Author Topic: Have you ever dealt with anyone in your parish that played mind games ?  (Read 312 times)

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Offline Jude1:3

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Have any of you ever dealt with someone in your parish that played passive aggressive mind games with you ?

Or even just evil people in general that use passive aggressive psychology to provoke you and try and mess with you but just do it in a cowardly way to fly under the radar so they can lie about it.

They think that they are being slick but you just know something isn't right about them. It's challenging to prove to other people what they are doing, but if you experience it you can tell right away what's happening.




So, Is it best just to ignore what they are doing ?  Just forgive them ?     
  (So, before you tell me to talk to my priest, keep in mind that it is extremely hard to prove because they don't do it to everyone.)




Offline FinnJames

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Have any of you ever dealt with someone in your parish that played passive aggressive mind games with you ?

Never in my parish but fairly often on the internet.  :P

Offline Ainnir

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Talk to your priest anyway.  :)  It's not your job to prove anything to anyone.  Tell him what's happening to you and how you feel about it, then let him respond however he responds. 

Pray for them and forgive them, but don't let them keep hurting you.  Being calm and assertive is really difficult, but perfectly acceptable.  If that's not possible or isn't working, love them from a distance.  We are all brothers and sisters in Christ, but that doesn't mean we're all automatically best friends.
Is any of the above Orthodox?  I have no idea, so there’s that.

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Offline FinnJames

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Talk to your priest anyway.  :)  It's not your job to prove anything to anyone.  Tell him what's happening to you and how you feel about it, then let him respond however he responds. 

Pray for them and forgive them, but don't let them keep hurting you.  Being calm and assertive is really difficult, but perfectly acceptable.  If that's not possible or isn't working, love them from a distance.  We are all brothers and sisters in Christ, but that doesn't mean we're all automatically best friends.

Priests are not Moms one can go to in order to tattle on others and get a solution to interpersonal problems in the church family. I have it on fairly good authority (several priests) that priests don't generally appreciate being brought tales of what others in the congregation are doing that one finds upsetting.

Unless someone else is keeping you from doing something the priest has instructed you to do, keep it to yourself and solve the problem without dragging the priest in as referee/policeman.

Offline Fr. George

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Have any of you ever dealt with someone in your parish that played passive aggressive mind games with you ?

Not in my parish, but in other parishes.

They think that they are being slick but you just know something isn't right about them. It's challenging to prove to other people what they are doing, but if you experience it you can tell right away what's happening.

I guess the question is "Why are you trying to prove it to others?"  (I'm asking honestly, not assuming motives or anything.)

So, Is it best just to ignore what they are doing ?  Just forgive them ?

Yes and yes, but with a caveat.  Jesus said, "Father, forgive them, for they know not what they do."  His offering of forgiveness was preemptive (not by their request) and complete, but not forgetful.  We either say "forgive and forget" as if that's Biblical (which it isn't), or we say "forgive and don't forget," but our way of remembering harbors the very grudge we claim to have repudiated.  If you're going to forgive, make it complete and wipe the slate clean - but exercise caution around them, as much for their sake as your own (as you do not want them to be tempted to sin against you). 

If you discuss it with your priest (which should really only be if this persists despite the adjustments you make above), be descriptive when speaking of them (i.e. don't insert your assumptions or opinions, just stick to Sgt. Joe Friday - "just the facts, Ma'am").  You should be concerned about their well-being, their salvation.  The goal is not for them to be kicked out of leadership, the parish, etc., but change.  And you have to take ownership of your own shortcomings for any of this to work.
« Last Edit: March 27, 2020, 10:13:18 AM by Fr. George »
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So, Is it best just to ignore what they are doing ?  Just forgive them ?     

Yes.
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Offline Mor Ephrem

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Have any of you ever dealt with someone in your parish that played passive aggressive mind games with you ?

Not in my parish, but in other parishes.

They think that they are being slick but you just know something isn't right about them. It's challenging to prove to other people what they are doing, but if you experience it you can tell right away what's happening.

I guess the question is "Why are you trying to prove it to others?"  (I'm asking honestly, not assuming motives or anything.)

So, Is it best just to ignore what they are doing ?  Just forgive them ?

Yes and yes, but with a caveat.  Jesus said, "Father, forgive them, for they know not what they do."  His offering of forgiveness was preemptive (not by their request) and complete, but not forgetful.  We either say "forgive and forget" as if that's Biblical (which it isn't), or we say "forgive and don't forget," but our way of remembering harbors the very grudge we claim to have repudiated.  If you're going to forgive, make it complete and wipe the slate clean - but exercise caution around them, as much for their sake as your own (as you do not want them to be tempted to sin against you). 

If you discuss it with your priest (which should really only be if this persists despite the adjustments you make above), be descriptive when speaking of them (i.e. don't insert your assumptions or opinions, just stick to Sgt. Joe Friday - "just the facts, Ma'am").  You should be concerned about their well-being, their salvation.  The goal is not for them to be kicked out of leadership, the parish, etc., but change.  And you have to take ownership of your own shortcomings for any of this to work.

I wish you were my priest. 
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Have any of you ever dealt with someone in your parish that played passive aggressive mind games with you ?

Or even just evil people in general that use passive aggressive psychology to provoke you and try and mess with you but just do it in a cowardly way to fly under the radar so they can lie about it.

They think that they are being slick but you just know something isn't right about them. It's challenging to prove to other people what they are doing, but if you experience it you can tell right away what's happening.




So, Is it best just to ignore what they are doing ?  Just forgive them ?     
  (So, before you tell me to talk to my priest, keep in mind that it is extremely hard to prove because they don't do it to everyone.)




Can you social distance?

Offline rakovsky

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Smile and nod and say Hi and minimize conversation.
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Offline Jude1:3

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Smile and nod and say Hi and minimize conversation.
 :) 8) :-X

That's pretty much what I've done.

Offline Jude1:3

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Re: Have you ever dealt with anyone in your parish that played mind games ?
« Reply #10 on: March 27, 2020, 01:27:54 PM »
Have any of you ever dealt with someone in your parish that played passive aggressive mind games with you ?

Not in my parish, but in other parishes.

They think that they are being slick but you just know something isn't right about them. It's challenging to prove to other people what they are doing, but if you experience it you can tell right away what's happening.

I guess the question is "Why are you trying to prove it to others?"  (I'm asking honestly, not assuming motives or anything.)

So, Is it best just to ignore what they are doing ?  Just forgive them ?

Yes and yes, but with a caveat.  Jesus said, "Father, forgive them, for they know not what they do."  His offering of forgiveness was preemptive (not by their request) and complete, but not forgetful.  We either say "forgive and forget" as if that's Biblical (which it isn't), or we say "forgive and don't forget," but our way of remembering harbors the very grudge we claim to have repudiated.  If you're going to forgive, make it complete and wipe the slate clean - but exercise caution around them, as much for their sake as your own (as you do not want them to be tempted to sin against you). 

If you discuss it with your priest (which should really only be if this persists despite the adjustments you make above), be descriptive when speaking of them (i.e. don't insert your assumptions or opinions, just stick to Sgt. Joe Friday - "just the facts, Ma'am").  You should be concerned about their well-being, their salvation.  The goal is not for them to be kicked out of leadership, the parish, etc., but change.  And you have to take ownership of your own shortcomings for any of this to work.

I guess that I'm trying to prove it because they don't do it to everyone and it's really subtle.

I guess that I am trying to prove it to others so they know that I am telling the truth.




Offline Jude1:3

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Re: Have you ever dealt with anyone in your parish that played mind games ?
« Reply #11 on: March 27, 2020, 01:28:47 PM »
Talk to your priest anyway.  :)  It's not your job to prove anything to anyone.  Tell him what's happening to you and how you feel about it, then let him respond however he responds. 

Pray for them and forgive them, but don't let them keep hurting you.  Being calm and assertive is really difficult, but perfectly acceptable.  If that's not possible or isn't working, love them from a distance.  We are all brothers and sisters in Christ, but that doesn't mean we're all automatically best friends.

Thanks for the advise.

Offline Nathanael

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Re: Have you ever dealt with anyone in your parish that played mind games ?
« Reply #12 on: March 27, 2020, 02:29:26 PM »
Have any of you ever dealt with someone in your parish that played passive aggressive mind games with you ?

Not in my parish, but in other parishes.

They think that they are being slick but you just know something isn't right about them. It's challenging to prove to other people what they are doing, but if you experience it you can tell right away what's happening.

I guess the question is "Why are you trying to prove it to others?"  (I'm asking honestly, not assuming motives or anything.)

So, Is it best just to ignore what they are doing ?  Just forgive them ?

Yes and yes, but with a caveat.  Jesus said, "Father, forgive them, for they know not what they do."  His offering of forgiveness was preemptive (not by their request) and complete, but not forgetful.  We either say "forgive and forget" as if that's Biblical (which it isn't), or we say "forgive and don't forget," but our way of remembering harbors the very grudge we claim to have repudiated.  If you're going to forgive, make it complete and wipe the slate clean - but exercise caution around them, as much for their sake as your own (as you do not want them to be tempted to sin against you). 

If you discuss it with your priest (which should really only be if this persists despite the adjustments you make above), be descriptive when speaking of them (i.e. don't insert your assumptions or opinions, just stick to Sgt. Joe Friday - "just the facts, Ma'am").  You should be concerned about their well-being, their salvation.  The goal is not for them to be kicked out of leadership, the parish, etc., but change.  And you have to take ownership of your own shortcomings for any of this to work.

I guess that I'm trying to prove it because they don't do it to everyone and it's really subtle.

I guess that I am trying to prove it to others so they know that I am telling the truth.

No, you shouldn't try to prove it to others...
Father Pavle - The Reality of Spiritual Life:

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Offline Jude1:3

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Re: Have you ever dealt with anyone in your parish that played mind games ?
« Reply #13 on: March 27, 2020, 06:23:19 PM »
Thanks for the replies every one.

It's challenging to fully explain to you all but it's like the devil specifically sent these people to mess with me and say and do the most bizarre things during my interactions with them.

I know that it sounds rediculous but I seriously can't think of any other explanation for it.


I also saw a video that mentioned quotes from Saint Paisios and Saint Theodore of Volokolamsk about demons appearing as humans and it made me wonder if there might have been something like that going on. And I know how ridiculous that sounds trust me, but if I told you all everything that has happened to me in the last 4 years it would sound like I was making it up because it's so bizarre. :

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wakvSy6MyhM&feature=emb_title



Offline CooperDog

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Re: Have you ever dealt with anyone in your parish that played mind games ?
« Reply #14 on: March 29, 2020, 12:42:27 PM »
I hate when people gaslight me.

Its best to try and ignore them, and have nothing to do with them.

Lord have mercy on you both
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Offline rakovsky

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Re: Have you ever dealt with anyone in your parish that played mind games ?
« Reply #15 on: March 29, 2020, 02:12:53 PM »
Quote
11 Warning Signs of Gaslighting
Gaslighting is a manipulation tactic used to gain power. And it works too well.

Gaslighting is a tactic in which a person or entity, in order to gain more power, makes a victim question their reality. It works much better than you may think. Anyone is susceptible to gaslighting, and it is a common technique of abusers, dictators, narcissists, and cult leaders. It is done slowly, so the victim doesn't realize how much they've been brainwashed. For example, in the movie Gaslight (1944), a man manipulates his wife to the point where she thinks she is losing her mind.
...
2. They deny they ever said something, even though you have proof.
You know they said they would do something; you know you heard it. But they out and out deny it. It makes you start questioning your reality—maybe they never said that thing. And the more they do this, the more you question your reality and start accepting theirs.

5. Their actions do not match their words.
When dealing with a person or entity that gaslights, look at what they are doing rather than what they are saying. What they are saying means nothing; it is just talk. What they are doing is the issue.

10. They tell you or others that you are crazy.
This is one of the most effective tools of the gaslighter, because it's dismissive. The gaslighter knows if they question your sanity, people will not believe you when you tell them the gaslighter is abusive or out-of-control. It's a master technique. 

https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/here-there-and-everywhere/201701/11-warning-signs-gaslighting
« Last Edit: March 29, 2020, 02:13:16 PM by rakovsky »
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Offline Ainnir

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Re: Have you ever dealt with anyone in your parish that played mind games ?
« Reply #16 on: March 29, 2020, 03:43:17 PM »
^^That's why you need to talk to your priest.
Is any of the above Orthodox?  I have no idea, so there’s that.

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Offline WPM

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Re: Have you ever dealt with anyone in your parish that played mind games ?
« Reply #17 on: March 29, 2020, 05:32:49 PM »
I've never seen an Orthodox Christian in my area.
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Offline platypus

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Re: Have you ever dealt with anyone in your parish that played mind games ?
« Reply #18 on: March 29, 2020, 06:22:15 PM »
I went to an RC parish growing up that had a small handful of rad trads, the type that think piano music at Mass is heresy and that St. Gianna Molla must have repented for the "sin" of being employed while female or else she wouldn't be canonized. They loved to stir up conflict, selectively and ultramontanistically quote from whichever papal documents supported their ideas, tell you were a heretic, and that sort of thing.

I score in the bottom 1st percentile of the population for agreeableness, and have a great deal of trouble backing away from an argument. But eventually I realized it takes a very special vocation to help someone who has hardened their heart, and the only thing most of us can do for them is pray.
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Offline Jude1:3

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Re: Have you ever dealt with anyone in your parish that played mind games ?
« Reply #19 on: March 29, 2020, 09:32:09 PM »
Quote
11 Warning Signs of Gaslighting
Gaslighting is a manipulation tactic used to gain power. And it works too well.

Gaslighting is a tactic in which a person or entity, in order to gain more power, makes a victim question their reality. It works much better than you may think. Anyone is susceptible to gaslighting, and it is a common technique of abusers, dictators, narcissists, and cult leaders. It is done slowly, so the victim doesn't realize how much they've been brainwashed. For example, in the movie Gaslight (1944), a man manipulates his wife to the point where she thinks she is losing her mind.
...
2. They deny they ever said something, even though you have proof.
You know they said they would do something; you know you heard it. But they out and out deny it. It makes you start questioning your reality—maybe they never said that thing. And the more they do this, the more you question your reality and start accepting theirs.

5. Their actions do not match their words.
When dealing with a person or entity that gaslights, look at what they are doing rather than what they are saying. What they are saying means nothing; it is just talk. What they are doing is the issue.

10. They tell you or others that you are crazy.
This is one of the most effective tools of the gaslighter, because it's dismissive. The gaslighter knows if they question your sanity, people will not believe you when you tell them the gaslighter is abusive or out-of-control. It's a master technique. 

https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/here-there-and-everywhere/201701/11-warning-signs-gaslighting

Yep, that about sums it up.

But there was / is also a demonic spiritual element to it all that kind of reminds me of what Saint Justina experienced with Saint Cyprian before his conversion to Christianity.

It's best if I just keep my distance form them I guess.

Offline Jude1:3

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Re: Have you ever dealt with anyone in your parish that played mind games ?
« Reply #20 on: March 29, 2020, 09:34:44 PM »
^^That's why you need to talk to your priest.

I think that these people have buttered him up though and seem to be real buddy buddy with him in the short time that they have been there so I don't know if he will believe me.

I honestly don't think that he realizes the severity of what has happened to me.