OrthodoxChristianity.net

General Forums => Prayer Forum => Topic started by: planetary on October 18, 2009, 11:52:08 PM

Title: pray for this to end
Post by: planetary on October 18, 2009, 11:52:08 PM
I am a celibate homosexual. Try telling my mind that however. I want to be totally cured of this horrific sinful passion but every prayer of mine has been ignored for years now. I started liking this girl for a while but it was only temporary, and it was almost not for real. So. Please pray for me intensely if you can because this is driving me away from faith and making me contemplate suicide, as if that matters, as it says in the bible, such people will not inherit the kingdom of God. So what's the point of living? And what's the mistake in suicide?
Title: Re: pray for this to end
Post by: Salpy on October 20, 2009, 12:25:38 AM
Planetary,

First I would like to welcome you to the forum.  This is a place where you can discuss your struggle and ask for prayer.  I hope you are able to find support here that will be helpful to you.

I really do not know what else to say, except that you are greatly loved by God, and that as difficult and as dark as things seem right now, you should not give up. 

Please allow me to offer a couple of helplines you may want to call if you are still thinking of suicide:


http://www.preventsuicide.us/hopeline-new/index.html

http://suicidehotlines.com/newyork.html


I don't have any personal experience with either of these services, but hopefully one of them will be helpful to you.  I will pray for you.
Title: Re: pray for this to end
Post by: Salpy on October 20, 2009, 12:32:38 AM
I just want to remind everyone that this is the prayer forum.  Our new member has just posted a request for prayer and people need to limit their responses to either prayer, or remarks which are caring, sensitive, loving and supportive in nature.  This is not a place for debate or criticism.  Thank you.
Title: Re: pray for this to end
Post by: SolEX01 on October 20, 2009, 12:42:40 AM
Lord have Mercy.

Planetary, I have lost friends to suicide and I hope that the Lord strengthens and gives you courage in your fight against these demons.

Amen!

Oops, forgot to say Welcome to the forum and hope to see more postings from you on this forum.   :)
Title: Re: pray for this to end
Post by: Riddikulus on October 20, 2009, 12:44:39 AM
planetary,

I, too, welcome you to the forum. Along with Salpy, I would suggest that you seek help if you are contemplating suicide. Talk to your priest, if he is understanding of your struggle. If not, find someone who is. Whatever you do, don't give into thoughts of harming yourself. My prayers are with you.

Lord, have mercy on planetary.  
Title: Re: pray for this to end
Post by: Asteriktos on October 20, 2009, 12:49:44 AM
I don't want to say anything about homosexuality, but I will say that suicide is really not an answer to anything. When I was younger I was suicidal at times. It took over a decade for doctors to finally diagnose me correctly and put me on meds that actually helped. I guess my point is, sometimes things seem bleak and you wonder what the heck is going on, and why things won't get better no matter how hard or what you try, but often times things do work out in the end. As the Bible says:

"No temptation has seized you except what is common to man. And God is faithful; he will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear. But when you are tempted, he will also provide a way out so that you can stand up under it." - 1 Cor. 10:13

Stay on the path, and you'll get to where you're heading for eventually.
Title: Re: pray for this to end
Post by: Gebre Menfes Kidus on October 20, 2009, 01:17:44 AM
"Lord have mercy."

God is merciful. "His mercy endureth forever." [Psalm 136]

Selam
Title: Re: pray for this to end
Post by: mike on October 20, 2009, 01:26:56 AM
Lord, have mercy!
Title: Re: pray for this to end
Post by: zebu on October 20, 2009, 01:32:29 AM
Planetary,
First of all, I just want you to know that no matter how tormented or confused you feel, and no matter how far you feel from Him, God still loves you. He is your Father and He will never abandon you, no matter what you have done, or what you feel tempted to do.

I also want to emphasize just how much sexuality is only one part of Christian teaching, it should not consume our entire religious experience. Yes, the Church teaches that engaging in homosexual behavior is unhelpful for the Christian life, not conducive to finding communion with God. However, the Church has many teachings on how we should live our lives so that we can deepen the presence of God in our lives.  The Church has teachings on how we should use our money, how we should act towards those who hate us and who love us, how we should react (or, more often, NOT react) to the things that life throws at us. Sexuality is but one part of all of this. It would be silly to overemphasize one thing to the exclusion of the others, especially to the point that our obsession with our our particular sin leads us to the brink of despair.  God does not want us in despair, our God is a loving, caring God who really just wants us to be okay.  The "Laws of God" with regards to anything are more guidelines for living a life in Christ, it is what we should do in order to find the presence of God in our lives and to bring forth that presence into all we do and into all we are.  The laws should not be idolized as ends in themselves, as condemning rule books that are there just to damn us to hell or make us feel bad about ourselves. Excessive, nagging guilt and self-pity are not part of authentic spiritual life. While we often feel these things, it is important to recognize them as our OWN issues with ourselves, and not how God feels towards us. God has nothing for us but love and in Him there is no hatred or disdain for His creation, which includes all of us.  

The Christian life is about becoming like Christ, and in order to do that, we cultivate His presence in our hearts, and from there proceeds all the goodness that we need to live the commandments of Christ. So, cultivate your prayer life. Don't try to imagine how God must feel towards you, don't try to conjure up all the guilty feelings and self-hating thoughts that pass as "repentance", spiritual life is not about thinking lots of thoughts that we think God wants us to think. Like Jesus, we need to empty ourselves that God might fill us. We need to empty ourselves of our thoughts about ourselves and about Him so that we can move our attention from our heads into our hearts, and there we can find a place in which to begin spiritual life. Concentrate your attention on your heart, and say "Lord Jesus Christ," and when you have done that, "have mercy on me!" It is not our job to come up with any solutions, it is not our job to heal ourselves, simply cry out to Christ, and He will come and heal you. All we need to do is cry out.

Furthermore, it should be said that with homosexuality, healing does not mean becoming straight. There is no reason for us to be straight. There is nothing inherently better or worse about being straight or gay in the eyes of God. Everyone is called to chastity, no matter what their sexuality. Sexuality really is not even as important to the human experience as our society would have us believe. Throughout most of history, little distinction was made between "gay" or "straight", and a large number of people would engage in sex with both genders, and they did not consider themselves anything in particular.  Sexuality as we commonly understand it is a mental and societal construct that doesn't really exist. It is trying to define ourselves by who or what we lust after, almost "I lust therefore I am", and in my opinion, that's a pretty impoverished definition of a person.  We are all called to live in a communion of love with one another, and for the individual Christian this will take many different particular forms. Some people are called to be married, others are called to be monks and nuns, and others are called to serve God in single life. It takes discernment to figure out where one fits in into all of this. Maybe it would be helpful for you to visit a Monastery. Even if you are not called to that life, monks in my experience are very loving, compassionate people who can really do a lot to help a person who is hurting.  

Try not to think too much about your gay thoughts, about anything relating to that. Try not to pay too much attention to these things. By paying attention to thoughts, even under the pretense of trying to better ourselves or fight the thought, we actually just get more ensnared in them, more caught up in dark things. Focus on Christ, and on things that are good and beautiful.  

Be merciful and forgiving towards yourself when you fall. God is.  

I know this struggle well, Planetary, and if I can be of any help to you, don't hesitate to PM me.  

I'll pray for you.
Title: Re: pray for this to end
Post by: Sakeneko on October 20, 2009, 01:43:45 AM
You're in my thoughts and prayers, planetary. 

An American convert to Orthodox Christianity whom many people recognize as a saint, Fr. Seraphim Rose, reportedly struggled with the same thing you do.  Maybe something he wrote or others wrote about him would offer you some help and encouragement.  [HUG]
Title: Re: pray for this to end
Post by: ozgeorge on October 20, 2009, 04:49:01 AM
Lord have mercy on Your Servant.
Title: Re: pray for this to end
Post by: ytterbiumanalyst on October 20, 2009, 07:06:55 AM
Lord have mercy on Your servant.
Title: Re: pray for this to end
Post by: recent convert on October 20, 2009, 07:15:18 AM
"The sacrifices of God are a broken spirit: a broken and contrite heart, O God thou wilt not despise." (Psalm 50:17) (Psalm 51:17 KJV). Lord, have mercy on Your servant.
Title: Re: pray for this to end
Post by: Heorhij on October 20, 2009, 07:26:12 AM
Lord, have mercy!
Title: Re: pray for this to end
Post by: LizaSymonenko on October 20, 2009, 11:29:30 AM

Lord, have mercy!
Title: Re: pray for this to end
Post by: Papist on October 20, 2009, 11:37:22 AM
Lord have mercy. You are most certainly in my prayers.
Title: Re: pray for this to end
Post by: HandmaidenofGod on October 20, 2009, 11:40:09 AM
Lord have mercy!
Title: Re: pray for this to end
Post by: aserb on October 20, 2009, 11:44:05 AM
Planetary:  I think Zebu gave you well thought out advice and I would feel like one of Job's friends if I talked on further so I merely will say the Amen to his post.
Title: Re: pray for this to end
Post by: Fr. George on October 20, 2009, 12:00:34 PM
I am a celibate homosexual. Try telling my mind that however. I want to be totally cured of this horrific sinful passion but every prayer of mine has been ignored for years now. I started liking this girl for a while but it was only temporary, and it was almost not for real. So. Please pray for me intensely if you can because this is driving me away from faith and making me contemplate suicide, as if that matters, as it says in the bible, such people will not inherit the kingdom of God. So what's the point of living? And what's the mistake in suicide?

May the Grace of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Love of God the Father, and the Communion/Fellowship of the Holy Spirit be with you always!  Please PM me your name, so I can add it to my commemoration list.
Title: Re: pray for this to end
Post by: Ortho_cat on October 20, 2009, 12:18:54 PM
Lord have mercy!
Title: Re: pray for this to end
Post by: Rosehip on October 20, 2009, 01:23:51 PM
Lord have mercy on Thy servant, Planetary!
Title: Re: pray for this to end
Post by: Myrrh23 on October 20, 2009, 01:56:25 PM
Lord be with you, Planetary! :)
Title: Re: pray for this to end
Post by: PeterTheAleut on October 20, 2009, 02:32:02 PM
Lord, have mercy!
Title: Re: pray for this to end
Post by: PeterTheAleut on October 20, 2009, 02:47:26 PM
Remember, folks, that this is the Prayer Forum, not the Psychological Counseling Forum.  After reviewing this thread, the moderator team decided to allow Zebu's post to remain here as an ideal response of support from another homosexual struggling to practice celibacy to what is essentially a cry for someone to care.  Any other posts offering psychological counsel, however, are superfluous since Zebu offered all the counsel that was really needed.  As such, all posts subsequent to Zebu's that offer psychological counsel have been and will be moved to this thread in Religious Topics:  pray for this to end - Counsels (http://www.orthodoxchristianity.net/forum/index.php/topic,23949.0.html).  If you would really like to speak words of advice to planetary, we prefer that you do so via PM rather than post them here.

Thank you.

- PeterTheAleut
Moderator
Title: Re: pray for this to end
Post by: Byzantine2008 on October 20, 2009, 05:56:41 PM
Lord have mercy.
Title: Re: pray for this to end
Post by: Órëlaurëa on October 22, 2009, 12:58:05 AM
Lord have mercy on your servant.