Author Topic: I feel no remorse and I'm full of hate  (Read 619 times)

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Offline starodnevno

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I feel no remorse and I'm full of hate
« on: December 07, 2017, 06:39:55 PM »
The title sums it up basically. I feel empty during prayer and confession, I don't feel like I truly regret my sins, I'm just aware of them. I feel like I just want to get a ticket to heaven and that's it. I don't know to change this or improve/fix myself. I also find it extremely difficulty to love people and be forgiving to others. People often annoy me and I feel like giving the particulary annoying ones a slap across the face most of the time. I have next to no compassion and I can't force myself to feel things that I simply don't feel.

What is a Christian supposed to do in a situation like this?

Offline Porter ODoran

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Re: I feel no remorse and I'm full of hate
« Reply #1 on: December 07, 2017, 06:58:19 PM »
The title sums it up basically. I feel empty during prayer and confession, I don't feel like I truly regret my sins, I'm just aware of them. I feel like I just want to get a ticket to heaven and that's it. I don't know to change this or improve/fix myself. I also find it extremely difficulty to love people and be forgiving to others. People often annoy me and I feel like giving the particulary annoying ones a slap across the face most of the time. I have next to no compassion and I can't force myself to feel things that I simply don't feel.

What is a Christian supposed to do in a situation like this?

Good. So shape up, because this is the way you get to hell.
"Love ... is an abyss of illumination, a mountain of fire ... . It is the condition of angels, the progress of eternity" (Climacus).

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Yes we who are far from sainthood we can recognize a living saint and I'm talking from personal experience.Yes they are gentle soo gentle it can not be described it is like gentleness and humility in one and also they have this light this energy it's beyond words...and when you are near them you feel ecstatic and very happy

Offline starodnevno

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Re: I feel no remorse and I'm full of hate
« Reply #2 on: December 07, 2017, 07:19:53 PM »
Good. So shape up, because this is the way you get to hell.
The whole purpose of me making this topic is asking how exactly does one go on about changing anything. Saying "shape up" has no effect.

Offline Porter ODoran

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Re: I feel no remorse and I'm full of hate
« Reply #3 on: December 07, 2017, 07:26:53 PM »
Good. So shape up, because this is the way you get to hell.
The whole purpose of me making this topic is asking how exactly does one go on about changing anything. Saying "shape up" has no effect.

It's your words that say you are hoping to get into heaven; I quoted you. If you're expecting to get into heaven, as things stand in your description you're screwed. So I'm just gently suggesting you chew on that.
"Love ... is an abyss of illumination, a mountain of fire ... . It is the condition of angels, the progress of eternity" (Climacus).

Quote from: Seekingtrue
Yes we who are far from sainthood we can recognize a living saint and I'm talking from personal experience.Yes they are gentle soo gentle it can not be described it is like gentleness and humility in one and also they have this light this energy it's beyond words...and when you are near them you feel ecstatic and very happy

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Re: I feel no remorse and I'm full of hate
« Reply #4 on: December 07, 2017, 07:36:28 PM »
What is a Christian supposed to do in a situation like this?

Confess it.  Then ask God for help.  Then act deliberately in the opposite direction of your thoughts.  For instance:

I feel like I just want to get a ticket to heaven and that's it.

This is selfish.  Want Christ, not your own comfort and safety.  And:

People often annoy me and I feel like giving the particulary annoying ones a slap across the face most of the time.

They are not your problem.  You are your problem.  Read the Gospels and begin to act and think like Christ, and you will like yourself better. 
How this relates to the coming Antichrist? I don't know...

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The erection of one’s rod counts as a form of glory (Theophylaktos of Ohrid, A Defense of Eunuchs, p. 329).

Offline Nathanael

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Re: I feel no remorse and I'm full of hate
« Reply #5 on: December 07, 2017, 09:29:51 PM »
I don't know since when you're in such a state.
If we don't confess our sexual sins (masturbation, pornography, fornication,..) we may fall in such a state. When the spirit of lust dominates our spirit, we are not able to perceive the light of Christ in our hearts and in the hearts of other people anymore. 
Another reason may be that you have not started to love "beauty". Start to read poems (Rainer Maria Rilke, Edgar Allan Poe, and so on), or music like Chopin's Nocturnes, Bach's French Suites, Anthony and the Johnsons. And so on...

But one thing is for sure: Be patient. Confess. pray & fast again and again even if you don't feel any effect. It will come...
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Offline WPM

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Re: I feel no remorse and I'm full of hate
« Reply #6 on: December 07, 2017, 10:41:29 PM »
Do thou' confess the Demon while a Priest is listening to you make confession.
Learn meditation.

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Re: I feel no remorse and I'm full of hate
« Reply #7 on: December 07, 2017, 11:41:09 PM »
I'd say... that you recognize that there is a problem is the necessary first step, so just keep working at it, even if it seems like there's no progress being made.

Offline Sharbel

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Re: I feel no remorse and I'm full of hate
« Reply #8 on: December 08, 2017, 01:36:45 AM »
What is a Christian supposed to do in a situation like this?
To ask Christ to lend a hand, for we cannot possibly even begin to be Christian without His help.
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Offline hecma925

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Re: I feel no remorse and I'm full of hate
« Reply #9 on: December 08, 2017, 02:01:02 AM »
Happy shall he be, that shall take and dash thy little ones against the rock. Alleluia.

Once Christ has filled the Cross, it can never be empty again.

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Offline FinnJames

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Re: I feel no remorse and I'm full of hate
« Reply #10 on: December 08, 2017, 09:19:26 AM »
The title sums it up basically. I feel empty during prayer and confession, I don't feel like I truly regret my sins, I'm just aware of them.
Being aware of one's sins is the first step. Be thankful that you've taken it. Try to trust your priest enough to let him help you overcome them if that is what you want to do.

I feel like I just want to get a ticket to heaven and that's it. I don't know to change this or improve/fix myself. I also find it extremely difficulty to love people and be forgiving to others. People often annoy me and I feel like giving the particulary annoying ones a slap across the face most of the time. I have next to no compassion and I can't force myself to feel things that I simply don't feel.

Trying to put yourself in the other person's shoes might be helpful. There may well be a legitimate reason why they're acting in a way that irritates you.

What is a Christian supposed to do in a situation like this?
Prayer is always helpful.
« Last Edit: December 08, 2017, 09:21:37 AM by FinnJames »

Offline SaintGermain

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Re: I feel no remorse and I'm full of hate
« Reply #11 on: December 08, 2017, 09:45:44 AM »
There is sometimes travel in desert for the soul like this. To be aware of it, like some said it before me, it's already a good thing (not sufficient of course, but still a good one).

As a personal advice, I would recommand you to pray Psalms which ask help to God, and to pray very oftenly the Jesus prayer, not in a robotic way, but by making pauses when you say the sentence, like this it's can be printed in your heart. The voice is also important, don't say it like "Hello how are you ?", take a begging tone, to help your soul to bown down and rejoin Christ love.

Saint Macarius the Great said "Descend into your heart, and there do battle with Satan". It's harsh, but we have to take this Cross to follow our Master into his steps, to the Kingdom. And when you fall, don't be desperate, because that's a sin too. Cry your fall, but stand again after it. Saint John Climacus said that after the sin, Devil presents us Jesus like a one Who never forgives, but that's a trap. When one of his sons make a sin, He's sad of it, but when we stand again, He rejoices with angels, like the story of the Good Sheperd and of the Prodigal Son teach it.
« Last Edit: December 08, 2017, 09:46:50 AM by SaintGermain »

Offline WPM

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Re: I feel no remorse and I'm full of hate
« Reply #12 on: December 08, 2017, 09:50:53 AM »
Maybe understand Love & Hate as a Shakespearean relationship.
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Offline WPM

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Re: I feel no remorse and I'm full of hate
« Reply #13 on: December 08, 2017, 10:22:08 AM »
The title sums it up basically. I feel empty during prayer and confession, I don't feel like I truly regret my sins, I'm just aware of them. I feel like I just want to get a ticket to heaven and that's it. I don't know to change this or improve/fix myself. I also find it extremely difficulty to love people and be forgiving to others. People often annoy me and I feel like giving the particulary annoying ones a slap across the face most of the time. I have next to no compassion and I can't force myself to feel things that I simply don't feel.

What is a Christian supposed to do in a situation like this?

I would set up a daily schedule and begin to pray the Office of the Hours.
Learn meditation.

Offline LizaSymonenko

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Re: I feel no remorse and I'm full of hate
« Reply #14 on: December 08, 2017, 05:19:26 PM »
The title sums it up basically. I feel empty during prayer and confession, I don't feel like I truly regret my sins, I'm just aware of them. I feel like I just want to get a ticket to heaven and that's it. I don't know to change this or improve/fix myself. I also find it extremely difficulty to love people and be forgiving to others. People often annoy me and I feel like giving the particulary annoying ones a slap across the face most of the time. I have next to no compassion and I can't force myself to feel things that I simply don't feel.

What is a Christian supposed to do in a situation like this?

This alone will not get you a ticket to Hell.  You only "want" to slap people, but, you don't.  ;)

Others have given great answers.  The only suggestion I have for you....is to stop focusing on you (if you do)...and start focusing outward.  Volunteer at a soup kitchen, visit people at the nursing home, bring flowers to a hospital....just do things for others....

Believe me...get yourself busy helping others...making this world better, and you will become better.

Granted we all hit dry spells, we get lazy, etc....but, keep on trying...it is the trying, not always the succeeding, that will save us.

May the Lord guide and strengthen you.
Conquer evil men by your gentle kindness, and make zealous men wonder at your goodness. Put the lover of legality to shame by your compassion. With the afflicted be afflicted in mind. Love all men, but keep distant from all men.
—St. Isaac of Syria

Offline Porter ODoran

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Re: I feel no remorse and I'm full of hate
« Reply #15 on: December 08, 2017, 06:00:10 PM »
"Love ... is an abyss of illumination, a mountain of fire ... . It is the condition of angels, the progress of eternity" (Climacus).

Quote from: Seekingtrue
Yes we who are far from sainthood we can recognize a living saint and I'm talking from personal experience.Yes they are gentle soo gentle it can not be described it is like gentleness and humility in one and also they have this light this energy it's beyond words...and when you are near them you feel ecstatic and very happy

Offline starodnevno

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Re: I feel no remorse and I'm full of hate
« Reply #16 on: December 08, 2017, 06:58:03 PM »
Thanks for the advice, everyone.

Offline Ainnir

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Re: I feel no remorse and I'm full of hate
« Reply #17 on: December 08, 2017, 08:31:43 PM »
Thanks for the advice, everyone.

and prayers.  :)
Is any of the above Orthodox?  I have no clue, so there's that.

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Re: I feel no remorse and I'm full of hate
« Reply #18 on: December 08, 2017, 10:57:07 PM »
The fact that you are aware of these problems and are bothered by them is a good sign. Pray that the day never comes when you no longer care. Perhaps this is your cross to bear: to suffer with these feelings without completely giving up. Remember that the mercy of God endures forever (Psalm 136).

"Lord have mercy on us." +++

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Offline recent convert

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Re: I feel no remorse and I'm full of hate
« Reply #19 on: December 09, 2017, 12:42:18 AM »
Perhaps step back from society as much as possible but still try to help people in general. Maybe part of your difficulty might be anxiety. Focus on charity & prayer as the Lord instructs in Matthew 6:1-15.
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Offline NicholasMyra

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Re: I feel no remorse and I'm full of hate
« Reply #20 on: December 09, 2017, 12:51:05 AM »
The title sums it up basically. I feel empty during prayer and confession, I don't feel like I truly regret my sins, I'm just aware of them. I feel like I just want to get a ticket to heaven and that's it. I don't know to change this or improve/fix myself. I also find it extremely difficulty to love people and be forgiving to others. People often annoy me and I feel like giving the particulary annoying ones a slap across the face most of the time. I have next to no compassion and I can't force myself to feel things that I simply don't feel.

What is a Christian supposed to do in a situation like this?
Maybe you could try relating to your feelings differently. Like, stop seeing your feelings as proof that you're genuine or not. Stop looking inside yourself. Entertain the idea that what you think you find inside yourself isn't yourself, at all, or important to who you are.

Trying to change your feelings directly is like trying to levitate by willpower.
« Last Edit: December 09, 2017, 12:54:47 AM by NicholasMyra »
Quote from: Fr. Thomas Hopko, dystopian parable of the prodigal son
...you can imagine so-called healing services of the pigpen. The books that could be written, you know: Life in the Pigpen. How to Cope in the Pigpen. Being Happy in the Pigpen. Surviving in the Pigpen. And then there could be counselling, for people who feel unhappy in the pigpen, to try to get them to come to terms with the pigpen, and to accept the pigpen.

Offline Vysha

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Re: I feel no remorse and I'm full of hate
« Reply #21 on: December 09, 2017, 03:17:49 PM »
Hey Starodnevno,

As others have stated in this thread, that you're acknowledging the problem honestly is a step in the right direction.

This is a video Yusuf Reyes (an Orthodox YouTuber - I don't know if he participates in this forum) made about a month ago that at least indirectly addresses your situation and provides concrete steps on how to deal with it within an Orthodox Christian framework.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lr_qEGOlnKg

Basically, keep attending liturgy, confessing your sins and partaking of the mysteries. Over time that will effect transformation. It might happen immediately or it might take years, but genuine, essential change won't happen otherwise. "Reforming your life" to better outwardly conform to social morés and folkways won't cut it.

Blessings.

Offline tradne13838

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Re: I feel no remorse and I'm full of hate
« Reply #22 on: December 10, 2017, 05:08:39 PM »
Hmmm... in the West this is known as the Dark Night of the Soul (I know some of Western stuff post Schism is off, but some might be useful). I'm no expert, but it may be possible that God has permitted this situation to wean you off of relying on internal feelings too much.

A great summary of the Faith is loving the Lord with all your heart, all your mind, and all your strength as well as loving your neighbor as yourself. Love, properly speaking, is an act of the will. It means choosing God above all else and choosing to want the best for your neighbor in this life and the next. Even if it is the opposite of what your feelings are telling you to do. And that is a matter of grace. My advice is to ask God for the grace to love as you should, and strive to practice it. With help from your spiritual father.

Lastly, ask the Theotokos to pray for you, as well as ask your patron saint and guardian angel.

Offline Ainnir

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Re: I feel no remorse and I'm full of hate
« Reply #23 on: December 10, 2017, 07:13:09 PM »
Lastly, ask the Theotokos to pray for you, as well as ask your patron saint and guardian angel.

Another thing I'm still relearning.  Thanks for the reminder.  :)
Is any of the above Orthodox?  I have no clue, so there's that.