, Wonderworker Hierarch and curer of headaches,/ thou
art rightly praised for thy missionary labours,/ O Father Aedh
Macbricc./ We celebrate thy memory, O Saint,/ praying that we may be
given grace to emulate thee,/ for the re-establishment of Orthodoxy in
these islands/ and for the salvation of our souls.



Some liturgical texts crack me and others up. I laughed the first time I heard "butter mountain" in the Holy Transfiguration Psalter. Also, the canon for the departed on Meatfare Saturday lists several interesting ways in which people die--and in succession something like, "Give rest, O Lord, to those who have been mauled by bears, crushed by rocks, and hung by their neighbors." It's hard to maintain the tone and seriousness sometimes.
Title: Re: Share your liturgical mishap stories here!
Post by: LBK on July 26, 2011, 10:51:17 AM
Quote
I laughed the first time I heard "butter mountain" in the Holy Transfiguration Psalter.


There's also this gem from, IIRC, the Annunciation: .... and she [the Mother of God] is preserved by the Holy Spirit. And I've lost count of the number of times I've had to restrain mirth on hearing about Christ sitting on the right hand of the Father.  :laugh:
Title: Re: Share your liturgical mishap stories here!
Post by: Shanghaiski on July 26, 2011, 10:55:27 AM
When my priest was in seminary, apparently another priest mischanted, "Let everything that hath breasts praise the Lord."
Title: Re: Share your liturgical mishap stories here!
Post by: LBK on July 26, 2011, 10:56:26 AM
When my priest was in seminary, apparently another priest mischanted, "Let everything that hath breasts praise the Lord."

Oooh, what a booboo!  ;) :laugh: :laugh:
Title: Re: Share your liturgical mishap stories here!
Post by: FatherGiryus on July 26, 2011, 11:48:08 AM
Years ago, I was asked to assist my bishop at a liturgy in a mission meeting at a rented chapel.  We got there and were informed that the air conditioning was broken.  The problem was it was 8am and already about 85°.  By the time, Orthros ended, it was 100° outside and about 105° inside.

The first thing to let go was the trikiri and dikiri set.  The wax candles simply 'relaxed' and flopped over onto the table.  Pretty soon, the array of 24" candles (about 2" thick with brass followers) began to burn at an accellerated rate.  The followers went right down to the candelabra bases, forming a small vapor chamber where once there was an candle.  The chambers shot forth tongues of flame like something from a Disney theme-park ride.

The bishop and the priests were, of course, wearing their 'nice' vestments, including heavy satin sticharia that I call 'sweat bags' because that is exactly what they feel like by the Great Doxology.  The bishop was perspiring so profusely I swear I could hear it, so I found my stash of bottled water (my wife was addicted to it at the time so we had lots of it) and tried to offer him one.  He refused, but not without a look of profound desire.  Once he had communed, he shot a glance and said "WATER, NOW!"  I handed him the bottle, and he drank it so hard the plastic container literally shriveled from the vacuum.  He handed me the crumpled bottle and said "MORE!"  I also watered the priests assisting him.  My wife was annoyed that she would only have one bottle for the 2-hour ride home.  I was relieved because we would not have to pull over as often.

As we packed to leave, the vestments had to be left in the sun to dry.  The funny thing was that by the time we had to go, everything was dry.  Desert heat has its benefits.  On the drive home, the radio weatherman announced it was a record high.  I believed him.
Title: Re: Share your liturgical mishap stories here!
Post by: Monk Vasyl on July 26, 2011, 12:27:12 PM
We've had smoke alarms go off during the liturgy.

Then there was the deacon who took his prayer book and swatted a fly on the altar.

I've heard an urban legend about naughty altar boys mixing popcorn kernels with the incense.  I don't know if that has ever really happened, though.

My bishop has told me about that, and It made Father genuinely afraid that I would try it  :laugh:

It was Fr. Alexander Schmemann's sons who did that.   I was also told the story that when Archbishop Dimitri came to celebrate the Liturgy, during his being vested, the subdeacons forgot to open the button on his stichar.  So when it was put on him, they had a headless bishop for a couple of moments.
Title: Re: Share your liturgical mishap stories here!
Post by: Monk Vasyl on July 26, 2011, 12:31:49 PM
When my priest was in seminary, apparently another priest mischanted, "Let everything that hath breasts praise the Lord."

While with the Franciscan's one of the seminarians was reading from the Old Testament and read, "the breasts of the field will devour you." The priest said, "Well, I guess I know where your mind was."  lol  Also, once during Mass there was a big fly buzzing around the altar.  At the point of the "Kiss of Peace" the 2nd priest swattered and killed the fly on the altar. Destroyed the mood at the Kiss of Peace.  The same priest, who killed the fly, was once serving Mass at a retirement home, ext to our friary.  Well, He was at the beginning of the anaphora and the wind blew the pages of the altar missal, so he went from just before the consecration to the Lord's Prayer.  One of the elderly women, turned to her husband and in a stage whisper said, "He messed up, again!"

At my present parish, we were in between priests being assigned.  A temp was to come from South Bound Brook to fill in on Sundays, but during a funeral, the ground was wet and soft and he feel into the grave and was too sore to be able to travel all the way to Boston.
Title: Re: Share your liturgical mishap stories here!
Post by: PeterTheAleut on July 26, 2011, 12:59:00 PM
My priest once reminded the congregation that Communion is served only to those who are baptized and cremated Orthodox.

I don't remember the passage being read, but the reader referred to the "Jews and the geeks".
;D
Title: Re: Share your liturgical mishap stories here!
Post by: PeterTheAleut on July 26, 2011, 01:06:01 PM
We've had smoke alarms go off during the liturgy.

Then there was the deacon who took his prayer book and swatted a fly on the altar.

I've heard an urban legend about naughty altar boys mixing popcorn kernels with the incense.  I don't know if that has ever really happened, though.

My bishop has told me about that, and It made Father genuinely afraid that I would try it  :laugh:

It was Fr. Alexander Schmemann's sons who did that.   I was also told the story that when Archbishop Dimitri came to celebrate the Liturgy, during his being vested, the subdeacons forgot to open the button on his stichar.  So when it was put on him, they had a headless bishop for a couple of moments.
When a friend of mine was tonsured a reader and had his cassock draped over him, he had a devil of a time trying to find the right hole through which to stick his head. By the time he finally emerged, arms a flailin', he was thoroughly embarrassed. When he saw that the bishop himself was laughing, he figured that all was good and he could have a few chuckles at his own misfortune.
Title: Re: Share your liturgical mishap stories here!
Post by: PeterTheAleut on July 26, 2011, 01:20:01 PM
ISLIP: Institute for the Study of Liturgical Ineptitude in Practice.
Isn't there another similar acronym, FALL? ISLIP and FALL. :laugh:

Aaahhhh, yes. There's this mention of both in one of Fr. George's posts from many years ago.

Isn't there a sister group known as FALL?

Yes, the FOundation for the Application of Liturgy in Life.  I was the founder of that one.

Once upon a time (in our common seminary days) ISLIP and FALL were a formidable tandem.
Title: Re: Share your liturgical mishap stories here!
Post by: Aram on July 26, 2011, 01:24:44 PM
We administer communion with the chalices placed on tables.  Essentially about three feet high, easier for the priest not to have to hold a chalice up for the 15 minutes it takes to administer communion.  I was holding the communion cloth or holding back his vestments, and that particular Sunday we had two tables for two chalices, as it was a busy morning and we had two priests.  

Now, the tables were put up right against the edge of the chancel, on the edge of a step of about 6 inches.  One priest leaned over the table to reach a shorter parishioner, and the table got pushed.  The other priest could see it happening and reached for the chalice so it wouldn't hit the floor.  He missed.  The table fell forward and the chalice went flying.  And if that wasn't enough, in reaching over, the other priest knocked over his chalice with the bulk of his vestments.  I'm watching this happen in slow motion, but my hands were full and there was nothing I could do.  

So now we have a table and two chalices rolling around on the marble floor, people have now stepped in it and ran to get out of the way, and the priests are absolutely freaking out...  It was bad.  Pretty much the entire (very large) church floor had to be specially cleaned that week.  And that was the last time the tables were at the edge of that step.
Title: Re: Share your liturgical mishap stories here!
Post by: zekarja on July 26, 2011, 01:46:46 PM
We administer communion with the chalices placed on tables.  Essentially about three feet high, easier for the priest not to have to hold a chalice up for the 15 minutes it takes to administer communion.  I was holding the communion cloth or holding back his vestments, and that particular Sunday we had two tables for two chalices, as it was a busy morning and we had two priests.  

Now, the tables were put up right against the edge of the chancel, on the edge of a step of about 6 inches.  One priest leaned over the table to reach a shorter parishioner, and the table got pushed.  The other priest could see it happening and reached for the chalice so it wouldn't hit the floor.  He missed.  The table fell forward and the chalice went flying.  And if that wasn't enough, in reaching over, the other priest knocked over his chalice with the bulk of his vestments.  I'm watching this happen in slow motion, but my hands were full and there was nothing I could do.  

So now we have a table and two chalices rolling around on the marble floor, people have now stepped in it and ran to get out of the way, and the priests are absolutely freaking out...  It was bad.  Pretty much the entire (very large) church floor had to be specially cleaned that week.  And that was the last time the tables were at the edge of that step.

Lord, have mercy!!!
Title: Re: Share your liturgical mishap stories here!
Post by: Poppy on July 26, 2011, 01:52:31 PM
I can't wait for Dyhn to log on so i texted her to ask if i could tell her story and she said yeah.

It was her church, the one her and her hub went to and she was sitting up on a stage area facing the congregation waiting to read the bible next to the senior vicar and it was the end of the music section when everyone was praying and a big fart noise came from the front row where a deaf lady was sitting with her tiny dog on her lap and noone in the front row knew who it was that did it, the lady or her dog. Well a tonne of people were trying not to laugh including the vicar on the stage and the vicar got up and said "please excuse me" because HE was laughing and the whole people thought that he did the noise!!!! So they laughed even more.

The lady saw that everyone was laughing or trying not to laugh was saying in a rli loud voice "whats everyone laughing at??" but noone in the front row had the boolars to tell her that it must have been her dog what did it. The rest of the people not close to the front row still think it was the vicar who did it because of what he said....too funny!!!
Title: Re: Share your liturgical mishap stories here!
Post by: elijahmaria on July 26, 2011, 01:53:20 PM
- I've collapsed during the Great Entrance when I went out with the candle.

Difine "went out".... :)
Title: Re: Share your liturgical mishap stories here!
Post by: Monk Vasyl on July 26, 2011, 02:08:01 PM
There's a story of one Roman Catholic bishop blessing the oil on Holy Thursday.  At one point the rubrics call for him to breathe on the oil.  Now as his was breathing on the oil, his false teeth fell into the oil.  He said an expletive deleted which was broadcast throughout his cathedral, as he was wearing a wireless microphones.  After hearing that story I promised myself I would never wear a wireless mic...lol

Again,while in the Franciscans, we had a charismatic seminarian.  Well, one Sunday the celebrating priest just kept going on and on with his sermon.  Most of us were beginning to fall asleep, when this seminarian stood up and yelled "ALLELUIA!"  Well, there was dead silence, and then we all broke out laughing.  The poor long-winded priest got so confused, he ended his sermon on the spot.  That was the talk of the seminary for a very long time.

Once a deacon was intoning a litany and his voice went falsetto.  The choir froze as there was no way they could sing that high.  Finally everyone broke up laughing.
Title: Re: Share your liturgical mishap stories here!
Post by: FatherGiryus on July 26, 2011, 02:40:29 PM
When I was at Vlad's, the story was attributed to Fr. Paul Lazor's son


It was Fr. Alexander Schmemann's sons who did that.   
Title: Re: Share your liturgical mishap stories here!
Post by: Aram on July 26, 2011, 02:56:48 PM
A certain priest I knew was born in Russia and was not a native English speaker.  When he was still a deacon in the late 50s, the transition to English was in its infancy.  The first time he had to say "In peace let us pray to the Lord," let's just say ea in "peace" sounded more like an i.  That was rather quickly corrected. :)

I also heard a story from the same era about a reader in a Slavonic-serving parish that got out to the center of the church to read the Epistle, and realized he had forgotten what he was supposed to read.  So he improvised a dialogue with the celebrant on the spot, asking something like "I am sorry, which page am I supposed to read?" The priest chanted back "Turn to page (whatever it was)," and so it was.
Title: Re: Share your liturgical mishap stories here!
Post by: Adelphi on July 26, 2011, 03:09:34 PM
In the large monastery a senior Archbishop was serving. We Russsian nuns wear a circular-type veil covering the whole head and shoulders to the waist. My obedience was to stand on the solea and hold his staff and hand it to him, kissing his hand, when he required it. He turned, grabbed the staff firmly, along with my veil!!! and wouldn't let go for several seconds until he turned again and noticed my veil firmly in his clutches. Needless to say, I failed to kiss his hand nor let go my grip of his staff whilst my veil was in his grasp, as I would have been without klobuk (monastic hat like kamalavka) and veil.
A yet more senior Archbishop was serving one day and my obedience that day was holding his voluminous mantle. I had dropped it so he could turn 360 deg for his blessing, and promptly stepped on it - a big no-no!
On one altar feast celebration, hundreds had packed our church and my obedience was tending to the candles. I managed to set my veil and riassa (outer monastic robe) on fire (not severely, thank God-I salvaged both!).
The worst I think was when I was taking Holy Communion. The Abbess was holding the red veil under my chin, but took it away before my Spiritual Father who was serving had completely removed the spoon and somehow the Precious Blood spilled on my veil. I was mortified! My Spiritual Father instructed me to burn the veil (my best one, too!).
A small child had communed in our church, and shortly afterwards was ill on the carpet. The piece of carpet had to be excised and burnt.
Once during a Vigil service my obedience was to hold the oil whilst my aforesaid Spiritual Father anointed the people. As the monastery driver, I always had a mobile phone with me and switched on, in case the Abbess needed me if she wasn't in church. Father's cellphone rang and he whispered to me "Mine or yours?" I whispered back "yours Father!" He promptly turned it off.
There must be a hundred other occurrences that I can't remember!
Adelphi
Title: Re: Share your liturgical mishap stories here!
Post by: Monk Vasyl on July 26, 2011, 03:27:58 PM
When I was at Vlad's, the story was attributed to Fr. Paul Lazor's son


It was Fr. Alexander Schmemann's sons who did that.   

Well, at least I was right about it being at the seminary...lol
Title: Re: Share your liturgical mishap stories here!
Post by: PeterTheAleut on July 26, 2011, 04:14:05 PM
There was that one time many years ago when someone's cell phone started to ring during the parish announcements after the Sunday Liturgy. Quite fittingly, the ring tone was the melody of the Wizard of Oz song, "If I Only Had a Brain" (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wOKK8mAkiUI). :laugh:
Title: Re: Share your liturgical mishap stories here!
Post by: 88Devin12 on July 26, 2011, 04:19:58 PM
There was that one time many years ago when someone's cell phone started to ring during the parish announcements after the Sunday Liturgy. Quite fittingly, the ring tone was the melody of the Wizard of Oz song, "If I Only Had a Brain" (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wOKK8mAkiUI). :laugh:
lol!

One time Father's cell phone started ringing.
Another time it was his wife's phone that rang (she needs it on though, as she is a doctor) and he obviously joked about it ;) (probably paid for it later lol)
Title: Re: Share your liturgical mishap stories here!
Post by: zekarja on July 26, 2011, 04:44:53 PM
We had no matches of lighter available for the Divine Liturgy. I had to light some paper towels on fire with the stove in the parish hall and light a candle with it to light the charcoal. Once the paper towels caught completely on fire. I dropped them on the floor and stomped on them. My shoe caught on fire. Thank God, I stomped my shoe fire out and the paper towel fire out. :P
Title: Re: Share your liturgical mishap stories here!
Post by: TristanCross on July 26, 2011, 09:05:02 PM
When my priest was in seminary, apparently another priest mischanted, "Let everything that hath breasts praise the Lord."

HAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

LOL

 :laugh: :laugh: :laugh:
Title: Re: Share your liturgical mishap stories here!
Post by: LBK on July 26, 2011, 09:28:10 PM
Elderly Russian deacon, a truly saintly man, and loved by all, but getting a bit dotty, serving at a wedding: After the ceremony ended, time for the singing of the Mnogaya Lyeta (Many Years). He slowly chanted the invocations for the blessing of the newlyweds in a rising tone, then out came Vechnaya Pamyat (Eternal Memory), instead of Mnogaya Lyeta. A collective gasp rose in the nave (followed by snickers of mirth), the choir was derailed for several seconds, and the babushki were furiously crossing themselves, warding off this bad omen.

Some twenty years on, the couple is still happily married.  :D
Title: Re: Share your liturgical mishap stories here!
Post by: LBK on July 26, 2011, 10:18:50 PM
Another wedding, this time Anglican, in Britain:

The wedding ceremony was about to begin, when the vicar had to excuse himself to answer the call of nature. Unfortunately, he forgot to turn off his radio mike. The church was filled with the sound effects of the vicar "enthroned".
Title: Re: Share your liturgical mishap stories here!
Post by: NicholasMyra on July 26, 2011, 10:29:21 PM
The biggest mishap I've seen?  The audible anaphora/epeclesis and priests praying the silent prayers aloud!!! 

It's evolution, baby.
American evolution...

The next thing we'll see if girl altarboys
You should take that one up with Greece, not America.
Title: Re: Share your liturgical mishap stories here!
Post by: Cymbyz on July 27, 2011, 01:04:06 AM
There have been several occasions on which the altar boys were messing around with the censers and caused the fire alarm to go off.  On one such occasion, during the sermon after the Bridgroom Service on Holy Monday, Fr. Steve got onto the subject of the Last Judgement, and just as his remarks reached their high-point, the alarm went off.  Dead silence, followed by a remark from the congregation, "Is anybody Rapture-ready?"
Title: Re: Share your liturgical mishap stories here!
Post by: Luke on July 27, 2011, 01:44:59 AM
There was a couple years ago when our priest and deacon got a little heavy with the incense use.  It smelled great but the smoke alarm went off.  Our priest kept the Liturgy going and I plugged my ears while our sub-deacon and others were finally able to get the alarm off.  I see on this thread that this has also happened to others.  :)
Title: Re: Share your liturgical mishap stories here!
Post by: Kasatkin fan on July 27, 2011, 02:22:37 AM
A certain priest I knew was born in Russia and was not a native English speaker.  When he was still a deacon in the late 50s, the transition to English was in its infancy.  The first time he had to say "In peace let us pray to the Lord," let's just say ea in "peace" sounded more like an i.  That was rather quickly corrected. :)

Reminds me of a deacon my old Parish had, English was clearly not his first language and sometimes he would struggle, reading out on several occasions about our Lord "He is robbed in majesty".
Title: Re: Share your liturgical mishap stories here!
Post by: authio on July 27, 2011, 02:23:38 AM
When the priest came last year to bless our home, he forgot our names!   ::)
Title: Re: Share your liturgical mishap stories here!
Post by: biro on July 27, 2011, 06:52:12 AM
Four times, count 'em, four, in the past year, we have had people pass out during the liturgy.   :-[
Title: Re: Share your liturgical mishap stories here!
Post by: arimethea on July 27, 2011, 11:30:54 AM
Let us keep this discussion in the tone it was created. If you have an controversy or pet peeve please, start a new topic for this. The discussion about the the Anaphora being said aloud can be found here http://www.orthodoxchristianity.net/forum/index.php/topic,38252.0.html
Title: Re: Share your liturgical mishap stories here!
Post by: Abune N. on August 14, 2011, 10:10:41 PM
We had a churching of 9month old baby today in church. All of the Altar servers were standing at the right wall of the sanctuary. Father comes to the front of the Holy Doors and churches the child. He then comes into the altar and takes the babys hand and waves to us and continues to church the child. We all had a huge laugh!!! Thanks Father!!!
Title: Re: Share your liturgical mishap stories here!
Post by: Maria on August 14, 2011, 10:21:04 PM
The baptism of baby boys almost always involves a golden arch as the finale.
Title: Re: Share your liturgical mishap stories here!
Post by: LBK on August 14, 2011, 10:25:09 PM
The baptism of baby boys almost always involves a golden arch as the finale.

Oh, yes, seen that MANY times!  :laugh: :laugh: Though history records one famous baby who went on to become Byzantine Emperor (unfortunately, one of the impious ones): Constantine, nicknamed Copronymus. He didn't pee into the font, he went the other way .... bad, bad omen.  :o :laugh: :laugh:
Title: Re: Share your liturgical mishap stories here!
Post by: PeterTheAleut on August 14, 2011, 10:35:45 PM
The baptism of baby boys almost always involves a golden arch as the finale.
That's why an experienced priest knows to always hold a baby boy so that he's facing AWAY from his vestments during and after the baptism.
Title: Re: Share your liturgical mishap stories here!
Post by: 88Devin12 on August 15, 2011, 12:12:37 PM
I was at a service once where a Priest had been serving (temporarily) at a Greek parish. It was just kind of funny when he started to commemorate Archbishop Demetrios rather than Metropolitan Jonah. (I was probably the only one to notice though, as he stopped at Archbishop)

Me and him shared a good chuckle about it after church.
Title: Re: Share your liturgical mishap stories here!
Post by: TinaG on August 15, 2011, 01:39:49 PM
My 11 yo commented a few months ago after Liturgy about his 9 yo brother.  "Mom, if Michael's hair smells funny it's cause he got too close to the censer and set it on fire - but we put it out". 

The altar - where else would you mix young boys with fire, alcohol and sharp knives.
Title: Re: Share your liturgical mishap stories here!
Post by: 88Devin12 on August 15, 2011, 01:58:11 PM
My 11 yo commented a few months ago after Liturgy about his 9 yo brother.  "Mom, if Michael's hair smells funny it's cause he got too close to the censer and set it on fire - but we put it out". 

The altar - where else would you mix young boys with fire, alcohol and sharp knives.

Don't forget hot water ;)
Title: Re: Share your liturgical mishap stories here!
Post by: Fr. George on August 15, 2011, 02:18:30 PM
I was at a service once where a Priest had been serving (temporarily) at a Greek parish. It was just kind of funny when he started to commemorate Archbishop Demetrios rather than Metropolitan Jonah. (I was probably the only one to notice though, as he stopped at Archbishop)

Me and him shared a good chuckle about it after church.

In the Greek practice, both Archbishops and Metropolitans are commemorated as "Archbishop" in the Divine Liturgy.  E.g. The hierarch of my metropolis is Metropolitan MAXIMOS of Pittsburgh; in the Liturgy, he is "Our Father and Archbishop Maximos."
Title: Re: Share your liturgical mishap stories here!
Post by: 88Devin12 on August 15, 2011, 02:20:06 PM
I was at a service once where a Priest had been serving (temporarily) at a Greek parish. It was just kind of funny when he started to commemorate Archbishop Demetrios rather than Metropolitan Jonah. (I was probably the only one to notice though, as he stopped at Archbishop)

Me and him shared a good chuckle about it after church.

In the Greek practice, both Archbishops and Metropolitans are commemorated as "Archbishop" in the Divine Liturgy.  E.g. The hierarch of my metropolis is Metropolitan MAXIMOS of Pittsburgh; in the Liturgy, he is "Our Father and Archbishop Maximos."

Yeah, I know. But earlier he had accidentally commemorated former Metropolitan Herman. And he acknowledged it was Archbishop Demitrios he was thinking of.
Title: Re: Share your liturgical mishap stories here!
Post by: genesisone on November 13, 2011, 04:12:50 PM
This morning in DL I was handed the wrong epistle by another chanter. Yes, it's my own fault for not checking first. As I finished the uh "first reading from the Epistles", my priest handed me the correct passage. I apologized later. He reminded me that when he was a deacon he had to do the same for a priest who read the wrong Gospel.

A bit later, as the priest (we don't have a deacon) was announcing, "With fear of God, and faith and love, draw near" a little old lady took him very seriously and ran (yes, as best as a little old lady can) right up to him even before he had fully exited the holy doors. Father David had to push her back by just continuing to walk forward!
Title: Re: Share your liturgical mishap stories here!
Post by: mildert on November 14, 2011, 11:06:08 AM
One time one of the cantors uncircumcised Christ instead of making him uncircumscribed...
That's kinda like some of the malapropisms I've heard in church.

The dild wonkeys (instead of wild donkeys)

Calling Christ immoral instead of immortal

The bombles in the tombs (instead of "upon those in the tombs")


Or "Leather thing" instead of "Leviathan"
Title: Re: Share your liturgical mishap stories here!
Post by: biro on November 14, 2011, 11:26:22 AM
Sunday, the congregation stood up just before the announcement, "Sophia, Orthi," before the Gospel reading. It couldn't have been more than two seconds ahead of time. You should have seen the priest- he grumbled, "I normally scold people for what you just did, but I'm not going to scold you." (Huh? Sounds like he just did.) And then he went on with the reading.

There was stunned silence. You could tell it was not the ordinary way we wait and listen to the reading, and a lot of people were just staring with shocked looks. Every week, our congregation stands up at the same time. I guess we just got used to what we were doing. Our regular priest was out for the day, and the priest serving was a different one. The regular priest had never corrected us. Whenever there is some shuffling or burp or whatever among the crowd, he just pauses and doesn't do anything until the noise stops. This usually takes a couple seconds. But he never raises his voice or says anything that's not in the rubric.

Nevertheless, I think I'll be really careful next time. We got schooled.   :)
Title: Re: Share your liturgical mishap stpries here!
Post by: Ortho_cat on November 14, 2011, 11:58:27 AM
A VERY large and hairy spider slowly crawled up the priest's phelonion as he stood in front of the Holy Table during Vespers. The spider got within a couple of inches from the neck edge before crawling back down again. Not once, but three times. Father had no idea what was happening, and the few of us who were in the nave at the time were helpless, as none of us had a blessing to enter the altar, and there were no altarboys serving that night. We all had a good laugh about it afterwards.

3 times, how appropriate! Don't tell me that spider didn't know what was going on!
Title: Re: Share your liturgical mishap stories here!
Post by: IsmiLiora on November 14, 2011, 12:23:44 PM
Sunday, the congregation stood up just before the announcement, "Sophia, Orthi," before the Gospel reading. It couldn't have been more than two seconds ahead of time. You should have seen the priest- he grumbled, "I normally scold people for what you just did, but I'm not going to scold you." (Huh? Sounds like he just did.) And then he went on with the reading.

There was stunned silence. You could tell it was not the ordinary way we wait and listen to the reading, and a lot of people were just staring with shocked looks. Every week, our congregation stands up at the same time. I guess we just got used to what we were doing. Our regular priest was out for the day, and the priest serving was a different one. The regular priest had never corrected us. Whenever there is some shuffling or burp or whatever among the crowd, he just pauses and doesn't do anything until the noise stops. This usually takes a couple seconds. But he never raises his voice or says anything that's not in the rubric.

Nevertheless, I think I'll be really careful next time. We got schooled.   :)
Geez, what a "mood" killer, for lack of a better term.

We always end up standing up before Father turns around. Doesn't "Orthoi" encompass a lot more than "stand up?" ("Let us be attentive," is what he says in English...lol, I know this is so basic. Orthodox n00b here.)

Anyway, yikes.

I haven't had too much experience yet, other than a visiting priest not being able to get the incense going, for some reason. I couldn't help it; I had to go to the bathroom to laugh because it was just so weird to see him censing everything and everyone making the sign of the cross like nothing was amiss. This was probably my third or fourth service.
Title: Re: Share your liturgical mishap stories here!
Post by: biro on November 14, 2011, 12:29:00 PM
The baptism of baby boys almost always involves a golden arch as the finale.

Oh, yes, seen that MANY times!  :laugh: :laugh: Though history records one famous baby who went on to become Byzantine Emperor (unfortunately, one of the impious ones): Constantine, nicknamed Copronymus. He didn't pee into the font, he went the other way .... bad, bad omen.  :o :laugh: :laugh:

Pardon my lack of awareness, but why aren't infants allowed to wear a diaper at the baptism? I know the whole body has to get dunked, but at least a diaper would prevent inopportune seepage. Just wondering. Thanks.
Title: Re: Share your liturgical mishap stories here!
Post by: Schultz on November 14, 2011, 12:29:47 PM
Sunday, the congregation stood up just before the announcement, "Sophia, Orthi," before the Gospel reading. It couldn't have been more than two seconds ahead of time. You should have seen the priest- he grumbled, "I normally scold people for what you just did, but I'm not going to scold you." (Huh? Sounds like he just did.) And then he went on with the reading.

There was stunned silence. You could tell it was not the ordinary way we wait and listen to the reading, and a lot of people were just staring with shocked looks. Every week, our congregation stands up at the same time. I guess we just got used to what we were doing. Our regular priest was out for the day, and the priest serving was a different one. The regular priest had never corrected us. Whenever there is some shuffling or burp or whatever among the crowd, he just pauses and doesn't do anything until the noise stops. This usually takes a couple seconds. But he never raises his voice or says anything that's not in the rubric.

Nevertheless, I think I'll be really careful next time. We got schooled.   :)

Why you sit anyways?  IS OUTRAGE!  ;)
Title: Re: Share your liturgical mishap stories here!
Post by: LBK on November 14, 2011, 04:58:14 PM
One time one of the cantors uncircumcised Christ instead of making him uncircumscribed...
That's kinda like some of the malapropisms I've heard in church.

The dild wonkeys (instead of wild donkeys)

Calling Christ immoral instead of immortal

The bombles in the tombs (instead of "upon those in the tombs")

Or "Leather thing" instead of "Leviathan"



Or parakeet instead of Paraclete ....
Title: Re: Share your liturgical mishap stories here!
Post by: Ortho_cat on November 14, 2011, 05:08:45 PM
The baptism of baby boys almost always involves a golden arch as the finale.

Oh, yes, seen that MANY times!  :laugh: :laugh: Though history records one famous baby who went on to become Byzantine Emperor (unfortunately, one of the impious ones): Constantine, nicknamed Copronymus. He didn't pee into the font, he went the other way .... bad, bad omen.  :o :laugh: :laugh:

Pardon my lack of awareness, but why aren't infants allowed to wear a diaper at the baptism? I know the whole body has to get dunked, but at least a diaper would prevent inopportune seepage. Just wondering. Thanks.

lol who knows...because it's funny? :D
Title: Re: Share your liturgical mishap stories here!
Post by: Marc1152 on November 14, 2011, 05:15:33 PM
I once buttoned up the Bishop wrong.

He assumed I knew what I was doing as I mostly know what to do behind the Alter. So he motioned to me to help vest him..Lots of buttons... never did it before... I got "The Glare"

opps 
Title: Re: Share your liturgical mishap stories here!
Post by: Marc1152 on November 14, 2011, 05:17:57 PM
The baptism of baby boys almost always involves a golden arch as the finale.

Oh, yes, seen that MANY times!  :laugh: :laugh: Though history records one famous baby who went on to become Byzantine Emperor (unfortunately, one of the impious ones): Constantine, nicknamed Copronymus. He didn't pee into the font, he went the other way .... bad, bad omen.  :o :laugh: :laugh:

Pardon my lack of awareness, but why aren't infants allowed to wear a diaper at the baptism? I know the whole body has to get dunked, but at least a diaper would prevent inopportune seepage. Just wondering. Thanks.

It may leave an important part untouched by the water. Like an Achilles Heel... only... ummmmmmmm a more important part.
Title: Re: Share your liturgical mishap stories here!
Post by: Hiwot on November 14, 2011, 06:16:21 PM
Sunday, the congregation stood up just before the announcement, "Sophia, Orthi," before the Gospel reading. It couldn't have been more than two seconds ahead of time. You should have seen the priest- he grumbled, "I normally scold people for what you just did, but I'm not going to scold you." (Huh? Sounds like he just did.) And then he went on with the reading.

Nevertheless, I think I'll be really careful next time. We got schooled.   :)

LOL yeah he just did, this reminds me of how Abimelech insulted the angel that was reveled to him in the form of an old man, when he woke up from his 66 years of sleep. when the old man told abimelech that  the ruins he is seeing is the city of Jerusalem as a result of what happened to her, Abimelech was so distressed he said to him: if it was not forbidden by the law to insult the elderly, and you were not an old man I would have cursed you right now,  infact  if the Law did not say honor the elderly,I would have called you a crazy senile old man.  and this story is specially told during the Dormition fast, and its always funny when the fathers commentary is read and they say: by saying this he cursed him anyway. you see it might  seem like he has not cursed him but he did manage to get in what he wanted to say.   ;D

These things happen, I would lough about it and make him happy the next time, he could not help it if he is real particular about some things and gets bothered by some things getting out of sync  :angel:  :laugh:
Title: Re: Share your liturgical mishap stories here!
Post by: Ortho_cat on November 14, 2011, 08:45:40 PM
The baptism of baby boys almost always involves a golden arch as the finale.

Oh, yes, seen that MANY times!  :laugh: :laugh: Though history records one famous baby who went on to become Byzantine Emperor (unfortunately, one of the impious ones): Constantine, nicknamed Copronymus. He didn't pee into the font, he went the other way .... bad, bad omen.  :o :laugh: :laugh:

Pardon my lack of awareness, but why aren't infants allowed to wear a diaper at the baptism? I know the whole body has to get dunked, but at least a diaper would prevent inopportune seepage. Just wondering. Thanks.

It may leave an important part untouched by the water. Like an Achilles Heel... only... ummmmmmmm a more important part.

haha...those babies get all the love don't they? We don't have such a luxury being baptized as adults...  8)
Title: Re: Share your liturgical mishap stories here!
Post by: primuspilus on November 15, 2011, 11:51:33 AM
hilarious..subscribing :)
Title: Re: Share your liturgical mishap stories here!
Post by: Agabus on November 28, 2011, 11:58:01 AM
In keeping with the tone of several other posts...

-A couple of years ago during a Paschal liturgy one of the altar boys fell asleep on his feet, finally fell down and stayed asleep. The priest kept the liturgy going while the boy's father came down and picked him up.

-Before my time, the parish used to have a priest who would scold folks for getting the rubrics wrong. If the deacon would mess something up, he would apologize, saying, "I'm sorry," to which the priest would reply, "Of course you're the sorriest deacon I've ever seen!"

-Our parish has laminated prayer cards for certain parts of the liturgy. It wasn't long before my then-five-year-old figured out that if you bent the card just right and then let it go you could launch it all the way from the choir to the iconostasis.

-And multiple times I have been heard swearing about something at a moment of silence in church.
Title: Re: Share your liturgical mishap stories here!
Post by: davinpa on November 30, 2011, 07:54:14 AM
In my language the deacon intones, "marilah kita berdoa kepada Tuhan" at the beginning of every litany, the English equivalent being "let us pray to the Lord". However that day, the deacon slipped and said dosa instead of doa. The whole thing then became "let us sin against The Lord". The priest promptly responded with what he claims to be 500 Lord have mercies. The deacon made the mistake not once, but he did it for every litany during that liturgy, and each time the priest, and later the people, responded with 500 Lord have mercies.
Title: Re: Share your liturgical mishap stories here!
Post by: davinpa on November 30, 2011, 08:09:11 AM
Sorry I can't edit my post coz I am writing from my smartphone.

I guess it was 40, not 500. But it shocked me as an RC to hear so many Lord have mercies during my first visit to an Orthodox Church. Well, I laughed so hard back then, during the liturgy, that the priest actually scolded me. Never been back to that church since then.
Title: Re: Share your liturgical mishap stories here!
Post by: Theophilos78 on November 30, 2011, 08:29:19 AM
This incident happened many years ago... I used to attend the RCC before my baptism.

During the celebration of daily mass the priest (he was old) confused the words he was going to say over the Eucharistic bread (hostia) with the things he was going to say over the Eucharistic chalice. Therefore, he held the bread and said "Take you all and drink from this cup....", and later he held the chalice and said "Take you all and eat this bread..." while a lady kept clearing her throat to make the priest notice the mistake, but it was too late. When I left the church, I could not resist the laughter since I imagined drinking the bread and eating the chalice as the priest wanted us to do! Drinking the bread would not be a problem maybe, but eating the chalice?  ;)

Title: Re: Share your liturgical mishap stories here!
Post by: IsmiLiora on November 30, 2011, 09:14:46 AM
In my language the deacon intones, "marilah kita berdoa kepada Tuhan" at the beginning of every litany, the English equivalent being "let us pray to the Lord". However that day, the deacon slipped and said dosa instead of doa. The whole thing then became "let us sin against The Lord". The priest promptly responded with what he claims to be 500 Lord have mercies. The deacon made the mistake not once, but he did it for every litany during that liturgy, and each time the priest, and later the people, responded with 500 Lord have mercies.
LMAO. Oh my goodness!
Title: Re: Share your liturgical mishap stories here!
Post by: biro on November 30, 2011, 02:08:19 PM
Today, in church, the subdeacon dropped the candle lighter, which is one of those barbecue-type lighters that looks sort of like a plastic gun. The lighter fell in the entranceway of the Royal Doors. I'm sure the poor fellow was pretty sheepish when the priest handed the thing back to him.  ;)
Title: Re: Share your liturgical mishap stories here!
Post by: Benjamin the Red on December 02, 2011, 01:30:39 AM
With no permanent deacon, we have a revolving door of occasional visiting deacons, usually not of our diocese (or even jurisdiction). The most common is a deacon whose family lives nearby. Multiple heirarchical commemoration mishaps have occurred, including chanting the wrong city for the bishop ("Atlanta", instead of "Dallas") and forgetting the name of our hierarch altogether and having to have the priest whisper it to him (both during the Great Entrance).

Gospel Reading mishaps occur because of this as well, since us poor servers never know where the deacon is going to read from (as it could be from the solea or from the bema). Once, I recall all of the servers setting up for a reading at the solea, just to have the deacon exit the beautiful gate and walk right past them to the center of the nave. All of the servers then had to shuffle over to the new location.

Our priest accidentally set his service book on fire one morning during the psalter reading at Daily Matins. He got it put out and still uses that book, but there is one page that is almost entirely missing, which we see him flip by every Saturday night during Vigil, which always causes me to chuckle.

Here's one that I did myself: While serving at Vigil, I realized after God is the Lord that a new charcoal had not been lit (it is our practice to light a second one during the Six Psalms) and so I rushed to get it lit, which didn't quite work. I had to hand off the dying censer to the priest after the troparia were sung, but another server helped me to place the new charcoal on top of the remnant of the first (which also had incense on it) along with a little more incense so the priest could cense the nave (when he needs it, our priest will cense the altar, then stop by where we keep the incense and hold out the censer for us to "refill"). However, what we didn't think of was the fact that we had created, in essence, an "incense sandwich" with the two charcoals being the bread...and then topped it with incense. This caused not only the new incense to burn, but the old incense to burn VERY RAPIDLY. This caused WAAAY too much smoke, and even ran one family that is particularly sensitive out of the nave for the rest of the service. Suffice it to say, as soon as the priest finished with that censing, we fixed our error.
Title: Re: Share your liturgical mishap stories here!
Post by: PeterTheAleut on December 02, 2011, 02:04:59 AM
With no permanent deacon, we have a revolving door of occasional visiting deacons, usually not of our diocese (or even jurisdiction). The most common is a deacon whose family lives nearby. Multiple heirarchical commemoration mishaps have occurred, including chanting the wrong city for the bishop ("Atlanta", instead of "Dallas") and forgetting the name of our hierarch altogether and having to have the priest whisper it to him (both during the Great Entrance).

Gospel Reading mishaps occur because of this as well, since us poor servers never know where the deacon is going to read from (as it could be from the solea or from the bema). Once, I recall all of the servers setting up for a reading at the solea, just to have the deacon exit the beautiful gate and walk right past them to the center of the nave. All of the servers then had to shuffle over to the new location.

Our priest accidentally set his service book on fire one morning during the psalter reading at Daily Matins. He got it put out and still uses that book, but there is one page that is almost entirely missing, which we see him flip by every Saturday night during Vigil, which always causes me to chuckle.

Here's one that I did myself: While serving at Vigil, I realized after God is the Lord that a new charcoal had not been lit (it is our practice to light a second one during the Six Psalms) and so I rushed to get it lit, which didn't quite work. I had to hand off the dying censer to the priest after the troparia were sung, but another server helped me to place the new charcoal on top of the remnant of the first (which also had incense on it) along with a little more incense so the priest could cense the nave (when he needs it, our priest will cense the altar, then stop by where we keep the incense and hold out the censer for us to "refill"). However, what we didn't think of was the fact that we had created, in essence, an "incense sandwich" with the two charcoals being the bread...and then topped it with incense. This caused not only the new incense to burn, but the old incense to burn VERY RAPIDLY. This caused WAAAY too much smoke, and even ran one family that is particularly sensitive out of the nave for the rest of the service. Suffice it to say, as soon as the priest finished with that censing, we fixed our error.
HOLY SMOKE, that was funny! :laugh:
Title: Re: Share your liturgical mishap stories here!
Post by: username! on December 02, 2011, 02:32:50 AM
I was serving a funeral, and was reminded to switch to shoes before I left the house by the missus... well, I forgot and I get to the funeral home and I realise I have my sandals on.  Ok, no biggie right?  Ok fast-forward to the gravesite... I'm holding incenser and singing the graveside responses and I get stung by a bee on the foot.  Somehow I didn't flinch and no one even knew. 
One thing that gets me is the 21 gun salute the vetrans of foreigh wars (VFW) do graveside.  The like to shoot the blanks pointed in the crowds' direction.  Um, I plug my ears, I don't care, it's loud. 
I've burned a few holes in the rug, who hasn't?
Title: Re: Share your liturgical mishap stories here!
Post by: JamesR on December 07, 2011, 11:16:33 PM
At my Parish there are three Priests and one time they were all walking down the altar to sit down for the sermon and then afterward, when they were going back up to get the Eucharist ready and everything, one of the Priests tripped on the stairs and nearly fell, but caught his balance last minute. Thought we'd have to get an ambulance if he fell, he is an older guy.
Title: Re: Share your liturgical mishap stories here!
Post by: Basil 320 on December 08, 2011, 12:08:53 AM
I chant at my parish's baptisms, weddings, and funerals.  I've been doing this since 1976.  At a Baptism not too long ago, after the priest administered the Holy Chrism, I boldly chanted the hymn of Pentecost, "Blessed are you, Christ our God..."  The chanting was practically an involuntary action--I gave no thought to it and didn't realize what I had done 'till some time after I finished.   My priest smiled at me and said it must have been an inspiration.
Title: Re: Share your liturgical mishap stories here!
Post by: Hiwot on December 08, 2011, 02:34:56 AM
I was serving a funeral, and was reminded to switch to shoes before I left the house by the missus... well, I forgot and I get to the funeral home and I realise I have my sandals on.  Ok, no biggie right?  Ok fast-forward to the gravesite... I'm holding incenser and singing the graveside responses and I get stung by a bee on the foot.  Somehow I didn't flinch and no one even knew. 

LOL oh this so funny!
Title: Re: Share your liturgical mishap stories here!
Post by: username! on December 08, 2011, 03:41:39 AM
I was serving a funeral, and was reminded to switch to shoes before I left the house by the missus... well, I forgot and I get to the funeral home and I realise I have my sandals on.  Ok, no biggie right?  Ok fast-forward to the gravesite... I'm holding incenser and singing the graveside responses and I get stung by a bee on the foot.  Somehow I didn't flinch and no one even knew.  

LOL oh this so funny!

One time at the graveside I sang podi hospodi instead of tobi hospodi.  Earlier this year me and a reader were reading in a church and it was Pascha tide, I forgot the words to Christ is Risen in English and had to have the reader beside me sing it with me...I said before I chanted the hours, um, sing the Christ is Risen with me, I can't remember it in English.  Yes, I am English as a first language, my mind was just thinking Ukrainian at that particular moment. 

Title: Re: Share your liturgical mishap stories here!
Post by: mike on December 08, 2011, 05:22:24 AM
During one panichida a a cemetery the priest prayed for my grandfather as he is already listed  on the grave. My grandfather later told him that he actually is not dead yet.
Title: Re: Share your liturgical mishap stories here!
Post by: username! on December 08, 2011, 07:14:17 AM
During one panichida a a cemetery the priest prayed for my grandfather as he is already listed  on the grave. My grandfather later told him that he actually is not dead yet.

 :laugh:  oops!
Title: Re: Share your liturgical mishap stories here!
Post by: Hiwot on December 15, 2011, 03:13:59 PM
I was serving a funeral, and was reminded to switch to shoes before I left the house by the missus... well, I forgot and I get to the funeral home and I realise I have my sandals on.  Ok, no biggie right?  Ok fast-forward to the gravesite... I'm holding incenser and singing the graveside responses and I get stung by a bee on the foot.  Somehow I didn't flinch and no one even knew.  

LOL oh this so funny!

One time at the graveside I sang podi hospodi instead of tobi hospodi.  Earlier this year me and a reader were reading in a church and it was Pascha tide, I forgot the words to Christ is Risen in English and had to have the reader beside me sing it with me...I said before I chanted the hours, um, sing the Christ is Risen with me, I can't remember it in English.  Yes, I am English as a first language, my mind was just thinking Ukrainian at that particular moment. 



LOL  a long time ago in my old parish during the Litany of Peace, the Deacon got out with out the book and started to recite it in Amharic, which is his first language, but in the middle of the litany he forgot the words in Amharic, so he stopped attempted to remember it by starting over, used some of the key words to remember, but soon gave up and  he switched to ge'ez and the prostrated people switched their " Lord have mercy" responses from Amharic to ge'ez along with him I tried not to laugh really hard, as I wanted to commune that day and the man who taught me as a child had told me no communing if I laughed for whatever reason during the DL. I succeeded that one time, but there were many others that I did not. :angel:
Title: Re: Share your liturgical mishap stories here!
Post by: Hiwot on December 15, 2011, 03:15:06 PM
During one panichida a a cemetery the priest prayed for my grandfather as he is already listed  on the grave. My grandfather later told him that he actually is not dead yet.

LOL hilarious Michal!
Title: Re: Share your liturgical mishap stories here!
Post by: mike on December 15, 2011, 04:11:55 PM
During one panichida a a cemetery the priest prayed for my grandfather as he is already listed  on the grave. My grandfather later told him that he actually is not dead yet.

LOL hilarious Michal!

Actually it's a very common mistake. My friends' parents (in their 50s) have already built a grave for them. I plan to go there next Radonica and light a candle for them.
Title: Re: Share your liturgical mishap stories here!
Post by: lord doog on December 15, 2011, 05:14:56 PM
-There are times in the liturgy where our minds start to wander off. No use denying it, we all do it some time in our lives. Sometimes, we unconsciously act out what we're thinking.

One time in the liturgy, a deacon serving inside the altar with the priest had this problem. It started with the "thousand yard stare", then all of a sudden everyone sees him try to make a 3-pointer!

-In the Liturgy of St. Basil, there is a deacon response "You who are seated, stand." Since it's so short, we usually give it to the younger deacons to say. One Sunday, my brother gave this response to a young kid (~7 years old or so). But when it came time to say it, he slipped up and said "You who are Jesus stand." Our priest could barely keep his composure.
Title: Re: Share your liturgical mishap stories here!
Post by: Seraphim98 on January 12, 2012, 01:33:19 AM
The day I was tonsured a reader was also the day the altar in our temple was consecrated by the bishop. It was a big deal, lots of visitors, many clergy, and a local news crew.  So I had just finished being tonsured as a reader when the service turned to the consecration of the altar.  Well the camera guy (in shorts, tee shirt and ball cap) wanted to get a better camera angle (the altar was being wrapped), and a lady near the front motioned for him to step a little closer…but he misunderstood and stepped upon the solea and stuck the nose of his camera into the door. I saw what was about to happen, said, "No, no, no" in a something a bit above above a whisper, and lurched forward to intercept him.  Unfortunately between me and him was the corner of the Bema…and I was vested, off balance and with tangled feet, I went flying, sprawled out on the floor in front of the holy doors. Everyone's attention was suddenly on me, and many were laughing or trying not to…well almost everyone. The instant the cameraman took it upon himself to step through the holy doors, the deacon took him in hand, relieved him of his hat, with the bishop's permission let him get a quick shot, and then with stern face turned him over to another in the altar to escort him out the back through the sacistry. I was uninjured except for a small spiral fracture in my anterior dignity.
Title: Re: Share your liturgical mishap stories here!
Post by: Searching_for_Christ on January 12, 2012, 03:32:48 AM
Wow these stories are hilarious! I must say tho, that the one where the deaf ladies dog farted, and where the Anglican vicar relieved himself with his mic still on where just SO funny haha.
Title: Re: Share your liturgical mishap stories here!
Post by: biro on January 25, 2012, 10:10:37 PM
Not in the church proper, but in the hall next door: at our first Bible Study class last year, the priest went into the maintenance cabinet to switch on the overhead lights. Well, he tried one set, and then another, and nothing happened. Finally he must have picked one and given up.

A disco ball light. It stayed on through the entire class.
Title: Re: Share your liturgical mishap stories here!
Post by: ilyazhito on January 25, 2012, 11:04:23 PM
Another Royal Door mistake: I walked through the Royal doors when I was five or six, and crossed directly in front of the altar.
 On Pascha 2009, I forgot to say " And to thy spirit, Alleluia in the 1st tone" and I just said " Alleluia in Tone 1" and I missed the first verse.
In 2006? I had an allergic reaction on Holy Saturday and ended up scratching myself until I bled.
There was another time when I got wax all over myself while serving in the altar. My sleeves were ruined, and my mom had to iron my dress shirt' collar
Title: Re: Share your liturgical mishap stories here!
Post by: Agabus on January 25, 2012, 11:20:32 PM
The day I was tonsured a reader was also the day the altar in our temple was consecrated by the bishop. It was a big deal, lots of visitors, many clergy, and a local news crew.  So I had just finished being tonsured as a reader when the service turned to the consecration of the altar.  Well the camera guy (in shorts, tee shirt and ball cap) wanted to get a better camera angle (the altar was being wrapped), and a lady near the front motioned for him to step a little closer…but he misunderstood and stepped upon the solea and stuck the nose of his camera into the door. I saw what was about to happen, said, "No, no, no" in a something a bit above above a whisper, and lurched forward to intercept him.  Unfortunately between me and him was the corner of the Bema…and I was vested, off balance and with tangled feet, I went flying, sprawled out on the floor in front of the holy doors. Everyone's attention was suddenly on me, and many were laughing or trying not to…well almost everyone. The instant the cameraman took it upon himself to step through the holy doors, the deacon took him in hand, relieved him of his hat, with the bishop's permission let him get a quick shot, and then with stern face turned him over to another in the altar to escort him out the back through the sacistry. I was uninjured except for a small spiral fracture in my anterior dignity.
As someone who works for a news organization, I can assure you this is absolutely normal photographer behavior.

*****

More than once I have had a child start to squirm in my arms, fuss and then suddenly scream, "I NEED TO POOP!" during a quiet moment in the liturgy.
Title: Re: Share your liturgical mishap stories here!
Post by: mike on January 26, 2012, 08:30:34 AM
More than once I have had a child start to squirm in my arms, fuss and then suddenly scream, "I NEED TO POOP!" during a quiet moment in the liturgy.

EPIC!
Title: Re: Share your liturgical mishap stories here!
Post by: Keble on January 26, 2012, 10:16:12 AM
Once a deacon was intoning a litany and his voice went falsetto.  The choir froze as there was no way they could sing that high.  Finally everyone broke up laughing.

I have an enormous range, so I tend to pick notes out of the air which aren't exactly easy for other people to reach.

I wasn't there for this one: the organist in high school typically improvised communion music. One time, for whatever reason, communion dragged on and on. To keep things interesting, he would modulate to another key, and so on, and on this Sunday he realized that (a) he had modulated into a totally artificial key with eight flats--more than the keyboard actually has, and that (b) he had absolutely no idea how he was going to get back to the home key of the piece. So he simply lift his hands from the keyboard and put them back down in the original key.
Title: Re: Share your liturgical mishap stories here!
Post by: Timon on January 26, 2012, 10:30:49 AM
One time at vespers, there were some punk skateboarder kids (reminded me of my high school self) riding around right outside the chapel.  They were making a ton of noise.  It was a very small vespers service, so the kids probably didnt think anyone was in there as there were only a couple cars in the lot. (Not like they cared anyways)

The priest had to do something, so he went and stood right in front of the window, motioning them to leave.  He had to do this several times.  I began to laugh hysterically because I used to skateboard in places I wasnt allowed to also.  The priest probably scared the heck out of those kids with his foot-long beard and fancy vestments, glaring at them through the window.  I just couldnt help but think about how me and my friends wouldve reacted back in the day.  We would have thought it was the most incredible thing ever.  Those kids will always tell the story of the bearded crazy man in a robe they saw down at the church while skateboarding.

It really was funny, but I guess you had to be there.
Title: Re: Share your liturgical mishap stories here!
Post by: mike on February 07, 2012, 01:17:57 PM
When I was 5 or so I ran through the area between altar and royal gates.
Title: Re: Share your liturgical mishap stories here!
Post by: Basil 320 on February 07, 2012, 02:25:28 PM
Hum, Michal, my parish's former presiding priest's 2 year old granddaughter did the samething, near the conclusion of the Vespers Service for our parish's name day.
Title: Re: Share your liturgical mishap stories here!
Post by: biro on February 07, 2012, 03:57:06 PM
The little son of one of the subdeacons walks up to the altar area quite often. The child is about 1 or 2. Once he walked up to Father during the sermon. Father smiled and waved, and the boy's mom took him back to his seat. Once in chapel, when the baby started walking up the carpet in the small central aisle, Father turned around and censed him and went right back to censing the icons.  :angel:
Title: Re: Share your liturgical mishap stories here!
Post by: ilyazhito on May 10, 2012, 12:40:12 AM
on st gregory palamas sunday a little server at the english liturgy had too much wine - poor fellow was drunk afterwards. On the same day at the slavonic liturgy, the deacon exclaimed WISDOM in georgian (sibvrdnis) and the choir answered Lord have mercy (upalo shevgitskalen).
Title: Re: Share your liturgical mishap stories here!
Post by: mike on May 10, 2012, 03:20:02 AM
One rural parish in the area was visited by the delegation from Kenya. They sung at some parts of the Liturgy in Kikuyu language (the Liturgy was served in Church Slavonic) and that time we had Pentesagion instead of Trisagion.

edit:

one more:

During the marriage ceremony I've recently attended one little girl (age of 5 or something like that) started to scream "When will the prayers end and we can eat?".
Title: Re: Share your liturgical mishap stories here!
Post by: PeaceSerenity on May 17, 2012, 11:59:06 AM
During one of the OT readings during Holy Week, our reader read, "male and female He cremated them." I don't think I managed to contain the giggling.
Title: Re: Share your liturgical mishap stories here!
Post by: Cymbyz on May 18, 2012, 01:24:56 AM
Reminds me of my consciously created malapropian "Spaghettisburg Address":

"Four scores and seven yarns ago, our fathers brought fourth upon this Continental a new notion, conceived in puberty, and dedicated to the preposition that all men are cremated with Equal."
Title: Re: Share your liturgical mishap stories here!
Post by: age234 on May 18, 2012, 01:50:53 AM
Once our bishop was visiting, and despite writing "Eis Polla" into our service books at the right places, we still failed to sing it every time. Father covered for us, though the hesitant singing of half the people amplified the fail tenfold. (God bless our bishops; they probably see parishes at their worst.)

I recently got asked to read the epistle. After I said "Alleluia, alleluia, alleluia," I firmly closed the book and walked off, and the choir was looking at me in horror. I realized what I did and madly searched for the correct verses, which I did eventually find, but those moments of crickets were awful.
Title: Re: Share your liturgical mishap stories here!
Post by: PeterTheAleut on May 18, 2012, 01:58:23 AM
Once our bishop was visiting, and despite writing "Eis Polla" into our service books at the right places, we still failed to sing it every time. Father covered for us, though the hesitant singing of half the people amplified the fail tenfold. (God bless our bishops; they probably see parishes at their worst.)
A pretty common blunder is at the end of a service when we normally sing "Father bless!" With a bishop it's "Master bless!", but how often choirs forget and sing "Father bless!" anyway. Even worse is when half the choir remember and the other half don't, or the choir remember only after they started incorrectly and try to correct themselves mid-word--it comes out sounding somewhat like "Faster bless!" :laugh:
Title: Re: Share your liturgical mishap stories here!
Post by: age234 on May 18, 2012, 02:05:50 AM
Oh yes, that does happen too. :D

I also enjoy the long version of Eis Polla sung at the Dismissal. We sing it in Greek for some reason, but no one knows the words, so it's mostly mumbling until we get to the Eis Polla part at the end.
Title: Re: Share your liturgical mishap stories here!
Post by: ilyazhito on May 18, 2012, 02:50:40 PM
Ton Despotin too difficult, eh? At an ordination, I was holding the book and accidentally tripped over the ordinand, but there weren't any serious consequences.
Title: Re: Share your liturgical mishap stories here!
Post by: akimori makoto on July 18, 2012, 05:24:18 AM
I thought I would change the tone of this thread with a recent liturgical success story.

As Father was returning the Precious Gifts to the table of preparation, he began to intone "arise, having received the divine, holy, pure, &c.", and experienced an obvious mental blank at "pure". I whispered the next two words and he continued aloud.

Hopefully this makes up for the time I dropped the antidhoron?
Title: Re: Share your liturgical mishap stories here!
Post by: mike on August 10, 2012, 01:31:17 PM
Not mine:

Metropolitan of Smolensk and Kaliningrad Cyrill was distributing the Eucharist when he was approached by an elderly women with a cat that really wanted him to give the Eucharist to the cat. He excused her for a while anterred the altar and asked pretty loudly:
- Who of you has confessed the feline?
Title: Re: Share your liturgical mishap stories here!
Post by: FatherGiryus on August 10, 2012, 04:13:04 PM
THAT story is a keeper!   :laugh:

Not mine:

Metropolitan of Smolensk and Kaliningrad Cyrill was distributing the Eucharist when he was approached by an elderly women with a cat that really wanted him to give the Eucharist to the cat. He excused her for a while anterred the altar and asked pretty loudly:
- Who of you has confessed the feline?
Title: Re: Share your liturgical mishap stories here!
Post by: LBK on August 10, 2012, 10:14:56 PM
Not mine:

Metropolitan of Smolensk and Kaliningrad Cyrill was distributing the Eucharist when he was approached by an elderly women with a cat that really wanted him to give the Eucharist to the cat. He excused her for a while anterred the altar and asked pretty loudly:
- Who of you has confessed the feline?

Brilliant!!  :laugh: :laugh: :laugh:
Title: Re: Share your liturgical mishap stories here!
Post by: Rufus on August 13, 2012, 01:55:13 PM
Once I got my head slammed shut in the deacon's door. I was peeking out to get an estimate of how much antidoron we'd need.
Title: Re: Share your liturgical mishap stories here!
Post by: mike on August 13, 2012, 01:56:18 PM
Ouch.
Title: Re: Share your liturgical mishap stories here!
Post by: SDMPNS on August 13, 2012, 05:43:41 PM
When I was very young I was being naughty in Church..humming, spinning, really just being  a brat.My mother picked me up to carry me out and probably spank me and I started screaming "Help I'm being kidnapped" It did not go over well but Father laughed...
Title: Re: Share your liturgical mishap stories here!
Post by: Keble on August 13, 2012, 07:51:14 PM
Who of you has confessed the feline?

When has a cat ever confessed to anything?
Title: Re: Share your liturgical mishap stories here!
Post by: Rufus on August 13, 2012, 08:52:25 PM
Who of you has confessed the feline?

When has a cat ever confessed to anything?

Cats expect you to confess to them.
Title: Re: Share your liturgical mishap stories here!
Post by: sheenj on August 13, 2012, 10:02:44 PM
Oh man, a year back we trained a new Altar Server to use the Censer during Liturgy. We also told him to memorize a reading which the Thurifier traditionally chants before the Gospel. This reading goes like this:

Quote
Barekhmor. With calm, awe and modesty, let us give heed and listen to the good tidings of the living words of God, of the Holy Gospel of our Lord Jesus Christ, which is being read to us.

Unfortunately for the poor guy, the Service Book he uses has a rather egregious typo. In retrospect, someone should really have warned him about it, but we assumed since he's heard everyone pronounce it the right way for all his life it shouldn't be a problem. I suppose you all know what happens when you assume. So, when the appointed time came, he, having memorized the faulty version, when the time for the Gospel came, naively exhorts the congregation at the top of his voice like this:

Quote
Barekhmor. With calm, awe and modesty, let us give head and listen to the good tidings of the living words of God, of the Holy Gospel of our Lord Jesus Christ, which is being read to us.

It took all I had not to start laughing right there in the middle of the Altar.
Title: Re: Share your liturgical mishap stories here!
Post by: PeterTheAleut on August 14, 2012, 02:14:03 AM
Oh man, a year back we trained a new Altar Server to use the Censer during Liturgy. We also told him to memorize a reading which the Thurifier traditionally chants before the Gospel. This reading goes like this:

Quote
Barekhmor. With calm, awe and modesty, let us give heed and listen to the good tidings of the living words of God, of the Holy Gospel of our Lord Jesus Christ, which is being read to us.

Unfortunately for the poor guy, the Service Book he uses has a rather egregious typo. In retrospect, someone should really have warned him about it, but we assumed since he's heard everyone pronounce it the right way for all his life it shouldn't be a problem. I suppose you all know what happens when you assume. So, when the appointed time came, he, having memorized the faulty version, when the time for the Gospel came, naively exhorts the congregation at the top of his voice like this:

Quote
Barekhmor. With calm, awe and modesty, let us give head and listen to the good tidings of the living words of God, of the Holy Gospel of our Lord Jesus Christ, which is being read to us.

It took all I had not to start laughing right there in the middle of the Altar.
Oh, NO!!! :o :laugh: :laugh:
Title: Re: Share your liturgical mishap stories here!
Post by: elephant on August 16, 2012, 08:50:11 AM
Last Sunday the Gospel reading was about the man with the epileptic son, and we heard: "Jesus rebuked him, and the demon came out of him, and the boy was cursed -- cured instantly"  Father didn't flinch, he just kept reading, may God bless him!
Title: Re: Share your liturgical mishap stories here!
Post by: mike on August 21, 2012, 12:42:17 PM
Neither liturgical, nor mine:

After a meal for funeral guests at my father's homevillage two old men said goodbye to each other with "Let's hope we will reach this feast next year".
Title: Re: Share your liturgical mishap stories here!
Post by: Basil 320 on August 22, 2012, 09:19:06 AM
Oh yes, that does happen too. :D

I also enjoy the long version of Eis Polla sung at the Dismissal. We sing it in Greek for some reason, but no one knows the words, so it's mostly mumbling until we get to the Eis Polla part at the end.

"Ton Despotin, ke Archierea imon, Kyrie philate, Eis Pola Eti."

"Our Master, and Archierarch,  Lord protect him, Many Years." 

The liturgical language of the Church of Antioch was Greek until the beginning of the 20th century.  The Church of Russia advocated for the Antiochian Church in this regard, so that Arabic, vernacular of the region, would be their liturgical language, too.  The Russian Churches retain the Greek too as a remnant of the Byzantine Greek clergy who Christianized Ukraine and Russia.  While the liturgical language of the church was Slavonic, the Rusin faithful greeted their bishops in the language of their early hierarchs.
Title: Re: Share your liturgical mishap stories here!
Post by: ilyazhito on August 30, 2012, 01:51:39 PM
Where did the "DESPOTA" go? Is the bishop  no longer Master?
In my cathedral, the choir director sung "Most blessed Master,bless" after Jonah had left. We should not be singing it until we get a new metropolitan,eh?
Title: Re: Share your liturgical mishap stories here!
Post by: PeterTheAleut on September 15, 2012, 11:06:40 PM
We've had not one, but two of our Epistle readers on separate occasions announce the Alleluia of the Epistle "in the Ninth Tone" (in reference to a special Moscow Chant Alleluia that we sing on feast days, a musical setting that stands outside of the usual 8 tones).
This past Sunday, one of our Epistle readers, an older tonsured reader, no less, topped this one by a large margin. Though technically incorrect, since he should announce only the tone, he likes to announce the Prokeimenon with both a reference to the tone and the Psalm it quotes--e.g., "The Prokeimenon in the 5th Tone from Psalm 28". This time he got a little mixed up and announced the Prokeimenon this way: "The Prokeimenon in the 28th Tone". It was a struggle for me to sing the choir response without letting little chuckles of laughter interrupt my singing. :laugh: (Hey, the Octoechos has another 20 tones I've never heard of! :o I've got a lot of catching up to do in my liturgical studies!)
Title: Re: Share your liturgical mishap stories here!
Post by: Agabus on September 18, 2012, 11:05:29 AM
Hyperdox Herman reminded me of this one:

During a baptism, when the priest gave the command to demonstrate the renunciation of Satan using the words, "...Then spit upon him!", the sponsor of the man being baptized turned spat on him.
Title: Re: Share your liturgical mishap stories here!
Post by: mike on October 17, 2012, 02:58:39 PM
Not liturgical and not mine:

One of the parishioners during coffee hour:
- During our lat trip to Kenya I've noticed that bright plain vestments without any ornaments looks extremely beautiful, especially on black priests.
The priest:
- We can think about buying new vestments but unfortunately I cannot do anything about my skin colour.
Title: Re: Share your liturgical mishap stories here!
Post by: Wilma on December 11, 2012, 02:48:52 PM
 The table fell forward and the chalice went flying.

What do they do when something like this happens? How are they supposed to clean the Blood? I know that if the Body falls one can pick it up and consume it anyways.

Quoting tags editted - nothing more - MK.
Title: Re: Share your liturgical mishap stories here!
Post by: mike on December 11, 2012, 02:58:39 PM
I was told that when it's a carpet or parquet, one should cut out that place and burn it. When it's stone or ceramic one should pour there something flammable and bur it.
Title: Re: Share your liturgical mishap stories here!
Post by: sheenj on December 11, 2012, 03:02:33 PM
 The table fell forward and the chalice went flying.

What do they do when something like this happens? How are they supposed to clean the Blood? I know that if the Body falls one can pick it up and consume it anyways.

Quoting tags editted - nothing more - MK.

I think if possible, the priest is supposed to lick it up. Anything the Blood comes in contact with should probably be burned as well.
Title: Re: Share your liturgical mishap stories here!
Post by: Mister Jim Dude on January 06, 2013, 08:37:39 AM

I'm told that one priest, during his Theophany sermon, said "Christ was baptised in the john by Jordan". Hard to beat, if it's true.  :laugh: :laugh:
that is hilarious :laugh:!
Title: Re: Share your liturgical mishap stories here!
Post by: Maximum Bob on April 08, 2013, 12:30:29 AM
Thought this would be the place to share this.

It happened today during the Liturgy for the Exaltation of the Holy Cross. First the as the procession of the cross began there was some confusion in the section were we were standing as to what to do. The lead sub-deacon who walks backward doing the censing for the procession swings the censer, looks over his shoulder to check his movement censes again and repeats. So today the procession starts he censes looks over his shoulder sees the lot of us still standing there gets a frown on his face, turns back censes again, turns back over his shoulder and hisses "kneel". Everyone kind of collectively jumps then we all hit the floor.

A little later and more personally I discovered, as I was on my way down to make a prostration during one of the songs where we do that, that my six year old had been squirming a bit too much against the front of my shirt and had gotten her braid tangled on one of my buttons. I got down and her little head yanked sideways and I hear a quite "ow", "ow", "ouch". Everyone else got up I stayed on the floor untangling hair from my button.
Title: Re: Share your liturgical mishap stories here!
Post by: mike on April 08, 2013, 06:27:41 AM
A little later and more personally I discovered, as I was on my way down to make a prostration during one of the songs where we do that, that my six year old had been squirming a bit too much against the front of my shirt and had gotten her braid tangled on one of my buttons. I got down and her little head yanked sideways and I hear a quite "ow", "ow", "ouch". Everyone else got up I stayed on the floor untangling hair from my button.

Ouch.
Title: Re: Share your liturgical mishap stories here!
Post by: biro on April 08, 2013, 07:15:10 AM
Not exactly a mishap, but a good story: during the Great Entrance, I usually cross myself and look down, and as the procession went past me, I noticed somebody different. One of the deacon's little kids had decided now was the time to take the cross that he'd brought with him for Holy Cross day, and follow everybody who was walking with his Dad. The kid is maybe two at most. Just cute as a button. :) Nothing went wrong, the procession finished without mishaps, and pretty much everybody was smiling when it was over.  :angel:
Title: Re: Share your liturgical mishap stories here!
Post by: FatherGiryus on April 08, 2013, 11:36:25 AM
I had one yesterday: our altar arrangement from years past included a rack holding all of the processional items in the High Place, which was mounted in such a way that the bottom of the rack was about 30" above the floor (ostensibly so that the people in the pews could 'see them' when seated, but that's another story).  It was almost impossible for the standard-issue altarboy to get the candles and fans down without a disaster, and in the intervening 15 years many an altarboy had been 'wounded' by candlewax or getting whacked with a fan, since the rack required the altarboy to hand-over-hand elevate these 3' long poles up into the air to get them into the rack.  So, the subdeacons and adults invariably have to step in, which makes every procession and entrance a distracting 'cluster'.

Having put up with this for more than six years, I finally got the nerve up to tear down the rack and make new holders, putting the candles in very easy-to-use rests that leave the candles right at the same level one would normally hold them.  One simply grabs the candle and lifts 1" and the candle comes out of the new sconce and requires no further hand positioning or precarious maneuvers.  The altar servers love the new arrangement, and things have been going much smoother.

Until one of the boys, who's family comes very irregularly, shows up this Sunday.  He apparently had no problem removing the candle, but entirely forgot how he did it by the end of the Little Entrance.  I'm saying the prayers when I noticed that he had moved his hands down to very bottom end of the candle (it is about the length of a yard stick), with the glass end waiving about up above his head by about three feet.  He was trying to balance the end of the candle on the top of the holder rather than just sliding it from the front the way he had pulled it out. 

I whispered.  The other servers were busy putting their gear away, and most of the adults are deaf and refuse to wear their hearing aids (there's a whole series of stories I could write on that).  I shouted, which startled the people in the church, but I was worried he was going to let go and have the giant brass and glass candle come down on his (or someone else's) head.  He ignored me and continued to try to balance the candle on the top of the sconce.  Then I started clapping and shouting.  Just as I was about to leave my place, he turned around and gave me this look like, "Hey, why are you making that racket? Don't you know this is a liturgy?"  The adults, I think somewhat embarrassed by their missing out on what had happened, then went further into their Sgt. Schultz ("I zee nothing!") imitations and become motionless. 

I walked over to the altarboy and inserted the candle into the sconce. "See, now you do it."  He pulled it out, then began to hand-under-hand it back up into the air to try to balance it again!  I grabbed the candle, "No, like this."  It took three attempts before he could get the idea that the candle went straight from his hands right into the bracket, no up or down action required.  He looked absolutely puzzled and spent the rest of the service staring at his nemesis.

After the service, one of the parishioners asked me, "What was going on up there?"  I wanted to say, 'suicide prevention.'  Instead, I said, "Just trying to help one of the boys out."
Title: Re: Share your liturgical mishap stories here!
Post by: mike on April 13, 2013, 03:18:27 PM
Not mine, but I hope the source will not be offended I post it here:

A bishop goes to receive an entire community ithe Church, and they become their own parish. They have never served a Liturgy before on their own, so the bishop has to guide them through the first service (the pastor was chrismated and ordained the same day to the diaconate, then priest the next day). After the Liturgy, the bishop goes into the altar to unvest.

Two men, 'subdeacons,' are helping. After removing his omofor and other items, it comes time for the sakkos. The bishop extends his arms out from his sides and says, "buttons."

The two men look at each other, not knowing what to do. he says again, "Buttons!" The bishop wanted the men to unbutton the sakkos. They were still confused. Then they thought, "What do Orthodox people do?"

One man on either side, they each grabbed the side hem of the sakkos and began to kiss the buttons, one at a time!
Title: Re: Share your liturgical mishap stories here!
Post by: Putnik Namernik on April 23, 2013, 11:24:04 PM
Parishioners crossing themselves in front of the chalice (about 10 cm from it) prior to and after receiving the Eucharist almost ended with spilling...so close to a complete disaster. Priest was not happy at all.
Title: Re: Share your liturgical mishap stories here!
Post by: arimethea on April 29, 2013, 08:35:49 AM
This thread was created to share your funny mishaps, not to bring scandal to one another. Mistakes happen, and sometime we do not see everything. Do not pile on any of these comments.

-Arimethea
Liturgy Section Moderator
Title: Re: Share your liturgical mishap stories here!
Post by: davinpa on April 30, 2013, 10:58:12 AM
I remember once during a procession, a little kid was asked to carry the cross. But then the cross was to heavy, and he lost balance. The base of the cross then hit a guy at his crotch. And he was getting married the next day.
Title: Re: Share your liturgical mishap stories here!
Post by: davinpa on April 30, 2013, 10:59:10 AM
Too heavy, sorry I don't know how to edit a post from my blackberry.
Title: Re: Share your liturgical mishap stories here!
Post by: mike on November 17, 2013, 01:57:35 PM
Not mine and not liturgical:

My uncle wanted to have his new car blessed. He asked some priest to do so (he is a deacon himself so it wasn't much of a problem). The priest opened the euchologion on the wrong page, on the rite of blessing the house, not the car. No one noticed until he reached the part "let it not move from the site".
Title: Re: Share your liturgical mishap stories here!
Post by: ZealousZeal on November 17, 2013, 02:07:57 PM
Not mine and not liturgical:

My uncle wanted to have his new car blessed. He asked some priest to do so (he is a deacon himself so it wasn't much of a problem). The priest opened the euchologion on the wrong page, on the rite of blessing the house, not the car. No one noticed until he reached the part "let it not move from the site".

LOL that's awesome.
Title: Re: Share your liturgical mishap stories here!
Post by: Mor Ephrem on November 17, 2013, 02:40:50 PM
Not mine and not liturgical:

My uncle wanted to have his new car blessed. He asked some priest to do so (he is a deacon himself so it wasn't much of a problem). The priest opened the euchologion on the wrong page, on the rite of blessing the house, not the car. No one noticed until he reached the part "let it not move from the site".

I have a similar story. 

I was serving with a priest one Sunday, and a parishioner brought his car to be blessed.  Rather than have it blessed after Liturgy, he insisted the car be blessed before, and the priest obliged.  We don't have a rite for blessing vehicles (it exists in Syriac, but is not much used in India for that reason), so the priest did something I've never seen before.  He served the full rite for blessing a house, but switched "car" or "vehicle" for "house" or "dwelling".  For the most part, it was odd but barely acceptable, until we got to the gospel:

Quote
Luke 19

Jesus entered Jericho and was passing through. 2 And there was a man named Zacchae′us; he was a chief tax collector, and rich. 3 And he sought to see who Jesus was, but could not, on account of the crowd, because he was small of stature. 4 So he ran on ahead and climbed up into a sycamore tree to see him, for he was to pass that way. 5 And when Jesus came to the place, he looked up and said to him, “Zacchae′us, make haste and come down; for I must stay at your house ride in your car today.” 6 So he made haste and came down, and received him joyfully. 7 And when they saw it they all murmured, “He has gone in to be the guest of a man who is a sinner.” 8 And Zacchae′us stood and said to the Lord, “Behold, Lord, the half of my goods I give to the poor; and if I have defrauded any one of anything, I restore it fourfold.” 9 And Jesus said to him, “Today salvation has come to this house vehicle, since he also is a son of Abraham. 10 For the Son of man came to seek and to save the lost.”

I had to excuse myself in order to finish laughing before Matins. 
Title: Re: Share your liturgical mishap stories here!
Post by: mike on November 17, 2013, 02:44:59 PM
You won.
Title: Re: Share your liturgical mishap stories here!
Post by: Romaios on November 17, 2013, 03:05:31 PM
Quote
Luke 19:9 And Jesus said to him, “Today salvation has come to this house vehicle, since he also is a son of Abraham.

I had to excuse myself in order to finish laughing before Matins. 

This would've worked well with the Romanian RC translation of this verse.

We've got two words for "salvation": mântuire - the traditional term that the Orthodox use, and salvare - a neologism. Latinizers always prefer the latter, as they reject most of our Slavic/non-Latin linguistic heritage. The only trouble is that salvare can also mean "ambulance", so the first thing most Romanians think of when they hear this passage translated that way is: "Today the ambulance has come to this house"...
Title: Re: Share your liturgical mishap stories here!
Post by: ilyazhito on November 20, 2013, 04:52:02 PM
Totally funny! I just hope that no one sets fire to themselves, trips over people r walks through the royal doors again.
Title: Re: Share your liturgical mishap stories here!
Post by: Mor Ephrem on November 20, 2013, 06:09:09 PM
Totally funny! I just hope that no one sets fire to themselves...

I've seen this happen too! 
Title: Re: Share your liturgical mishap stories here!
Post by: PeterTheAleut on November 21, 2013, 12:32:28 AM
Totally funny! I just hope that no one sets fire to themselves...

I've seen this happen too! 
I have heard of the old priest who got a lit candle too close to his face and caught his beard on fire.
Title: Re: Share your liturgical mishap stories here!
Post by: dzheremi on November 21, 2013, 12:42:55 AM
Totally funny! I just hope that no one sets fire to themselves...

I've seen this happen too! 
I have heard of the old priest who got a lit candle too close to his face and caught his beard on fire.

Hmm...I always took "If you will it, you can become all flame" to be more of an encouraging word than a warning, but maybe not... :o
Title: Re: Share your liturgical mishap stories here!
Post by: sheenj on November 21, 2013, 12:49:44 AM
Totally funny! I just hope that no one sets fire to themselves...

I've seen this happen too! 
I have heard of the old priest who got a lit candle too close to his face and caught his beard on fire.

I've had something like this happen to me once, but it was with a candle that fell off its stand and onto my face. Scariest second of my life.
Title: Re: Share your liturgical mishap stories here!
Post by: Mor Ephrem on November 21, 2013, 12:52:53 AM
Totally funny! I just hope that no one sets fire to themselves...

I've seen this happen too! 
I have heard of the old priest who got a lit candle too close to his face and caught his beard on fire.

My story involves a careless thurifer who, while holding a lit candle, managed to set his hair on fire without noticing anything wrong...until a man ran up to him and started to beat him over the head with the Liturgy book in order to put out the flames. 
Title: Re: Share your liturgical mishap stories here!
Post by: TheMathematician on November 21, 2013, 01:24:40 AM
Having times where we are supposed to be holding lit candles in church is always fun, seeing as i always manage to burn myself with hot wax.
Title: Re: Share your liturgical mishap stories here!
Post by: PeterTheAleut on November 21, 2013, 01:49:51 AM
Having times where we are supposed to be holding lit candles in church is always fun, seeing as i always manage to burn myself with hot wax.
That's why you need a drip guard.
Title: Re: Share your liturgical mishap stories here!
Post by: Mor Ephrem on November 21, 2013, 01:51:24 AM
Having times where we are supposed to be holding lit candles in church is always fun, seeing as i always manage to burn myself with hot wax.
That's why you need a drip guard.

Wusses.  :P
Title: Re: Share your liturgical mishap stories here!
Post by: LBK on November 21, 2013, 02:22:21 AM
Having times where we are supposed to be holding lit candles in church is always fun, seeing as i always manage to burn myself with hot wax.
That's why you need a drip guard.

Wusses.  :P

Seconded.  :laugh:
Title: Re: Share your liturgical mishap stories here!
Post by: TheMathematician on November 21, 2013, 03:25:06 PM
Having times where we are supposed to be holding lit candles in church is always fun, seeing as i always manage to burn myself with hot wax.
That's why you need a drip guard.

Wusses.  :P

Seconded.  :laugh:

My problem isn't that we dont have drip guards, rather I burn myself in spite of them because im afraid of burning the guard, aka dixie cup. which i did at my baptism,  haha
 ;D :-P
Title: Re: Share your liturgical mishap stories here!
Post by: biro on November 21, 2013, 03:28:19 PM
Every Pascha for the past three years, I have burned myself with the candle, despite the paper guard thing.  :angel:
Title: Re: Share your liturgical mishap stories here!
Post by: Luke on November 21, 2013, 03:29:12 PM
^ I did that last Pascha also. :-X
Title: Re: Share your liturgical mishap stories here!
Post by: IoanC on November 21, 2013, 03:50:26 PM
The priest was a lunatic.
Title: Re: Share your liturgical mishap stories here!
Post by: LizaSymonenko on November 21, 2013, 04:24:10 PM

OK...so, I finally have a Liturgical mishap story.

This weekend our Metropolitan and Bishop were visiting.

So, it was a rather busy and exciting weekend.  One of my jobs is to capture the event with photos.

I seriously took hundreds of photos.  Of course, only a hundred or so, are good, with eyes open, etc.

So, Sunday morning, as Liturgy was beginning and the bishops were standing in the center of the nave....I had to get the perfect photo of them...So, I maneuvered behind the tetrapod,

(https://scontent-b-iad.xx.fbcdn.net/hphotos-ash3/547870_10201936904880944_1738412372_n.jpg)

....below the cross, over from the flowers....and over just a bit.....just a bit more....just a bit more.....OUCH!  I realized I had set myself on fire!  Yup.  I totally forgot the candle stand...and set myself ablaze.  I only realized, when I felt pain in my arm....at which point I quickly snapped the photo and reached to pat out the flames.  :D   It was a new outfit, special for our Patronal Feast Day celebrations....and now....it's gone.  I wore it for all of a couple hours.

Here is the photo.

(https://scontent-a-iad.xx.fbcdn.net/hphotos-prn2/1426731_10201936904040923_487949511_n.jpg)

;D  I wonder if the bishop noticed.
Title: Re: Share your liturgical mishap stories here!
Post by: Adela on November 21, 2013, 04:32:25 PM
Wow, Liza, Thank God you were not burnt further.  Well, just say you have suffered for your art....  Great photographs, as always!
Title: Re: Share your liturgical mishap stories here!
Post by: Mor Ephrem on November 21, 2013, 04:33:45 PM
You took the photo before putting yourself out?  That's dedication!
Title: Re: Share your liturgical mishap stories here!
Post by: LizaSymonenko on November 21, 2013, 04:37:36 PM
You took the photo before putting yourself out?  That's dedication!

LOL!  I know, right?!?

Title: Re: Share your liturgical mishap stories here!
Post by: Romaios on November 21, 2013, 04:41:42 PM
The hierarch in blue is either enraptured in deep contemplation or he noticed what happened and thought to himself: "Oh my God, look what she did to herself!"  :P
Title: Re: Share your liturgical mishap stories here!
Post by: Asteriktos on November 21, 2013, 04:58:23 PM
The one on the left is thinking: "I feel conflicted. I should probably warn her. But on the other hand bishops need to have good stories to tell, so maybe I should wait to see how this plays out..."
Title: Re: Share your liturgical mishap stories here!
Post by: LizaSymonenko on November 21, 2013, 05:13:05 PM

Next time I see them, I'll have to ask if they saw me going up in flames or not!   :angel:
Title: Re: Share your liturgical mishap stories here!
Post by: LizaSymonenko on November 21, 2013, 05:14:35 PM
The one on the left is thinking: "I feel conflicted. I should probably warn her. But on the other hand bishops need to have good stories to tell, so maybe I should wait to see how this plays out..."

The hierarch in blue is either enraptured in deep contemplation or he noticed what happened and thought to himself: "Oh my God, look what she did to herself!"  :P

Now I can't look at this photo without wondering what they were thinking! LOL!

(https://scontent-a-iad.xx.fbcdn.net/hphotos-prn2/1426731_10201936904040923_487949511_n.jpg)
Title: Re: Share your liturgical mishap stories here!
Post by: Mor Ephrem on November 21, 2013, 05:15:31 PM

Next time I see them, I'll have to ask if they saw me going up in flames or not!   :angel:

If they are good bishops, they will never admit to having been distracted by a hot woman during the Liturgy. 
Title: Re: Share your liturgical mishap stories here!
Post by: LizaSymonenko on November 21, 2013, 05:23:19 PM

Well then....I'll never know.
Title: Re: Share your liturgical mishap stories here!
Post by: brastaseptim on November 21, 2013, 05:31:32 PM
Hmm... in my case, I was at Liturgy at St. Athanasius in Gulf Shores, when it was only the priest. And I mean ONLY. The altarboys and reader showed up just in time for the Gospel.
Title: Re: Share your liturgical mishap stories here!
Post by: frjohnmorris on December 06, 2013, 10:16:04 PM
We've had smoke alarms go off during the liturgy.

Then there was the deacon who took his prayer book and swatted a fly on the altar.

I've heard an urban legend about naughty altar boys mixing popcorn kernels with the incense.  I don't know if that has ever really happened, though.

Something like that happened to me once. An altar boy put some kind of candy in the censer that popped.

Fr. John W. Morris
Title: Re: Share your liturgical mishap stories here!
Post by: frjohnmorris on December 08, 2013, 04:13:11 AM
I was attending a Divine Liturgy once served by two priests. During the Great Entrance, somehow the Bread slipped off the diskos while they stood in the Royal Doors. They handled it quite well I thought.

Once, during a Bishop's visistation, one of the choir members fainted in the choir loft.
Once when my Bishop visited, he became ill during the Divine Liturgy. He asked me to hold him up when he blessed the people with the candles at the Trisagion. After the Great Entrance, he told me to take over. A few minutes later, as I was praying the Anaphora, I glanced over and saw His Grace lying on the floor with his head in a waste basket in case he vomited and an altar server fanning him with a large piece of cardboard. I continued with the Liturgy as if nothing had happened, because once a Liturgy is begun it is not stopped for anything. Even if I were to drop dead during the Liturgy, they would have to move my body, leave everything where it was when I died and get another Priest to come and finish the Liturgy. His grace has recovered and is doing well.
I once was service as the server during a Presanctified Liturgy. The priest accidentally turned several pages at once and almost left out a large portion of the Liturgy. in our tradition the Presanctified Liturgy is never concelebrated. The priest never wears a pectoral cross or epignathion when he serves the Presanctified Liturgy.
Fr. John W. Morris
Title: Re: Share your liturgical mishap stories here!
Post by: Shanghaiski on December 08, 2013, 10:31:33 PM
I was at a wedding where the priest was doing the crowning for the groom and loudly intoned, "The handmaiden of God" when he meant the groom. He didn't correct himself. I don't think he realized what he did.
Title: Re: Share your liturgical mishap stories here!
Post by: Maximum Bob on December 08, 2013, 10:37:05 PM
^ Fun  :D was I there?
Title: Re: Share your liturgical mishap stories here!
Post by: Shanghaiski on December 08, 2013, 10:42:43 PM
^ Fun  :D was I there?

No, I think it was before your time.
Title: Re: Share your liturgical mishap stories here!
Post by: Maximum Bob on December 08, 2013, 10:50:58 PM
Ah, still it is fun,  thanks for sharing.
Title: Re: Share your liturgical mishap stories here!
Post by: FatherGiryus on December 09, 2013, 12:35:16 PM
I did that once.  I also reversed the names of the bride and groom during the betrothal.  I was rather nervous...

I was at a wedding where the priest was doing the crowning for the groom and loudly intoned, "The handmaiden of God" when he meant the groom. He didn't correct himself. I don't think he realized what he did.
Title: Re: Share your liturgical mishap stories here!
Post by: mike on December 09, 2013, 12:37:13 PM
Once when my Bishop visited, he became ill during the Divine Liturgy. He asked me to hold him up when he blessed the people with the candles at the Trisagion. After the Great Entrance, he told me to take over. A few minutes later, as I was praying the Anaphora, I glanced over and saw His Grace lying on the floor with his head in a waste basket in case he vomited and an altar server fanning him with a large piece of cardboard. I continued with the Liturgy as if nothing had happened, because once a Liturgy is begun it is not stopped for anything. Even if I were to drop dead during the Liturgy, they would have to move my body, leave everything where it was when I died and get another Priest to come and finish the Liturgy. His grace has recovered and is doing well.

I am not really sure I wanted to read that.
Title: Re: Share your liturgical mishap stories here!
Post by: Agabus on December 09, 2013, 12:40:41 PM
Once when my Bishop visited, he became ill during the Divine Liturgy. He asked me to hold him up when he blessed the people with the candles at the Trisagion. After the Great Entrance, he told me to take over. A few minutes later, as I was praying the Anaphora, I glanced over and saw His Grace lying on the floor with his head in a waste basket in case he vomited and an altar server fanning him with a large piece of cardboard...His grace has recovered and is doing well.
I have heard this tale told in multiple DOM parishes. It's sort of legend.
Title: Re: Share your liturgical mishap stories here!
Post by: podkarpatska on December 09, 2013, 12:49:42 PM
I was attending a Divine Liturgy once served by two priests. During the Great Entrance, somehow the Bread slipped off the diskos while they stood in the Royal Doors. They handled it quite well I thought.

Once, during a Bishop's visistation, one of the choir members fainted in the choir loft.
Once when my Bishop visited, he became ill during the Divine Liturgy. He asked me to hold him up when he blessed the people with the candles at the Trisagion. After the Great Entrance, he told me to take over. A few minutes later, as I was praying the Anaphora, I glanced over and saw His Grace lying on the floor with his head in a waste basket in case he vomited and an altar server fanning him with a large piece of cardboard. I continued with the Liturgy as if nothing had happened, because once a Liturgy is begun it is not stopped for anything. Even if I were to drop dead during the Liturgy, they would have to move my body, leave everything where it was when I died and get another Priest to come and finish the Liturgy. His grace has recovered and is doing well.
I once was service as the server during a Presanctified Liturgy. The priest accidentally turned several pages at once and almost left out a large portion of the Liturgy. in our tradition the Presanctified Liturgy is never concelebrated. The priest never wears a pectoral cross or epignathion when he serves the Presanctified Liturgy.
Fr. John W. Morris

Easier said than done about the leaving the body and finishing the liturgy. About forty years ago on Christmas morning at liturgy at St. Nicholas Orthodox Church in Elizabeth, NJ,(my grandparent's parish) the 40 something pastor dropped dead following the gospel.(He left behind a young widow and family as I recall.) My aunt remembered that it was chaotic with people crying, standing around in shock and so on. The EMT's tried to save that priest as they took him to the hospital in a vain attempt to revive him. Several hours later, the dean came by and finished up, but by then only a curator or two were there just to keep an eye on things.
Title: Re: Share your liturgical mishap stories here!
Post by: Adela on December 09, 2013, 01:13:27 PM
When I was 12 and attending a modern-style Roman Catholic church, I passed out, very conspicuously, during Mass.  This church was in a half-circle, with all the pews at an slight incline looking down towards the altar.   When I got a bit dizzy before the time to go up for Communion, I went with my family where the line was way up to the back of the church.   At the back of the line, I really got dizzy and the last thing I remember was things starting to black out and me taking 1 step.   What then happened was I somehow was stumbling down the incline until I fell and hit my head on a pew about halfway down the aisle.  Some stranger  who was in the line in back of me had to pick me up and carry me out of the church where I did regain consciousness..  Ever since then I have had anxiety about standing in lines.  :o
Title: Re: Share your liturgical mishap stories here!
Post by: mike on December 11, 2013, 05:29:37 AM
Not mine:

Metal iconostasis. Electrical lamps in front of icons. Breakthrough in the wires. Priest opens royal doors. Priest lands on altar table.
Title: Re: Share your liturgical mishap stories here!
Post by: PeterTheAleut on December 25, 2013, 06:14:49 AM
Work in liturgical ministry long enough and you eventually pick up new material for this thread. I just picked up a new story tonight at our midnight Christmas liturgy. My choir director handed the Apostol to me during the Trisagion hymn and said, "You're reading the Epistle tonight." Fully expecting him to take the reading based on our earlier conversations today, I was caught totally off guard by his request but obeyed it anyway. I read from the Epistles every so often for our regular Sunday services, so this is nothing new to me. Even so, I do like to have some time to prepare so I know what I'm doing.

After receiving our priest's blessing to read, I opened the Apostol to the page to which my choir director pointed me but couldn't find the Prokeimenon on my first cursory scan, so I had to have him find it and read it just to get me started. I then had no time to find the correct reading. Noticing that the Bible on our readers' stand was opened to the right Epistle, I trusted at least that it might be the right reading, so I read what was there. I thought it didn't sound quite right to me, though, for it didn't exactly fit the Christmas festivities. (I found out later that I was supposed to have read from Galatians Chapter 4; I actually read from Galatians Chapter 2. At least the Bible was open to the right book, or else I would have REALLY been confused. :o)

Other than the opening hiccup with the Prokeimenon, I executed the reading so smoothly I doubt that most of the congregation even figured out I was reading the wrong lesson, but those who knew the rubrics knew that I had done something wrong. After I finished the reading and returned to my place in the choir, all my choir director could do was look at me and say, "Whoops! :-[" I thought about saying, "Yeah, thanks buddy! >:(" but I knew that wouldn't be appropriate for Divine Liturgy. Oh well. At least when he finally told our priest after the service what had happened, Father congratulated me for how I handled the situation, though I'm still not exactly sure why.
Title: Re: Share your liturgical mishap stories here!
Post by: frjohnmorris on December 25, 2013, 01:26:20 PM
Work in liturgical ministry long enough and you eventually pick up new material for this thread. I just picked up a new story tonight at our midnight Christmas liturgy. My choir director handed the Apostol to me during the Trisagion hymn and said, "You're reading the Epistle tonight." Fully expecting him to take the reading based on our earlier conversations today, I was caught totally off guard by his request but obeyed it anyway. I read from the Epistles every so often for our regular Sunday services, so this is nothing new to me. Even so, I do like to have some time to prepare so I know what I'm doing.

After receiving our priest's blessing to read, I opened the Apostol to the page to which my choir director pointed me but couldn't find the Prokeimenon on my first cursory scan, so I had to have him find it and read it just to get me started. I then had no time to find the correct reading. Noticing that the Bible on our readers' stand was opened to the right Epistle, I trusted at least that it might be the right reading, so I read what was there. I thought it didn't sound quite right to me, though, for it didn't exactly fit the Christmas festivities. (I found out later that I was supposed to have read from Galatians Chapter 4; I actually read from Galatians Chapter 2. At least the Bible was open to the right book, or else I would have REALLY been confused. :o)

Other than the opening hiccup with the Prokeimenon, I executed the reading so smoothly I doubt that most of the congregation even figured out I was reading the wrong lesson, but those who knew the rubrics knew that I had done something wrong. After I finished the reading and returned to my place in the choir, all my choir director could do was look at me and say, "Whoops! :-[" I thought about saying, "Yeah, thanks buddy! >:(" but I knew that wouldn't be appropriate for Divine Liturgy. Oh well. At least when he finally told our priest after the service what had happened, Father congratulated me for how I handled the situation, though I'm still not exactly sure why.

I can top that. One Great and Holy Saturday as I served the Vesperal Divine Liturgy, I listened to the chanter and kept thinking that what he was chanting did not seem to relate to the descent of Christ into Hell. I finally went out of the Altar to the chanter's stand to see what he was using and to my horror found that he was chanting the Royal Hours for the Nativity of Christ.

Fr. John W. Morris
Title: Re: Share your liturgical mishap stories here!
Post by: biro on December 25, 2013, 01:30:37 PM
In my parish, the chanters, bless their hearts, manage almost every week to reach for the same books at the same time, and wind up knocking stuff to the floor.   :)
Title: Re: Share your liturgical mishap stories here!
Post by: frjohnmorris on December 25, 2013, 01:44:56 PM
In my parish, the chanters, bless their hearts, manage almost every week to reach for the same books at the same time, and wind up knocking stuff to the floor.   :)

The Antiochian Archdiocese has eliminated all the confusion caused by having to use different books. Every weekend, the Archdiocese posts the complete text for Vespers and Matins on the Archdiocesan Web site. My secretary prints it and puts it on the chanter's stand. For holy week we have a book that has all the complete services, so that both the priest and the chanters do not have to use any other books.
interesting enough, the Archdiocese had to put the liturgical texts in pdf format because someone hacked our site and was rewriting the services to eliminate anything that could offend non Orthodox, especially Jews.

Fr. John W. Morris
Title: Re: Share your liturgical mishap stories here!
Post by: Mor Ephrem on December 26, 2013, 11:32:43 AM
Work in liturgical ministry long enough and you eventually pick up new material for this thread. I just picked up a new story tonight at our midnight Christmas liturgy. My choir director handed the Apostol to me during the Trisagion hymn and said, "You're reading the Epistle tonight." Fully expecting him to take the reading based on our earlier conversations today, I was caught totally off guard by his request but obeyed it anyway. I read from the Epistles every so often for our regular Sunday services, so this is nothing new to me. Even so, I do like to have some time to prepare so I know what I'm doing.

After receiving our priest's blessing to read, I opened the Apostol to the page to which my choir director pointed me but couldn't find the Prokeimenon on my first cursory scan, so I had to have him find it and read it just to get me started. I then had no time to find the correct reading. Noticing that the Bible on our readers' stand was opened to the right Epistle, I trusted at least that it might be the right reading, so I read what was there. I thought it didn't sound quite right to me, though, for it didn't exactly fit the Christmas festivities. (I found out later that I was supposed to have read from Galatians Chapter 4; I actually read from Galatians Chapter 2. At least the Bible was open to the right book, or else I would have REALLY been confused. :o)

Other than the opening hiccup with the Prokeimenon, I executed the reading so smoothly I doubt that most of the congregation even figured out I was reading the wrong lesson, but those who knew the rubrics knew that I had done something wrong. After I finished the reading and returned to my place in the choir, all my choir director could do was look at me and say, "Whoops! :-[" I thought about saying, "Yeah, thanks buddy! >:(" but I knew that wouldn't be appropriate for Divine Liturgy. Oh well. At least when he finally told our priest after the service what had happened, Father congratulated me for how I handled the situation, though I'm still not exactly sure why.

I can top that. One Great and Holy Saturday as I served the Vesperal Divine Liturgy, I listened to the chanter and kept thinking that what he was chanting did not seem to relate to the descent of Christ into Hell. I finally went out of the Altar to the chanter's stand to see what he was using and to my horror found that he was chanting the Royal Hours for the Nativity of Christ.

Fr. John W. Morris

Our jurisdiction doesn't yet have an all-English Gospel book, so if the Gospel is to be read in English, we have to use a normal English-language Bible and write the reference on a post-it note so that the priest knows what to read.  Usually, the acolytes are good about taking the notes out after Liturgy so that there's no confusion next time, but one year they were sloppy.  On Annunciation, they put the post-it in Luke 1, but somehow left the Bible open to another place which also had a post-it note.  I didn't know this, but I thought it was weird that he was reading an account of the Last Supper.  Apparently, Father also thought it was weird, but didn't quite know what to do about it in mid-reading.  At about the time Judas asks Christ "Is it I (who will betray you)?" and Christ answers "What you have to do, do quickly", with a confused look on his face, knowing how bizarre that was, Father closed the Bible, blessed the people and went ahead with the Liturgy.  :) 
Title: Re: Share your liturgical mishap stories here!
Post by: frjohnmorris on December 26, 2013, 12:40:46 PM
Work in liturgical ministry long enough and you eventually pick up new material for this thread. I just picked up a new story tonight at our midnight Christmas liturgy. My choir director handed the Apostol to me during the Trisagion hymn and said, "You're reading the Epistle tonight." Fully expecting him to take the reading based on our earlier conversations today, I was caught totally off guard by his request but obeyed it anyway. I read from the Epistles every so often for our regular Sunday services, so this is nothing new to me. Even so, I do like to have some time to prepare so I know what I'm doing.

After receiving our priest's blessing to read, I opened the Apostol to the page to which my choir director pointed me but couldn't find the Prokeimenon on my first cursory scan, so I had to have him find it and read it just to get me started. I then had no time to find the correct reading. Noticing that the Bible on our readers' stand was opened to the right Epistle, I trusted at least that it might be the right reading, so I read what was there. I thought it didn't sound quite right to me, though, for it didn't exactly fit the Christmas festivities. (I found out later that I was supposed to have read from Galatians Chapter 4; I actually read from Galatians Chapter 2. At least the Bible was open to the right book, or else I would have REALLY been confused. :o)

Other than the opening hiccup with the Prokeimenon, I executed the reading so smoothly I doubt that most of the congregation even figured out I was reading the wrong lesson, but those who knew the rubrics knew that I had done something wrong. After I finished the reading and returned to my place in the choir, all my choir director could do was look at me and say, "Whoops! :-[" I thought about saying, "Yeah, thanks buddy! >:(" but I knew that wouldn't be appropriate for Divine Liturgy. Oh well. At least when he finally told our priest after the service what had happened, Father congratulated me for how I handled the situation, though I'm still not exactly sure why.

I can top that. One Great and Holy Saturday as I served the Vesperal Divine Liturgy, I listened to the chanter and kept thinking that what he was chanting did not seem to relate to the descent of Christ into Hell. I finally went out of the Altar to the chanter's stand to see what he was using and to my horror found that he was chanting the Royal Hours for the Nativity of Christ.

Fr. John W. Morris

Our jurisdiction doesn't yet have an all-English Gospel book, so if the Gospel is to be read in English, we have to use a normal English-language Bible and write the reference on a post-it note so that the priest knows what to read.  Usually, the acolytes are good about taking the notes out after Liturgy so that there's no confusion next time, but one year they were sloppy.  On Annunciation, they put the post-it in Luke 1, but somehow left the Bible open to another place which also had a post-it note.  I didn't know this, but I thought it was weird that he was reading an account of the Last Supper.  Apparently, Father also thought it was weird, but didn't quite know what to do about it in mid-reading.  At about the time Judas asks Christ "Is it I (who will betray you)?" and Christ answers "What you have to do, do quickly", with a confused look on his face, knowing how bizarre that was, Father closed the Bible, blessed the people and went ahead with the Liturgy.  :) 

Because the Gospel Book has several readings for different days on the same page, I have started to read where my eyes fell on the page, only to suddenly realize that I was reading the wrong Gospel. In my parish, we print the Gospel and Epistle every week and major feast day. A few days ago, the reader simply read from the Bulletin, instead of the Epistle Book and read the Gospel for the feast.
I suppose that the most terrible liturgical mishap that I have ever heard is the priest who was disturbed during the Proskomedia or preparation of the brad and wine which in the Byzantine Rite is done before the beginning of the Divine Liturgy by someone. Later during the Divine Liturgy, after the consecration, when it came time for him to drop a piece of the Lamb (consecrated Bread) he heard a thud and realized that he had forgotten to put wine into the Chalice.

Fr. John W. Morris
Title: Re: Share your liturgical mishap stories here!
Post by: TheTrisagion on December 26, 2013, 12:55:17 PM
Oh my!  :o

That has got to be a heart stopping moment...
Title: Re: Share your liturgical mishap stories here!
Post by: Mor Ephrem on December 26, 2013, 01:31:34 PM
Because the Gospel Book has several readings for different days on the same page, I have started to read where my eyes fell on the page, only to suddenly realize that I was reading the wrong Gospel. In my parish, we print the Gospel and Epistle every week and major feast day. A few days ago, the reader simply read from the Bulletin, instead of the Epistle Book and read the Gospel for the feast.

:)

In our Liturgy, we read from the Acts or one of the Catholic Epistles, in addition to reading from Paul and the Gospel.  Whenever the Catholic reading is taken from I John, we need to double-check that the reader actually is reading from the Epistle: I've witnessed all sorts of mishaps with that.  For instance, "The reading is from the First Epistle of St John...In the beginning was the Word, and the Word was with God...".  Usually we have to tackle the reader before they can finish in order to correct the reading.  

Quote
I suppose that the most terrible liturgical mishap that I have ever heard is the priest who was disturbed during the Proskomedia or preparation of the brad and wine which in the Byzantine Rite is done before the beginning of the Divine Liturgy by someone. Later during the Divine Liturgy, after the consecration, when it came time for him to drop a piece of the Lamb (consecrated Bread) he heard a thud and realized that he had forgotten to put wine into the Chalice.

Fr. John W. Morris

In our tradition, the preparation of the chalice is done by the priest/bishop who will celebrate the Liturgy, never by another, even if there are numerous concelebrants.  Is it not that way in Byzantine practice?  I've read all these horror stories about empty chalices but I can't imagine how you wouldn't notice if you were the one pouring in the wine.  

Edit: never mind, Father, I see that you wrote he was interrupted during the preparation...I read too quickly.

And how did that story end?  What is done in such a situation?  
Title: Re: Share your liturgical mishap stories here!
Post by: frjohnmorris on December 31, 2013, 11:51:49 PM
We had a parishioner who had a heart attack during the Liturgy.  Our priest kept on going.



I think he's supposed to.

I read somewhere that a Divine liturgy must always be finished. If a priest dies while celebrating, another priest must finish where he left off.

That is correct. Once the Divine Liturgy is begun, it must be finished.

Fr. John W. Morris
Title: Re: Share your liturgical mishap stories here!
Post by: frjohnmorris on December 31, 2013, 11:55:07 PM
Because the Gospel Book has several readings for different days on the same page, I have started to read where my eyes fell on the page, only to suddenly realize that I was reading the wrong Gospel. In my parish, we print the Gospel and Epistle every week and major feast day. A few days ago, the reader simply read from the Bulletin, instead of the Epistle Book and read the Gospel for the feast.

:)

In our Liturgy, we read from the Acts or one of the Catholic Epistles, in addition to reading from Paul and the Gospel.  Whenever the Catholic reading is taken from I John, we need to double-check that the reader actually is reading from the Epistle: I've witnessed all sorts of mishaps with that.  For instance, "The reading is from the First Epistle of St John...In the beginning was the Word, and the Word was with God...".  Usually we have to tackle the reader before they can finish in order to correct the reading. 

Quote
I suppose that the most terrible liturgical mishap that I have ever heard is the priest who was disturbed during the Proskomedia or preparation of the brad and wine which in the Byzantine Rite is done before the beginning of the Divine Liturgy by someone. Later during the Divine Liturgy, after the consecration, when it came time for him to drop a piece of the Lamb (consecrated Bread) he heard a thud and realized that he had forgotten to put wine into the Chalice.

Fr. John W. Morris

In our tradition, the preparation of the chalice is done by the priest/bishop who will celebrate the Liturgy, never by another, even if there are numerous concelebrants.  Is it not that way in Byzantine practice?  I've read all these horror stories about empty chalices but I can't imagine how you wouldn't notice if you were the one pouring in the wine. 

Edit: never mind, Father, I see that you wrote he was interrupted during the preparation...I read too quickly.

And how did that story end?  What is done in such a situation? 

I do not know. Theoretically, the piece of consecrated lamb that is dropped into the Chalice would consecrate the unconsecrated wine, because that is what is done during the Presanctified Divine Liturgy. but I am not sure.
In Byzantine Tradition, at least as practiced in the Antiochian Archdiocese, the junior Priest always does the Proskoedia.

Fr. John W. Morris
Title: Re: Share your liturgical mishap stories here!
Post by: frjohnmorris on December 31, 2013, 11:58:30 PM
Work in liturgical ministry long enough and you eventually pick up new material for this thread. I just picked up a new story tonight at our midnight Christmas liturgy. My choir director handed the Apostol to me during the Trisagion hymn and said, "You're reading the Epistle tonight." Fully expecting him to take the reading based on our earlier conversations today, I was caught totally off guard by his request but obeyed it anyway. I read from the Epistles every so often for our regular Sunday services, so this is nothing new to me. Even so, I do like to have some time to prepare so I know what I'm doing.

After receiving our priest's blessing to read, I opened the Apostol to the page to which my choir director pointed me but couldn't find the Prokeimenon on my first cursory scan, so I had to have him find it and read it just to get me started. I then had no time to find the correct reading. Noticing that the Bible on our readers' stand was opened to the right Epistle, I trusted at least that it might be the right reading, so I read what was there. I thought it didn't sound quite right to me, though, for it didn't exactly fit the Christmas festivities. (I found out later that I was supposed to have read from Galatians Chapter 4; I actually read from Galatians Chapter 2. At least the Bible was open to the right book, or else I would have REALLY been confused. :o)

Other than the opening hiccup with the Prokeimenon, I executed the reading so smoothly I doubt that most of the congregation even figured out I was reading the wrong lesson, but those who knew the rubrics knew that I had done something wrong. After I finished the reading and returned to my place in the choir, all my choir director could do was look at me and say, "Whoops! :-[" I thought about saying, "Yeah, thanks buddy! >:(" but I knew that wouldn't be appropriate for Divine Liturgy. Oh well. At least when he finally told our priest after the service what had happened, Father congratulated me for how I handled the situation, though I'm still not exactly sure why.

I can top that. One Great and Holy Saturday as I served the Vesperal Divine Liturgy, I listened to the chanter and kept thinking that what he was chanting did not seem to relate to the descent of Christ into Hell. I finally went out of the Altar to the chanter's stand to see what he was using and to my horror found that he was chanting the Royal Hours for the Nativity of Christ.

Fr. John W. Morris

Our jurisdiction doesn't yet have an all-English Gospel book, so if the Gospel is to be read in English, we have to use a normal English-language Bible and write the reference on a post-it note so that the priest knows what to read.  Usually, the acolytes are good about taking the notes out after Liturgy so that there's no confusion next time, but one year they were sloppy.  On Annunciation, they put the post-it in Luke 1, but somehow left the Bible open to another place which also had a post-it note.  I didn't know this, but I thought it was weird that he was reading an account of the Last Supper.  Apparently, Father also thought it was weird, but didn't quite know what to do about it in mid-reading.  At about the time Judas asks Christ "Is it I (who will betray you)?" and Christ answers "What you have to do, do quickly", with a confused look on his face, knowing how bizarre that was, Father closed the Bible, blessed the people and went ahead with the Liturgy.  :) 

Why don't you use the Greek or Antiochian Gospel Book?

Fr. John W. Morris
Title: Re: Share your liturgical mishap stories here!
Post by: frjohnmorris on January 01, 2014, 12:24:40 AM
Once a Priest was serving with the Bishop presiding from the throne. In our Antiochian Tradition, when the Bishop completes the Dismissal, the Priest says, "Through the prayer of our holy master...." He got confused and forgot the words. Finally the Bishop looked at the congregation and said, "Whatever."
Title: Re: Share your liturgical mishap stories here!
Post by: Mor Ephrem on January 01, 2014, 02:26:30 AM
Why don't you use the Greek or Antiochian Gospel Book?

Our (West Syriac) lectionary differs significantly from your (Byzantine) lectionary, even though there are some ancient points of similarity. 
Title: Re: Share your liturgical mishap stories here!
Post by: mike on January 01, 2014, 06:30:57 AM
Theoretically, the piece of consecrated lamb that is dropped into the Chalice would consecrate the unconsecrated wine, because that is what is done during the Presanctified Divine Liturgy.

Why are priests needed then?
Title: Re: Share your liturgical mishap stories here!
Post by: Mor Ephrem on January 01, 2014, 12:22:05 PM
Theoretically, the piece of consecrated lamb that is dropped into the Chalice would consecrate the unconsecrated wine, because that is what is done during the Presanctified Divine Liturgy.

Why are priests needed then?

Your Roman Catholicism is showing. 
Title: Re: Share your liturgical mishap stories here!
Post by: frjohnmorris on January 01, 2014, 02:26:23 PM
Theoretically, the piece of consecrated lamb that is dropped into the Chalice would consecrate the unconsecrated wine, because that is what is done during the Presanctified Divine Liturgy.

Why are priests needed then?

You need a Priest or Bishop to consecrate the gifts. A deacon can do a Typika and give Communion from the reserved Sacrament.
After thinking about this matter, I now think that the best thing to do would be to take some of the reserved Sacrament and put it into the Chalice because consecrated wine is poured on it before we dry it out and put it into the Tabernacle. That would be an exact parallel to what is done during the Presanctified Divine Liturgy. I should mention that I have never forgotten to put wine in the Chalice.

Fr. John W. Morris
Title: Re: Share your liturgical mishap stories here!
Post by: truth_seeker on January 01, 2014, 04:59:48 PM
During one service we all did a metania, and as we came up, my head bumped into the butt of the lady in front of me!!  :o  At least we knew each other (we were both inquirers) so we laughed it off and moved on.

The deacon at that church has told us the story of the time he set an altar cloth on fire once while assisting during a Liturgy in another church. It had been freshly imported from Russia, this handmade, exquisitely beautiful cloth. He felt so awful about the accident that he emptied his savings to replace it.
Title: Re: Share your liturgical mishap stories here!
Post by: frjohnmorris on January 04, 2014, 12:47:22 AM
Has anyone ever seen something at liturgy that was really out of the ordinary, even an accident?  Like, the altar boys starting a fire, or, God forbid, the priest dropping the chalice?

I've heard of all this, but wonder if it's ever really happened?

I once served with the Bishop and several other Priests when we received a group of converts and their Priest was ordained who were forming a new mission. Because their mission was too small we borrowed a chapel in a Protestant Church. The Holy Table was on wheels and kept moving every time that the Bishop or one of the Priests touched it.  Finally one of the older Priests said, "That is just like Protestantism always changing."

Fr. John W. Morris
Title: Re: Share your liturgical mishap stories here!
Post by: Shanghaiski on January 04, 2014, 01:06:57 AM
In my parish, the chanters, bless their hearts, manage almost every week to reach for the same books at the same time, and wind up knocking stuff to the floor.   :)

The Antiochian Archdiocese has eliminated all the confusion caused by having to use different books. Every weekend, the Archdiocese posts the complete text for Vespers and Matins on the Archdiocesan Web site. My secretary prints it and puts it on the chanter's stand. For holy week we have a book that has all the complete services, so that both the priest and the chanters do not have to use any other books.
interesting enough, the Archdiocese had to put the liturgical texts in pdf format because someone hacked our site and was rewriting the services to eliminate anything that could offend non Orthodox, especially Jews.

Fr. John W. Morris

The cynical side of me laughs at seeing the juxtaposition of Antiochian and "eliminates all confusion." But then we still use several books.
Title: Re: Share your liturgical mishap stories here!
Post by: Shanghaiski on January 04, 2014, 01:11:48 AM
Because the Gospel Book has several readings for different days on the same page, I have started to read where my eyes fell on the page, only to suddenly realize that I was reading the wrong Gospel. In my parish, we print the Gospel and Epistle every week and major feast day. A few days ago, the reader simply read from the Bulletin, instead of the Epistle Book and read the Gospel for the feast.

:)

In our Liturgy, we read from the Acts or one of the Catholic Epistles, in addition to reading from Paul and the Gospel.  Whenever the Catholic reading is taken from I John, we need to double-check that the reader actually is reading from the Epistle: I've witnessed all sorts of mishaps with that.  For instance, "The reading is from the First Epistle of St John...In the beginning was the Word, and the Word was with God...".  Usually we have to tackle the reader before they can finish in order to correct the reading. 

Quote
I suppose that the most terrible liturgical mishap that I have ever heard is the priest who was disturbed during the Proskomedia or preparation of the brad and wine which in the Byzantine Rite is done before the beginning of the Divine Liturgy by someone. Later during the Divine Liturgy, after the consecration, when it came time for him to drop a piece of the Lamb (consecrated Bread) he heard a thud and realized that he had forgotten to put wine into the Chalice.

Fr. John W. Morris

In our tradition, the preparation of the chalice is done by the priest/bishop who will celebrate the Liturgy, never by another, even if there are numerous concelebrants.  Is it not that way in Byzantine practice?  I've read all these horror stories about empty chalices but I can't imagine how you wouldn't notice if you were the one pouring in the wine. 

Edit: never mind, Father, I see that you wrote he was interrupted during the preparation...I read too quickly.

And how did that story end?  What is done in such a situation? 

I do not know. Theoretically, the piece of consecrated lamb that is dropped into the Chalice would consecrate the unconsecrated wine, because that is what is done during the Presanctified Divine Liturgy. but I am not sure.
In Byzantine Tradition, at least as practiced in the Antiochian Archdiocese, the junior Priest always does the Proskoedia.

Fr. John W. Morris

I wonder if bishops keep their cell phones on in liturgy for just such emergencies.
Title: Re: Share your liturgical mishap stories here!
Post by: frjohnmorris on January 04, 2014, 02:20:07 AM
Because the Gospel Book has several readings for different days on the same page, I have started to read where my eyes fell on the page, only to suddenly realize that I was reading the wrong Gospel. In my parish, we print the Gospel and Epistle every week and major feast day. A few days ago, the reader simply read from the Bulletin, instead of the Epistle Book and read the Gospel for the feast.

:)

In our Liturgy, we read from the Acts or one of the Catholic Epistles, in addition to reading from Paul and the Gospel.  Whenever the Catholic reading is taken from I John, we need to double-check that the reader actually is reading from the Epistle: I've witnessed all sorts of mishaps with that.  For instance, "The reading is from the First Epistle of St John...In the beginning was the Word, and the Word was with God...".  Usually we have to tackle the reader before they can finish in order to correct the reading. 

Quote
I suppose that the most terrible liturgical mishap that I have ever heard is the priest who was disturbed during the Proskomedia or preparation of the brad and wine which in the Byzantine Rite is done before the beginning of the Divine Liturgy by someone. Later during the Divine Liturgy, after the consecration, when it came time for him to drop a piece of the Lamb (consecrated Bread) he heard a thud and realized that he had forgotten to put wine into the Chalice.

Fr. John W. Morris

In our tradition, the preparation of the chalice is done by the priest/bishop who will celebrate the Liturgy, never by another, even if there are numerous concelebrants.  Is it not that way in Byzantine practice?  I've read all these horror stories about empty chalices but I can't imagine how you wouldn't notice if you were the one pouring in the wine. 

Edit: never mind, Father, I see that you wrote he was interrupted during the preparation...I read too quickly.

And how did that story end?  What is done in such a situation? 

I do not know. Theoretically, the piece of consecrated lamb that is dropped into the Chalice would consecrate the unconsecrated wine, because that is what is done during the Presanctified Divine Liturgy. but I am not sure.
In Byzantine Tradition, at least as practiced in the Antiochian Archdiocese, the junior Priest always does the Proskoedia.

Fr. John W. Morris

I wonder if bishops keep their cell phones on in liturgy for just such emergencies.

I learned not to take my cell phone with me to Church after it went off when I was reading one of the Gospels during  Holy Week.
The faithful should also turn off their cell phones. It is most distracting when someone opens their mouth to receive Communion and their cell phone goes off playing a tune.

Fr. John W. Morris
Title: Re: Share your liturgical mishap stories here!
Post by: PeterTheAleut on January 04, 2014, 03:00:09 AM
Because the Gospel Book has several readings for different days on the same page, I have started to read where my eyes fell on the page, only to suddenly realize that I was reading the wrong Gospel. In my parish, we print the Gospel and Epistle every week and major feast day. A few days ago, the reader simply read from the Bulletin, instead of the Epistle Book and read the Gospel for the feast.

:)

In our Liturgy, we read from the Acts or one of the Catholic Epistles, in addition to reading from Paul and the Gospel.  Whenever the Catholic reading is taken from I John, we need to double-check that the reader actually is reading from the Epistle: I've witnessed all sorts of mishaps with that.  For instance, "The reading is from the First Epistle of St John...In the beginning was the Word, and the Word was with God...".  Usually we have to tackle the reader before they can finish in order to correct the reading. 

Quote
I suppose that the most terrible liturgical mishap that I have ever heard is the priest who was disturbed during the Proskomedia or preparation of the brad and wine which in the Byzantine Rite is done before the beginning of the Divine Liturgy by someone. Later during the Divine Liturgy, after the consecration, when it came time for him to drop a piece of the Lamb (consecrated Bread) he heard a thud and realized that he had forgotten to put wine into the Chalice.

Fr. John W. Morris

In our tradition, the preparation of the chalice is done by the priest/bishop who will celebrate the Liturgy, never by another, even if there are numerous concelebrants.  Is it not that way in Byzantine practice?  I've read all these horror stories about empty chalices but I can't imagine how you wouldn't notice if you were the one pouring in the wine. 

Edit: never mind, Father, I see that you wrote he was interrupted during the preparation...I read too quickly.

And how did that story end?  What is done in such a situation? 

I do not know. Theoretically, the piece of consecrated lamb that is dropped into the Chalice would consecrate the unconsecrated wine, because that is what is done during the Presanctified Divine Liturgy. but I am not sure.
In Byzantine Tradition, at least as practiced in the Antiochian Archdiocese, the junior Priest always does the Proskoedia.

Fr. John W. Morris

I wonder if bishops keep their cell phones on in liturgy for just such emergencies.
What if it's the bishop's cell phone that starts ringing during the Divine Liturgy?
Title: Re: Share your liturgical mishap stories here!
Post by: Shanghaiski on January 04, 2014, 02:36:36 PM
Because the Gospel Book has several readings for different days on the same page, I have started to read where my eyes fell on the page, only to suddenly realize that I was reading the wrong Gospel. In my parish, we print the Gospel and Epistle every week and major feast day. A few days ago, the reader simply read from the Bulletin, instead of the Epistle Book and read the Gospel for the feast.

:)

In our Liturgy, we read from the Acts or one of the Catholic Epistles, in addition to reading from Paul and the Gospel.  Whenever the Catholic reading is taken from I John, we need to double-check that the reader actually is reading from the Epistle: I've witnessed all sorts of mishaps with that.  For instance, "The reading is from the First Epistle of St John...In the beginning was the Word, and the Word was with God...".  Usually we have to tackle the reader before they can finish in order to correct the reading. 

Quote
I suppose that the most terrible liturgical mishap that I have ever heard is the priest who was disturbed during the Proskomedia or preparation of the brad and wine which in the Byzantine Rite is done before the beginning of the Divine Liturgy by someone. Later during the Divine Liturgy, after the consecration, when it came time for him to drop a piece of the Lamb (consecrated Bread) he heard a thud and realized that he had forgotten to put wine into the Chalice.

Fr. John W. Morris

In our tradition, the preparation of the chalice is done by the priest/bishop who will celebrate the Liturgy, never by another, even if there are numerous concelebrants.  Is it not that way in Byzantine practice?  I've read all these horror stories about empty chalices but I can't imagine how you wouldn't notice if you were the one pouring in the wine. 

Edit: never mind, Father, I see that you wrote he was interrupted during the preparation...I read too quickly.

And how did that story end?  What is done in such a situation? 

I do not know. Theoretically, the piece of consecrated lamb that is dropped into the Chalice would consecrate the unconsecrated wine, because that is what is done during the Presanctified Divine Liturgy. but I am not sure.
In Byzantine Tradition, at least as practiced in the Antiochian Archdiocese, the junior Priest always does the Proskoedia.

Fr. John W. Morris

I wonder if bishops keep their cell phones on in liturgy for just such emergencies.
What if it's the bishop's cell phone that starts ringing during the Divine Liturgy?

Well, if he kept if on vibrate, he might be able to answer questions about liturgical emergencies when the priest needs a directive.
Title: Re: Share your liturgical mishap stories here!
Post by: brastaseptim on January 17, 2014, 10:55:30 PM
This Nativity, I was the cantor for Christmas morning Liturgy. When I arrived, I soon realised I was the only chanter there. I kind of just looked helplessly at the priest, who was missing all his readers and only had one of his servers. He just sighed, blessed me to vest as an acolyte, and handed me the Lectionary and the extra cantor's book. I kind of had to keep (dignified, mind you) chanting while I walked instead of staying at the stand. Believe me, you have not lived until you've tried to hold sheet music  for  in one hand and a ripidion in another. And make a metania while trying to chant.
Title: Re: Share your liturgical mishap stories here!
Post by: ilyazhito on January 18, 2014, 03:53:44 PM
This has to be terrible to be this shorthanded. I wouldn't blame you if any mistake happened, but kudos to you for surviving such an experience.
Title: Re: Share your liturgical mishap stories here!
Post by: PeterTheAleut on January 18, 2014, 06:32:28 PM
This Nativity, I was the cantor for Christmas morning Liturgy. When I arrived, I soon realised I was the only chanter there. I kind of just looked helplessly at the priest, who was missing all his readers and only had one of his servers. He just sighed, blessed me to vest as an acolyte, and handed me the Lectionary and the extra cantor's book. I kind of had to keep (dignified, mind you) chanting while I walked instead of staying at the stand. Believe me, you have not lived until you've tried to hold sheet music  for  in one hand and a ripidion in another. And make a metania while trying to chant.
There is a reason why those in the choir don't make metanias. Our choir director has stated consistently that when you're in the choir, you focus on your singing and let those in the congregation make the metanias.
Title: Re: Share your liturgical mishap stories here!
Post by: Dominika on January 23, 2014, 02:33:18 PM
Small thing, but quite funny
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_SXRs7nDztI#t=19m18s


I just want to explain to those who are not familiar with this tradition nor Portuguese that the server is asking again "Who is the King of Glory" insted of just opening the door, so the bishop is saying instead of the answer "The Lord magnificent" in almost the same tone "Open the door".
Title: Re: Share your liturgical mishap stories here!
Post by: biro on January 23, 2014, 07:35:13 PM
Beautiful video. :)
Title: Re: Share your liturgical mishap stories here!
Post by: augustin717 on January 23, 2014, 08:05:36 PM
"Eternal memory"
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aE3tqs_pOs4 (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aE3tqs_pOs4)
Title: Re: Share your liturgical mishap stories here!
Post by: hecma925 on January 24, 2014, 10:09:50 AM
"Eternal memory"
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aE3tqs_pOs4 (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aE3tqs_pOs4)

So, they got a good 2-for-1 deal.
Title: Re: Share your liturgical mishap stories here!
Post by: mike on January 24, 2014, 11:25:36 AM
The priest didn't have change.

Village burials are always fun. There was a while I've been to one.
Title: Re: Share your liturgical mishap stories here!
Post by: Dominika on March 28, 2014, 04:07:57 PM
From this Friday:

I was appointed to read the second reading (the Proverbs - I think that's the English name) at the Presanctifed Liturgy. So, I chanted the prokimenon in a very good way and then...
The priest said "Wisdom" and I said aloud, thoughtlessly, "The reading of the Proverbs!", while he was coming out with the candle saying "The Light of Christ..." - I forgot about this very important moment. I started to wave my hands in panic instead of kneeling and making prostration, but in the end, I did it, the priest said just "let us attend" without saying again "Wisdom" so I just started the reading without the title.

At first I felt quite ashamed as I'm considered as a secular liturgical specialist :laugh: but then I though it was necessary for me, to be more humble.
Title: Re: Share your liturgical mishap stories here!
Post by: Patapouf on March 28, 2014, 05:48:34 PM
A priest during the liturgy a little distracted, forgot to say at some point "be attentive," the bishop said to him in,a low voice, "be attentive", to which he replied very hastily, "I am, I am."
Title: Re: Share your liturgical mishap stories here!
Post by: LBK on March 28, 2014, 07:05:52 PM
A priest during the liturgy a little distracted, forgot to say at some point "be attentive," the bishop said to him in,a low voice, "be attentive", to which he replied very hastily, "I am, I am."

Beautiful.  :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh:
Title: Re: Share your liturgical mishap stories here!
Post by: Mor Ephrem on March 28, 2014, 08:26:38 PM
At first I felt quite ashamed as I'm considered as a secular liturgical specialist :laugh: but then I though it was necessary for me, to be more humble.

That's not so bad, Dominika.  I've seen much worse.  :) 
Title: Re: Share your liturgical mishap stories here!
Post by: Mor Ephrem on March 28, 2014, 08:27:31 PM
A priest during the liturgy a little distracted, forgot to say at some point "be attentive," the bishop said to him in,a low voice, "be attentive", to which he replied very hastily, "I am, I am."

"Will no one rid me of this troublesome priest?!"
Title: Re: Share your liturgical mishap stories here!
Post by: hecma925 on March 28, 2014, 08:32:21 PM
A priest during the liturgy a little distracted, forgot to say at some point "be attentive," the bishop said to him in,a low voice, "be attentive", to which he replied very hastily, "I am, I am."

"Will no one rid me of this troublesome priest?!"

Ooof, then swords in the neck.
Title: Re: Share your liturgical mishap stories here!
Post by: Ferd Berfel on March 31, 2014, 09:21:47 AM
My Priest's wife works as a doctor in town, so sometimes he is left with the care of their two very young children while holding a weeknight vespers service. Their son is 6 (?) years old, and just a bit rowdy, especially when the service can drag on for an hour or more. One evening, he was standing right in front of the iconostasis during the service. Father quietly told him that he needed to move because he was in the way. The boy disappeared behind the iconostasis, and when Father's back was turned he crawled under the altar and hid under the cloth that was draped over it. This led to a rather hilarious game of peek-a-boo; when Father would turn to face the congregation, his son would stick his head out from under the altar and make faces. When Father would turn back to the altar, he would hide again. I don't think Father ever figured it out.

I've also caught him lighting sticks on fire from some of the candles when he thought no one was looking.  :P
Title: Re: Share your liturgical mishap stories here!
Post by: LizaSymonenko on March 31, 2014, 09:25:37 AM
"Eternal memory"
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aE3tqs_pOs4 (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aE3tqs_pOs4)

Oh....I feel so bad for that lady.  She was traumatized.  Poor thing.
Title: Re: Share your liturgical mishap stories here!
Post by: LBK on March 31, 2014, 09:26:08 AM
My Priest's wife works as a doctor in town, so sometimes he is left with the care of their two very young children while holding a weeknight vespers service. Their son is 6 (?) years old, and just a bit rowdy, especially when the service can drag on for an hour or more. One evening, he was standing right in front of the iconostasis during the service. Father quietly told him that he needed to move because he was in the way. The boy disappeared behind the iconostasis, and when Father's back was turned he crawled under the altar and hid under the cloth that was draped over it. This led to a rather hilarious game of peek-a-boo; when Father would turn to face the congregation, his son would stick his head out from under the altar and make faces. When Father would turn back to the altar, he would hide again. I don't think Father ever figured it out.

I've also caught him lighting sticks on fire from some of the candles when he thought no one was looking.  :P

Legend has it that the children of Orthodox priests turn out to be either angels or the complete opposite.  :o :laugh:
Title: Re: Share your liturgical mishap stories here!
Post by: LBK on March 31, 2014, 09:29:07 AM
"Eternal memory"
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aE3tqs_pOs4 (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aE3tqs_pOs4)

Oh....I feel so bad for that lady.  She was traumatized.  Poor thing.

Just goes to show that not all preposterous occurrences are urban (or rural) myths. Truth is indeed stranger than fiction, and this shocker of a clip proves it.  :o :o
Title: Re: Share your liturgical mishap stories here!
Post by: Nephi on March 31, 2014, 06:03:40 PM
Maybe not the most amazing story, but my baptismal water unfortunately came out only from the cold water tap. Needless to say it wasn't warmed up anywhere near room temperature in time for the service, so my entire immersion experience was accompanied by me going into a cold shock response. I was loudly gasping, hyperventilating, and shivering uncontrollably the whole time the whole I was in the water and being immersed. It took me a couple minutes after getting out of the water to even fully recover.

It almost felt like I was literally being baptized into Christ's death.
Title: Re: Share your liturgical mishap stories here!
Post by: CopticDeacon on April 05, 2014, 04:05:39 PM
My friend, a tonsured Reader at my church told me this story:
(first the correct responses)
Priest: Pray
Deacon: Stand up for prayer
Priest: Peace be with you
Congregation: And with your spirit
(What happened once in our old church during Orthros/Matins)
Priest: Pray
My Friend: Peace be with you
Congregation: and with your spirit
Our priest started the next litany without hesitation!

While guarding the Precious Blood(Standing with a cross, candle and linen cloth) as the priest administers it, 
I was a bit tired due to a long communion line and momentarily singed my hair.

I was instructing a young chanter how to serve in the altar at vespers. I gave him the bowl of incense to bring to the priest before the litany for the Holy Gospel. He was a bit nervous so I had to nudge him forward. Upon taking the candles from the priest, He loudly whispered to me Into the Microphone for ALL to hear (about everyone of my friends from church was there) "Andrew, Where is the censer"? I was embarrassed and rushed into the altar to grab it.

Good stuff these stories.
Title: Re: Share your liturgical mishap stories here!
Post by: Yurysprudentsiya on April 05, 2014, 05:30:25 PM
I remember one time I gave a list of my living and departed relatives to a priest for commemorations.  At one Lenten service, he accidentally switched them, and as he commemorated parish families in an evening service, he intoned prayers for eternal rest and memory eternal for all my living relatives by name. 
Title: Re: Share your liturgical mishap stories here!
Post by: ilyazhito on April 07, 2014, 05:25:51 PM
Yes, there is a Russian saying "Начал за здравие, кончил за упокой". It's also happened to deacons, who accidentally intoned "Memory Eternal" instead of "Many years". It's understandable in Slavonic, because сохрани and сотвори sound similar, but what language was he serving in?
Title: Re: Share your liturgical mishap stories here!
Post by: Yurysprudentsiya on April 07, 2014, 05:53:41 PM
Yes, there is a Russian saying "Начал за здравие, кончил за упокой". It's also happened to deacons, who accidentally intoned "Memory Eternal" instead of "Many years". It's understandable in Slavonic, because сохрани and сотвори sound similar, but what language was he serving in?

English!  He didn't confuse the words . . . He just switched the lists of living and departed Id given him and read from the wrong list.   
Title: Re: Share your liturgical mishap stories here!
Post by: Mor Ephrem on April 07, 2014, 11:06:18 PM
I was visiting a certain parish yesterday.  The church is beautiful, tastefully adorned, and has pretty good acoustics.  The choir was singing softly and with compunction.  The people, silently praying along, appeared to be greatly edified by the atmosphere of joyful sorrow and immersed themselves in it to the purification of their souls.  No doubt the dignified bearing and dedicated ministry of the deacons and altar servers freed them from distractions and allowed them to partake of this rich spiritual fare. 

But even though the worshipers are warned to mute or shut off their phones before entering the church, it became quickly apparent that an altar server forgot to do so.  For as the priest silently begged for the descent of the Holy Spirit upon the holy gifts set forth, one of the young men received a phone call.  The soft singing of the choir, the silence of the people, and the acoustics of the building ensured that his phone, though stuffed somewhere in a pants pocket under a cassock and sticharion, could be heard clearly from just about anywhere. 

Oh, how pleasing it would've been if his ring tone was the sound of bell-ringing or a hymn to the Holy Spirit.  But--oh, the horror!--instead, this was his ring tone (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RbtPXFlZlHg), complete with lyrics and in crystal-clear HD quality, which, resounding through the church as the sound of the archangel's trumpet, caused no little stir.  Confusion was quickly replaced by shock at the content of the song, followed by amusement as the altar server tried, utterly in vain, to get to his phone and shut it off.  In this noble struggle, he was seen shifting about in what can only be described as a poorly executed but gradually intensifying Macarena, desperately trying to find his phone under layers of robes.  All in all, we watched and listened to this spectacle for about a whole minute. 

And that's how our theosis for the day came to an untimely end.             
Title: Re: Share your liturgical mishap stories here!
Post by: LBK on April 07, 2014, 11:15:34 PM
I was visiting a certain parish yesterday.  The church is beautiful, tastefully adorned, and has pretty good acoustics.  The choir was singing softly and with compunction.  The people, silently praying along, appeared to be greatly edified by the atmosphere of joyful sorrow and immersed themselves in it to the purification of their souls.  No doubt the dignified bearing and dedicated ministry of the deacons and altar servers freed them from distractions and allowed them to partake of this rich spiritual fare.  

But even though the worshipers are warned to mute or shut off their phones before entering the church, it became quickly apparent that an altar server forgot to do so.  For as the priest silently begged for the descent of the Holy Spirit upon the holy gifts set forth, one of the young men received a phone call.  The soft singing of the choir, the silence of the people, and the acoustics of the building ensured that his phone, though stuffed somewhere in a pants pocket under a cassock and sticharion, could be heard clearly from just about anywhere.  

Oh, how pleasing it would've been if his ring tone was the sound of bell-ringing or a hymn to the Holy Spirit.  But--oh, the horror!--instead, this was his ring tone (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RbtPXFlZlHg), complete with lyrics and in crystal-clear HD quality, which, resounding through the church as the sound of the archangel's trumpet, caused no little stir.  Confusion was quickly replaced by shock at the content of the song, followed by amusement as the altar server tried, utterly in vain, to get to his phone and shut it off.  In this noble struggle, he was seen shifting about in what can only be described as a poorly executed but gradually intensifying Macarena, desperately trying to find his phone under layers of robes.  All in all, we watched and listened to this spectacle for about a whole minute.  

And that's how our theosis for the day came to an untimely end.            

Oy. Simply oy.

Does history record what was the fate of the unfortunate miscreant?  :o
Title: Re: Share your liturgical mishap stories here!
Post by: DeniseDenise on April 07, 2014, 11:18:17 PM
Pre Liturgy frisking of altar servers to eliminate phones.....comes to mind...
Title: Re: Share your liturgical mishap stories here!
Post by: frjohnmorris on April 07, 2014, 11:20:53 PM
I was visiting a certain parish yesterday.  The church is beautiful, tastefully adorned, and has pretty good acoustics.  The choir was singing softly and with compunction.  The people, silently praying along, appeared to be greatly edified by the atmosphere of joyful sorrow and immersed themselves in it to the purification of their souls.  No doubt the dignified bearing and dedicated ministry of the deacons and altar servers freed them from distractions and allowed them to partake of this rich spiritual fare. 

But even though the worshipers are warned to mute or shut off their phones before entering the church, it became quickly apparent that an altar server forgot to do so.  For as the priest silently begged for the descent of the Holy Spirit upon the holy gifts set forth, one of the young men received a phone call.  The soft singing of the choir, the silence of the people, and the acoustics of the building ensured that his phone, though stuffed somewhere in a pants pocket under a cassock and sticharion, could be heard clearly from just about anywhere. 

Oh, how pleasing it would've been if his ring tone was the sound of bell-ringing or a hymn to the Holy Spirit.  But--oh, the horror!--instead, this was his ring tone (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RbtPXFlZlHg), complete with lyrics and in crystal-clear HD quality, which, resounding through the church as the sound of the archangel's trumpet, caused no little stir.  Confusion was quickly replaced by shock at the content of the song, followed by amusement as the altar server tried, utterly in vain, to get to his phone and shut it off.  In this noble struggle, he was seen shifting about in what can only be described as a poorly executed but gradually intensifying Macarena, desperately trying to find his phone under layers of robes.  All in all, we watched and listened to this spectacle for about a whole minute. 

And that's how our theosis for the day came to an untimely end.             

That happened to me once when I was reading one of the Gospels during the one of the Bridegroom Service during Holy Week. Fortunately, my ring tone is a piece by Mozart. However, since then I leave my cell phone at home or turn it off before I begin a service.\
Once when I was giving Holy Communion the second a man opened his mouth his cell phone went off with the CanCan music by Offenbach.
Years ago, at another parish which used an organ. One Sunday several weeks before Orthodox Pascha on the Western Easter, I suddenly heard the organist playing Irving Berlin's "Put on your Easter bonnet..." It has somehow become a parish custom for the organist to play that song on the Western Easter. Needless to say that is a custom that I stopped. When I served my first Liturgy there, the organist played during the Gospel. That is something that I immediately stopped. Fortunately since then, most Antiochian parishes have ceased to use an organ.
I may be wrong, but I read that the use of an organ was introduced  Athenagoras Spyroua who became the Archbishop of the North American Greek Archdiocese in 1931. He introduced the organ in at Spyridon's Cathedral when he was Metropolitan of Corfu before he came the the U.S. When he was accused of violating the traditions of the Church, he argued that the historian Fr. Constantine Callinikos argued that they used an organ in The Cathedral of Holy Wisdom in ancient Constantinople. In 1948 Archbishop Anthenagoras became the Ecumenical Patriarch.

Fr. John W. Morris
Title: Re: Share your liturgical mishap stories here!
Post by: LBK on April 07, 2014, 11:25:32 PM
This didn't quite happen during a service, but it's a tale worth telling:

The woman who sets up the flowers in church for major feasts had finished arranging the flowers, and had placed the vases in the usual places, including two very large vases for the iconostasis icons of Christ and the Mother of God. These icons are painted on canvas, and are not set behind glass.

As she started filling the vase under the Mother of God with water, she noticed a mark on the face of the Christ-child, a little to one side of His nose. The woman reached up to flick off the speck - a particle of oily soot from the lamp set before the icon - which promptly smeared across His little face. Baby Jesus with a moustache ....  :o :o :laugh:

Fortunately, she was able to clean off the soot without damaging the icon.
Title: Re: Share your liturgical mishap stories here!
Post by: Mor Ephrem on April 07, 2014, 11:25:59 PM
Does history record what was the fate of the unfortunate miscreant?  :o

I didn't stay long enough to find out.  :)
Title: Re: Share your liturgical mishap stories here!
Post by: DeniseDenise on April 07, 2014, 11:27:28 PM
This didn't quite happen during a service, but it's a tale worth telling:

The woman who sets up the flowers in church for major feasts had finished arranging the flowers, and had placed the vases in the usual places, including two very large vases for the iconostasis icons of Christ and the Mother of God. These icons are painted on canvas, and are not set behind glass.

As she started filling the vase under the Mother of God with water, she noticed a mark on the face of the Christ-child, a little to one side of His nose. The woman reached up to flick off the speck - a particle of oily soot from the lamp set before the icon - which promptly smeared across His little face. Baby Jesus with a moustache ....  :o :o :laugh:

Fortunately, she was able to clean off the soot without damaging the icon.

I believe thats the Theotokos of the 'They grow up so fast'.....
Title: Re: Share your liturgical mishap stories here!
Post by: LBK on April 07, 2014, 11:27:40 PM
Does history record what was the fate of the unfortunate miscreant?  :o

I didn't stay long enough to find out.  :)

Smart move.  ;) ;D
Title: Re: Share your liturgical mishap stories here!
Post by: Mor Ephrem on April 07, 2014, 11:27:52 PM
That happened to me once when I was reading one of the Gospels during the one of the Bridegroom Service during Holy Week. Fortunately, my ring tone is a piece by Mozart. However, since then I leave my cell phone at home or turn it off before I begin a service.


I read about a Catholic priest who, feeling the need to have a phone on his person and audible during Mass, made a recording of himself coughing and set that as his ring tone.  :)  
Title: Re: Share your liturgical mishap stories here!
Post by: LBK on April 07, 2014, 11:29:19 PM
This didn't quite happen during a service, but it's a tale worth telling:

The woman who sets up the flowers in church for major feasts had finished arranging the flowers, and had placed the vases in the usual places, including two very large vases for the iconostasis icons of Christ and the Mother of God. These icons are painted on canvas, and are not set behind glass.

As she started filling the vase under the Mother of God with water, she noticed a mark on the face of the Christ-child, a little to one side of His nose. The woman reached up to flick off the speck - a particle of oily soot from the lamp set before the icon - which promptly smeared across His little face. Baby Jesus with a moustache ....  :o :o :laugh:

Fortunately, she was able to clean off the soot without damaging the icon.

I believe thats the Theotokos of the 'They grow up so fast'.....

Of course! This is one icon missing from my icon archive. I must track one down.
Title: Re: Share your liturgical mishap stories here!
Post by: LBK on April 07, 2014, 11:34:56 PM

Once when I was giving Holy Communion the second a man opened his mouth his cell phone went off with the CanCan music by Offenbach.


Your self-control in not dropping the chalice is admirable!  :o :laugh:
Title: Re: Share your liturgical mishap stories here!
Post by: Nephi on April 07, 2014, 11:36:27 PM
I was visiting a certain parish yesterday.  The church is beautiful, tastefully adorned, and has pretty good acoustics.  The choir was singing softly and with compunction.  The people, silently praying along, appeared to be greatly edified by the atmosphere of joyful sorrow and immersed themselves in it to the purification of their souls.  No doubt the dignified bearing and dedicated ministry of the deacons and altar servers freed them from distractions and allowed them to partake of this rich spiritual fare.  

But even though the worshipers are warned to mute or shut off their phones before entering the church, it became quickly apparent that an altar server forgot to do so.  For as the priest silently begged for the descent of the Holy Spirit upon the holy gifts set forth, one of the young men received a phone call.  The soft singing of the choir, the silence of the people, and the acoustics of the building ensured that his phone, though stuffed somewhere in a pants pocket under a cassock and sticharion, could be heard clearly from just about anywhere.  

Oh, how pleasing it would've been if his ring tone was the sound of bell-ringing or a hymn to the Holy Spirit.  But--oh, the horror!--instead, this was his ring tone (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RbtPXFlZlHg), complete with lyrics and in crystal-clear HD quality, which, resounding through the church as the sound of the archangel's trumpet, caused no little stir.  Confusion was quickly replaced by shock at the content of the song, followed by amusement as the altar server tried, utterly in vain, to get to his phone and shut it off.  In this noble struggle, he was seen shifting about in what can only be described as a poorly executed but gradually intensifying Macarena, desperately trying to find his phone under layers of robes.  All in all, we watched and listened to this spectacle for about a whole minute.  

And that's how our theosis for the day came to an untimely end.            

I'm afraid I would've had to bite my tongue to keep from laughing. The song choice could have been so much worse. I can just imagine someone's ringtone being Waka Flocka Flame's "Hard in the Paint." :angel:

I remember once the most annoying ringtone went off for a good couple minutes or so. I don't know if she just couldn't find it or didn't think it was hers, but I think almost everyone glanced over in her direction at least once before she finally turned it off.
Title: Re: Share your liturgical mishap stories here!
Post by: hecma925 on April 08, 2014, 07:11:55 AM
Could have been Tupac's "Hit me up."  We know how that song starts out.
Title: Re: Share your liturgical mishap stories here!
Post by: TheOldFellow on April 08, 2014, 08:41:42 AM
I was serving with an Archbishop from North America at an orthodox conference here in England.  There was no deacon, so as usual muggins gets the job.  He reached to hand me the censor, and let go with my hand 2 inches from it.  Fortunately the resulting fire was limited to three carpet tiles.  I am firmly of the belief that carpet tiles are a blessed gift from the Lord to conference centre chapels.  What was so reassuring what that the Archbishop carried on as if nothing had happened, and never mentioned it afterwards - I love him for that alone.
Title: Re: Share your liturgical mishap stories here!
Post by: ilyazhito on April 08, 2014, 02:51:44 PM
Yes, there is a Russian saying "Начал за здравие, кончил за упокой". It's also happened to deacons, who accidentally intoned "Memory Eternal" instead of "Many years". It's understandable in Slavonic, because сохрани and сотвори sound similar, but what language was he serving in?

English!  He didn't confuse the words . . . He just switched the lists of living and departed Id given him and read from the wrong list.   
An even more banal error. But hopefully both he and the "dead" people will recover.
Title: Re: Share your liturgical mishap stories here!
Post by: Patapouf on April 08, 2014, 03:48:10 PM
During the ordination of a presbyter, this was so nervous that at the time of placing the felónion stood stiff as a tree, with arms glued to your sides. The deacon who helped put felónion ended up tying her arms with bands of felónion. Finished sorting the bishop turned to him to give him a hug and he did not correspondeu.O bishop a bit angry said to him, give me a hug, to which he replied, I can, i am  tied to the arms.
Title: Re: Share your liturgical mishap stories here!
Post by: ilyazhito on April 08, 2014, 04:32:43 PM
During the ordination of a presbyter, this was so nervous that at the time of placing the felónion stood stiff as a tree, with arms glued to your sides. The deacon who helped put felónion ended up tying her arms with bands of felónion. Finished sorting the bishop turned to him to give him a hug and he did not correspondeu.O bishop a bit angry said to him, give me a hug, to which he replied, I can, i am  tied to the arms.
I'm just making this a little clearer, because the original user's English is bad. I think this was directly translated by Google Translate from Portuguese, because the quality is horrible. However, I think he means that the priest was being ordained. He was very nervous and stood stiffly. The deacon who was helping vest the new priest accidentally tied his arms with the bands of the phelonion. The bishop greeted him and hugged him, but he would not do the same. The bishop was somewhat angry and said to him "Give me a hug." He said, "I can't. My arms are tied up."
Title: Re: Share your liturgical mishap stories here!
Post by: Patapouf on April 08, 2014, 06:00:02 PM
Correct my English writing horrible, even, I speak and read, but writing is much more difficult. I ask you to forgive me the google translator. Thanks for intervention.
Title: Re: Share your liturgical mishap stories here!
Post by: Yurysprudentsiya on April 08, 2014, 06:17:40 PM
Yes, there is a Russian saying "Начал за здравие, кончил за упокой". It's also happened to deacons, who accidentally intoned "Memory Eternal" instead of "Many years". It's understandable in Slavonic, because сохрани and сотвори sound similar, but what language was he serving in?

English!  He didn't confuse the words . . . He just switched the lists of living and departed Id given him and read from the wrong list.   
An even more banal error. But hopefully both he and the "dead" people will recover.

Yes.  All is well. My living relatives counted it as a prayer for future needs. 
Title: Re: Share your liturgical mishap stories here!
Post by: Agabus on April 09, 2014, 10:29:31 PM
My son puked on the floor while on pilgrimage to see the Kursk Root icon.
Title: Re: Share your liturgical mishap stories here!
Post by: ilyazhito on April 10, 2014, 06:25:59 PM
I understand. There was one time that something even worse happened. I was serving in the altar in a Greek church in Boston, and I happened to puke in the altar around the time of the second antiphon. I had to leave afterwards, probably because I was sick. Since then I have not eaten prior to a Liturgy, to avoid that happening again. Hopefully your son feels better, Agabus.
Title: Re: Share your liturgical mishap stories here!
Post by: CopticDeacon on April 10, 2014, 07:16:36 PM
Since then I have not eaten prior to a Liturgy, to avoid that happening again. Hopefully your son feels better, Agabus.

If you don't mind me asking, why did you eat before liturgy? Perhaps I'm not educated enough on other liturgical practices but the coptic practice is to fast 9 hours before receiving Holy Communion. Is there such a fast for ROCOR? Or other eastern orthodox churches?
Title: Re: Share your liturgical mishap stories here!
Post by: Agabus on April 10, 2014, 11:28:56 PM
I understand. There was one time that something even worse happened. I was serving in the altar in a Greek church in Boston, and I happened to puke in the altar around the time of the second antiphon. I had to leave afterwards, probably because I was sick. Since then I have not eaten prior to a Liturgy, to avoid that happening again. Hopefully your son feels better, Agabus.
From what I understand, he was fine, waiting in line with his mother, and turned around and expelled what little food was in his stomach onto the floor in front of the Baptist couple waiting behind them. After that, he was fine.

Maybe it was a sign, but it was probably just indigestion caused by him not having the age or wisdom to know not to eat things off the ground.
Title: Re: Share your liturgical mishap stories here!
Post by: Mor Ephrem on April 10, 2014, 11:32:25 PM
From what I understand, he was fine, waiting in line with his mother, and turned around and expelled what little food was in his stomach onto the floor in front of the Baptist couple waiting behind them. After that, he was fine.

So he's an anti-ecumenist. 
Title: Re: Share your liturgical mishap stories here!
Post by: frjohnmorris on April 11, 2014, 12:29:14 AM
Since then I have not eaten prior to a Liturgy, to avoid that happening again. Hopefully your son feels better, Agabus.

If you don't mind me asking, why did you eat before liturgy? Perhaps I'm not educated enough on other liturgical practices but the coptic practice is to fast 9 hours before receiving Holy Communion. Is there such a fast for ROCOR? Or other eastern orthodox churches?

Normally Eastern Orthodox do not eat after midnight when they are preparing to receive Holy Communion in the morning, or after lunch if they are preparing to receive Holy Communion the evening, such as during a Presanctified Divine Liturgy.  However, one must also consider one's health and follow one's physicians directions. I cannot fast before the Liturgy because, I have a severe case of hypoglycemia. Once when I did not eat before a morning Liturgy, I actually lost my voice due to low blood sugar. I tried taking protein pills but that did not work. I get a cold sweat and feel faint if I do not eat. I also am under doctor's instructions to eat at least some meat during fasting times. I asked my spiritual father what to do and he told me to follow the instructions of my doctor. While I am at it, please pray for me. I have been cursed with a kidney stone since November. It has not passed despite two lithotripsy treatments. Pray for me that I can make it through Holy Week.

Fr. John W. Morris
Title: Re: Share your liturgical mishap stories here!
Post by: elephant on April 11, 2014, 07:42:50 AM
Lord Have Mercy Lord Have Mercy Lord Have Mercy
Most Holy Theotokos Save Us
Title: Re: Share your liturgical mishap stories here!
Post by: Maximum Bob on April 11, 2014, 08:11:13 AM
Lord, have mercy on Father John.
Title: Re: Share your liturgical mishap stories here!
Post by: Theophania on April 11, 2014, 07:17:27 PM
From what I understand, he was fine, waiting in line with his mother, and turned around and expelled what little food was in his stomach onto the floor in front of the Baptist couple waiting behind them. After that, he was fine.

So he's an anti-ecumenist. 

We need to make that kid a forum member.
Title: Re: Share your liturgical mishap stories here!
Post by: mabsoota on April 12, 2014, 10:00:55 AM
may God bring healing to father john and his kidneys.

i deliberately have a church song ring tone, in case of forgetting to switch my phone off.
one day my phone went off while the bishop was reading the gospel and i was in the front row!
i turned it within 3 or 4 seconds, and during coffee after liturgy apologised to the bishop for the mistake.

he hadn't noticed!
thank God for recordable ring tones and clergy with impressive levels of concentration!
Title: Re: Share your liturgical mishap stories here!
Post by: genesisone on April 28, 2014, 09:24:53 AM
Yesterday morning as I was about to read from the Acts of the Apostles, my tongue strangely stumbled on the word "acts" and came out as "attacks"  :-[. It must not have been clearly evident to the congregation as nothing was said later.
Title: Re: Share your liturgical mishap stories here!
Post by: biro on April 28, 2014, 10:53:53 AM
Yesterday morning as I was about to read from the Acts of the Apostles, my tongue strangely stumbled on the word "acts" and came out as "attacks"  :-[. It must not have been clearly evident to the congregation as nothing was said later.

 :D Glad you made it through.
Title: Re: Share your liturgical mishap stories here!
Post by: elephant on April 28, 2014, 11:12:05 AM
Yesterday morning as I was about to read from the Acts of the Apostles, my tongue strangely stumbled on the word "acts" and came out as "attacks"  :-[. It must not have been clearly evident to the congregation as nothing was said later.

They are well known for cutting off ears!
Title: Re: Share your liturgical mishap stories here!
Post by: frjohnmorris on April 28, 2014, 11:44:02 AM
If your parish buys one of those fancy hand carved Biers, make sure to take measurements of your Epitaphios to make sure that it will fit into the Bier. The Priest before me ordered a Bier from Greece, but it is too small for our Epitaphios. Also make sure that it is not too heavy and that it can get through the door for the procession.

Fr. John W. Morris
Title: Re: Share your liturgical mishap stories here!
Post by: ilyazhito on May 09, 2014, 01:35:00 PM
It would be funny, but also sad if the Epitaphios and Bier do not fit through the doors. They would have to be brought in, each separately, and I don't think that even a Cathedral would have a large enough complement of priests for THAT.
Title: Re: Share your liturgical mishap stories here!
Post by: isaelie on May 15, 2014, 10:18:58 PM
fish n chips  :police:
Title: Re: Share your liturgical mishap stories here!
Post by: genesisone on June 08, 2014, 03:31:00 PM
I really messed us up at Kneeling Vespers earlier today. I did have some help from my priest, though. Things started out OK, but suddenly our priest announced: "The Evening Prokeimenon!" when we chanters were about to sing "O Lord, I have cried..." Two things immediately went through my mind: first, I had misarranged the pages in my binder (I have the whole service printed out with appropriate music in its correct place), but some quick checking showed that that was not the case; secondly, our priest had suddenly decided to do a major abbreviation - he does occasionally make some cuts, but this seemed extreme. We chanters paused for several seconds as I was hoping to hear the priest correct himself, but I heard nothing. I was likely in such a panic mode that my ability to hear anything completely disappeared, as Fr D did tell me later that he said (in a somewhat lower volume) "Not that, sing the Psalms". So anyway, we launched into the Prokeimenon, and Fr D simply picked it up at that point and carried on with the First Kneeling Prayer. He wasn't the least bit upset as he was (I'm sure) appreciative of the unexpected shortening of the service.  ;) :D. Since no one else had a printed copy of the service, no mention of this calamity was raised during coffee hour.
Title: Re: Share your liturgical mishap stories here!
Post by: Mor Ephrem on June 08, 2014, 04:32:35 PM
Since no one else had a printed copy of the service, no mention of this calamity was raised during coffee hour.

But now the whole internet knows, and will know unto ages of ages!
Title: Re: Share your liturgical mishap stories here!
Post by: genesisone on June 08, 2014, 04:50:42 PM
Since no one else had a printed copy of the service, no mention of this calamity was raised during coffee hour.

But now the whole internet knows, and will know unto ages of ages!
Still OK. We don't have internet here .  ::) ::) ::)
Title: Re: Share your liturgical mishap stories here!
Post by: Ferd Berfel on June 25, 2014, 02:35:10 AM
I was serving behind the altar today at a very small service in my church. There was my Priest, the Deacon, and me behind the altar, and the Presbytera was singing alone. Near the end of the Orthros, Presbytera suddenly stops mid-hymn and shouts, “OH MY GOD”. The three of us behind the altar look out at her, and she’s practically climbing the walls freaking out.

“There’s a scorpion! Or something! I don’t know! EW!”

Father, the deacon and I all come out and look around to find the bug, but we come up with nothing. Eventually, Presbytera calms down and says, “Let’s just keep going.”

She starts over again, but this time she gets about ten seconds into it before she’s shouting again, but much louder, “OH OH OH THERE IT IS KILL IT KILL IT KILL IT”

We run out again and spot a little house centipede running around on the music stand. Father grabs the Great Horologion that she had sitting on the stand and smacks the bug onto the floor. It starts crawling towards my feet, so I stomp it flat.

As we return to the altar to finish Orthros, the deacon, a jolly old man in his late 70s, leans over to me and whispers, “And people say that church is boring!” :laugh:
Title: Re: Share your liturgical mishap stories here!
Post by: hecma925 on June 25, 2014, 07:34:31 AM
^Old deacons are the best!  :D
Title: Re: Share your liturgical mishap stories here!
Post by: CopticDeacon on June 25, 2014, 09:19:04 AM
I was serving behind the altar today at a very small service in my church. There was my Priest, the Deacon, and me behind the altar, and the Presbytera was singing alone. Near the end of the Orthros, Presbytera suddenly stops mid-hymn and shouts, “OH MY GOD”. The three of us behind the altar look out at her, and she’s practically climbing the walls freaking out.

“There’s a scorpion! Or something! I don’t know! EW!”

Father, the deacon and I all come out and look around to find the bug, but we come up with nothing. Eventually, Presbytera calms down and says, “Let’s just keep going.”

She starts over again, but this time she gets about ten seconds into it before she’s shouting again, but much louder, “OH OH OH THERE IT IS KILL IT KILL IT KILL IT”

We run out again and spot a little house centipede running around on the music stand. Father grabs the Great Horologion that she had sitting on the stand and smacks the bug onto the floor. It starts crawling towards my feet, so I stomp it flat.

As we return to the altar to finish Orthros, the deacon, a jolly old man in his late 70s, leans over to me and whispers, “And people say that church is boring!” :laugh:


I just got out of 6am liturgy, I'm sitting in a tiny local coffee shop, and that story makes my day even better!
Title: Re: Share your liturgical mishap stories here!
Post by: CopticDeacon on June 25, 2014, 10:07:24 AM
Almost a year ago I was vested. Chanting and what not. Really feeling this Saturday liturgy. Attendance is rising as I spread the word about Saturdays. Chanting Psalm 150(our communion hymn). Everything is going well. I almost forgot to take communion. "Run" into the altar to tell father. Both priests were there. Uber embarrassing. Basically no Body left. Only a few crumbs(we receive the Body separate from Blood as per the Coptic standard) left. Father took the crumbs and placed them on the Spoon with the Blood in it. Received both together. Basically had communion the way EVERY OTHER ORTHODOX CHURCH DOES IT(save for a few). Heart racing. Go sit down outside and cool off.
Title: Re: Share your liturgical mishap stories here!
Post by: brastaseptim on July 03, 2014, 10:10:14 PM
Not exactly a mishap, but still funny:

Seeing as I'm employed as the 7 am Mass cantor for a Roman Catholic parish, I don't worry too much about service music- I just grab my SEP for the introit, and the usual hymnal for the offertory and communion (we're one of those 'we'll eventually be chanting the whole thing' parishes where the priest is traditional, but scared of being seen as such, the organist and I are traditionalists and sneak in as much chant as we can, and the other cantor (and my old mentor- good voice, poor taste in hymns) is practically married to Haugen-Haas-Schutte tunes out of a Glory and Praise hymnal. Now, this was when a visiting priest was here, so the organist and I tried to take Father's absence as an opportunity to break out the Graduale Romanum from the back. Just as I started the introit, the priest signalled "stop", walked up a side aisle instead of the main one, and stopped the procession to walk up to me and ask in a stage whisper, looking genuinely confused. "Why are you singing some kind of chant for the Gathering Song? I didn't get sent accidentally to a Latin Mass parish, did I?"  ::)
Title: Re: Share your liturgical mishap stories here!
Post by: Nephi on July 04, 2014, 12:25:55 AM
^I'm not sure if you meant that to be funny or sad...
Title: Re: Share your liturgical mishap stories here!
Post by: Alpo on July 04, 2014, 02:42:31 AM
I didn't know that the situation is that bad for American RCs. I'd probably have walked out of the church or something. The priest should be defrocked.
Title: Re: Share your liturgical mishap stories here!
Post by: Mor Ephrem on July 04, 2014, 12:24:11 PM
I didn't know that the situation is that bad for American RCs. I'd probably have walked out of the church or something. The priest should be defrocked.

He was probably trying to avoid being defrocked.  :P
Title: Re: Share your liturgical mishap stories here!
Post by: Keble on July 05, 2014, 09:11:12 AM
I really messed us up at Kneeling Vespers earlier today. I did have some help from my priest, though. Things started out OK, but suddenly our priest announced: "The Evening Prokeimenon!" when we chanters were about to sing "O Lord, I have cried..." Two things immediately went through my mind: first, I had misarranged the pages in my binder (I have the whole service printed out with appropriate music in its correct place), but some quick checking showed that that was not the case; secondly, our priest had suddenly decided to do a major abbreviation - he does occasionally make some cuts, but this seemed extreme. We chanters paused for several seconds as I was hoping to hear the priest correct himself, but I heard nothing. I was likely in such a panic mode that my ability to hear anything completely disappeared, as Fr D did tell me later that he said (in a somewhat lower volume) "Not that, sing the Psalms". So anyway, we launched into the Prokeimenon, and Fr D simply picked it up at that point and carried on with the First Kneeling Prayer. He wasn't the least bit upset as he was (I'm sure) appreciative of the unexpected shortening of the service.  ;) :D. Since no one else had a printed copy of the service, no mention of this calamity was raised during coffee hour.

I've been dragged into the choir for two hierarchical liturgies and and both of them the bishop did something unexpected to the rite that sent the choir director and then the rest of of us frantically turning pages trying to figure out where he was.
Title: Re: Share your liturgical mishap stories here!
Post by: biro on July 05, 2014, 09:24:39 AM
We had a bishop visit recently, and he was moving from the chair to stand in front of the altar, only he was moving a little faster than people expected. The altar servers had to rush with the candles to keep up with him.  :)
Title: Re: Share your liturgical mishap stories here!
Post by: hecma925 on July 05, 2014, 09:36:17 AM
We had a bishop visit recently, and he was moving from the chair to stand in front of the altar, only he was moving a little faster than people expected. The altar servers had to rush with the candles to keep up with him.  :)

Keeps them on their toes!
Title: Re: Share your liturgical mishap stories here!
Post by: biro on September 07, 2014, 06:32:32 PM
This morning, we had a bit of a train wreck. The chanters started singing something, only stopped after a few seconds - it must have been the wrong thing. Then the choir started, but they stopped right after that too. Then the chanters stared up at the choir, and there was a pause while nobody sang anything. Then Father just started chanting whatever he was supposed to chant next, and we proceeded as normal. :)
Title: Re: Share your liturgical mishap stories here!
Post by: Maria on September 07, 2014, 07:05:08 PM
I was serving behind the altar today at a very small service in my church. There was my Priest, the Deacon, and me behind the altar, and the Presbytera was singing alone. Near the end of the Orthros, Presbytera suddenly stops mid-hymn and shouts, “OH MY GOD”. The three of us behind the altar look out at her, and she’s practically climbing the walls freaking out.

“There’s a scorpion! Or something! I don’t know! EW!”

Father, the deacon and I all come out and look around to find the bug, but we come up with nothing. Eventually, Presbytera calms down and says, “Let’s just keep going.”

She starts over again, but this time she gets about ten seconds into it before she’s shouting again, but much louder, “OH OH OH THERE IT IS KILL IT KILL IT KILL IT”

We run out again and spot a little house centipede running around on the music stand. Father grabs the Great Horologion that she had sitting on the stand and smacks the bug onto the floor. It starts crawling towards my feet, so I stomp it flat.

As we return to the altar to finish Orthros, the deacon, a jolly old man in his late 70s, leans over to me and whispers, “And people say that church is boring!” :laugh:


St. Seraphim of Sarov would not harm a mosquito.

Is outrage! The poor centipede.


That is funny.
Title: Re: Share your liturgical mishap stories here!
Post by: ilyazhito on September 07, 2014, 07:15:40 PM
What was there with the small print?
Title: Re: Share your liturgical mishap stories here!
Post by: lovesupreme on September 07, 2014, 07:16:35 PM
What was there with the small print?

Quote
St. Seraphim of Sarov would not harm a mosquito.

Is outrage! The poor centipede.
Title: Re: Share your liturgical mishap stories here!
Post by: ilyazhito on September 07, 2014, 07:18:07 PM
Ooh. Appropriate for Hyperdox Herman as well, methinks.
Title: Re: Share your liturgical mishap stories here!
Post by: Maximum Bob on October 22, 2014, 11:17:18 PM
Okay so it didn't actually become a mishap but it was close.  As you may have noticed my girls were baptised this last Sunday and they and my wife and myself were Chrismated.  At the end of the service service Father tonsured us. When he did my older daughter he started on her left side and when he leaned over to get hair from her right side and put his vestments right in the flame of her baptismal candle, I nearly dropped my candle reacting to it. When he did my younger daughter same thing happened causing several more people to jump to the rescue.

Also when my youngest, who has always been nervous around water, was baptized she didn't go under all the way.  So the second time Father splashed the top of her head.  The third time he got a firm grip and made sure she went under all the way.  When he turned around he remarked "I guess she really doesn't like swimming".

 I got the chance to tie things together later telling her about the baptism which she evidently didn't realize happened that way because she looked concerned.  I jumped in quickly and said "it's okay you got even with him" and told her about her candle at the tonsuring, which she didn't realize either,.  We both had a good laugh.
Title: Re: Share your liturgical mishap stories here!
Post by: Georgii on October 22, 2014, 11:32:37 PM
Yesterday morning as I was about to read from the Acts of the Apostles, my tongue strangely stumbled on the word "acts" and came out as "attacks"  :-[. It must not have been clearly evident to the congregation as nothing was said later.

Praying aloud at home I sometimes mix up "servant" with "serpent".
Title: Re: Share your liturgical mishap stories here!
Post by: charbelkaleab on October 28, 2014, 07:20:38 PM
Communion feel out of my mouth  :o
Title: Re: Share your liturgical mishap stories here!
Post by: ilyazhito on October 30, 2014, 04:36:24 PM
That must really suck!
To the poster on serpents, hopefully no priest will say "serpent" instead of servant, because it would be weird to give communion to snakes, even if a person is mistakenly called a snake.
Title: Re: Share your liturgical mishap stories here!
Post by: biro on October 30, 2014, 09:53:59 PM
Last week, at Vespers, the chanters kept starting and stopping, and in between, a lady standing next to me would whisper corrections in Greek.  :)
Title: Re: Share your liturgical mishap stories here!
Post by: DeniseDenise on October 30, 2014, 10:13:16 PM
Last week, at Vespers, the chanters kept starting and stopping, and in between, a lady standing next to me would whisper corrections in Greek.  :)

That must be my coworker's wife.  ;)
Title: Re: Share your liturgical mishap stories here!
Post by: LBK on October 30, 2014, 11:11:27 PM
Last week, at Vespers, the chanters kept starting and stopping, and in between, a lady standing next to me would whisper corrections in Greek.  :)

That must be my coworker's wife.  ;)

You're right. It has to be her.  :laugh: :laugh: :laugh:
Title: Re: Share your liturgical mishap stories here!
Post by: DeniseDenise on October 30, 2014, 11:13:14 PM
Wait...did she also correct people's english? if so then its a direct relative.


Title: Re: Share your liturgical mishap stories here!
Post by: rakovsky on October 31, 2014, 01:43:25 AM
One time I dropped a cup of blessed bread cubes on the floor and had to pick up the specks.
Title: Re: Share your liturgical mishap stories here!
Post by: Georgii on October 31, 2014, 04:01:56 AM
To the poster on serpents, hopefully no priest will say "serpent" instead of servant, because it would be weird to give communion to snakes, even if a person is mistakenly called a snake.

I've said it the other way around, too: "... rescue me from the mouth of the pernicious servant, who is yawning to devour me and take me down to hades alive."

Thankfully never in church, and I don't recall hearing any slips like that from clergy, either.

Title: Re: Share your liturgical mishap stories here!
Post by: Hamartolos on October 31, 2014, 07:44:41 AM
I was lighting another piece of charcoal for the censer during the Paschal Liturgy and it 'exploded' going all over the floor and burning big holes into the carpet.  The water was on the other side of the sanctuary and I had to get innovative when it came to the 'cup' and used the top of the water heater pot (really it's almost a coffee pot). 

Another time I dropped the censer and burned a even bigger hole into the carpet.  I was actually in shock when I did that.  I don't serve at the altar that much anymore...
Title: Re: Share your liturgical mishap stories here!
Post by: mabsoota on October 31, 2014, 02:20:46 PM
One time I dropped a cup of blessed bread cubes on the floor and had to pick up the specks.

our blessed bread is not crumbly!
you should check out coptic recipes...
 ;)

seriously though, we have to pick up (and eat) anything that drops.
it's a good incentive to keep the floor clean!
really tiny crumbs (very rare, and usually mixed with dust) can be put in the garden.

i am sorry to hear about pst about the dropped Holy Communion;
i hope it was retrieved and consumed properly.
Title: Re: Share your liturgical mishap stories here!
Post by: charbelkaleab on October 31, 2014, 08:49:14 PM
Laughing like crazy in the middle of the choir singing; dropping the Ethiopian umbrella right on top of the Priest; tripping the Deacon; chasing a 2 year old because he was about to go into the altar, oh all of it has happened with me   :P :P
Title: Re: Share your liturgical mishap stories here!
Post by: TheTrisagion on November 10, 2014, 01:44:02 PM
We had Bishop Thomas at our parish this week, which is always an honor because is is such a nice guy. He brought word that Bishop Antoun said to tell us hi because Bishop Antoun was our bishop when the parish was founded.  Apparently, Bishop Antoun's favorite song is You are my Sunshine, so the parish decided to sing it and record it and send it along with Bishop Thomas to pass it on to Bishop Antoun. Everyone sang the first verse and Bishop Thomas was all smiles and was about to conclude when the congregation really got into it and started singing verse two.  Bishop Thomas' face turned bright red, he crossed himself numerous times, turned around, and doubled over. After the verse was over, he turned back around and sternly said, "Well that was very nice, but how about next time, we keep that second verse for the bedroom, not for church!".   I suspect my priest was apologizing profusely afterward.  :laugh:
Title: Re: Share your liturgical mishap stories here!
Post by: Inquirer on November 10, 2014, 03:13:04 PM
I heard a story about a senile priest celebrating Mass that got confused and lost his place, and ended up jumping from the Preface to the Our Father (thus skipping the consecration) but adoring the bread/wine as if they were the Body and Blood of Christ. Somebody in the pews shouted "this is blasphemy" and stormed off. Everybody else received 'communion' and didn't say anything about it.
Title: Re: Share your liturgical mishap stories here!
Post by: OrthoMEX on November 10, 2014, 09:52:47 PM
During the Holy week reading of the 12 gospels the people that were chanting were going a little slow and by the time we got to the 3rd gospel almost all the candles had burned out and the priest came out of the alter and told the chanters to pickup the pace LOL.
Title: Re: Share your liturgical mishap stories here!
Post by: Hamartolos on November 10, 2014, 10:21:38 PM
We had Bishop Thomas at our parish this week, which is always an honor because is is such a nice guy. He brought word that Bishop Antoun said to tell us hi because Bishop Antoun was our bishop when the parish was founded.  Apparently, Bishop Antoun's favorite song is You are my Sunshine, so the parish decided to sing it and record it and send it along with Bishop Thomas to pass it on to Bishop Antoun. Everyone sang the first verse and Bishop Thomas was all smiles and was about to conclude when the congregation really got into it and started singing verse two.  Bishop Thomas' face turned bright red, he crossed himself numerous times, turned around, and doubled over. After the verse was over, he turned back around and sternly said, "Well that was very nice, but how about next time, we keep that second verse for the bedroom, not for church!".   I suspect my priest was apologizing profusely afterward.  :laugh:

Bishop Thomas is my bishop as well and I've served with him many times. I can imagine his reaction EXACTLY.  How uncomfortable for the priest!!
Title: Re: Share your liturgical mishap stories here!
Post by: ilyazhito on November 12, 2014, 11:56:31 AM
During the Holy week reading of the 12 gospels the people that were chanting were going a little slow and by the time we got to the 3rd gospel almost all the candles had burned out and the priest came out of the alter and told the chanters to pickup the pace LOL.
Why not just deal with it and light new candles? What's the fuss?
Title: Re: Share your liturgical mishap stories here!
Post by: biro on November 12, 2014, 12:23:24 PM
During the Holy week reading of the 12 gospels the people that were chanting were going a little slow and by the time we got to the 3rd gospel almost all the candles had burned out and the priest came out of the alter and told the chanters to pickup the pace LOL.
Why not just deal with it and light new candles? What's the fuss?

In my parish, this happens with some of the candles for various occasions almost every week. The altar servers have access to those trigger lighters they use to start barbecue grills. I suppose that's so they don't burn their fingertips as they might with old-fashioned matches.
Title: Re: Share your liturgical mishap stories here!
Post by: OrthoMEX on November 14, 2014, 06:46:55 PM
During the Holy week reading of the 12 gospels the people that were chanting were going a little slow and by the time we got to the 3rd gospel almost all the candles had burned out and the priest came out of the alter and told the chanters to pickup the pace LOL.
Why not just deal with it and light new candles? What's the fuss?
In my parish, this happens with some of the candles for various occasions almost every week. The altar servers have access to those trigger lighters they use to start barbecue grills. I suppose that's so they don't burn their fingertips as they might with old-fashioned matches.
We had 12 candles in bowl of sand and we would put one out for each gospel and we didn't have any more of those kind of candles left so even if we wanted to light new ones we couldn't. we just stopped putting out candles until we got to the last 3 or 4 gospels.
Title: Re: Share your liturgical mishap stories here!
Post by: vladf on November 17, 2014, 06:12:02 AM
Once fellow Church-Goers brought the priest the lectern and it fell down.
I recall a time a few weeks ago (I am an altar boy) I was holding a candle and the plastic on the side of the candle stopping the wax falling melted and caught on fire.. I have a scar now.
Title: Re: Share your liturgical mishap stories here!
Post by: Georgii on November 17, 2014, 08:07:15 AM
I don't know if I've shared this on these forums before, forgive me if I am repeating myself, but about 15 years ago at Liturgy in a church that dates to the 11th century I was thinking about a dream I had had about ten years before that, in which a dog was being chased and beaten with sticks. Even back then to me as an agnostic it was clear that this dog was a Christ figure.

What is dog spelled backwards?

On that day in church the door was left open at about a 45 degree angle. About a minute after I had that thought about the dog a thunderstorm was brewing -- dark clouds, winds and a threat of rain. Just then a dog ran in the door. One of our older woman parishioners sucked air in through her teeth and said Oh!

Someone shooed the dog out, not by beating it with sticks, but fairly vigorously for all that. Our priest said quite calmly, "Father Deacon, get the the holy water ready", and then explained that if it had been a cat -- a clean animal -- then we would not have had to re-sanctify the church.
Title: Re: Share your liturgical mishap stories here!
Post by: biro on November 17, 2014, 09:13:10 AM
Once fellow Church-Goers brought the priest the lectern and it fell down.
I recall a time a few weeks ago (I am an altar boy) I was holding a candle and the plastic on the side of the candle stopping the wax falling melted and caught on fire.. I have a scar now.

Ouch!  :-\
Title: Re: Share your liturgical mishap stories here!
Post by: Inquirer on November 17, 2014, 09:27:08 AM
I don't know if I've shared this on these forums before, forgive me if I am repeating myself, but about 15 years ago at Liturgy in a church that dates to the 11th century I was thinking about a dream I had had about ten years before that, in which a dog was being chased and beaten with sticks. Even back then to me as an agnostic it was clear that this dog was a Christ figure.

What is dog spelled backwards?

On that day in church the door was left open at about a 45 degree angle. About a minute after I had that thought about the dog a thunderstorm was brewing -- dark clouds, winds and a threat of rain. Just then a dog ran in the door. One of our older woman parishioners sucked air in through her teeth and said Oh!

Someone shooed the dog out, not by beating it with sticks, but fairly vigorously for all that. Our priest said quite calmly, "Father Deacon, get the the holy water ready", and then explained that if it had been a cat -- a clean animal -- then we would not have had to re-sanctify the church.

Wow! That's an amazing story!  :o
Title: Re: Share your liturgical mishap stories here!
Post by: Aram on January 06, 2015, 04:33:03 AM
Got a good one. Tonight I'm chanting the gospel reading for Armenian Christmas Eve liturgy. There was a big jumble and I ended up having to do the reading with about thirty seconds notice, and didn't have a chance to read through the text. And if you've ever had to read Classical Armenian from a crumbly, poorly printed book, you'll realize that this can be a recipe for disaster.

So all said I'm doing pretty OK after a few paragraphs, feeling pretty confident. Then there's a page turn, and a new column of text. I get to the bottom of the column, sing the signal that the reading is over, get to the last syllable of the final word, and realize there's a comma at the end. Not a period. There was another column on the other side of the page. Reading over, mid-sentence. Organ starts, choir starts singing, and there's no going back.

Basically, the three magi saw the star, but never got to be overjoyed. And never saw the newborn Christ. Whoops. Another Festivus miracle!
Title: Re: Share your liturgical mishap stories here!
Post by: Seekingtrue on January 07, 2015, 06:34:30 AM
 :D I really enjoyed all your funny stories.They could publish a book like this
Title: Re: Share your liturgical mishap stories here!
Post by: vladf on January 08, 2015, 03:16:27 AM
The other day when the priest and deacon where leaving with the gospel I accidentally shut the door in their faces!
Title: Re: Share your liturgical mishap stories here!
Post by: Peacemaker on January 11, 2015, 03:09:26 AM
if it had been a cat -- a clean animal -- then we would not have had to re-sanctify the church.

I heard about that, this is why cat's rule and dogs are just dumb lol
Title: Re: Share your liturgical mishap stories here!
Post by: Georgii on January 11, 2015, 08:38:57 AM
Got a good one.

I feel with you about that. We got some major confusion in our choir loft on the Eve of the Nativity, and I got worked up about how we could have done things better. Lord have mercy.
Title: Re: Share your liturgical mishap stories here!
Post by: hecma925 on January 11, 2015, 08:41:06 AM
if it had been a cat -- a clean animal -- then we would not have had to re-sanctify the church.

I heard about that, this is why cat's rule and dogs are just dumb lol

Cats are very smart and have no loyalty, which is why they are more likley to eat you when you die.
Title: Re: Share your liturgical mishap stories here!
Post by: Aram on January 11, 2015, 07:02:48 PM
if it had been a cat -- a clean animal -- then we would not have had to re-sanctify the church.

I heard about that, this is why cat's rule and dogs are just dumb lol

Cats are very smart and have no loyalty, which is why they are more likley to eat you when you die.
I've don't think I've ever met a cat that didn't make me immediately realize it was constantly plotting my demise.
Title: Re: Share your liturgical mishap stories here!
Post by: LBK on January 11, 2015, 07:08:15 PM
if it had been a cat -- a clean animal -- then we would not have had to re-sanctify the church.

I heard about that, this is why cat's rule and dogs are just dumb lol

Cats are very smart and have no loyalty, which is why they are more likley to eat you when you die.
I've don't think I've ever met a cat that didn't make me immediately realize it was constantly plotting my demise.

I had a cat where this thought was absent from his entire being. He was the most laid-back, gentle, undemanding, affectionate and loving cat that has graced my household over the past 40 years. I'll always miss him.
Title: Re: Share your liturgical mishap stories here!
Post by: hecma925 on January 11, 2015, 08:24:40 PM
if it had been a cat -- a clean animal -- then we would not have had to re-sanctify the church.

I heard about that, this is why cat's rule and dogs are just dumb lol

Cats are very smart and have no loyalty, which is why they are more likley to eat you when you die.
I've don't think I've ever met a cat that didn't make me immediately realize it was constantly plotting my demise.

I had a cat where this thought was absent from his entire being. He was the most laid-back, gentle, undemanding, affectionate and loving cat that has graced my household over the past 40 years. I'll always miss him.

Did you ever not feed him?
Title: Re: Share your liturgical mishap stories here!
Post by: lovesupreme on January 11, 2015, 08:30:44 PM
Are you kidding me, the priest wanted to re-sanctify the Church just because a dog walks into it? I tell you, filthier creatures have walked into churches before.
Title: Re: Share your liturgical mishap stories here!
Post by: LBK on January 11, 2015, 08:35:28 PM
if it had been a cat -- a clean animal -- then we would not have had to re-sanctify the church.

I heard about that, this is why cat's rule and dogs are just dumb lol

Cats are very smart and have no loyalty, which is why they are more likley to eat you when you die.
I've don't think I've ever met a cat that didn't make me immediately realize it was constantly plotting my demise.

I had a cat where this thought was absent from his entire being. He was the most laid-back, gentle, undemanding, affectionate and loving cat that has graced my household over the past 40 years. I'll always miss him.

Did you ever not feed him?

He was fed as all of my cats were and are, twice a day, with the occasional treat in between. If I was late in feeding him, he always reminded me politely. Other cats I've had would tell me off in typical feline style, like disgruntled schoolmistresses glaring over their half-moons. But not him.
Title: Re: Share your liturgical mishap stories here!
Post by: hecma925 on January 11, 2015, 08:36:26 PM
Are you kidding me, the priest wanted to re-sanctify the Church just because a dog walks into it? I tell you, filthier creatures have walked into churches before.

Yeah, people.
Title: Re: Share your liturgical mishap stories here!
Post by: hecma925 on January 11, 2015, 08:37:37 PM
if it had been a cat -- a clean animal -- then we would not have had to re-sanctify the church.

I heard about that, this is why cat's rule and dogs are just dumb lol

Cats are very smart and have no loyalty, which is why they are more likley to eat you when you die.
I've don't think I've ever met a cat that didn't make me immediately realize it was constantly plotting my demise.

I had a cat where this thought was absent from his entire being. He was the most laid-back, gentle, undemanding, affectionate and loving cat that has graced my household over the past 40 years. I'll always miss him.

Did you ever not feed him?

He was fed as all of my cats were and are, twice a day, with the occasional treat in between. If I was late in feeding him, he always reminded me politely. Other cats I've had would tell me off in typical feline style, like disgruntled schoolmistresses glaring over their half-moons. But not him.

LOL, sounds like a good one.  The one cat I did have was of the typical variety.  I'm sure if I would have died in my apartment she would have had no qualms eating me up.
Title: Re: Share your liturgical mishap stories here!
Post by: Georgii on January 11, 2015, 08:53:33 PM
Are you kidding me, the priest wanted to re-sanctify the Church just because a dog walks into it? I tell you, filthier creatures have walked into churches before.

Not just him; some of our parishioners clearly thought that a dog coming in was a Big Bad.
Title: Re: Share your liturgical mishap stories here!
Post by: Peacemaker on January 12, 2015, 09:23:28 PM
Kids, do they count as mishaps? Being so loud the priest has to shout over them....every Sunday. It's like herding cats. Did I mention I go to a Russian mission parish where all the women are married to American Protestants so there are no men to take charge and control the kids.  (side note: I'm not Russian and I don't speak Russian. I just go there because the priest is from Mt Athos)

Title: Re: Share your liturgical mishap stories here!
Post by: gueranger on January 12, 2015, 09:40:21 PM
I was in middle school; an altar boy at a conservative Novus Ordo parish. I was serving a funeral mass for a friend of my grandparents. His name was Frank. He had been cremated and his ashes were in an urn on a very small table in front of the altar. When I was walking toward the sanctuary to receive the gifts with the priest I bumped Frank. His urn wobbled precariously before falling off the the table. Luckily, at the last second before crashing on the floor, I caught Frank. Thanks be to God, the lid didn't come off.

Title: Re: Share your liturgical mishap stories here!
Post by: Bob2 on January 12, 2015, 10:18:33 PM
Kids, do they count as mishaps? Being so loud the priest has to shout over them....every Sunday. It's like herding cats. Did I mention I go to a Russian mission parish where all the women are married to American Protestants so there are no men to take charge and control the kids.  (side note: I'm not Russian and I don't speak Russian. I just go there because the priest is from Mt Athos)

Hmmm, interesting, my experience in the fairly ethnic Russian parish I go to is that most moms are so afraid of kids making squaks or fussing that they only bring them in for communion. We have about 6-7 kids in there for most of the service then bam, "Holy things are for the Holy!" and then there are 25+ in line for communion.
Title: Re: Share your liturgical mishap stories here!
Post by: Peacemaker on January 13, 2015, 03:01:06 AM
Kids, do they count as mishaps? Being so loud the priest has to shout over them....every Sunday. It's like herding cats. Did I mention I go to a Russian mission parish where all the women are married to American Protestants so there are no men to take charge and control the kids.  (side note: I'm not Russian and I don't speak Russian. I just go there because the priest is from Mt Athos)

Hmmm, interesting, my experience in the fairly ethnic Russian parish I go to is that most moms are so afraid of kids making squaks or fussing that they only bring them in for communion. We have about 6-7 kids in there for most of the service then bam, "Holy things are for the Holy!" and then there are 25+ in line for communion.


This mission parish doesn't have a back room to store the kids in while they play. Which I thought was only a protestant practice but I guess kids will be kids. The priest doesn't know how to tell them to be quite because being from Mt Athos they don't have that problem. I made the suggestion of converting all the non-orthodox husbands so we can have some order during the services.
Title: Re: Share your liturgical mishap stories here!
Post by: Porter ODoran on January 13, 2015, 04:36:38 AM
Kids, do they count as mishaps? Being so loud the priest has to shout over them....every Sunday. It's like herding cats. Did I mention I go to a Russian mission parish where all the women are married to American Protestants so there are no men to take charge and control the kids.  (side note: I'm not Russian and I don't speak Russian. I just go there because the priest is from Mt Athos)

How naive you are.
Title: Re: Share your liturgical mishap stories here!
Post by: Peacemaker on January 13, 2015, 05:13:27 AM
Kids, do they count as mishaps? Being so loud the priest has to shout over them....every Sunday. It's like herding cats. Did I mention I go to a Russian mission parish where all the women are married to American Protestants so there are no men to take charge and control the kids.  (side note: I'm not Russian and I don't speak Russian. I just go there because the priest is from Mt Athos)

How naive you are.

Why do you have to be such a (removed - Mor) to me? What have I ever done to you? Please answer me that, could you chill out on the name calling and rude comments to me. You are a father, shouldn't you be a roll model? Better yet, you are a Christian, shouldn't you be a roll model? I didn't realize you knew so much about Russian culture, enlighten me oh wise Porter.

Edited to remove obscenity.  Mor.  
(http://www.orthodoxchristianity.net/forum/Themes/Pascha2010/images/warnwarn.gif) 
You know very well that such obscene language as you used here is not permitted in polite company. Please make greater effort to manage your anger in the future so you can rein in such outbursts as this on our forum. To emphasize the importance of this task, I am resetting the length of your warning to 60 days, less the time that has elapsed since you submitted this post.

If you wish to appeal this warning, please send me a private message.

- PeterTheAleut
Title: Re: Share your liturgical mishap stories here!
Post by: elephant on January 13, 2015, 08:35:39 AM
Dear Peacemaker,

Please do not use vulgar language in public.  I read this thread to be amused, not disgusted.

Love, elephant
Title: Re: Share your liturgical mishap stories here!
Post by: DeniseDenise on January 13, 2015, 12:27:00 PM
Kids, do they count as mishaps? Being so loud the priest has to shout over them....every Sunday. It's like herding cats. Did I mention I go to a Russian mission parish where all the women are married to American Protestants so there are no men to take charge and control the kids.  (side note: I'm not Russian and I don't speak Russian. I just go there because the priest is from Mt Athos)

How naive you are.

Why do you have to be such a (removed - Mor) to me? What have I ever done to you? Please answer me that, could you chill out on the name calling and rude comments to me. You are a father, shouldn't you be a roll model? Better yet, you are a Christian, shouldn't you be a roll model? I didn't realize you knew so much about Russian culture, enlighten me oh wise Porter.

wow...pot kettle

Edited to remove obscenity from quote.  Mor.
Title: Re: Share your liturgical mishap stories here!
Post by: TheTrisagion on January 13, 2015, 12:30:45 PM
We have enough bickering threads. Lets try to keep this one congenial.  :)
Title: Re: Share your liturgical mishap stories here!
Post by: Mor Ephrem on January 13, 2015, 01:31:26 PM
Error.
Title: Re: Share your liturgical mishap stories here!
Post by: Peacemaker on January 13, 2015, 03:18:49 PM
Forgive me



Title: Re: Share your liturgical mishap stories here!
Post by: biro on January 14, 2015, 12:54:42 AM
Are you kidding me, the priest wanted to re-sanctify the Church just because a dog walks into it? I tell you, filthier creatures have walked into churches before.

Not just him; some of our parishioners clearly thought that a dog coming in was a Big Bad.

But there were animals at the manger when Jesus was born. Surely, He loves all His creation.  :(
Title: Re: Share your liturgical mishap stories here!
Post by: hecma925 on January 14, 2015, 01:57:20 AM
Lots of kids at a Liturgy (especially weekday ones) is always a good sign.
Title: Re: Share your liturgical mishap stories here!
Post by: Porter ODoran on January 14, 2015, 01:58:31 AM
Are you kidding me, the priest wanted to re-sanctify the Church just because a dog walks into it? I tell you, filthier creatures have walked into churches before.

Not just him; some of our parishioners clearly thought that a dog coming in was a Big Bad.

But there were animals at the manger when Jesus was born. Surely, He loves all His creation.  :(

It's a symbol, as most ritual uncleanness is, not a belief that God hates dogs! :)
Title: Re: Share your liturgical mishap stories here!
Post by: Porter ODoran on January 14, 2015, 01:58:48 AM
Lots of kids at a Liturgy (especially weekday ones) is always a good sign.

And a great blessing.
Title: Re: Share your liturgical mishap stories here!
Post by: ilyazhito on March 05, 2015, 09:52:02 PM
Speaking of liturgical mishaps, there is one time that I tried to correct a candle that had gone crooked- and burned the sleeve of my sticharion. I spent some time frantically trying to put out the flame, and eventually succeeded, but the sticharion was made of a plastic-like material, and I ended up with a hole in the sleeve. I had to later get a new sticharion, as I suppose that the one that I burnt became unusable. Hopefully that does not happen again.
Title: Re: Share your liturgical mishap stories here!
Post by: Mor Ephrem on March 06, 2015, 01:43:43 AM
Plastic-like material?!
Title: Re: Share your liturgical mishap stories here!
Post by: Maria on March 06, 2015, 01:48:32 AM
Plastic-like material?!

Yes, polyester garments or yarn when burned forms a hard lump of plastic.

My former priest used to call his polyester vestments "a plastic garbage bag."

During the hot spring, summer, and fall months when the temperature is about 110 to 115 degrees for weeks on end, that polyester vestment does not breathe, and is very hot to wear in a church with inadequate ventilation.

Whenever I receive a gift of fabric of unknown origin, I cut a small piece of the fabric from the yardage, then I use the flame test to determine if the fabric is pure polyester, a cotton/polyester mix, or pure cotton, silk, or linen. The polyester forms a black plastic lump, the cotton, linen, or silk burns and forms carbon soot, while the mixture of cotton and polyester forms a sooty black lump of plastic.
Title: Re: Share your liturgical mishap stories here!
Post by: TheTrisagion on March 06, 2015, 11:05:13 AM
I don't believe I have ever been gifted fabric of an unknown origin. Do you do this with gifted clothing as well? It would seem odd to cut apart parts of clothing to burn in order to find out their composition.
Title: Re: Share your liturgical mishap stories here!
Post by: hecma925 on March 06, 2015, 02:46:17 PM
I don't believe I have ever been gifted fabric of an unknown origin. Do you do this with gifted clothing as well? It would seem odd to cut apart parts of clothing to burn in order to find out their composition.

If Maria does a lot of sewing, people may give her yards of fabric.  Fabric tends not to have tags.
Title: Re: Share your liturgical mishap stories here!
Post by: vamrat on March 06, 2015, 04:50:50 PM
I was carrying the hot water to the altar, stumbled a bit and scalded my hand something fierce.  I have been burnt by every thing from fryer oil to a weldment (forgot that 300+ deg metal doesn't cool down very quickly) so didn't freak out and more importantly didn't blurt out my usual hurt-word by the Eucharist.  The Lord did indeed set a watch before my mouth and kept my lips from speaking vile.

Title: Re: Share your liturgical mishap stories here!
Post by: hecma925 on March 06, 2015, 07:32:44 PM
I was carrying the hot water to the altar, stumbled a bit and scalded my hand something fierce.  I have been burnt by every thing from fryer oil to a weldment (forgot that 300+ deg metal doesn't cool down very quickly) so didn't freak out and more importantly didn't blurt out my usual hurt-word by the Eucharist.  The Lord did indeed set a watch before my mouth and kept my lips from speaking vile.

"Owie"?
Title: Re: Share your liturgical mishap stories here!
Post by: mike on March 07, 2015, 02:22:23 PM
I had to later get a new sticharion, as I suppose that the one that I burnt became unusable.

Never seen a sticharion that didn't have burnt holes somewhere, unless it was brand new.
Title: Re: Share your liturgical mishap stories here!
Post by: Mor Ephrem on March 07, 2015, 07:17:21 PM
I had to later get a new sticharion, as I suppose that the one that I burnt became unusable.

Never seen a sticharion that didn't have burnt holes somewhere, unless it was brand new.

Are people exceptionally clumsy in your part of the world?
Title: Re: Share your liturgical mishap stories here!
Post by: Porter ODoran on March 07, 2015, 07:43:50 PM
I had to later get a new sticharion, as I suppose that the one that I burnt became unusable.

Never seen a sticharion that didn't have burnt holes somewhere, unless it was brand new.

Are people exceptionally clumsy in your part of the world?

Racism!!
Title: Re: Share your liturgical mishap stories here!
Post by: Agabus on March 07, 2015, 11:58:06 PM
I had to later get a new sticharion, as I suppose that the one that I burnt became unusable.

Never seen a sticharion that didn't have burnt holes somewhere, unless it was brand new.

Are people exceptionally clumsy in your part of the world?

Racism!!
Mor no doubt showed great restraint in not making a Pollack joke.

....

One of my favorite inconsequential but human moments to happen in a liturgy involved an altar boy walking out of the altar, holding something in his hands and presenting it to his mother. It was a bloody tooth, freshly loosed from its gummy prison.
Title: Re: Share your liturgical mishap stories here!
Post by: Maria on March 08, 2015, 12:07:18 AM
I had to later get a new sticharion, as I suppose that the one that I burnt became unusable.

Never seen a sticharion that didn't have burnt holes somewhere, unless it was brand new.

Are people exceptionally clumsy in your part of the world?

Racism!!
Mor no doubt showed great restraint in not making a Pollack joke.

....

One of my favorite inconsequential but human moments to happen in a liturgy involved an altar boy walking out of the altar, holding something in his hands and presenting it to his mother. It was a bloody tooth, freshly loosed from its gummy prison.

Wow! That is a loaded issue.

In that case, would the little altar boy have to put aside his vestment and stay with his mother due to his issue of blood? Would he be permitted to receive communion?
Title: Re: Share your liturgical mishap stories here!
Post by: Agabus on March 08, 2015, 12:14:28 AM
I had to later get a new sticharion, as I suppose that the one that I burnt became unusable.

Never seen a sticharion that didn't have burnt holes somewhere, unless it was brand new.

Are people exceptionally clumsy in your part of the world?

Racism!!
Mor no doubt showed great restraint in not making a Pollack joke.

....

One of my favorite inconsequential but human moments to happen in a liturgy involved an altar boy walking out of the altar, holding something in his hands and presenting it to his mother. It was a bloody tooth, freshly loosed from its gummy prison.

Wow! That is a loaded issue.

In that case, would the little altar boy have to put aside his vestment and stay with his mother due to his issue of blood? Would he be permitted to receive communion?
I have no recollection of how it played out, and at this point I ain't asking.
Title: Re: Share your liturgical mishap stories here!
Post by: wgw on March 08, 2015, 02:08:35 AM
I had to later get a new sticharion, as I suppose that the one that I burnt became unusable.

Never seen a sticharion that didn't have burnt holes somewhere, unless it was brand new.

Are people exceptionally clumsy in your part of the world?

Racism!!
Mor no doubt showed great restraint in not making a Pollack joke.

....

One of my favorite inconsequential but human moments to happen in a liturgy involved an altar boy walking out of the altar, holding something in his hands and presenting it to his mother. It was a bloody tooth, freshly loosed from its gummy prison.

Wow! That is a loaded issue.

In that case, would the little altar boy have to put aside his vestment and stay with his mother due to his issue of blood? Would he be permitted to receive communion?

I hope not...I would not want to go to a parish where that was the case.
Title: Re: Share your liturgical mishap stories here!
Post by: Porter ODoran on March 08, 2015, 02:29:32 AM
I had to later get a new sticharion, as I suppose that the one that I burnt became unusable.

Never seen a sticharion that didn't have burnt holes somewhere, unless it was brand new.

Are people exceptionally clumsy in your part of the world?

Racism!!
Mor no doubt showed great restraint in not making a Pollack joke.

....

One of my favorite inconsequential but human moments to happen in a liturgy involved an altar boy walking out of the altar, holding something in his hands and presenting it to his mother. It was a bloody tooth, freshly loosed from its gummy prison.

Wow! That is a loaded issue.

In that case, would the little altar boy have to put aside his vestment and stay with his mother due to his issue of blood? Would he be permitted to receive communion?
I have no recollection of how it played out, and at this point I ain't asking.

"What's good for the goose is good for the gander."
Title: Re: Share your liturgical mishap stories here!
Post by: Agabus on March 08, 2015, 09:13:14 PM
I had to later get a new sticharion, as I suppose that the one that I burnt became unusable.

Never seen a sticharion that didn't have burnt holes somewhere, unless it was brand new.

Are people exceptionally clumsy in your part of the world?

Racism!!
Mor no doubt showed great restraint in not making a Pollack joke.

....

One of my favorite inconsequential but human moments to happen in a liturgy involved an altar boy walking out of the altar, holding something in his hands and presenting it to his mother. It was a bloody tooth, freshly loosed from its gummy prison.

Wow! That is a loaded issue.

In that case, would the little altar boy have to put aside his vestment and stay with his mother due to his issue of blood? Would he be permitted to receive communion?
I have no recollection of how it played out, and at this point I ain't asking.

"What's good for the goose is good for the gander."
To be fair, I have never asked anyone in the communion line if they've recently had an issue of blood.
Title: Re: Share your liturgical mishap stories here!
Post by: TheTrisagion on March 09, 2015, 08:57:00 AM
That can easily be remedied starting with the Presanctified Liturgy this week.
Title: Re: Share your liturgical mishap stories here!
Post by: Bob2 on March 09, 2015, 09:38:27 AM

 


Wow! That is a loaded issue.

In that case, would the little altar boy have to put aside his vestment and stay with his mother due to his issue of blood? Would he be permitted to receive communion?

I hope not...I would not want to go to a parish where that was the case.

Are you answering the first question or the second?
Title: Re: Share your liturgical mishap stories here!
Post by: mike on March 09, 2015, 11:54:54 AM
I had to later get a new sticharion, as I suppose that the one that I burnt became unusable.

Never seen a sticharion that didn't have burnt holes somewhere, unless it was brand new.

Are people exceptionally clumsy in your part of the world?

Racism!!
Mor no doubt showed great restraint in not making a Pollack joke.

....

One of my favorite inconsequential but human moments to happen in a liturgy involved an altar boy walking out of the altar, holding something in his hands and presenting it to his mother. It was a bloody tooth, freshly loosed from its gummy prison.

Wow! That is a loaded issue.

In that case, would the little altar boy have to put aside his vestment and stay with his mother due to his issue of blood? Would he be permitted to receive communion?

I hope not...I would not want to go to a parish where that was the case.

I would not want to go to a parish where that wasn't.
Title: Re: Share your liturgical mishap stories here!
Post by: wgw on March 09, 2015, 03:10:59 PM
I'm simply stating that ai would not want to go to a parish where for example someone with intermittent oral bleeding, stomach ulcers et cetera was deprived communion on the same basis as women in their cycle, which for that matter is a pious tradition related to Jewish purity law to which I cannot object, but I would view it in the same light as the case of nocturnal pollution for men, and be inclined to not rigidly enforce it.  The benefits of continual confession and repentance are real and maintaining that cycle in those who are able to do it, especially those who come for confession at the vigil service, should be a priority.  But for those who piously folllow this custom I applaud them.

But there is a world of difference between that and any number of internal "issues of blood" that the Eucharist can help fix.  Ulcers?  Gum disease?  God forbid that any with a history of those problems should be deprived the sacrament.  Because taken to an extreme, we might as well stop communing patients in the hospital who have for example abdominal intubation to handle the blood flows as their organs heal from surgery.

I say this with the utmost respect for Holy Tradition.
Title: Re: Share your liturgical mishap stories here!
Post by: Porter ODoran on March 09, 2015, 03:36:34 PM
Seems a little arbitrary that you "cannot object to" the case of women but "would not want to go to a parish ..." in other cases.
Title: Re: Share your liturgical mishap stories here!
Post by: wgw on March 09, 2015, 03:53:00 PM
I can't object to an ancient practice but I can object to anyone proposing it be extended to various diseases involving bleeding, which I can find no basis for in the Pedalion.  Specifically ulcers; my mother was aided in her complete recovery from them by the Eucharist.  I myself have suffered a minor maxillofacial injury which results in occasional bloody gums as it is repaired and that has not stopped my priest from communing me and this Eucharist has aided my recovery.

What is more, I would also make a point of not going to a parish that was vocal about not communing women in their periods.  Fortunately I do not believe such a parish exists as that would be rather indiscreet.  And what is more, if that pious tradition were phased out, like the ban on seeing Jewish physicians, for example, I would be thoroughly untroubled by it.

There is a distinction between Holy Tradition and traditions, as Metropolitan Kallistos Ware of your Patriarchate has stressed, and I feel this is important to bear in mind. 
Title: Re: Share your liturgical mishap stories here!
Post by: mike on March 10, 2015, 01:48:01 PM
I misunderstood you, wgw.
Title: Re: Share your liturgical mishap stories here!
Post by: wgw on March 10, 2015, 05:13:26 PM
No problem, my posts are admittedly verbose, and make use of a peculiar archaic syntax I cannot seem to rid myself of. 
Title: Re: Share your liturgical mishap stories here!
Post by: biro on March 15, 2015, 06:08:29 PM
Funny little kerfluffle at the beginning of the Little Entrance this week. The chanters were singing one thing, and then the priest and deacon walked out of the doors across the way, singing something entirely different. Total trainwreck for about thirty seconds. At last they got it sorted out, and everyone joined the priest and deacon on the correct song from then on. Who says Lenten services can't make you smile? ;) :)
Title: Re: Share your liturgical mishap stories here!
Post by: TheMathematician on March 15, 2015, 10:26:01 PM
That sounds like it would be very easy to do, and it's happened to the choir/priests when i was attending as well


Also, im afraid im going to spill the Gifts because I was taught to kiss the Chalice after communing, and I know it isnt the norm everywhere.
Title: Re: Share your liturgical mishap stories here!
Post by: TheTrisagion on April 13, 2015, 07:25:36 PM
This isn't really a liturgical mishap, but a little girl in front of me had her hair lit on fire by her sister. She was probably 5yrs old. The parents didn't notice it at first, so I leaned up and and patted it out. I think she was more freaked out that a stranger started patting her head than she was by the fire. Lots of people behind me were freaking out. It was a jolly good time!

#onlyinorthodoxy
Title: Re: Share your liturgical mishap stories here!
Post by: Mor Ephrem on April 13, 2015, 11:48:50 PM
I think she was more freaked out that a stranger started patting her head than she was by the fire.

When you patted my head the first time, I was freaked out too.  Then I was exhilarated.
Title: Re: Share your liturgical mishap stories here!
Post by: TheTrisagion on April 14, 2015, 01:53:47 PM
You aren't  the first person to express such emotions at my touch.  :P
Title: Re: Share your liturgical mishap stories here!
Post by: Agabus on April 14, 2015, 03:10:29 PM
I knew Pascha couldn't pass without an almost-immolation story.
Title: Re: Share your liturgical mishap stories here!
Post by: mike on April 15, 2015, 11:35:55 AM
Easter procession. The head is finishing the last circle but they can't reach the doors because people that do not go and just stand and watch (Tradition or at least tradition) block the way. After a few minutes of standing and doing nothing all can hear the rector "Please move, we won't start the service if don't enter the church". And after a few more minutes we moved.
Title: Re: Share your liturgical mishap stories here!
Post by: hecma925 on April 15, 2015, 01:12:52 PM
Lol, that happened at my parish too.  People already eating eggs and having a laugh....hey it was past midnight, so Pascha, amirite?
Title: Re: Share your liturgical mishap stories here!
Post by: mike on April 27, 2015, 11:27:55 AM
not mine but still:

Last sunday, hierarchical DL, bishop in his speech mentioned my grandmother (as she contributed to building the church). He looked at her waiting for some reaction but she didn't hear that being busy gossiping with her friend. He just sighed and changed the topic.
Title: Re: Share your liturgical mishap stories here!
Post by: Mor Ephrem on April 27, 2015, 12:47:37 PM
not mine but still:

Last sunday, hierarchical DL, bishop in his speech mentioned my grandmother (as she contributed to building the church). He looked at her waiting for some reaction but she didn't hear that being busy gossiping with her friend. He just sighed and changed the topic.

God bless her.  :)
Title: Re: Share your liturgical mishap stories here!
Post by: mike on April 27, 2015, 12:55:12 PM
not mine but still:

Last sunday, hierarchical DL, bishop in his speech mentioned my grandmother (as she contributed to building the church). He looked at her waiting for some reaction but she didn't hear that being busy gossiping with her friend. He just sighed and changed the topic.

God bless her.  :)

God bless priests that she had contact with. And that would make 2/3 of 2 dioceses.
Title: Re: Share your liturgical mishap stories here!
Post by: Dominika on April 27, 2015, 04:32:49 PM
not mine but still:

Last sunday, hierarchical DL, bishop in his speech mentioned my grandmother (as she contributed to building the church). He looked at her waiting for some reaction but she didn't hear that being busy gossiping with her friend. He just sighed and changed the topic.
I remember something similar but with 2 bishops as the protagonists, fortunately not at church, but during a formal supper after the service. The rector of the parish which hosted the bishops and the supper wanted to toast in honor of these two hierarchs (one Polish and one Serbian) but in the same time they were talking and sending something to each other via bluetooth.
Title: Re: Share your liturgical mishap stories here!
Post by: NoahB on April 30, 2015, 02:19:01 PM
This happened in the Anglican church. I wasn't there, but my priest told me about it. There was a certain parish that didn't have a building and was meeting in a Presbyterian church. The Presbyterians had just bought a new carpet for this rather large sanctuary, and it was installed the day before the Anglican celebrated Holy Communion. Now, the priest of this particular Anglican congregation liked incense-- he said that it just wasn't a proper Mass without a glory cloud of incense floating above the congregation. His son was the thurifer. During the procession to the Altar, the thurifer tripped over his cassock (which was too big for him) and the thurible opened, casting coals all over the brand new carpet. The priest pulled up his surplice, cassock, and chasuble and started doing a jig towards the altar, putting out the coals as quickly as possible. He wasn't fast enough, unfortunately, and they ended up having to pay for repairs. I don't think the Presbyterians allowed them back. 
Title: Re: Share your liturgical mishap stories here!
Post by: TheTrisagion on May 01, 2015, 08:39:29 AM
This happened in the Anglican church. I wasn't there, but my priest told me about it. There was a certain parish that didn't have a building and was meeting in a Presbyterian church. The Presbyterians had just bought a new carpet for this rather large sanctuary, and it was installed the day before the Anglican celebrated Holy Communion. Now, the priest of this particular Anglican congregation liked incense-- he said that it just wasn't a proper Mass without a glory cloud of incense floating above the congregation. His son was the thurifer. During the procession to the Altar, the thurifer tripped over his cassock (which was too big for him) and the thurible opened, casting coals all over the brand new carpet. The priest pulled up his surplice, cassock, and chasuble and started doing a jig towards the altar, putting out the coals as quickly as possible. He wasn't fast enough, unfortunately, and they ended up having to pay for repairs. I don't think the Presbyterians allowed them back.
Sounds like it was predestined to happen.
Title: Re: Share your liturgical mishap stories here!
Post by: genesisone on May 03, 2015, 04:08:22 PM
This morning our little parish had our first Hierarchical Divine Liturgy. Because of the warm sunny day, the front doors were wide open. Somewhere in the middle a homeless man walked in and stood respectfully at the back for the remainder of the service. At the dismissal, the Bishop made a few personal remarks, including pointing out that it was his first visit to us (for a service). From the back we heard a booming voice: "It's my first visit here, too!"
Title: Re: Share your liturgical mishap stories here!
Post by: JTLoganville on May 03, 2015, 08:59:36 PM
Sounds like it was predestined to happen.

+5
Title: Re: Share your liturgical mishap stories here!
Post by: Mor Ephrem on May 03, 2015, 11:57:13 PM
This morning our little parish had our first Hierarchical Divine Liturgy. Because of the warm sunny day, the front doors were wide open. Somewhere in the middle a homeless man walked in and stood respectfully at the back for the remainder of the service. At the dismissal, the Bishop made a few personal remarks, including pointing out that it was his first visit to us (for a service). From the back we heard a booming voice: "It's my first visit here, too!"

I love it.  :)
Title: Re: Share your liturgical mishap stories here!
Post by: wgw on May 04, 2015, 02:40:58 PM
I myself love homeless people and the interactions they produce at church.  How we treat the, is crucial because it determines how,we treat the Lord, and one could be an angel in disguise.  Now here is a related incident that transpired in an Episcopal church in Atlanta as documented by one of their few remaining conservative clergyman, who has a slight crush on us like so many Anglicans:

http://creedalchristian.blogspot.com/2015/04/good-friday-homily-2015.html

Note the similarity.

Now I believe that liturgical disruptions of this sort are like the remarks made by children, and not actual mishaps, but blessings.  When they happen, they can reveal inner truths about the liturgy.  Of course pastoral care and catechesis of homeless people in Orthodoxy is a huge challenge; I'm of the view that many are mentally ill and we are obliged to just offer to baptize, Chrismate and communicate them, and add unction for good measure, and provide lots of food and love, and hope it's enough to hold them over until they might possibly return in better shape due to the effects of sacramental grace.  For the wandering sort we might regard it as somewhat of a viaticum.

But I digress.  My main point is I love the contributions the homeless can make to the liturgy.

What would be a mishap would be if one amassed into church high or completely out of their mind as it were and caused actual damage and disruption.  Which is a risk of an open doors approach to church.  But Imthink it's worth it for what we get from persons like this chap.
Title: Re: Share your liturgical mishap stories here!
Post by: biro on May 04, 2015, 03:43:49 PM
In my parish, the chanters often sing "Agni Parthene" while people receive Communion. This past Sunday, pretty much everybody was off key. They sang it again after liturgy, while the antidoron was being handed out, and everything was fine.
Title: Re: Share your liturgical mishap stories here!
Post by: genesisone on May 04, 2015, 04:07:49 PM
I myself love homeless people and the interactions they produce at church.  How we treat the, is crucial because it determines how,we treat the Lord, and one could be an angel in disguise.  Now here is a related incident that transpired in an Episcopal church in Atlanta as documented by one of their few remaining conservative clergyman, who has a slight crush on us like so many Anglicans:

http://creedalchristian.blogspot.com/2015/04/good-friday-homily-2015.html

Note the similarity.

Now I believe that liturgical disruptions of this sort are like the remarks made by children, and not actual mishaps, but blessings.  When they happen, they can reveal inner truths about the liturgy.  Of course pastoral care and catechesis of homeless people in Orthodoxy is a huge challenge; I'm of the view that many are mentally ill and we are obliged to just offer to baptize, Chrismate and communicate them, and add unction for good measure, and provide lots of food and love, and hope it's enough to hold them over until they might possibly return in better shape due to the effects of sacramental grace.  For the wandering sort we might regard it as somewhat of a viaticum.

But I digress.  My main point is I love the contributions the homeless can make to the liturgy.

What would be a mishap would be if one amassed into church high or completely out of their mind as it were and caused actual damage and disruption.  Which is a risk of an open doors approach to church.  But Imthink it's worth it for what we get from persons like this chap.
Thanks for the comments. Frank (as his name turned out to be) stayed for the reception afterwards - eating "enthusiastically"  :). He was friendly and polite, but still matched the usual and unfortunate stereotype of the homeless. Yes, he was homeless. He carries his tent around with him. We did give him permission to spend one night in our yard. I don't know if he took us up on that or not.
Title: Re: Share your liturgical mishap stories here!
Post by: wgw on May 04, 2015, 04:47:35 PM
That was exceedingly kind of you.  God bless you and grant your bishops, Metropolitan and Patriarch John X of Antioch many years.  I love Antioch because like many Orthodox churches you take care of the homeless and are one of the leading denominations for converts, even as the persecution of Antiochians continues in Syria.

My first visit to an EO parish was a Holy Unction service at St. Nicholas Cathedral in Los Angeles.  There were many hipsters and impoverished persons oresent and all were anointed.  At the time I was unaware that the non Orthodox should not receive unction but I believe they may have done what many parishes do and annoint those known to them as Orthodox from the consecrated oil that has a drop of chrism in it IIRC and the others from blessed olive oil.  Or they may have fully anointed me.  Either way despite my unworthy approach the sacrament was efficacious and I was assisted in dealing with a profound crisis.
Title: Re: Share your liturgical mishap stories here!
Post by: TheTrisagion on August 03, 2015, 11:07:37 AM
This isn't really a liturgical mishap, but more of an amusing anecdote. I was talking with my Roman Catholic father-in-law who was telling me that they got a new priest in his parish. He said that a lot of the parishioners are complaining about him because he treats the host so respectfully that it makes Mass go excessively long and they wish he would speed things up. It sounded funny to hear someone complaining about excessive reverence of the Body of Christ.
Title: Re: Share your liturgical mishap stories here!
Post by: scamandrius on August 03, 2015, 01:45:38 PM
In my parish, the chanters often sing "Agni Parthene" while people receive Communion. This past Sunday, pretty much everybody was off key. They sang it again after liturgy, while the antidoron was being handed out, and everything was fine.

Agni Parthene is NOT a communion hymn and should not be sung then.  After the Liturgy, fine.  At least it is not as irritating as a man in our choir at church who sings whatever the hell he wants during the people's communion.  During the Nativity season, you can hear "O Holy Night" from the choir loft.  Cannot stand it.
Title: Re: Share your liturgical mishap stories here!
Post by: ilyazhito on August 31, 2015, 11:43:34 AM
Ideally, that situation can be avoided by reading the prayers before communion after the appointed communion hymn. During communion itself, "Receive ye the Body" or the communion verse can be sung, but "concert" hymns are extraneous during the liturgy, even Agni Parthene, unfortunately  :'(.
Title: Re: Share your liturgical mishap stories here!
Post by: Mor Ephrem on August 31, 2015, 11:46:16 AM
...but "concert" hymns are extraneous during the liturgy...

There goes the Liturgy.  :P
Title: Re: Share your liturgical mishap stories here!
Post by: hecma925 on September 02, 2015, 12:00:07 AM
In my parish, the chanters often sing "Agni Parthene" while people receive Communion. This past Sunday, pretty much everybody was off key. They sang it again after liturgy, while the antidoron was being handed out, and everything was fine.

Agni Parthene is NOT a communion hymn and should not be sung then.  After the Liturgy, fine.  At least it is not as irritating as a man in our choir at church who sings whatever the hell he wants during the people's communion.  During the Nativity season, you can hear "O Holy Night" from the choir loft.  Cannot stand it.
Lol, and he's still in the choir?
Title: Re: Share your liturgical mishap stories here!
Post by: augustin717 on September 02, 2015, 12:03:14 AM
This would qualify IMO . After venerating the relics:
https://www.facebook.com/957712930913196/videos/1052493154768506/
Title: Re: Share your liturgical mishap stories here!
Post by: hecma925 on September 02, 2015, 12:16:16 AM
This would qualify IMO . After venerating the relics:
https://www.facebook.com/957712930913196/videos/1052493154768506/

Glory to God in the highest and on earth peace and microphones to all men.
Title: Re: Share your liturgical mishap stories here!
Post by: Dominika on April 01, 2016, 01:26:29 PM
Reviving the thread.

Tonight, during Presanctified Liturgy, I was chosen to read the passage from the Genesis, how the Noah's ark stucked in Ararat mountains because the flood had ended and so on.

I began chanted the prokimenon and I realised I was chanting the same prokimenon week ago, and then saw the title "Friday of the second week" and that in the reading Noah is even before the flood (that's a difference, isn't it? ;) ) and I said "That's not the proper fragment!" (I chant and read from the kliros, that in our basement church is not so separate place), firstly the members of the choir (priests and seminary alumns) didn't believe me, finally they stareted looking for the proper day and week in the second book - they couldn't use the first one, as in the same time the choir and I were chanting the prokimenon. So, we ended the psalm, the priest from the altar said "wisdom" and we still didn't have the proper fragment, I shouted "Genesis reading" but it was a chaos...

After a few whiles of silent the guys managed to find the proper reading.

So, the sticheras were also from the previous week ;)
Title: Re: Share your liturgical mishap stories here!
Post by: Mor Ephrem on April 01, 2016, 02:13:45 PM
The calendar disputes are really serious in Poland...
Title: Re: Share your liturgical mishap stories here!
Post by: RaphaCam on April 01, 2016, 08:26:53 PM
What is the name of this platform in the middle of the nave where the bishop will stand sometimes? I kicked it very hard last Wednesday and tripped on the carpet with a burning candle in my hand while the lights were off.
Title: Re: Share your liturgical mishap stories here!
Post by: wgw on April 02, 2016, 12:47:02 AM
What is the name of this platform in the middle of the nave where the bishop will stand sometimes? I kicked it very hard last Wednesday and tripped on the carpet with a burning candle in my hand while the lights were off.

The Bema?
Title: Re: Share your liturgical mishap stories here!
Post by: RaphaCam on April 02, 2016, 12:57:27 AM
What is the name of this platform in the middle of the nave where the bishop will stand sometimes? I kicked it very hard last Wednesday and tripped on the carpet with a burning candle in my hand while the lights were off.

The Bema?

Probably, this thing (https://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/5/5d/Holy_Trinity_Russian_Orthodox_Church_071215.jpg) with an eagle rug. I think our nun fixed it while I was getting up and checking if nothing was on fire.


Edit: It seems it's simply called an "eagle rug".
Title: Re: Share your liturgical mishap stories here!
Post by: Dominika on April 02, 2016, 05:30:27 AM
The calendar disputes are really serious in Poland...
:laugh:
And what's more, I'm usually one of the main participants in such disputes :P


What is the name of this platform in the middle of the nave where the bishop will stand sometimes? I kicked it very hard last Wednesday and tripped on the carpet with a burning candle in my hand while the lights were off.

The Bema?

Probably, this thing (https://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/5/5d/Holy_Trinity_Russian_Orthodox_Church_071215.jpg) with an eagle rug. I think our nun fixed it while I was getting up and checking if nothing was on fire.


Edit: It seems it's simply called an "eagle rug".

In Slavonic tradition it's called orlec (from the world "eagle").
Title: Re: Share your liturgical mishap stories here!
Post by: ilyazhito on April 06, 2016, 09:17:52 PM
The calendar disputes are really serious in Poland...
Indeed, but it should be irrelevant for this example. Both the Julian and Revised Julian parishes use the same Paschalion, and thus the weeks of Lent would be the same, as the Liturgy of the Presanctified Gifts texts are  predominantly Triodion based, with some Oktoechos content. Unless there was a polyeleos-class feast (The 40 martyrs of Sebaste, or the Finding of the Forerunner's Head) or a parish feast, Menaion content (which is governed by the calendar), would be almost non-existent, and thus irrelevant.
Title: Re: Share your liturgical mishap stories here!
Post by: RaphaCam on April 06, 2016, 09:37:23 PM
The calendar disputes are really serious in Poland...
:laugh: And what's more, I'm usually one of the main participants in such disputes :P
What is the name of this platform in the middle of the nave where the bishop will stand sometimes? I kicked it very hard last Wednesday and tripped on the carpet with a burning candle in my hand while the lights were off.
The Bema?
Probably, this thing (https://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/5/5d/Holy_Trinity_Russian_Orthodox_Church_071215.jpg) with an eagle rug. I think our nun fixed it while I was getting up and checking if nothing was on fire.Edit: It seems it's simply called an "eagle rug".
In Slavonic tradition it's called orlec (from the world "eagle").


Today the presbytera told me not to kick the escabelo. The only other time I came across this word was in the Bible, and all English translations get it as footstool, which doesn't make any sense in English.
Title: Re: Share your liturgical mishap stories here!
Post by: rakovsky on April 07, 2016, 03:54:48 AM
I once waited three hours for confession in a church in a long line and when I got to the front there were only about three people left and the priest said that those who hadn't been involved in the pre-confession prayers earlier before the line formed didn't get to confess.
Title: Re: Share your liturgical mishap stories here!
Post by: scamandrius on April 07, 2016, 10:01:34 AM
My priest started chanting the Trisagion hymn instead of the Anti-Trisagion hymn "Before Thy Cross" this past Sunday during the Liturgy.
Title: Re: Share your liturgical mishap stories here!
Post by: Mor Ephrem on April 07, 2016, 12:46:12 PM
My priest started chanting the Trisagion hymn instead of the Anti-Trisagion hymn "Before Thy Cross" this past Sunday during the Liturgy.

(http://i.imgur.com/11ckolr.gif)
Title: Re: Share your liturgical mishap stories here!
Post by: scamandrius on April 07, 2016, 02:50:49 PM
My priest started chanting the Trisagion hymn instead of the Anti-Trisagion hymn "Before Thy Cross" this past Sunday during the Liturgy.

(http://i.imgur.com/11ckolr.gif)

YOur image didn't display, Mor. Something you wanted to discuss? 
Title: Re: Share your liturgical mishap stories here!
Post by: Dominika on April 07, 2016, 03:51:04 PM
The calendar disputes are really serious in Poland...
Indeed, but it should be irrelevant for this example. Both the Julian and Revised Julian parishes use the same Paschalion, and thus the weeks of Lent would be the same, as the Liturgy of the Presanctified Gifts texts are  predominantly Triodion based, with some Oktoechos content. Unless there was a polyeleos-class feast (The 40 martyrs of Sebaste, or the Finding of the Forerunner's Head) or a parish feast, Menaion content (which is governed by the calendar), would be almost non-existent, and thus irrelevant.
You didn't understand that it was Mor's joke ;)
Title: Re: Share your liturgical mishap stories here!
Post by: Mor Ephrem on April 07, 2016, 04:10:17 PM
My priest started chanting the Trisagion hymn instead of the Anti-Trisagion hymn "Before Thy Cross" this past Sunday during the Liturgy.

(http://i.imgur.com/11ckolr.gif)

YOur image didn't display, Mor. Something you wanted to discuss?

Nah. (https://www.google.com/search?q=how+rude+gif&safe=off&biw=1600&bih=755&source=lnms&tbm=isch&sa=X&ved=0ahUKEwjp9ZDHqv3LAhWMmBoKHbMnAWcQ_AUIBigB)
Title: Re: Share your liturgical mishap stories here!
Post by: scamandrius on April 07, 2016, 05:00:44 PM
My priest started chanting the Trisagion hymn instead of the Anti-Trisagion hymn "Before Thy Cross" this past Sunday during the Liturgy.

(http://i.imgur.com/11ckolr.gif)

So, it's rude to point out when someone, even a priest, does not abide by the Typikon?  Will wonders never cease?
YOur image didn't display, Mor. Something you wanted to discuss?

Nah. (https://www.google.com/search?q=how+rude+gif&safe=off&biw=1600&bih=755&source=lnms&tbm=isch&sa=X&ved=0ahUKEwjp9ZDHqv3LAhWMmBoKHbMnAWcQ_AUIBigB)
Title: Re: Share your liturgical mishap stories here!
Post by: Mor Ephrem on April 07, 2016, 06:08:43 PM
So, it's rude to point out when someone, even a priest, does not abide by the Typikon?  Will wonders never cease?

Well, either

a) it's a "liturgical mishap", which means it was unintentional (as I suggested in my lengthy response in the other thread where you brought this up) and you would do well not to make it more than it is; or

b) your priest really is refusing to abide by the regulations in the Typikon out of some kind of rebelliousness, in which case it's not a "liturgical mishap", but something you should try to address through the proper channels (of which OCNet is certainly not one). 

My money is on a). 
Title: Re: Share your liturgical mishap stories here!
Post by: RaphaCam on April 07, 2016, 06:34:24 PM
Sometimes I see grammar mistakes in some texts, almost always related to second-person pronouns. Out of curiosity, do you think it would it be rude if the reader just read it correctly instead? I think most texts are translated by people who are always present.
Title: Re: Share your liturgical mishap stories here!
Post by: Dominika on April 10, 2016, 08:25:03 AM
Something relatively tiny.
Today we had our parishional feast (st. John the Ladder), the head of Polish Church - metropolitan Sava - was presiding.
During the sermon he claimed our parish is celebrating now the 150th anniversary. The problem is that last October he was presiding the solemnities of the 110th anniversary of our parish.

But, probably fortunately for him, most of the people haven't noticed this mistake, as he was speaking in Russian (instead of Polish), and I was told about this mistake by one of very few parishioners that really knows Russian and noticed the mistake.


This parishioner said also another mishap of our metropolitan, it was 10 years ago: he was giving orders to a few important people, saying their names, and when he was supposed to give the order to a parish rector (not our) he said "This order is for.. I don't remember the name, let it be given" - he waved his hand and have the order.
Title: Re: Share your liturgical mishap stories here!
Post by: Mor Ephrem on April 10, 2016, 01:43:02 PM
This parishioner said also another mishap of our metropolitan, it was 10 years ago: he was giving orders to a few important people, saying their names, and when he was supposed to give the order to a parish rector (not our) he said "This order is for.. I don't remember the name, let it be given" - he waved his hand and have the order.

I think I would like your Metropolitan.  :)
Title: Re: Share your liturgical mishap stories here!
Post by: Dominika on April 10, 2016, 02:52:05 PM
This parishioner said also another mishap of our metropolitan, it was 10 years ago: he was giving orders to a few important people, saying their names, and when he was supposed to give the order to a parish rector (not our) he said "This order is for.. I don't remember the name, let it be given" - he waved his hand and have the order.

I think I would like your Metropolitan.  :)

He is very straightforward and likes starting conversation (but he's not talented in languages, so I rememer him once starting talking in Russian with 2 Japanese guys; the additional problem is that he doesn't know Russian very good, he uses Polish words with Russian endings, so nobody understands him sometimes and that's problem for people writing relations from some events for various websites), so when he saw you, for sure he would start a joyous talk. He also doesn't hide emotions, that sometimes is not good, I mean especially tv broadcasts, they're full of metropolitan Sava's mishaps ;)

Edit: every time people notice if metropolitan is in a good mood or not, and today they said he was, espeically that he "granted" us a very long sermon (normally he's in rush during our parishional feast, as at 5 PM he must be at the cathedra to serve Vespers) and added 40 years to our parish, that's a prestigious thing. And believe me, it's not ironical statement.
Title: Re: Share your liturgical mishap stories here!
Post by: RaphaCam on April 15, 2016, 02:09:27 AM
I almost started a fire last Wednesday... I irresponsibly left a lit up candle on a paper support on the side chair while doing my prostrations. It was all under control, but suddenly the candle just consumed so fast and the support was all on fire. I managed to get it out of the nave and nothing happened. Thanks God, it was right one of the few unupholstered chairs in the church, otherwise it could have been a lot worst..
Title: Re: Share your liturgical mishap stories here!
Post by: Mor Ephrem on April 15, 2016, 11:58:20 AM
I almost started a fire last Wednesday... I irresponsibly left a lit up candle on a paper support on the side chair while doing my prostrations. It was all under control, but suddenly the candle just consumed so fast and the support was all on fire. I managed to get it out of the nave and nothing happened. Thanks God, it was right one of the few unupholstered chairs in the church, otherwise it could have been a lot worst..

No wonder you asked about arson... (http://www.orthodoxchristianity.net/forum/index.php/topic,68806.msg1393095.html#msg1393095)
Title: Re: Share your liturgical mishap stories here!
Post by: RaphaCam on April 15, 2016, 01:10:01 PM
I almost started a fire last Wednesday... I irresponsibly left a lit up candle on a paper support on the side chair while doing my prostrations. It was all under control, but suddenly the candle just consumed so fast and the support was all on fire. I managed to get it out of the nave and nothing happened. Thanks God, it was right one of the few unupholstered chairs in the church, otherwise it could have been a lot worst..

No wonder you asked about arson... (http://www.orthodoxchristianity.net/forum/index.php/topic,68806.msg1393095.html#msg1393095)


Yeah, we had this conversation after this little fire. But I suppose this should be deliberate arson. But I guess my case would be arson and desecration altogether.  :police:
Title: Re: Share your liturgical mishap stories here!
Post by: FatherGiryus on April 25, 2016, 11:56:47 AM
From this Saturday:

We have a very young 89-year-old deacon who is otherwise in better physical shape (and spiritual as well) than I am, except in one particular way: his hearing.

So, he wears hearing aids, which normally function rather well when he wears them.  Except this Saturday, when they seemed to bother him.  So he took them off.  At the beginning of the sermon.

Suddenly, the church sound system was emitting a high-pitched squeal which made all thought impossible.  I tried to shuffle on, and I knew it had to be a hearing aid, but I figured it was coming from the people in the pews and they would eventually mob-shoulder-tap the culprit as they usually do.

After the first minute, they all shifted about nervously.  None of the usual suspects.

So, we shut off the sound system.  Still, the air was filled with that painful screech that seemed to come from nowhere and everywhere at the same time.  It set off my tinnitus, and that's when I left the Royal Gates in search of the sound.  Finally, I located it.  Next to the deacon.  It was his hearing aid, sitting on the seat next to him in the Altar.

"It is bothering me, so I took it off."

"Yes, but it is loud.  Please turn it off."

"What?"

"Your hearing aid.  Turn it off."

"Yes, that's why I took it off.  It was loud."

"PLEASE TAKE THE BATTERY OUT."

"I will fix it after the service."

"PLEASE TAKE THE BATTERY OUT NOW."

He looked puzzled, so I can only imagine that my ample mustache was interfering with his lip reading.  So, I reached for the hearing aid.  I guess that was enough sign language for him to get the point, and he quickly snapped it up and pulled the battery out.

I would have called it 'blessed silence', except that my ears were now ringing with tinnitus (the same note I get with my headaches).  Somehow I rambled through the last of my sermon and finished the liturgy.  While everyone else went to the pancake breakfast, I found a place in the Sunday school to lie down and wait for the ringing to go away.

 
Title: Re: Share your liturgical mishap stories here!
Post by: Keble on April 25, 2016, 12:31:06 PM
One incident most of you Orthodox don't have to worry about, at any rate: we had a communion hymn, antiphon with verses in parts, sung by all. Second verse, the organist skipped ahead a line of music. Result: awesome cacophony. Amazingly, the choir managed doggedly to keep singing while the organist got back on track.
Title: Re: Share your liturgical mishap stories here!
Post by: Elisha on April 25, 2016, 12:45:20 PM
I almost started a fire last Wednesday... I irresponsibly left a lit up candle on a paper support on the side chair while doing my prostrations. It was all under control, but suddenly the candle just consumed so fast and the support was all on fire. I managed to get it out of the nave and nothing happened. Thanks God, it was right one of the few unupholstered chairs in the church, otherwise it could have been a lot worst..

Several years ago, I visited another parish in the diocese for Sunday Liturgy.  At some point in the second half (after the Sermon), I observed an altar server hand the censer to a (sub)deacon (through one of the open royal/deacon doors).  As the handing off happened, for some weird reason, both taking part kind of looked away after their hands grasped it.  At this moment, the charcoal puck leaped out on to the floor.  I seemed to be the only person who immediately noticed, but since I was only visiting and was only acquainted with a few people, I just watched, hoping someone would notice.  After about 30 sec with no one noticing, I quickly walk up to the deacon door and point it out whereupon they freak out and pick it up.
Title: Re: Share your liturgical mishap stories here!
Post by: biro on April 25, 2016, 01:43:06 PM
In my parish, for Palm Sunday, we always put a row of palm fronds up and down the center aisle.

Several times, yesterday, the ushers had to help people get the palms out of their way because the fronds were very thick and leaned over too far.  :laugh:
Title: Re: Share your liturgical mishap stories here!
Post by: Dominika on May 03, 2016, 10:46:13 AM
This year I've put on fire by paschal basket on Great Saturday; this blessing of the baskets in Poland is done over the whole Saturday, famileis come church when it's suitable for them, and this year we came a bit later than usually, and the whole group was waiitng quite a long (more than 30 minutes) for the priest, so the candles became realtivley short when the ceremony started and then ended; instead of taking my basketr directly after the ceremony, I decided firstly to kiss the epitaphios (like my parents, that were waiting in the background) as the rest of the people were taking their baskets from the table and there was a chaos. So I took the basket lately, and noticed that somebody put off the fire and that a part of the basket's hoder doesn't exist anymore. The problem is that I had borrowed this basket from my mum.

I should have put the candle into the cake or in a more straight way, or just firstly take the basket.

My basket just before this accedent (with wine),

(https://scontent-fra3-1.xx.fbcdn.net/hphotos-xpl1/v/t1.0-9/13138802_10156827736035433_6352176287401992148_n.jpg?oh=4cc52e1de0145aad3e94cc66400f82e6&oe=57A1CE5B)
Title: Re: Share your liturgical mishap stories here!
Post by: Indocern on May 03, 2016, 11:03:44 AM
When I was standing in the church, the bishop come to me and catch my hand and give me advice.
Title: Re: Share your liturgical mishap stories here!
Post by: RaphaCam on May 03, 2016, 11:16:18 AM
This year I've put on fire by paschal basket on Great Saturday; this blessing of the baskets in Poland is done over the whole Saturday, famileis come church when it's suitable for them, and this year we came a bit later than usually, and the whole group was waiitng quite a long (more than 30 minutes) for the priest, so the candles became realtivley short when the ceremony started and then ended; instead of taking my basketr directly after the ceremony, I decided firstly to kiss the epitaphios (like my parents, that were waiting in the background) as the rest of the people were taking their baskets from the table and there was a chaos. So I took the basket lately, and noticed that somebody put off the fire and that a part of the basket's hoder doesn't exist anymore. The problem is that I had borrowed this basket from my mum.

I should have put the candle into the cake or in a more straight way, or just firstly take the basket.

My basket just before this accedent (with wine),

(https://scontent-fra3-1.xx.fbcdn.net/hphotos-xpl1/v/t1.0-9/13138802_10156827736035433_6352176287401992148_n.jpg?oh=4cc52e1de0145aad3e94cc66400f82e6&oe=57A1CE5B)
Kinder egg? Modernism!  :laugh:
Title: Re: Share your liturgical mishap stories here!
Post by: FatherGiryus on May 03, 2016, 12:04:34 PM
This year I've put on fire by paschal basket on Great Saturday; this blessing of the baskets in Poland is done over the whole Saturday, famileis come church when it's suitable for them, and this year we came a bit later than usually, and the whole group was waiitng quite a long (more than 30 minutes) for the priest, so the candles became realtivley short when the ceremony started and then ended; instead of taking my basketr directly after the ceremony, I decided firstly to kiss the epitaphios (like my parents, that were waiting in the background) as the rest of the people were taking their baskets from the table and there was a chaos. So I took the basket lately, and noticed that somebody put off the fire and that a part of the basket's hoder doesn't exist anymore. The problem is that I had borrowed this basket from my mum.

I should have put the candle into the cake or in a more straight way, or just firstly take the basket.

My basket just before this accedent (with wine),

(https://scontent-fra3-1.xx.fbcdn.net/hphotos-xpl1/v/t1.0-9/13138802_10156827736035433_6352176287401992148_n.jpg?oh=4cc52e1de0145aad3e94cc66400f82e6&oe=57A1CE5B)

In the lower right-hand corner... is that a glass of salt?
Title: Re: Share your liturgical mishap stories here!
Post by: Mor Ephrem on May 03, 2016, 12:10:53 PM
When I was standing in the church, the bishop come to me and catch my hand and give me advice.

Now there's a mishap!
Title: Re: Share your liturgical mishap stories here!
Post by: Dominika on May 03, 2016, 12:39:41 PM
In the lower right-hand corner... is that a glass of salt?
Yes.

When I was standing in the church, the bishop come to me and catch my hand and give me advice.

Now there's a mishap!

If the ending was: When I was standing in the church, the bishop come to me and catch my hand and give me a kiss/a bite it would be a mishap. Or at least something unusual.

Anyway, I'm wondering what a kind of advice it was.
Title: Re: Share your liturgical mishap stories here!
Post by: Indocern on May 03, 2016, 12:44:12 PM
In the lower right-hand corner... is that a glass of salt?
Yes.

When I was standing in the church, the bishop come to me and catch my hand and give me advice.

Now there's a mishap!

If the ending was: When I was standing in the church, the bishop come to me and catch my hand and give me a kiss/a bite it would be a mishap. Or at least something unusual.

Anyway, I'm wondering what a kind of advice it was.

He was seen how I get holy communion from the priest and come to me and give me advice how to correctly get it. He also asked me how Adam was sinned. And tell me to read one book, that I already have, from one Bulgarian Archimandrite. He was with him monastic clothes.
Title: Re: Share your liturgical mishap stories here!
Post by: Dominika on May 03, 2016, 12:48:58 PM
In the lower right-hand corner... is that a glass of salt?
Yes.

When I was standing in the church, the bishop come to me and catch my hand and give me advice.

Now there's a mishap!

If the ending was: When I was standing in the church, the bishop come to me and catch my hand and give me a kiss/a bite it would be a mishap. Or at least something unusual.

Anyway, I'm wondering what a kind of advice it was.

He was seen how I get holy communion from the priest and come to me and give me advice how to correctly get it. He also asked me how Adam was sinned. And tell me to read one book, that I already have, from one Bulgarian Archimandrite. He was with him monastic clothes.

So nothing surpsing. I thought at least it was "You would be a good monk, you should try it." or "You would be a good priest. I can present you to an ideal candidate for matushka/popadija"
Title: Re: Share your liturgical mishap stories here!
Post by: Indocern on May 03, 2016, 12:55:08 PM
In the lower right-hand corner... is that a glass of salt?
Yes.

When I was standing in the church, the bishop come to me and catch my hand and give me advice.

Now there's a mishap!

If the ending was: When I was standing in the church, the bishop come to me and catch my hand and give me a kiss/a bite it would be a mishap. Or at least something unusual.

Anyway, I'm wondering what a kind of advice it was.

He was seen how I get holy communion from the priest and come to me and give me advice how to correctly get it. He also asked me how Adam was sinned. And tell me to read one book, that I already have, from one Bulgarian Archimandrite. He was with him monastic clothes.

So nothing surpsing. I thought at least it was "You would be a good monk, you should try it." or "You would be a good priest. I can present you to an ideal candidate for matushka/popadija"

This he told me before 2-3 years. Now he is metropolitan.
Title: Re: Share your liturgical mishap stories here!
Post by: Iconodule on May 03, 2016, 02:15:25 PM
In the lower right-hand corner... is that a glass of salt?
Yes.

When I was standing in the church, the bishop come to me and catch my hand and give me advice.

Now there's a mishap!

If the ending was: When I was standing in the church, the bishop come to me and catch my hand and give me a kiss/a bite it would be a mishap. Or at least something unusual.

Anyway, I'm wondering what a kind of advice it was.

He was seen how I get holy communion from the priest and come to me and give me advice how to correctly get it. He also asked me how Adam was sinned. And tell me to read one book, that I already have, from one Bulgarian Archimandrite. He was with him monastic clothes.

There must be a shortage of grandmothers in your parish.
Title: Re: Share your liturgical mishap stories here!
Post by: Indocern on May 03, 2016, 02:18:22 PM
In the lower right-hand corner... is that a glass of salt?
Yes.

When I was standing in the church, the bishop come to me and catch my hand and give me advice.

Now there's a mishap!

If the ending was: When I was standing in the church, the bishop come to me and catch my hand and give me a kiss/a bite it would be a mishap. Or at least something unusual.

Anyway, I'm wondering what a kind of advice it was.

He was seen how I get holy communion from the priest and come to me and give me advice how to correctly get it. He also asked me how Adam was sinned. And tell me to read one book, that I already have, from one Bulgarian Archimandrite. He was with him monastic clothes.

There must be a shortage of grandmothers in your parish.

Why?
Title: Re: Share your liturgical mishap stories here!
Post by: Iconodule on May 03, 2016, 02:23:55 PM
Because they're usually the ones in charge of telling people that they're not taking communion correctly or not dressed properly, and also propagating weird theological opinions. If there aren't enough grandmothers to do this then the burden falls on the clergy.
Title: Re: Share your liturgical mishap stories here!
Post by: Indocern on May 03, 2016, 02:34:41 PM
The old lady who working there and selling candles once said to girls with short skirts to wear the long skirts from the church and enter the church, but they deny and she say that she will call the police and the girls exited the church.
Title: Re: Share your liturgical mishap stories here!
Post by: hecma925 on May 04, 2016, 01:51:52 AM
Sometimes I see grammar mistakes in some texts, almost always related to second-person pronouns. Out of curiosity, do you think it would it be rude if the reader just read it correctly instead? I think most texts are translated by people who are always present.

In our parish's copy of the horologion, the readers have marked out mistakes. 
Title: Re: Share your liturgical mishap stories here!
Post by: biro on May 15, 2016, 01:00:52 PM
During the hymns before the Epistle today, one of the candle stands fell over. Someone picked it up right away. No harm done. :)
Title: Re: Share your liturgical mishap stories here!
Post by: Indocern on May 20, 2016, 02:49:54 PM
When I was getting Holy Communion, because I was disgusted by the other men that get Holy Communion before me I don't stick my lips on the spoon and part of the Holy Communion go on the cloth that priest give to you when you receive Holy Communion and the priest told to me: look what happened :laugh:
Title: Re: Share your liturgical mishap stories here!
Post by: RaphaCam on May 20, 2016, 05:41:24 PM
When I was getting Holy Communion, because I was disgusted by the other men that get Holy Communion before me I don't stick my lips on the spoon and part of the Holy Communion go on the cloth that priest give to you when you receive Holy Communion and the priest told to me: look what happened :laugh:
Be really careful with that, dude! Canons are very harsh towards the holy species falling on the floor!

In our cathedral in particular, the spoon doesn't touch our mouths, we open our mouths wide, the celebrant puts the spoon there and drops it in our tongues. I heard this practice is widespread among Ukrainian Greek-Catholics.
Title: Re: Share your liturgical mishap stories here!
Post by: Indocern on May 21, 2016, 03:09:42 AM
When I was getting Holy Communion, because I was disgusted by the other men that get Holy Communion before me I don't stick my lips on the spoon and part of the Holy Communion go on the cloth that priest give to you when you receive Holy Communion and the priest told to me: look what happened :laugh:
Be really careful with that, dude! Canons are very harsh towards the holy species falling on the floor!

In our cathedral in particular, the spoon doesn't touch our mouths, we open our mouths wide, the celebrant puts the spoon there and drops it in our tongues. I heard this practice is widespread among Ukrainian Greek-Catholics.

Yes I will be more careful.
Title: Re: Share your liturgical mishap stories here!
Post by: PeterTheAleut on May 21, 2016, 03:48:31 AM
When I was getting Holy Communion, because I was disgusted by the other men that get Holy Communion before me I don't stick my lips on the spoon and part of the Holy Communion go on the cloth that priest give to you when you receive Holy Communion and the priest told to me: look what happened :laugh:
Be really careful with that, dude! Canons are very harsh towards the holy species falling on the floor!

In our cathedral in particular, the spoon doesn't touch our mouths, we open our mouths wide, the celebrant puts the spoon there and drops it in our tongues. I heard this practice is widespread among Ukrainian Greek-Catholics.

Yes I will be more careful.
Why were you disgusted with the men in front of you in the Communion line?
Title: Re: Share your liturgical mishap stories here!
Post by: Indocern on May 21, 2016, 04:53:29 AM
When I was getting Holy Communion, because I was disgusted by the other men that get Holy Communion before me I don't stick my lips on the spoon and part of the Holy Communion go on the cloth that priest give to you when you receive Holy Communion and the priest told to me: look what happened :laugh:
Be really careful with that, dude! Canons are very harsh towards the holy species falling on the floor!

In our cathedral in particular, the spoon doesn't touch our mouths, we open our mouths wide, the celebrant puts the spoon there and drops it in our tongues. I heard this practice is widespread among Ukrainian Greek-Catholics.

Yes I will be more careful.
Why were you disgusted with the men in front of you in the Communion line?

In principle I'm such I can't eat something that is eaten by other people, other time I was getting Holy Communion more successfully.
Title: Re: Share your liturgical mishap stories here!
Post by: hecma925 on May 21, 2016, 06:54:05 AM
When I was getting Holy Communion, because I was disgusted by the other men that get Holy Communion before me I don't stick my lips on the spoon and part of the Holy Communion go on the cloth that priest give to you when you receive Holy Communion and the priest told to me: look what happened :laugh:
Be really careful with that, dude! Canons are very harsh towards the holy species falling on the floor!

In our cathedral in particular, the spoon doesn't touch our mouths, we open our mouths wide, the celebrant puts the spoon there and drops it in our tongues. I heard this practice is widespread among Ukrainian Greek-Catholics.

Yes I will be more careful.
Why were you disgusted with the men in front of you in the Communion line?

In principle I'm such I can't eat something that is eaten by other people, other time I was getting Holy Communion more successfully.

It's not like they're chewing up Christ and spitting Him back into the chalice for the priest to serve to you.
Title: Re: Share your liturgical mishap stories here!
Post by: Dominika on May 29, 2016, 07:23:04 AM
Not mine, and actually it's more about what our rector (main priest at parish) said in the end of today's Liturgy, before kissing the cross - as usually, he was greeting us because of Sunday, but he added 2 things (the second is better):
1. "Today afater the lunch and rethinking about today's sermon [that's normal part of his weekly speech) you can go to park and enjoy today's hot weather - let be this Sunday so joyous as 28 degrees of todays' temperature. And let sit on the lawn in park - well, I've heard it's prohibited, but it's normal, in whole Europe people can sit on lawns"

2. "I'm glad so many mothers with their little treasures have come today. Please, o you mothers, put on shorter skirts, no to trip on the stairs to the church". :o

I have to add that he is an old priest, well-esteemed, but very direct and open in relations with people.
Title: Re: Share your liturgical mishap stories here!
Post by: hecma925 on May 29, 2016, 07:36:56 AM
Please, o you mothers, put on shorter skirts

Father said it.
Title: Re: Share your liturgical mishap stories here!
Post by: Indocern on May 29, 2016, 07:41:14 AM
Not mine, and actually it's more about what our rector (main priest at parish) said in the end of today's Liturgy, before kissing the cross - as usually, he was greeting us because of Sunday, but he added 2 things (the second is better):
1. "Today afater the lunch and rethinking about today's sermon [that's normal part of his weekly speech) you can go to park and enjoy today's hot weather - let be this Sunday so joyous as 28 degrees of todays' temperature. And let sit on the lawn in park - well, I've heard it's prohibited, but it's normal, in whole Europe people can sit on lawns"

2. "I'm glad so many mothers with their little treasures have come today. Please, o you mothers, put on shorter skirts, no to trip on the stairs to the church". :o

I have to add that he is an old priest, well-esteemed, but very direct and open in relations with people.

The wife of the priest don't allow in our Church for women or girls with short skirts or short pants to enter the Church. She prepared shawls and long skirts for them.
Title: Re: Share your liturgical mishap stories here!
Post by: Dominika on May 29, 2016, 07:53:31 AM
Not mine, and actually it's more about what our rector (main priest at parish) said in the end of today's Liturgy, before kissing the cross - as usually, he was greeting us because of Sunday, but he added 2 things (the second is better):
1. "Today afater the lunch and rethinking about today's sermon [that's normal part of his weekly speech) you can go to park and enjoy today's hot weather - let be this Sunday so joyous as 28 degrees of todays' temperature. And let sit on the lawn in park - well, I've heard it's prohibited, but it's normal, in whole Europe people can sit on lawns"

2. "I'm glad so many mothers with their little treasures have come today. Please, o you mothers, put on shorter skirts, no to trip on the stairs to the church". :o

I have to add that he is an old priest, well-esteemed, but very direct and open in relations with people.

The wife of the priest don't allow in our Church for women or girls with short skirts or short pants to enter the Church. She prepared shawls and long skirts for them.
He's widower for 4 years. But, we have a few other priests at the parish, all of them are married.
Anyway, I think he meant a bit shorter, so not long to ankles, bur ratehr to knees, but it sounded quite... Surprising :laugh:
Title: Re: Share your liturgical mishap stories here!
Post by: Indocern on May 29, 2016, 08:15:27 AM
Not mine, and actually it's more about what our rector (main priest at parish) said in the end of today's Liturgy, before kissing the cross - as usually, he was greeting us because of Sunday, but he added 2 things (the second is better):
1. "Today afater the lunch and rethinking about today's sermon [that's normal part of his weekly speech) you can go to park and enjoy today's hot weather - let be this Sunday so joyous as 28 degrees of todays' temperature. And let sit on the lawn in park - well, I've heard it's prohibited, but it's normal, in whole Europe people can sit on lawns"

2. "I'm glad so many mothers with their little treasures have come today. Please, o you mothers, put on shorter skirts, no to trip on the stairs to the church". :o

I have to add that he is an old priest, well-esteemed, but very direct and open in relations with people.

The wife of the priest don't allow in our Church for women or girls with short skirts or short pants to enter the Church. She prepared shawls and long skirts for them.
He's widower for 4 years. But, we have a few other priests at the parish, all of them are married.
Anyway, I think he meant a bit shorter, so not long to ankles, bur ratehr to knees, but it sounded quite... Surprising :laugh:

My priest in another Church is widower for around 2 years and he is old too and he was joking that he want to find girlfriend on internet but he say that he don't know how to work with it :)
Title: Re: Share your liturgical mishap stories here!
Post by: hecma925 on January 26, 2017, 06:01:31 AM
Something I remembered:

During the paschal season, the reader beginning the hours starts with Paschal troparion X3.  He wanted to do it in English, Greek, and Slavonic.  On the second "Christ is risen"  it ended up being " Χριστὸς ἀνέστη изъ мертвыхъ, Смертїю смерть поправъ..."
Title: Re: Share your liturgical mishap stories here!
Post by: RaphaCam on January 26, 2017, 11:28:47 AM
Something I remembered:

During the paschal season, the reader beginning the hours starts with Paschal troparion X3.  He wanted to do it in English, Greek, and Slavonic.  On the second "Christ is risen"  it ended up being " Χριστὸς ἀνέστη изъ мертвыхъ, Смертїю смерть поправъ..."
I do this very often (privately).
Title: Re: Share your liturgical mishap stories here!
Post by: ilyazhito on February 26, 2017, 12:10:12 AM
Something I remembered:

During the paschal season, the reader beginning the hours starts with Paschal troparion X3.  He wanted to do it in English, Greek, and Slavonic.  On the second "Christ is risen"  it ended up being " Χριστὸς ἀνέστη изъ мертвыхъ, Смертїю смерть поправъ..."
That's funny. I think that "Христосъ воскресе ek nekron..." would also be funny, as would any other inter-lingual fails. That fail above has to be a win because it's so funny!
Title: Re: Share your liturgical mishap stories here!
Post by: biro on February 26, 2017, 02:16:24 PM
This week, the chanter singing in Greek and the choir in English managed to start the hymn of St. George at the same time. The chanter stopped with a smile and let the choir finish first.
Title: Re: Share your liturgical mishap stories here!
Post by: ilyazhito on March 04, 2017, 01:13:14 AM
I have to give props to that chanter for such a class move. How did this end? Did the chanter eventually re-start and finish the troparion in Greek, or did the service just roll on from that point?
Title: Re: Share your liturgical mishap stories here!
Post by: testa24 on April 21, 2017, 04:04:48 PM
My liturgical mishap happened this past Sunday on Pascha. I was singing in the choir, of which there were 6 people including myself. Right after the priest intoned, "God save Your people, etc" we were supposed to start singing a version of Christos Voskrese. One of the ladies and I were singing the right version, but the lady's husband started singing the wrong version. They started arguing during Liturgy and the husband goes, extremely loudly, "No, No!" When our priest turned around to go "always now and ever" he looked at up the choir for a second and there was a look of pure irritation in his eyes that for the rest of Liturgy I had to keep myself from laughing.
Title: Re: Share your liturgical mishap stories here!
Post by: RaphaCam on April 21, 2017, 07:48:04 PM
We had a lot of minor mishaps on Holy Week, maybe the clergy was nervous, but Pascha was apparently flawless.
Title: Re: Share your liturgical mishap stories here!
Post by: Gunnarr on April 24, 2017, 02:44:15 PM
this isn't a mishap. I just saw this though and thought it was funny, watch the eyes

https://j.gifs.com/8qnN0L.gif

better in high quality:

https://youtu.be/onIQ6-5e5L0?t=4m53s
Title: Re: Share your liturgical mishap stories here!
Post by: William T on April 24, 2017, 04:09:48 PM
As an Alter Boy and someone who would occasionally read announcements I'm sure I had dozens of mishaps.  One memory I have as an Alter Boy is getting caught checking out a girl during the Great Procession .  I think i got chewed out for that.

I seem to have a hazy memory of me butchering the French reading of the Gospel during Easter when people volunteer to read the Gospel in different languages.
Title: Re: Share your liturgical mishap stories here!
Post by: testa24 on April 24, 2017, 10:18:28 PM
Please tell us more about you checking out a girl. Did the priest yell at you? What did he say? I've gotten caught a few times by friends although at school. Church is a little easier (not that I would ever check out a girl at church) I'm just guessing since everyone is facing front.
Title: Re: Share your liturgical mishap stories here!
Post by: Dominika on May 28, 2017, 07:54:27 AM
I was a reader during the all(yhm)-night vigil yesterday. After the 3rd ode I was supposed to read the Ascension Kontakion. Well, people from the kliros said "Read the festal kontakion". But in my Pentecostarion only its beginning was written, so I thoguht that they maybe had meant sedalenof the Fathers from Nicea. Well, I also considered the option that maybe indeed they want me to chant the Ascension kontakion, but I would have to go back many pages in the book, plus I thought that people won't hear sedalenof the Fathers from Nicea anymore this year, contrary to the Ascension Kontakion.

Surely, I was critised a bit right after having read the sedalen, but fortunately, I wasn't taken off from the kliros ;)

Surely, if our parish was doing less shortcuts, such problem wouldn't have appeared:police:
Title: Re: Share your liturgical mishap stories here!
Post by: Mor Ephrem on July 22, 2017, 04:32:30 PM
I have few details, but it seems a priest-friend of mine was preaching at a man's funeral when the dead man's watch began beeping within the casket. 
Title: Re: Share your liturgical mishap stories here!
Post by: Dominika on July 22, 2017, 04:38:03 PM
I have few details, but it seems a priest-friend of mine was preaching at a man's funeral when the dead man's watch began beeping within the casket.

It sounds like a movie scene.
Title: Re: Share your liturgical mishap stories here!
Post by: augustin717 on July 22, 2017, 06:17:33 PM
I have few details, but it seems a priest-friend of mine was preaching at a man's funeral when the dead man's watch began beeping within the casket.
dothey wanna attract grave robbers or why would they bury him with a watch? I'll  have a disclaimer put on my grave: no Rolex , no cash , no iPhone , no gold teeth .
Title: Re: Share your liturgical mishap stories here!
Post by: Porter ODoran on July 22, 2017, 06:19:37 PM
I have few details, but it seems a priest-friend of mine was preaching at a man's funeral when the dead man's watch began beeping within the casket.
dothey wanna attract grave robbers or why would they bury him with a watch?

You could ask that about any activity which others are known to take evil advantage of. Why do you have a truck if you don't want to be wrecked or have it broken into?
Title: Re: Share your liturgical mishap stories here!
Post by: Indocern on July 23, 2017, 06:07:49 AM
There was liturgy in some days of the week in the one of the past years and I come and then stay for 2minutes and I see the temple is crying and I was not able to stay there anymore. So I left.
Title: Re: Share your liturgical mishap stories here!
Post by: Dominika on July 23, 2017, 06:35:29 AM
There was liturgy in some days of the week in the one of the past years and I come and then stay for 2minutes and I see the temple is crying and I was not able to stay there anymore. So I left.

 ???
Title: Re: Share your liturgical mishap stories here!
Post by: Indocern on July 23, 2017, 06:51:11 AM
There was liturgy in some days of the week in the one of the past years and I come and then stay for 2minutes and I see the temple is crying and I was not able to stay there anymore. So I left.

 ???

I think it was some of the days for testing myself by God. Because I was not know what is real and what is not. But yes I was not able to stay there anymore. And the corners of the church in the up was bending and it feels like crying. But for God everything is possible when He want to test somebody.
Title: Re: Share your liturgical mishap stories here!
Post by: Dominika on July 23, 2017, 07:00:34 AM
There was liturgy in some days of the week in the one of the past years and I come and then stay for 2minutes and I see the temple is crying and I was not able to stay there anymore. So I left.

 ???

I think it was some of the days for testing myself by God. Because I was not know what is real and what is not. But yes I was not able to stay there anymore. And the corners of the church in the up was bending and it feels like crying. But for God everything is possible when He want to test somebody.

But... This thread is, at least,a  bit, humorous. And it presents mishaps of people, not.. of the builduings.
Title: Re: Share your liturgical mishap stories here!
Post by: Indocern on July 23, 2017, 07:03:50 AM
There was liturgy in some days of the week in the one of the past years and I come and then stay for 2minutes and I see the temple is crying and I was not able to stay there anymore. So I left.

 ???

I think it was some of the days for testing myself by God. Because I was not know what is real and what is not. But yes I was not able to stay there anymore. And the corners of the church in the up was bending and it feels like crying. But for God everything is possible when He want to test somebody.

But... This thread is, at least,a  bit, humorous. And it presents mishaps of people, not.. of the builduings.

But I am human, not building
Title: Re: Share your liturgical mishap stories here!
Post by: Dominika on July 23, 2017, 07:16:47 AM
There was liturgy in some days of the week in the one of the past years and I come and then stay for 2minutes and I see the temple is crying and I was not able to stay there anymore. So I left.

 ???

I think it was some of the days for testing myself by God. Because I was not know what is real and what is not. But yes I was not able to stay there anymore. And the corners of the church in the up was bending and it feels like crying. But for God everything is possible when He want to test somebody.

But... This thread is, at least,a  bit, humorous. And it presents mishaps of people, not.. of the builduings.

But I am human, not building

But you wrote about the building.
Title: Re: Share your liturgical mishap stories here!
Post by: WPM on July 23, 2017, 08:33:14 AM
Let's see . . . Orthodox Church is set up as lavish cathedral in far away place. Got it
Title: Re: Share your liturgical mishap stories here!
Post by: Agabus on July 24, 2017, 04:16:36 PM
Not liturgical but devotional:

One day recently as I was praying I started to nod off and the standard words for "Open the doors of compassion" apparently became:

"Open up the doors of compassion, most blessed Theotokos, for we have forgotten the basic principles..."
Title: Re: Share your liturgical mishap stories here!
Post by: Mor Ephrem on July 24, 2017, 04:35:29 PM
Not liturgical but devotional:

One day recently as I was praying I started to nod off and the standard words for "Open the doors of compassion" apparently became:

"Open up the doors of compassion, most blessed Theotokos, for we have forgotten the basic principles..."

This sort of thing happens to me at times, and makes me wonder if it really is better to keep trying as opposed to just getting some sleep. 
Title: Re: Share your liturgical mishap stories here!
Post by: Dominika on July 24, 2017, 05:01:14 PM
Not liturgical but devotional:

One day recently as I was praying I started to nod off and the standard words for "Open the doors of compassion" apparently became:

"Open up the doors of compassion, most blessed Theotokos, for we have forgotten the basic principles..."

This sort of thing happens to me at times, and makes me wonder if it really is better to keep trying as opposed to just getting some sleep.

 ;D I'm rather not so innovative saying it in Church Slavonic (ha, that's one of the advantages of non-vernacular used at prayers  :laugh: )
Title: Re: Share your liturgical mishap stories here!
Post by: Saxon on July 30, 2017, 08:27:27 PM
The daughters of a friend of ours at church who prepares the lunches in the kitchen during liturgy stand with us for the service. The younger girl, who is now eight, is quite mischievous. During the sermon, while standing in front of my fiance, she started slowly doing the splits. My fiance gently pulled her up, but she promptly went went back down again. Our priest stopped in mid-sentence and loudly told her in Russian to stand up straight.  ;D
Title: Re: Share your liturgical mishap stories here!
Post by: Dominika on November 18, 2017, 02:13:26 PM
Today I was chanting (I mean melorecitation) at Vespers and Matins. And Vespers I was supposed to chant the sticheras to the "Lord I have cried" but I was given an Octoechos book without the stychos to the sticheras (in my Sunday Octoechos they are present) and realised that just in the moment I had to chant. So I recited from memory half of the stychos but have forgotten the second part. There was a silence, I looked at the rest people of the kliros, one of the lectors whispered the second part, but even with this help I've forgotten one word from this second part, as I must have the text in front of my eyes. So I was stressed for a moment that I chanted the rest of the sticheras too fastly, so the deacon didn't manage to do censing of the whole temple, so then he was almsot runnign and the preist with the altar boys were running too to get out from the iconostasis for the doxastikon.
Title: Re: Share your liturgical mishap stories here!
Post by: Alpha60 on November 18, 2017, 04:39:26 PM
Today I was chanting (I mean melorecitation) at Vespers and Matins. And Vespers I was supposed to chant the sticheras to the "Lord I have cried" but I was given an Octoechos book without the stychos to the sticheras (in my Sunday Octoechos they are present) and realised that just in the moment I had to chant. So I recited from memory half of the stychos but have forgotten the second part. There was a silence, I looked at the rest people of the kliros, one of the lectors whispered the second part, but even with this help I've forgotten one word from this second part, as I must have the text in front of my eyes. So I was stressed for a moment that I chanted the rest of the sticheras too fastly, so the deacon didn't manage to do censing of the whole temple, so then he was almsot runnign and the preist with the altar boys were running too to get out from the iconostasis for the doxastikon.

You poor thing!  :(  That had to have been very stressful! 
Title: Re: Share your liturgical mishap stories here!
Post by: Dominika on November 24, 2017, 07:36:34 AM
I'd been asked today to chant the Epistle just prior the Liturgy. I went to the middle of the church and made up what tone of prokimenon could be. Becase after all these years I still haven't learnt the Church Slavonic numbers except "1" and "4". I'm afraid it wasn't the right tone. The same thing I'd done last Saturday.

I'm a bad girl.
Title: Re: Share your liturgical mishap stories here!
Post by: Hawkeye on November 24, 2017, 11:28:46 AM
If even Dominika doesn't have the numbers down, there's hope for me yet.
Title: Re: Share your liturgical mishap stories here!
Post by: Mor Ephrem on November 24, 2017, 11:29:14 AM
I'd been asked today to chant the Epistle just prior the Liturgy. I went to the middle of the church and made up what tone of prokimenon could be. Becase after all these years I still haven't learnt the Church Slavonic numbers except "1" and "4". I'm afraid it wasn't the right tone. The same thing I'd done last Saturday.

Would the choir actually sing it in the tone you announced rather than the correct tone?

Quote
I'm a bad girl.

The best kind!
Title: Re: Share your liturgical mishap stories here!
Post by: biro on November 24, 2017, 12:17:01 PM
Couple weeks ago, before the start of liturgy, I threw up on the floor of the choir loft. I cleaned it up. Nerves, I guess. Hasn't repeated since.
Title: Re: Share your liturgical mishap stories here!
Post by: Musicnerd88 on November 24, 2017, 12:51:36 PM
Every once in a while I'll smack my forehead on my music stand when doing a metania.
Title: Re: Share your liturgical mishap stories here!
Post by: Dominika on November 24, 2017, 12:58:08 PM
I'd been asked today to chant the Epistle just prior the Liturgy. I went to the middle of the church and made up what tone of prokimenon could be. Becase after all these years I still haven't learnt the Church Slavonic numbers except "1" and "4". I'm afraid it wasn't the right tone. The same thing I'd done last Saturday.

Would the choir actually sing it in the tone you announced rather than the correct tone?
I think in the one I announced,a s that was me holding the Epistle book with the prokimenon and reading, quite far from the kliros.

I'm a bad girl.

The best kind!

:*
Title: Re: Share your liturgical mishap stories here!
Post by: Dominika on November 24, 2017, 12:59:10 PM
If even Dominika doesn't have the numbers down, there's hope for me yet.

 :laugh:

The oc.net doesn't help to achive humility.
Title: Re: Share your liturgical mishap stories here!
Post by: Ainnir on December 03, 2017, 08:58:01 PM
Post-liturgy: held up the Cross-veneration line and stepped on someone's foot because between the bishop and the priest, I didn't know who was supposed to complete the Lord's Prayer.   :-[  I'd love to say such awkwardness is rare, but it's not.   ::) 

I have not yet knocked over any icon stands, so that's some consolation that will hopefully remain.   :D
Title: Re: Share your liturgical mishap stories here!
Post by: RaphaCam on December 12, 2017, 02:40:57 AM
Not liturgical, but I recently turned the archbishop's coffee over, it was quite embarassing. Those occasions are not rare, I've been compared to a much older guy who may have his slips sometimes.  :P
Title: Re: Share your liturgical mishap stories here!
Post by: Mor Ephrem on December 12, 2017, 11:56:26 AM
Not liturgical, but I recently turned the archbishop's coffee over, it was quite embarassing. Those occasions are not rare, I've been compared to a much older guy who may have his slips sometimes.  :P

There's a special place in hell for such evil people...
Title: Re: Share your liturgical mishap stories here!
Post by: Alpha60 on December 13, 2017, 11:19:36 AM
I recently failed to adequetely secure a $5 candle in the holder (the technique of meting the base with another candle before inserting it doesn’t seem to work) and found myself in the rather awkward position of having to secure it wihin seconds of “Thine own of Thine own, we offer unto Thee, on behalf of all and for all”

As I see it the alternative would have been more embarassing still.
Title: Re: Share your liturgical mishap stories here!
Post by: Bob2 on December 13, 2017, 11:35:54 AM
I recently failed to adequetely secure a $5 candle in the holder (the technique of meting the base with another candle before inserting it doesn’t seem to work) and found myself in the rather awkward position of having to secure it wihin seconds of “Thine own of Thine own, we offer unto Thee, on behalf of all and for all”

As I see it the alternative would have been more embarassing still.

From the Creed to the litany before "Our Father" you probably shouldn't be lighting candles at all.
Title: Re: Share your liturgical mishap stories here!
Post by: Mor Ephrem on December 13, 2017, 12:07:00 PM
I recently failed to adequetely secure a $5 candle in the holder (the technique of meting the base with another candle before inserting it doesn’t seem to work) and found myself in the rather awkward position of having to secure it wihin seconds of “Thine own of Thine own, we offer unto Thee, on behalf of all and for all”

As I see it the alternative would have been more embarassing still.

From the Creed to the litany before "Our Father" you probably shouldn't be lighting candles at all.

YEAH ALPHA DON'T SHOW UP LATE TO CHURCH!!1!
Title: Re: Share your liturgical mishap stories here!
Post by: Alpha60 on December 13, 2017, 01:34:08 PM
I recently failed to adequetely secure a $5 candle in the holder (the technique of meting the base with another candle before inserting it doesn’t seem to work) and found myself in the rather awkward position of having to secure it wihin seconds of “Thine own of Thine own, we offer unto Thee, on behalf of all and for all”

As I see it the alternative would have been more embarassing still.

From the Creed to the litany before "Our Father" you probably shouldn't be lighting candles at all.

Indeed,  I quite agree.   In this most embarassing instance I lit the candle well before the Creed, during the antiphons, I think, and then remained near the candlestand; I then noticed during the Institution Narrative that the candle was listing at a severe angle and had to rush to adjust it.

What is the trick for securing those candles anyway?  Note btw this was a slightly abbreviated weekday service with the homily after the Dismissal, so the candle had only been burning for about 20 minutes when I noticed the severe lean.  With the small candles, you just heat up he underside and insert while the wax is hot; when the wax cools it will form in the shape of the candle holder securing it properly.

At one ROCA-A Old Calendarist parish I visited, the sister of the young reader would continually remove burned out candles throughout the service except during the most sacred moments, like the Institution Narrative, the Entrances and so on.  I have seen this a few other places and I would agree with you, I think the ideal cutoff for lighting candles would be the end of the Third Antiphon, at least at the front of the church.

A part of me wishes we wouldnt primarily sell candles during the service but instead have parishioners “subscribe” to them, so that the candles would predominantly be prepaid and lit at the start of the service.  Additional candles would be available free of charge for visitors.

In most Coptic parishes I have visited the candles tend to be in the back, whereas St. Ephrems Syriac Orthodox Church has the sort of setup where you place candles in a container of sand, located in the narthex.  St. Mary’s Assyrian Church of the East has a beautiful grotto attached to the narthex, out of view of the nave, an artificial cave with niches on which the faihful place lighted candles.  I really like that sort of candle-cave chapel idea (which was probably in part inspired by a fear of another fire breaking out in the nave and burning their parish down again; their main altar lights are electric which I greatly dislike).  On the whole, my ideal candle setup would have the Byzantine candle stands with central oil lamps and a built in thurible on one of them (St. Anthonys Greek Orthodox Monastery under Elder Ephrem has this, the stationary thurible being used during the Hours), in the entrance to the nave and in the Solea surrounding a floral-ensconced set of icons proper to the day, and a separate grotto-chapel like that at the Assyrian church off the Narthex, with Greek style sand pits, differing from the Addyrian one only in that it would have shelves wih icons (lower wuality or less standard icons vs. those in the nave), where people could purchase and light candles and let them burn continually, whereas the candles on the Byzantine candle stands in the Solea would, like the oil lamps, be “managed” at least to some extent (perhaps at a minimum you might buy the candle from a matushka or a pious yiayia who would then place it in the best spot at the best time in the service, whether that was Vespers, the Liturgy, an Akathist or whathaveyou.

This also applies to OO churches; I really like the Russian model of a central icon commemorating the feast of the day surrounded by fresh flowers and candle stands, in the heart of the solea, for everyone to see and venerate; there are aspects of this like our placement of stands with pictures of the deceased for memorial services in the West Syriac Rite that would require adjustment for compatibility, but my view is that the Russian/Slavonic layout of the solea is the aesthetic ideal we should be pushing for in the Syriac Orthodox Church, (and in the Coptic), except in the few ancient churches we have with an ancient layout, like the monasteries in Tur Abdin.  It would just be a question elsewhere of placing the icon of the day, the flowers and the candle stands where they would not get in the way of the processions straight up and down the central aisle we have in our services, yet still central.  One Coptic parish I visited tried to do just that, with a festal icon or an icon of the Theotokos on the ladies side of the nave next to fresh cut flowers.
Title: Re: Share your liturgical mishap stories here!
Post by: Alpha60 on December 13, 2017, 01:36:14 PM
I recently failed to adequetely secure a $5 candle in the holder (the technique of meting the base with another candle before inserting it doesn’t seem to work) and found myself in the rather awkward position of having to secure it wihin seconds of “Thine own of Thine own, we offer unto Thee, on behalf of all and for all”

As I see it the alternative would have been more embarassing still.

From the Creed to the litany before "Our Father" you probably shouldn't be lighting candles at all.

YEAH ALPHA DON'T SHOW UP LATE TO CHURCH!!1!

Indeed, I regret to say I missed most of Terce, but at least I was there for your favorite hour.  :)
Title: Re: Share your liturgical mishap stories here!
Post by: MariaJLM on December 13, 2017, 02:26:13 PM
I haven't really experienced anything too outrageous, but I do have some smaller stuff that happened. I'm a singer/cantor in my parish. A few times when I was going through the prayers and readings I messed it up and everybody noticed. One mistake I made that was immediately pointed out was me saying "Glory to the Father and the Holy Spirit". I forgot the Son! Another time I only said "Alleluia" twice, lol.
Title: Re: Share your liturgical mishap stories here!
Post by: RaphaCam on December 13, 2017, 02:28:14 PM
Another time I only said "Alleluia" twice, lol.
Maybe you're the reencarnation of an Old Believer.
Title: Re: Share your liturgical mishap stories here!
Post by: MariaJLM on December 13, 2017, 02:32:20 PM
Another time I only said "Alleluia" twice, lol.
Maybe you're the reencarnation of an Old Believer.

Reincarnation? Hah, spot the heretic :P.
Title: Re: Share your liturgical mishap stories here!
Post by: Bob2 on December 13, 2017, 05:45:29 PM
I recently failed to adequetely secure a $5 candle in the holder (the technique of meting the base with another candle before inserting it doesn’t seem to work) and found myself in the rather awkward position of having to secure it wihin seconds of “Thine own of Thine own, we offer unto Thee, on behalf of all and for all”

As I see it the alternative would have been more embarassing still.

From the Creed to the litany before "Our Father" you probably shouldn't be lighting candles at all.

YEAH ALPHA DON'T SHOW UP LATE TO CHURCH!!1!

Our bishop says not to move unless you are on fire during this time.
Title: Re: Share your liturgical mishap stories here!
Post by: William T on December 13, 2017, 07:20:33 PM
Please tell us more about you checking out a girl. Did the priest yell at you? What did he say? I've gotten caught a few times by friends although at school. Church is a little easier (not that I would ever check out a girl at church) I'm just guessing since everyone is facing front.

I don't remember.  I probably got called every bad word in two languages along with some creative Arabic and English portmanteaus and odd English / Arabic sentence structures.   

I remember my girl cousins in the choir making fun of me calling me rubber neck and things like that,  and me getting embarresed assuring my girl cousins that girls were gross and stupid, and there was no way I would be checking one out.
Title: Re: Share your liturgical mishap stories here!
Post by: RaphaCam on December 13, 2017, 07:33:59 PM
I don't remember.  I probably got called every bad word in two languages along with some creative Arabic and English portmanteaus and odd English / Arabic sentence structures.   
A friend tells about a time he was in an Antiochian church, the priest made a minor mistake and a woman from the choir simply opened the altar door and started yelling at him in Arabic. It seems you guys can be very incisive.
Title: Re: Share your liturgical mishap stories here!
Post by: William T on December 13, 2017, 07:42:46 PM
I don't remember.  I probably got called every bad word in two languages along with some creative Arabic and English portmanteaus and odd English / Arabic sentence structures.   
A friend tells about a time he was in an Antiochian church, the priest made a minor mistake and a woman from the choir simply opened the altar door and started yelling at him in Arabic. It seems you guys can be very incisive.
During a liturgy?  Not really at all.  From my experience the eastern Europeans are way more sensitive to that as a service is going on than a Greek or Antiochian.  Most places I've been to are pretty lassiez faire.   After the service is when fire works erupt, on the hour every hour.

When the priest,  deacon,  or whoever chidded me it was when we (the alter boys) were in the back room.   If you ever have a job that involves boys ages 7-18, there will be moments when setting them in place is part of the job.   That goes with the territory.   There's nothing special at yelling at a 13 year old boy for doing something silly, every culture has that.

I mean c'mon:
https://www.biblegateway.com/resources/commentaries/IVP-NT/Luke/Twelve-Year-Old-Jesus-Goes


If that's with Christ and the Holy Theotokos what do you expect?

Title: Re: Share your liturgical mishap stories here!
Post by: MariaJLM on December 13, 2017, 07:46:35 PM
I remembered another incident from my own parish. During liturgy one of the little girls present was pretty hyperactive. She ran through the royal doors and into the altar right as liturgy was going on. Her dad had to go retrieve her. 
Title: Re: Share your liturgical mishap stories here!
Post by: RaphaCam on December 13, 2017, 09:19:58 PM
I remembered another incident from my own parish. During liturgy one of the little girls present was pretty hyperactive. She ran through the royal doors and into the altar right as liturgy was going on. Her dad had to go retrieve her.
The archbishop once told me that if my sister ever tried walking into the altar, I should let them deal with it instead of going there myself. Once we were praying outdoors and she simply walked in among the priests and one of them signed me to let her stay wherever she wanted when I walked there to retrieve them. Kinda sweet of them.
Title: Re: Share your liturgical mishap stories here!
Post by: hecma925 on December 19, 2017, 02:48:29 PM
Someone's phone rang (https://youtu.be/-bzWSJG93P8) as the Great Entrance was happening.
Title: Re: Share your liturgical mishap stories here!
Post by: RaphaCam on December 19, 2017, 02:52:22 PM
Someone's phone rang (https://youtu.be/-bzWSJG93P8) as the Great Entrance was happening.
LOL!
Title: Re: Share your liturgical mishap stories here!
Post by: Dominika on December 19, 2017, 02:54:48 PM
Someone's phone rang (https://youtu.be/-bzWSJG93P8) as the Great Entrance was happening.
LOL!

+1

Well, if you write "vader" and "father" in Polish you would read it the same way, plus both wear black matnle.. So sometiems I do jokes with this vader/father. Such music during the Great Entrance would be a nice addition xd
Title: Re: Share your liturgical mishap stories here!
Post by: hecma925 on December 19, 2017, 02:56:12 PM
Are hieromonks technically "dark fathers"?
Title: Re: Share your liturgical mishap stories here!
Post by: Alpha60 on December 22, 2017, 03:10:17 PM
Are hieromonks technically "dark fathers"?

They were called “black clergy” in the Russian Orthodox church in the past, for example, in the 1920s-1930s, as opposed to the married “white clergy.”  The Rennovationists of the evil Living Church movement persecuted the monastics and in contradiction to the ancient canons ordained “white clergy” as bishops.

I believe the term is now obsolete and best avoided; I would fear to use it owing to potential perjorative connotations or potential confusions involving racism.
Title: Re: Share your liturgical mishap stories here!
Post by: Saxon on January 08, 2018, 10:25:49 AM
Yesterday, during the Gospel reading for the Nativity liturgy, our deacon - a Russian immigrant with a good command of English - on getting to the part about the Magi, chanted that they brought "gifts of gold, Frankenstein, and myrrh." 
Title: Re: Share your liturgical mishap stories here!
Post by: RaphaCam on January 21, 2018, 11:16:59 PM
Not a liturgical mishap, but I was mistaken for a drunkard while carrying a bottle of holy water home after Epiphany. I got some strange looks and only understood what I was going on when a homeless man pointed at it and said cachaça (a hard liquor) could destroy my life. I explained to him it was holy water, put some in his hand and he blessed himself with it. I kept getting ugly looks, though.
Title: Re: Share your liturgical mishap stories here!
Post by: hecma925 on January 21, 2018, 11:38:17 PM
Was it a vodka bottle?
Title: Re: Share your liturgical mishap stories here!
Post by: RaphaCam on January 21, 2018, 11:56:55 PM
Was it a vodka bottle?
Nope, but it looked very roughly like one of these:

(http://www.alterosaparracho.com.br/wp-content/uploads/2017/03/CACHA%C3%87A-COROTE.jpg)
Title: Re: Share your liturgical mishap stories here!
Post by: hecma925 on January 22, 2018, 12:56:54 AM
Ah, ok.
Title: Re: Share your liturgical mishap stories here!
Post by: Iconodule on January 23, 2018, 12:52:25 PM
Not a liturgical mishap, but I was mistaken for a drunkard while carrying a bottle of holy water home after Epiphany. I got some strange looks and only understood what I was going on when a homeless man pointed at it and said cachaça (a hard liquor) could destroy my life. I explained to him it was holy water, put some in his hand and he blessed himself with it. I kept getting ugly looks, though.

I'm surprised people would be so judgmental about liquor in your city.
Title: Re: Share your liturgical mishap stories here!
Post by: RaphaCam on January 23, 2018, 08:02:40 PM
I'm surprised people would be so judgmental about liquor in your city.
I think one of the main vices of Brazilians (at least the core Rio-São Paulo culture and everything it has messed up) is hypocrisy.
Title: Re: Share your liturgical mishap stories here!
Post by: RaphaCam on April 08, 2018, 05:14:43 AM
A priest exclaimed "Wisdom!" at the wrong moment. The archbishop replied in a low voice: "no wisdom at all..."

Also, during the Paschal kiss, people were just kissing the icons and the priests' hands (not each other yet) and the archbishop just pointed at me and a girl in her first Pascha and said "now kiss!" She looked at me very awkwardly and he said "fraternally, it's Pascha!"
Title: Re: Share your liturgical mishap stories here!
Post by: biro on April 08, 2018, 10:24:47 AM
We had so many train-wreck moments last night. The chanters and the priests got their wires crossed all the time. Well, it's Pascha. Everyone wound up happy anyway.
Title: Re: Share your liturgical mishap stories here!
Post by: wynd on April 09, 2018, 11:21:24 AM
Last Lent, during a presanctified liturgy:

Priest: Wisdom! Let us attend!
Me: The reading is from--
Priest: The light of Christ illumines all!

I then proceeded to do the most humble prostration I've ever done.
Title: Re: Share your liturgical mishap stories here!
Post by: Dominika on April 09, 2018, 01:19:17 PM
A priest exclaimed "Wisdom!" at the wrong moment. The archbishop replied in a low voice: "no wisdom at all..."

Also, during the Paschal kiss, people were just kissing the icons and the priests' hands (not each other yet) and the archbishop just pointed at me and a girl in her first Pascha and said "now kiss!" She looked at me very awkwardly and he said "fraternally, it's Pascha!"

Both situations are great! :D


Last Lent, during a presanctified liturgy:

Priest: Wisdom! Let us attend!
Me: The reading is from--
Priest: The light of Christ illumines all!

I then proceeded to do the most humble prostration I've ever done.

It happened to me 2 years ago, if I recall correctly. However, before the prostration I started to wave hands in panic, as if I'd wanted to fly away xd
Title: Re: Share your liturgical mishap stories here!
Post by: hecma925 on June 17, 2018, 03:49:38 PM
At a pannikhida, the choir was just about to sing "Memory eternal."  A very excited little girl, standing next to her mother in the choir, began singing in a loud voice, "Многая лета! Многая лета! Многая лета!"
Title: Re: Share your liturgical mishap stories here!
Post by: Orthodox_Slav on June 17, 2018, 04:02:32 PM
At a pannikhida, the choir was just about to sing "Memory eternal."  A very excited little girl, standing next to her mother in the choir, began singing in a loud voice, "Многая лета! Многая лета! Многая лета!"

in Russian memory eternal is Ве́чная па́мять(Véchnaya pámyat')
Title: Re: Share your liturgical mishap stories here!
Post by: hecma925 on June 17, 2018, 04:12:36 PM
At a pannikhida, the choir was just about to sing "Memory eternal."  A very excited little girl, standing next to her mother in the choir, began singing in a loud voice, "Многая лета! Многая лета! Многая лета!"

in Russian memory eternal is Ве́чная па́мять(Véchnaya pámyat')

Yes.
Title: Re: Share your liturgical mishap stories here!
Post by: Dominika on June 17, 2018, 04:20:36 PM
Yesterday I was asked, unexpectedly (as in 90% cases) to chant the parts of the reader at Matins. I have always problems with the refrain of the canon of the cross and resurrection, it's quite complicated in Church Slavonic: "Слава, Господи, Кресту Твоему Честному и Воскресению" (Glory be Lord to your Cross honorable and Resurrection). Every refrain I chanted with words in different order, and the first refrain was catastrophe, something like "Glory be... to your O Lord... and your Cross.... and to Resurrecion your...", so each time I was supposed to chant this refrain, the choir director was running toward me and whispering the words in the proper order.

Anyway, it's a great proof that I pass the Friday exam (recitation of two arctile about water crisis in Arabic from memory) by God's mercy, as I can't remember even the text that repeats almost every week, a few times at the service.

And I read a stichera instead of the exapostilarion, so the director asked me to read fastly also the exapostilarion. I had a headcahe and was tired after Friday (that's the first time I'd not slept at night because I'd been preparing for an exam), so maybe that's an excuse.
Title: Re: Share your liturgical mishap stories here!
Post by: Mor Ephrem on June 17, 2018, 05:38:32 PM
At a pannikhida, the choir was just about to sing "Memory eternal."  A very excited little girl, standing next to her mother in the choir, began singing in a loud voice, "Многая лета! Многая лета! Многая лета!"

in Russian memory eternal is Ве́чная па́мять(Véchnaya pámyat')

Kids must love you!
Title: Re: Share your liturgical mishap stories here!
Post by: Orthodox_Slav on June 17, 2018, 06:12:20 PM
At a pannikhida, the choir was just about to sing "Memory eternal."  A very excited little girl, standing next to her mother in the choir, began singing in a loud voice, "Многая лета! Многая лета! Многая лета!"

in Russian memory eternal is Ве́чная па́мять(Véchnaya pámyat')

Kids must love you!

what do you mean by that!!!
Title: Re: Share your liturgical mishap stories here!
Post by: Brilko on June 17, 2018, 08:32:53 PM
At a pannikhida, the choir was just about to sing "Memory eternal."  A very excited little girl, standing next to her mother in the choir, began singing in a loud voice, "Многая лета! Многая лета! Многая лета!"

in Russian memory eternal is Ве́чная па́мять(Véchnaya pámyat')

Kids must love you!

what do you mean by that!!!

Picture the scene. A memorial service. The choir is about to sing “Memory Eternal”. The little girl, thinking she is doing very well, sings “Many Years”. It’s a mishap. It’s shocking. It’s also a funny event that spits in the eye of death. Reacting to that with a Russian lesson might seem a bit odd to some.
Title: Re: Share your liturgical mishap stories here!
Post by: Orthodox_Slav on June 17, 2018, 09:03:12 PM
At a pannikhida, the choir was just about to sing "Memory eternal."  A very excited little girl, standing next to her mother in the choir, began singing in a loud voice, "Многая лета! Многая лета! Многая лета!"

in Russian memory eternal is Ве́чная па́мять(Véchnaya pámyat')

Kids must love you!

what do you mean by that!!!

Picture the scene. A memorial service. The choir is about to sing “Memory Eternal”. The little girl, thinking she is doing very well, sings “Many Years”. It’s a mishap. It’s shocking. It’s also a funny event that spits in the eye of death. Reacting to that with a Russian lesson might seem a bit odd to some.

well, we Slavs are strange people! ;D
Title: Re: Share your liturgical mishap stories here!
Post by: scamandrius on June 17, 2018, 09:41:48 PM
Both priests today (both backups for whenever our priest is out oftown) forgot about "Bleesed be the name of the Lord" and went almost immediately into the Great Dismissal.  I really don't understand how that is possible.
Title: Re: Share your liturgical mishap stories here!
Post by: Mor Ephrem on June 17, 2018, 09:48:14 PM
Both priests today (both backups for whenever our priest is out oftown) forgot about "Bleesed be the name of the Lord" and went almost immediately into the Great Dismissal.  I really don't understand how that is possible.

That’s easy to do.  Nothing to understand, really.  There are rubrics for what to do when you’re about to consecrate the chalice and discover that you never poured wine into it.  That’s a bit more difficult to understand.
Title: Re: Share your liturgical mishap stories here!
Post by: Ainnir on June 17, 2018, 10:00:32 PM
Both priests today (both backups for whenever our priest is out oftown) forgot about "Bleesed be the name of the Lord" and went almost immediately into the Great Dismissal.  I really don't understand how that is possible.

That’s easy to do.  Nothing to understand, really.  There are rubrics for what to do when you’re about to consecrate the chalice and discover that you never poured wine into it.  That’s a bit more difficult to understand.

That makes me feel so much better about life, you have no idea.    ;D
Title: Re: Share your liturgical mishap stories here!
Post by: hecma925 on June 18, 2018, 06:16:56 PM
Step 1 :  Chalice
Step 2 :  Wine
Step 3 :  ?? ??
Step 4 :  Profit (spiritually)!
Title: Re: Share your liturgical mishap stories here!
Post by: RaphaCam on June 18, 2018, 09:38:09 PM
Both priests today (both backups for whenever our priest is out oftown) forgot about "Bleesed be the name of the Lord" and went almost immediately into the Great Dismissal.  I really don't understand how that is possible.

That’s easy to do.  Nothing to understand, really.  There are rubrics for what to do when you’re about to consecrate the chalice and discover that you never poured wine into it.  That’s a bit more difficult to understand.
I wonder how many times they actually did it before immortalising this into rubrics...
Title: Re: Share your liturgical mishap stories here!
Post by: RaphaCam on June 18, 2018, 09:40:32 PM
At a pannikhida, the choir was just about to sing "Memory eternal."  A very excited little girl, standing next to her mother in the choir, began singing in a loud voice, "Многая лета! Многая лета! Многая лета!"
The kid was actually trying to take the gloom away singing to the glory of the resurrection. Axia!
Title: Re: Share your liturgical mishap stories here!
Post by: Bob2 on June 19, 2018, 12:16:55 AM
At a pannikhida, the choir was just about to sing "Memory eternal."  A very excited little girl, standing next to her mother in the choir, began singing in a loud voice, "Многая лета! Многая лета! Многая лета!"
The kid was actually trying to take the gloom away singing to the glory of the resurrection. Axia!
better than happening the other way around at a wedding
Title: Re: Share your liturgical mishap stories here!
Post by: LBK on June 19, 2018, 12:24:09 AM
better than happening the other way around at a wedding

This did happen at a wedding I went to.  :o :o
Title: Re: Share your liturgical mishap stories here!
Post by: Orthodox_Slav on June 19, 2018, 10:55:23 AM
me going to church standing there crossing my self and praying I accidentally cross myself with my left hand (don't ask how its an accident I was just starting with the faith back then I cant think of me doing it again nowadays) later during the service satan attacked me  I felt light headed and have to sit down (people tried to convince me it was because its a small room and the windows were closed but what do they know)
Title: Re: Share your liturgical mishap stories here!
Post by: ComingofAge on June 22, 2018, 09:33:46 PM
Yup, I created my own thread about my personal mishap a few weeks ago not knowing that this one had already been created.

So, I am an altar server right now and just a few weeks ago I was rushing to fill a zeon pitcher with hot water for Father to pour into the chalice (I got behind on everything because a younger altar server needed my help on something, long story). Anyway, in my frenzy to get the pitcher to the deacon in time, I accidentally ran into one of the legs of the small table I was using to pour the hot water into the pitcher. This caused the table to flip and all the liturgical items on the table came crashing down onto the floor (holy water, bowl and sponge, candles, etc.) this included a glass goblet of consecrated wine and oil  :-[. It made a HUGE crash and was extremely loud! This of course happened during a very somber time of the Liturgy. It actually made me feel extremely terrible for about two weeks, but hey I guess things happen. It caused me to be way more attentive after that though.
Title: Re: Share your liturgical mishap stories here!
Post by: Tzimis on June 22, 2018, 10:35:19 PM
When I was recieving one time. A few years ago. The priest missed my mouth and half of pour christ ended up on floor. It was very awkward and everybody ran to the seen. Made it more humiliating. 
Title: Re: Share your liturgical mishap stories here!
Post by: RaphaCam on June 23, 2018, 12:24:09 AM
Could Vatican II be considered a liturgical mishap story?
Title: Re: Share your liturgical mishap stories here!
Post by: Orthodox_Slav on June 23, 2018, 02:58:59 AM
Could Vatican II be considered a liturgical mishap story?

yes
Title: Re: Share your liturgical mishap stories here!
Post by: hecma925 on June 23, 2018, 02:11:32 PM
Could Vatican II be considered a liturgical mishap story?

Not if it's what they wanted.
Title: Re: Share your liturgical mishap stories here!
Post by: vamrat on June 27, 2018, 05:29:24 PM
If liturgical mishaps led to theosis, there’d have been a flaming chariot waiting for me a while ago.  I used to worry about slipping out and saying something vulgar after burning myself in novel and exciting ways.  Now I just glare at the censor and ask if that’s the best it’s got.
Title: Re: Share your liturgical mishap stories here!
Post by: hecma925 on June 27, 2018, 05:31:13 PM
May Holy Martyr Barlaam pray for you.
Title: Re: Share your liturgical mishap stories here!
Post by: Orthodox_Slav on June 27, 2018, 05:40:50 PM
May Holy Martyr Barlaam pray for you.

why Barlaam may I ask?
Title: Re: Share your liturgical mishap stories here!
Post by: hecma925 on June 27, 2018, 05:50:34 PM
May Holy Martyr Barlaam pray for you.

why Barlaam may I ask?
https://www.johnsanidopoulos.com/2011/11/saint-barlaam-of-caesarea.html?m=1
Title: Re: Share your liturgical mishap stories here!
Post by: hecma925 on August 28, 2018, 10:55:06 AM
Someone asked the priest about the Dormition icon:
"Father, is that Thomas getting his hands cut off for being late?"
Title: Re: Share your liturgical mishap stories here!
Post by: Justinian of Narnia on November 06, 2018, 10:39:12 AM
One time when Father was going through the north door with the censer, he smacked it on the iconostasis and the censer cup went flying onto the solea completely snuffing the charcoal. We had to hurriedly start more charcoal in the other censer.

One time Deacon was censing, and on the upswing he hesitated a little, which made the censer cup tip and throw the charcoal on the rug, which lit on fire. The readers went over to the rug while chanting and poured water on the fire.

Once during a service the readers accidentally dumped water into a pail with sand and burning candles which caused a three foot flame to shoot out of the pail! I asked them after the service where pyrotechnics are in the rubrics.   :laugh:
Title: Re: Share your liturgical mishap stories here!
Post by: Justin Kolodziej on November 06, 2018, 10:54:48 AM
Audio system mishap. Suddenly during the Epistle we hear "Hello? Hello? Hello? Open the door!"
Not to mention for OXI day no one was quite sure whether Axion Estin was swapped out. The chanter ended up singing it instead of us and I'm still not sure that was supposed to happen.