Author Topic: I feel like I am unable to restrain my passions.  (Read 301 times)

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Online LivenotoneviL

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I feel like I am unable to restrain my passions.
« on: July 11, 2018, 09:21:43 PM »
So, I'm at a lost here, and I don't know what to do.

I'm so thankful right now in my life that we have the God we have, and that we have the Church that we have, the beautiful earth we have.

However, I feel like each and every day I commit some sort of sin that is worth my eternal damnation, through my fault and only my fault alone. I have no excuse for it, other than each and every day my body and my spirit are nearly eternal enemies, with my body overcoming my soul and thus negatively impacting my soul. I commit a sin every day that is worth eternal condemnation, and I deserve, being the lucky person I am to discover the Orthodox Church, the lowest pit in hell. Whether it's resentment of others, gluttony, fornication, any one of these deadly sins that just committing once can condemn me to eternal damnation.

I know that I have God's infinite mercy, but I have not reached that point where I feel like I've really made the confession Saint Paul did, or decided to retreat into the desert like Mary of Egypt, where I know that I may sin, and that I will sin every day - but I'm not in a state of Grace that will put me anywhere near close to Theosis.

And the problem is that my soul and my body are constantly at war with one another, and my body ALWAYS wins. No matter what, even if I cry out to God or the Saints for help, my body wins. My body is so passionate, always wanting to indulge in physical pleasure, and I feel lost.

Being a young individual, I feel like I'm thrown between two extremes - one where I either have too much time, which causes me to sin, or where I have absolutely no time, which causes me to sin. Right now I'm at a summer intensive language program, and although the workload is significantly lightening up as we near the end of it, it's been so time consuming and grueling in terms of work, such that I feel like I don't have any time to do anything that isn't letting my mind go and spending time on the internet, watching TV, playing video games. I'm so physically and mentally exhausted I don't feel like having a deep prayer.
[
On the other hand, when I have too much free time, I don't know what to do with this, as I'll waste time being idle and doing nothing all day, which causes me to sin.

Moreover, my problems with lust and gluttony is rather serious. I'll either overeat (but haven't gained weight) on the unhealthy snacks we have, or I'll fornicate. And overcoming this temptation is so difficult, as I'm purely addicted. The temptation comes, and my whole body and mind gets distorted and pestered, like 10 mosquitoes sucking my blood, and sometimes it's led to a point of where I couldn't even go to sleep, or I'm on the floor of my shower shaking because of it. When I do act out, it inevitably happens more than once in short periods of time (on average, 2 - 3 times).

I feel like I am unable to find proper discipline, nor can I find even a proper prayer rule, or ways to overcome this. I'm at a lost. What do I do?

It's as if the Antichrist is living within me asleep, and whenever it wakes up, all I can say is "who can wage war against it? who is like it?", this horrible monster with 7 lion heads and bear claws, that I cannot fight against.

What do I do? What can I do?

It doesn't help that I'm outside the Church, and I do not have the Holy Mysteries to help me.
« Last Edit: July 11, 2018, 09:25:38 PM by LivenotoneviL »
Jesus:you are the reincarnation of Elijah you can trust me I'm jesus!

LivenotoneviL: yeah right get behind me satan

Exposed demon: oh no my cover is blown!

May God one day unite me with the Holy Orthodox Catholic Church. And may God forgive me for my consistent sins of the flesh and any blasphemous and carnal desire, as well as forgive me whenever I act prideful, against the desire of Christ.

Offline RaphaCam

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Re: I feel like I am unable to restrain my passions.
« Reply #1 on: July 11, 2018, 10:25:56 PM »
Take it easy on yourself, man. Doing it easy is not the perfect thing to do, but one must start somewhere, and in my own experience FWIW, this way you're not starting anywhere, you're stuck... At least pray a little bit after waking up and before eating or going asleep, make it better after you can get this into your routine. Don't put yourself in situations of temptation, but don't freak out if you fall into a trap of the enemy.
"May the Lord our God remember in His kingdom all Holy Catholic Apostolic Church, which heralds the Word of Truth and fearlessly offers and distributes the Holy Oblation despite human deficiencies and persecutions moved by the powers of this world, in all time and unto the ages of ages."

Anyhow when God was asked he said Eastern Orthodox is true Church and not Catholic Church. So come home and enjoy.

Offline ContraMundum

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Re: I feel like I am unable to restrain my passions.
« Reply #2 on: July 11, 2018, 11:21:38 PM »
First, the information you've provided to OC.net suggests that you are not yet Orthodox. I suggest remedying that (though I suppose you're already on that). If you have a parish, talk to your priest.

Second, I will pray for you.

Third, you mention you cannot find a good prayer rule. Any prayer rule is better than known. Even if you just start the day with the sign of the cross and and Our Father. It is better than nothing. As you become more disciplined, you can improve upon your rule.

Fourth, I want to correct what I perceive to be the most egregious of your errors: your view of God. Consider what it means for God to be our Father. Too many people have the landmine view of God and a ticket view of heaven. God is not some brutal dictator looking for any reason to send you to hell. If anything, he's looking for any reason to send you to heaven. Look up Dostoevsky's parable of the onion. Of course, this isn't a license for sin, and one can so estrange himself from God that he has excluded himself from his heavenly kingdom. Would you're own earthly father send you to prison for the things you've down, would he disown you, disinherit you? Beware lest you make your own earthly father more merciful than our Father who is in heaven. God's law is not a landmine that once you unwittingly transgress, God laughs in your face and sends you to eternal perdition. If that is what God is like, he'd be a veritable monster.

Fifth, repentance not despair is the antidote. Peter sinned greatly but was forgiven all for his sincere repentance and bitter tears. Judas despaired of salvation, succumbed to demonic influence, and took his own life, receiving his just deserts. Despair is a grievous sin against God. It is the kind of passion that construes God as the bitter taskmaster indicated above. Guard yourself against despair at all costs. If you sin 1,000 times against God and repent, God will forgive. But he who sins once, and denies himself God's forgiveness, as if it were his to dispense, cannot be forgiven, for he will not be forgiven, he refuses it.

I hope that was of some help. Progress everyday. Make a single small goal. Keep track of your progress. Write it down if you have to. Make your goals specific, so they are manageable and verifiable. They need to be verifiable, so you can say, "yes, I have without a doubt met this goal today", that is to say, they must be measurable in some way. They need to manageable: your goal cannot be "deal with all my sin and sinful habits."

Lord have mercy.

Offline ContraMundum

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Re: I feel like I am unable to restrain my passions.
« Reply #3 on: July 11, 2018, 11:22:50 PM »
Post script: How much time do you spend on the internet? On technology? Get off your computer. Go outside, take a walk, exercise, read a book, maybe ban yourself from technology as much as is possible for awhile.

Offline Sharbel

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Re: I feel like I am unable to restrain my passions.
« Reply #4 on: July 11, 2018, 11:40:27 PM »
How is your sacramental life?  When I was going through my conversion process, my priest was concerned about the hiatus from the sacraments that I was going through, since I didn't feel that it was proper for me to receive Holy Communion at a Catholic liturgy.  For this reason, since he could not give me Holy Communion or grant me sacramental Absolution, he allowed me to go for Confession to a Catholic priest until I was received in the Church.  It was very helpful to me to receive sacramental grace along the process, especially the latter, that comes from a contrite and repentant heart.

If you do not have yet a spiritual father to bring you to the Church, consider going to Confession with a Catholic priest.  And, if you do, talk about this with him.  Or, in the last case, as you know, even Catholic teaching states that perfect contrition brings forgiveness of sins.  On this side of Heaven we will always sin, but it is not reason for despair by those who were baptized and have the indwelling of the Holy Spirit in them.  Trust the Lord who took on our humanity to heal it.

Lord, have mercy.
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Offline Ainnir

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Re: I feel like I am unable to restrain my passions.
« Reply #5 on: July 11, 2018, 11:43:36 PM »
Lord, have mercy on your servant.
Is any of the above Orthodox?  I have no clue, so there's that.

Offline Sethrak

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Re: I feel like I am unable to restrain my passions.
« Reply #6 on: July 13, 2018, 05:33:00 PM »
I don't find new sins each day ~ I for some reason am reminded of sins and wrongs I've done long ago ~ like when I was a little boy ~ things I said ~ or didn't say k ~ or did ~ or should have done ~ little things I can't take back ```

Moma told me that : Aunty Sultana said to her " You'r not pretty maryam , but you'r cute " she moma told me this several times ~ why didn't I say : Moma you're beautiful ~ cause she was ~ she is !!!!!!




Online LivenotoneviL

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Re: I feel like I am unable to restrain my passions.
« Reply #7 on: July 13, 2018, 05:55:13 PM »
How is your sacramental life?  When I was going through my conversion process, my priest was concerned about the hiatus from the sacraments that I was going through, since I didn't feel that it was proper for me to receive Holy Communion at a Catholic liturgy.  For this reason, since he could not give me Holy Communion or grant me sacramental Absolution, he allowed me to go for Confession to a Catholic priest until I was received in the Church.  It was very helpful to me to receive sacramental grace along the process, especially the latter, that comes from a contrite and repentant heart.

If you do not have yet a spiritual father to bring you to the Church, consider going to Confession with a Catholic priest.  And, if you do, talk about this with him.  Or, in the last case, as you know, even Catholic teaching states that perfect contrition brings forgiveness of sins.  On this side of Heaven we will always sin, but it is not reason for despair by those who were baptized and have the indwelling of the Holy Spirit in them.  Trust the Lord who took on our humanity to heal it.

Lord, have mercy.

No Sacraments, period. There was a time with still questioning Orthodoxy where I did go to communion and confession in Roman Catholicism, but obviously, I've since then stopped.
Jesus:you are the reincarnation of Elijah you can trust me I'm jesus!

LivenotoneviL: yeah right get behind me satan

Exposed demon: oh no my cover is blown!

May God one day unite me with the Holy Orthodox Catholic Church. And may God forgive me for my consistent sins of the flesh and any blasphemous and carnal desire, as well as forgive me whenever I act prideful, against the desire of Christ.

Offline Sharbel

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Re: I feel like I am unable to restrain my passions.
« Reply #8 on: July 13, 2018, 06:54:35 PM »
No Sacraments, period. There was a time with still questioning Orthodoxy where I did go to communion and confession in Roman Catholicism, but obviously, I've since then stopped.
You can always make an act of contrition to God.  His grace is not limited to the Sacraments.

You should make your top priority to find an Orthodox priest to guide you through your discernment.  Paraphrasing the adage about lawyers, he who has himself as a spiritual director has a fool for directee.
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Online LivenotoneviL

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Re: I feel like I am unable to restrain my passions.
« Reply #9 on: July 13, 2018, 07:15:17 PM »
I'm pretty much decided - I'm just waiting to become a Catechumen, which should be this academic school year.
Jesus:you are the reincarnation of Elijah you can trust me I'm jesus!

LivenotoneviL: yeah right get behind me satan

Exposed demon: oh no my cover is blown!

May God one day unite me with the Holy Orthodox Catholic Church. And may God forgive me for my consistent sins of the flesh and any blasphemous and carnal desire, as well as forgive me whenever I act prideful, against the desire of Christ.

Offline Agabus

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Re: I feel like I am unable to restrain my passions.
« Reply #10 on: July 13, 2018, 08:21:25 PM »
I'm pretty much decided - I'm just waiting to become a Catechumen, which should be this academic school year.
Why are you waiting?

In the interim, I don't see why you couldn't borrow the Western practice of making an act of spiritual communion.

It's not the best, but it's something.
Blessed Nazarius practiced the ascetic life. His clothes were tattered. He wore his shoes without removing them for six years.

THE OPINIONS HERE MAY NOT REFLECT THE ACTUAL OR PERCEIVED ORTHODOX CHURCH

Take a breath, read Ecclesiastes 1:9.

Online LivenotoneviL

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Re: I feel like I am unable to restrain my passions.
« Reply #11 on: July 13, 2018, 08:24:30 PM »
I'm pretty much decided - I'm just waiting to become a Catechumen, which should be this academic school year.
Why are you waiting?

In the interim, I don't see why you couldn't borrow the Western practice of making an act of spiritual communion.

It's not the best, but it's something.

The Priest wants it to be a combination of something both organic (flexible for each person) and systematic (still holding to a certain level of systematic processing - and probably waiting till next Pascha honestly), while also holding to a philosophy of making sure that every one of his converts is thoroughly convinced of Orthodoxy and doesn't want to do some church-hopping. I asked about it recently, and he said that he's thinking that this year it will likely happen.

And the practice of "spiritual communion" is something I've been already doing, not necessarily as some kind of specific action requesting specific results, but just something that kind of happens as I'm sitting down or standing while everyone receives Communion. I'll say some prayers along the lines of

"My Lord and Savior Jesus Christ, I know that you are truly present in the Holy Mysteries today in this service, and as of right now I am unable to receive these mysteries to fully unite myself with you. However, I Godwilling I hope to be a partaker of it someday, and as the Roman centurion asked for his servant to be healed by Your Presence alone, by your Presence in the Holy Mysteries, cleanse and heal me spiritually, and allow me to be prepared worthily enough for that day - Godwilling - that I may partake of your Holy Mysteries for the pardon and remission of sins, and for the granting of life into my soul, and for eternal salvation, and not to my condemnation. I pray to you, God, never let me come to the wedding in a disgusting rag, but allow your Mysteries to be for the healing of soul and body. Amen."

« Last Edit: July 13, 2018, 08:31:58 PM by LivenotoneviL »
Jesus:you are the reincarnation of Elijah you can trust me I'm jesus!

LivenotoneviL: yeah right get behind me satan

Exposed demon: oh no my cover is blown!

May God one day unite me with the Holy Orthodox Catholic Church. And may God forgive me for my consistent sins of the flesh and any blasphemous and carnal desire, as well as forgive me whenever I act prideful, against the desire of Christ.

Offline hecma925

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Re: I feel like I am unable to restrain my passions.
« Reply #12 on: July 13, 2018, 09:37:02 PM »
What is spiritual communion?
Happy shall he be, that shall take and dash thy little ones against the rock. Alleluia.

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Re: I feel like I am unable to restrain my passions.
« Reply #13 on: July 13, 2018, 09:55:09 PM »
What is spiritual communion?
It's essentially a prayer that says, "I would receive the Mysteries if I could, but I can't right now, so please invade my heart as if I have."
Blessed Nazarius practiced the ascetic life. His clothes were tattered. He wore his shoes without removing them for six years.

THE OPINIONS HERE MAY NOT REFLECT THE ACTUAL OR PERCEIVED ORTHODOX CHURCH

Take a breath, read Ecclesiastes 1:9.

Offline hecma925

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Re: I feel like I am unable to restrain my passions.
« Reply #14 on: July 13, 2018, 10:28:31 PM »
What is spiritual communion?
It's essentially a prayer that says, "I would receive the Mysteries if I could, but I can't right now, so please invade my heart as if I have."

Oh.
Happy shall he be, that shall take and dash thy little ones against the rock. Alleluia.

Once Christ has filled the Cross, it can never be empty again.

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Online LivenotoneviL

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Re: I feel like I am unable to restrain my passions.
« Reply #15 on: July 13, 2018, 10:32:25 PM »
What is spiritual communion?
It's essentially a prayer that says, "I would receive the Mysteries if I could, but I can't right now, so please invade my heart as if I have."

Oh.

Also, keep in mind that I started doing this without knowing what a "spiritual communion" was. That seems to suggest it's less likely an inauthentic (keyword: inauthentic) leftover from Roman Catholicism.
« Last Edit: July 13, 2018, 10:33:12 PM by LivenotoneviL »
Jesus:you are the reincarnation of Elijah you can trust me I'm jesus!

LivenotoneviL: yeah right get behind me satan

Exposed demon: oh no my cover is blown!

May God one day unite me with the Holy Orthodox Catholic Church. And may God forgive me for my consistent sins of the flesh and any blasphemous and carnal desire, as well as forgive me whenever I act prideful, against the desire of Christ.

Offline hecma925

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Re: I feel like I am unable to restrain my passions.
« Reply #16 on: July 13, 2018, 11:27:47 PM »
What is spiritual communion?
It's essentially a prayer that says, "I would receive the Mysteries if I could, but I can't right now, so please invade my heart as if I have."

Oh.

Also, keep in mind that I started doing this without knowing what a "spiritual communion" was. That seems to suggest it's less likely an inauthentic (keyword: inauthentic) leftover from Roman Catholicism.

So now it's authentic because it has a label?
Happy shall he be, that shall take and dash thy little ones against the rock. Alleluia.

Once Christ has filled the Cross, it can never be empty again.

"But God doesn't need your cookies!  Arrive on time!"

Offline Sharbel

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Re: I feel like I am unable to restrain my passions.
« Reply #17 on: July 14, 2018, 12:15:22 AM »
And the practice of "spiritual communion" is something I've been already doing...
That's good, but, from what you've said here, based on my own experience with myself, you need to make a heartfelt act of contrition before anything.  Don't make it out of shame or guilt, but out of hope and joy for His mercy.
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Offline mikeforjesus

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Re: I feel like I am unable to restrain my passions.
« Reply #18 on: July 14, 2018, 06:44:49 AM »
I still suffer passions sometimes more than others.The desert fathers say we should alternate with activities and I think we must seek God’s grace .The only way is to resist the devil and he will flee. Problem is resisting is hard but it must be done as the kingdom of heaven suffers violence and the violent take it by force. We must give no provision for flesh to fulfill its lusts. If we have to cut off anything that is our hand which helps us sin we must do so. That could be being in home environment. But the desert mother st Sarah suffered passions even in desert. Satan is everywhere. And the righteous can fall 7 times but will eventually rise
« Last Edit: July 14, 2018, 06:55:02 AM by mikeforjesus »

Offline mikeforjesus

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Re: I feel like I am unable to restrain my passions.
« Reply #19 on: July 14, 2018, 07:02:26 AM »
I say home environment because the house is not for self and our struggles are personal which no one understands but God.

However we must not be so ascetical we neglect the greater which is serving people

I should maybe not have replied since I have sinned many times and hurt many people and I should be quiet to be humble
« Last Edit: July 14, 2018, 07:09:25 AM by mikeforjesus »

Offline mikeforjesus

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Re: I feel like I am unable to restrain my passions.
« Reply #20 on: July 14, 2018, 07:25:20 AM »
We can do all things through Christ who strengthens us
No one comes to the Father except by Jesus. That is finding Gods grace
Jesus said blessed are the meek for theirs is the kingdom of God. I believe I shall never enter the kingdom of God unless I see myself for what I am which may be worse than every human being on earth

« Last Edit: July 14, 2018, 07:34:22 AM by mikeforjesus »

Offline mikeforjesus

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Re: I feel like I am unable to restrain my passions.
« Reply #21 on: July 14, 2018, 07:39:20 AM »
We can do all things through Christ who strengthens us
No one comes to the Father except by Jesus. That is finding Gods grace
Jesus said blessed are the meek for theirs is the kingdom of God. I believe I shall never enter the kingdom of God unless I see myself for what I am which may be worse than every human being on earth

Sorry by my words I condemn myself. As Paul said he does not even judge himself. I am not worse than those who do not seek to repent and reject Christ but I am just as unworthy of God as them. But I don’t think I have much humility deep in my heart I prefer to justify myself
« Last Edit: July 14, 2018, 07:45:33 AM by mikeforjesus »