Author Topic: Share your liturgical mishap stories here!  (Read 75687 times)

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Offline Dominika

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Re: Share your liturgical mishap stories here!
« Reply #450 on: May 29, 2016, 07:23:04 AM »
Not mine, and actually it's more about what our rector (main priest at parish) said in the end of today's Liturgy, before kissing the cross - as usually, he was greeting us because of Sunday, but he added 2 things (the second is better):
1. "Today afater the lunch and rethinking about today's sermon [that's normal part of his weekly speech) you can go to park and enjoy today's hot weather - let be this Sunday so joyous as 28 degrees of todays' temperature. And let sit on the lawn in park - well, I've heard it's prohibited, but it's normal, in whole Europe people can sit on lawns"

2. "I'm glad so many mothers with their little treasures have come today. Please, o you mothers, put on shorter skirts, no to trip on the stairs to the church". :o

I have to add that he is an old priest, well-esteemed, but very direct and open in relations with people.
« Last Edit: May 29, 2016, 07:25:14 AM by Dominika »
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Offline hecma925

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Re: Share your liturgical mishap stories here!
« Reply #451 on: May 29, 2016, 07:36:56 AM »
Please, o you mothers, put on shorter skirts

Father said it.
Happy shall he be, that shall take and dash thy little ones against the rock. Alleluia.

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Offline Indocern

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Re: Share your liturgical mishap stories here!
« Reply #452 on: May 29, 2016, 07:41:14 AM »
Not mine, and actually it's more about what our rector (main priest at parish) said in the end of today's Liturgy, before kissing the cross - as usually, he was greeting us because of Sunday, but he added 2 things (the second is better):
1. "Today afater the lunch and rethinking about today's sermon [that's normal part of his weekly speech) you can go to park and enjoy today's hot weather - let be this Sunday so joyous as 28 degrees of todays' temperature. And let sit on the lawn in park - well, I've heard it's prohibited, but it's normal, in whole Europe people can sit on lawns"

2. "I'm glad so many mothers with their little treasures have come today. Please, o you mothers, put on shorter skirts, no to trip on the stairs to the church". :o

I have to add that he is an old priest, well-esteemed, but very direct and open in relations with people.

The wife of the priest don't allow in our Church for women or girls with short skirts or short pants to enter the Church. She prepared shawls and long skirts for them.
« Last Edit: May 29, 2016, 07:42:00 AM by Indocern »

Offline Dominika

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Re: Share your liturgical mishap stories here!
« Reply #453 on: May 29, 2016, 07:53:31 AM »
Not mine, and actually it's more about what our rector (main priest at parish) said in the end of today's Liturgy, before kissing the cross - as usually, he was greeting us because of Sunday, but he added 2 things (the second is better):
1. "Today afater the lunch and rethinking about today's sermon [that's normal part of his weekly speech) you can go to park and enjoy today's hot weather - let be this Sunday so joyous as 28 degrees of todays' temperature. And let sit on the lawn in park - well, I've heard it's prohibited, but it's normal, in whole Europe people can sit on lawns"

2. "I'm glad so many mothers with their little treasures have come today. Please, o you mothers, put on shorter skirts, no to trip on the stairs to the church". :o

I have to add that he is an old priest, well-esteemed, but very direct and open in relations with people.

The wife of the priest don't allow in our Church for women or girls with short skirts or short pants to enter the Church. She prepared shawls and long skirts for them.
He's widower for 4 years. But, we have a few other priests at the parish, all of them are married.
Anyway, I think he meant a bit shorter, so not long to ankles, bur ratehr to knees, but it sounded quite... Surprising :laugh:
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Offline Indocern

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Re: Share your liturgical mishap stories here!
« Reply #454 on: May 29, 2016, 08:15:27 AM »
Not mine, and actually it's more about what our rector (main priest at parish) said in the end of today's Liturgy, before kissing the cross - as usually, he was greeting us because of Sunday, but he added 2 things (the second is better):
1. "Today afater the lunch and rethinking about today's sermon [that's normal part of his weekly speech) you can go to park and enjoy today's hot weather - let be this Sunday so joyous as 28 degrees of todays' temperature. And let sit on the lawn in park - well, I've heard it's prohibited, but it's normal, in whole Europe people can sit on lawns"

2. "I'm glad so many mothers with their little treasures have come today. Please, o you mothers, put on shorter skirts, no to trip on the stairs to the church". :o

I have to add that he is an old priest, well-esteemed, but very direct and open in relations with people.

The wife of the priest don't allow in our Church for women or girls with short skirts or short pants to enter the Church. She prepared shawls and long skirts for them.
He's widower for 4 years. But, we have a few other priests at the parish, all of them are married.
Anyway, I think he meant a bit shorter, so not long to ankles, bur ratehr to knees, but it sounded quite... Surprising :laugh:

My priest in another Church is widower for around 2 years and he is old too and he was joking that he want to find girlfriend on internet but he say that he don't know how to work with it :)
« Last Edit: May 29, 2016, 08:26:43 AM by Indocern »

Offline hecma925

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Re: Share your liturgical mishap stories here!
« Reply #455 on: January 26, 2017, 06:01:31 AM »
Something I remembered:

During the paschal season, the reader beginning the hours starts with Paschal troparion X3.  He wanted to do it in English, Greek, and Slavonic.  On the second "Christ is risen"  it ended up being " Χριστὸς ἀνέστη изъ мертвыхъ, Смертїю смерть поправъ..."
Happy shall he be, that shall take and dash thy little ones against the rock. Alleluia.

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Offline RaphaCam

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Re: Share your liturgical mishap stories here!
« Reply #456 on: January 26, 2017, 11:28:47 AM »
Something I remembered:

During the paschal season, the reader beginning the hours starts with Paschal troparion X3.  He wanted to do it in English, Greek, and Slavonic.  On the second "Christ is risen"  it ended up being " Χριστὸς ἀνέστη изъ мертвыхъ, Смертїю смерть поправъ..."
I do this very often (privately).
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Offline ilyazhito

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Re: Share your liturgical mishap stories here!
« Reply #457 on: February 26, 2017, 12:10:12 AM »
Something I remembered:

During the paschal season, the reader beginning the hours starts with Paschal troparion X3.  He wanted to do it in English, Greek, and Slavonic.  On the second "Christ is risen"  it ended up being " Χριστὸς ἀνέστη изъ мертвыхъ, Смертїю смерть поправъ..."
That's funny. I think that "Христосъ воскресе ek nekron..." would also be funny, as would any other inter-lingual fails. That fail above has to be a win because it's so funny!

Offline biro

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Re: Share your liturgical mishap stories here!
« Reply #458 on: February 26, 2017, 02:16:24 PM »
This week, the chanter singing in Greek and the choir in English managed to start the hymn of St. George at the same time. The chanter stopped with a smile and let the choir finish first.
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Offline ilyazhito

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Re: Share your liturgical mishap stories here!
« Reply #459 on: March 04, 2017, 01:13:14 AM »
I have to give props to that chanter for such a class move. How did this end? Did the chanter eventually re-start and finish the troparion in Greek, or did the service just roll on from that point?

Offline testa24

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Re: Share your liturgical mishap stories here!
« Reply #460 on: April 21, 2017, 04:04:48 PM »
My liturgical mishap happened this past Sunday on Pascha. I was singing in the choir, of which there were 6 people including myself. Right after the priest intoned, "God save Your people, etc" we were supposed to start singing a version of Christos Voskrese. One of the ladies and I were singing the right version, but the lady's husband started singing the wrong version. They started arguing during Liturgy and the husband goes, extremely loudly, "No, No!" When our priest turned around to go "always now and ever" he looked at up the choir for a second and there was a look of pure irritation in his eyes that for the rest of Liturgy I had to keep myself from laughing.

Offline RaphaCam

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Re: Share your liturgical mishap stories here!
« Reply #461 on: April 21, 2017, 07:48:04 PM »
We had a lot of minor mishaps on Holy Week, maybe the clergy was nervous, but Pascha was apparently flawless.
"May the Lord our God remember in His kingdom all Holy Catholic Apostolic Church, which heralds the Word of Truth and fearlessly offers and distributes the Holy Oblation despite human deficiencies and persecutions moved by the powers of this world, in all time and unto the ages of ages."

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Offline Gunnarr

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Re: Share your liturgical mishap stories here!
« Reply #462 on: April 24, 2017, 02:44:15 PM »
this isn't a mishap. I just saw this though and thought it was funny, watch the eyes

https://j.gifs.com/8qnN0L.gif

better in high quality:

https://youtu.be/onIQ6-5e5L0?t=4m53s
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Offline William T

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Re: Share your liturgical mishap stories here!
« Reply #463 on: April 24, 2017, 04:09:48 PM »
As an Alter Boy and someone who would occasionally read announcements I'm sure I had dozens of mishaps.  One memory I have as an Alter Boy is getting caught checking out a girl during the Great Procession .  I think i got chewed out for that.

I seem to have a hazy memory of me butchering the French reading of the Gospel during Easter when people volunteer to read the Gospel in different languages.
« Last Edit: April 24, 2017, 04:11:09 PM by William T »

Offline testa24

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Re: Share your liturgical mishap stories here!
« Reply #464 on: April 24, 2017, 10:18:28 PM »
Please tell us more about you checking out a girl. Did the priest yell at you? What did he say? I've gotten caught a few times by friends although at school. Church is a little easier (not that I would ever check out a girl at church) I'm just guessing since everyone is facing front.

Offline Dominika

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Re: Share your liturgical mishap stories here!
« Reply #465 on: May 28, 2017, 07:54:27 AM »
I was a reader during the all(yhm)-night vigil yesterday. After the 3rd ode I was supposed to read the Ascension Kontakion. Well, people from the kliros said "Read the festal kontakion". But in my Pentecostarion only its beginning was written, so I thoguht that they maybe had meant sedalenof the Fathers from Nicea. Well, I also considered the option that maybe indeed they want me to chant the Ascension kontakion, but I would have to go back many pages in the book, plus I thought that people won't hear sedalenof the Fathers from Nicea anymore this year, contrary to the Ascension Kontakion.

Surely, I was critised a bit right after having read the sedalen, but fortunately, I wasn't taken off from the kliros ;)

Surely, if our parish was doing less shortcuts, such problem wouldn't have appeared:police:
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Offline Mor Ephrem

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Re: Share your liturgical mishap stories here!
« Reply #466 on: July 22, 2017, 04:32:30 PM »
I have few details, but it seems a priest-friend of mine was preaching at a man's funeral when the dead man's watch began beeping within the casket. 
How this relates to the coming Antichrist? I don't know...

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Re: Share your liturgical mishap stories here!
« Reply #467 on: July 22, 2017, 04:38:03 PM »
I have few details, but it seems a priest-friend of mine was preaching at a man's funeral when the dead man's watch began beeping within the casket.

It sounds like a movie scene.
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Offline augustin717

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Re: Share your liturgical mishap stories here!
« Reply #468 on: July 22, 2017, 06:17:33 PM »
I have few details, but it seems a priest-friend of mine was preaching at a man's funeral when the dead man's watch began beeping within the casket.
dothey wanna attract grave robbers or why would they bury him with a watch? I'll  have a disclaimer put on my grave: no Rolex , no cash , no iPhone , no gold teeth .
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Offline Porter ODoran

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Re: Share your liturgical mishap stories here!
« Reply #469 on: July 22, 2017, 06:19:37 PM »
I have few details, but it seems a priest-friend of mine was preaching at a man's funeral when the dead man's watch began beeping within the casket.
dothey wanna attract grave robbers or why would they bury him with a watch?

You could ask that about any activity which others are known to take evil advantage of. Why do you have a truck if you don't want to be wrecked or have it broken into?
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Offline Indocern

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Re: Share your liturgical mishap stories here!
« Reply #470 on: July 23, 2017, 06:07:49 AM »
There was liturgy in some days of the week in the one of the past years and I come and then stay for 2minutes and I see the temple is crying and I was not able to stay there anymore. So I left.

Offline Dominika

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Re: Share your liturgical mishap stories here!
« Reply #471 on: July 23, 2017, 06:35:29 AM »
There was liturgy in some days of the week in the one of the past years and I come and then stay for 2minutes and I see the temple is crying and I was not able to stay there anymore. So I left.

 ???
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Re: Share your liturgical mishap stories here!
« Reply #472 on: July 23, 2017, 06:51:11 AM »
There was liturgy in some days of the week in the one of the past years and I come and then stay for 2minutes and I see the temple is crying and I was not able to stay there anymore. So I left.

 ???

I think it was some of the days for testing myself by God. Because I was not know what is real and what is not. But yes I was not able to stay there anymore. And the corners of the church in the up was bending and it feels like crying. But for God everything is possible when He want to test somebody.

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Re: Share your liturgical mishap stories here!
« Reply #473 on: July 23, 2017, 07:00:34 AM »
There was liturgy in some days of the week in the one of the past years and I come and then stay for 2minutes and I see the temple is crying and I was not able to stay there anymore. So I left.

 ???

I think it was some of the days for testing myself by God. Because I was not know what is real and what is not. But yes I was not able to stay there anymore. And the corners of the church in the up was bending and it feels like crying. But for God everything is possible when He want to test somebody.

But... This thread is, at least,a  bit, humorous. And it presents mishaps of people, not.. of the builduings.
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Re: Share your liturgical mishap stories here!
« Reply #474 on: July 23, 2017, 07:03:50 AM »
There was liturgy in some days of the week in the one of the past years and I come and then stay for 2minutes and I see the temple is crying and I was not able to stay there anymore. So I left.

 ???

I think it was some of the days for testing myself by God. Because I was not know what is real and what is not. But yes I was not able to stay there anymore. And the corners of the church in the up was bending and it feels like crying. But for God everything is possible when He want to test somebody.

But... This thread is, at least,a  bit, humorous. And it presents mishaps of people, not.. of the builduings.

But I am human, not building

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Re: Share your liturgical mishap stories here!
« Reply #475 on: July 23, 2017, 07:16:47 AM »
There was liturgy in some days of the week in the one of the past years and I come and then stay for 2minutes and I see the temple is crying and I was not able to stay there anymore. So I left.

 ???

I think it was some of the days for testing myself by God. Because I was not know what is real and what is not. But yes I was not able to stay there anymore. And the corners of the church in the up was bending and it feels like crying. But for God everything is possible when He want to test somebody.

But... This thread is, at least,a  bit, humorous. And it presents mishaps of people, not.. of the builduings.

But I am human, not building

But you wrote about the building.
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Offline WPM

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Re: Share your liturgical mishap stories here!
« Reply #476 on: July 23, 2017, 08:33:14 AM »
Let's see . . . Orthodox Church is set up as lavish cathedral in far away place. Got it
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Offline Agabus

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Re: Share your liturgical mishap stories here!
« Reply #477 on: July 24, 2017, 04:16:36 PM »
Not liturgical but devotional:

One day recently as I was praying I started to nod off and the standard words for "Open the doors of compassion" apparently became:

"Open up the doors of compassion, most blessed Theotokos, for we have forgotten the basic principles..."
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Re: Share your liturgical mishap stories here!
« Reply #478 on: July 24, 2017, 04:35:29 PM »
Not liturgical but devotional:

One day recently as I was praying I started to nod off and the standard words for "Open the doors of compassion" apparently became:

"Open up the doors of compassion, most blessed Theotokos, for we have forgotten the basic principles..."

This sort of thing happens to me at times, and makes me wonder if it really is better to keep trying as opposed to just getting some sleep. 
How this relates to the coming Antichrist? I don't know...

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Offline Dominika

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Re: Share your liturgical mishap stories here!
« Reply #479 on: July 24, 2017, 05:01:14 PM »
Not liturgical but devotional:

One day recently as I was praying I started to nod off and the standard words for "Open the doors of compassion" apparently became:

"Open up the doors of compassion, most blessed Theotokos, for we have forgotten the basic principles..."

This sort of thing happens to me at times, and makes me wonder if it really is better to keep trying as opposed to just getting some sleep.

 ;D I'm rather not so innovative saying it in Church Slavonic (ha, that's one of the advantages of non-vernacular used at prayers  :laugh: )
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Offline Saxon

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Re: Share your liturgical mishap stories here!
« Reply #480 on: July 30, 2017, 08:27:27 PM »
The daughters of a friend of ours at church who prepares the lunches in the kitchen during liturgy stand with us for the service. The younger girl, who is now eight, is quite mischievous. During the sermon, while standing in front of my fiance, she started slowly doing the splits. My fiance gently pulled her up, but she promptly went went back down again. Our priest stopped in mid-sentence and loudly told her in Russian to stand up straight.  ;D

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Re: Share your liturgical mishap stories here!
« Reply #481 on: November 18, 2017, 02:13:26 PM »
Today I was chanting (I mean melorecitation) at Vespers and Matins. And Vespers I was supposed to chant the sticheras to the "Lord I have cried" but I was given an Octoechos book without the stychos to the sticheras (in my Sunday Octoechos they are present) and realised that just in the moment I had to chant. So I recited from memory half of the stychos but have forgotten the second part. There was a silence, I looked at the rest people of the kliros, one of the lectors whispered the second part, but even with this help I've forgotten one word from this second part, as I must have the text in front of my eyes. So I was stressed for a moment that I chanted the rest of the sticheras too fastly, so the deacon didn't manage to do censing of the whole temple, so then he was almsot runnign and the preist with the altar boys were running too to get out from the iconostasis for the doxastikon.
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Offline Alpha60

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Re: Share your liturgical mishap stories here!
« Reply #482 on: November 18, 2017, 04:39:26 PM »
Today I was chanting (I mean melorecitation) at Vespers and Matins. And Vespers I was supposed to chant the sticheras to the "Lord I have cried" but I was given an Octoechos book without the stychos to the sticheras (in my Sunday Octoechos they are present) and realised that just in the moment I had to chant. So I recited from memory half of the stychos but have forgotten the second part. There was a silence, I looked at the rest people of the kliros, one of the lectors whispered the second part, but even with this help I've forgotten one word from this second part, as I must have the text in front of my eyes. So I was stressed for a moment that I chanted the rest of the sticheras too fastly, so the deacon didn't manage to do censing of the whole temple, so then he was almsot runnign and the preist with the altar boys were running too to get out from the iconostasis for the doxastikon.

You poor thing!  :(  That had to have been very stressful! 
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Re: Share your liturgical mishap stories here!
« Reply #483 on: November 24, 2017, 07:36:34 AM »
I'd been asked today to chant the Epistle just prior the Liturgy. I went to the middle of the church and made up what tone of prokimenon could be. Becase after all these years I still haven't learnt the Church Slavonic numbers except "1" and "4". I'm afraid it wasn't the right tone. The same thing I'd done last Saturday.

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Re: Share your liturgical mishap stories here!
« Reply #484 on: November 24, 2017, 11:28:46 AM »
If even Dominika doesn't have the numbers down, there's hope for me yet.
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Re: Share your liturgical mishap stories here!
« Reply #485 on: November 24, 2017, 11:29:14 AM »
I'd been asked today to chant the Epistle just prior the Liturgy. I went to the middle of the church and made up what tone of prokimenon could be. Becase after all these years I still haven't learnt the Church Slavonic numbers except "1" and "4". I'm afraid it wasn't the right tone. The same thing I'd done last Saturday.

Would the choir actually sing it in the tone you announced rather than the correct tone?

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Offline biro

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Re: Share your liturgical mishap stories here!
« Reply #486 on: November 24, 2017, 12:17:01 PM »
Couple weeks ago, before the start of liturgy, I threw up on the floor of the choir loft. I cleaned it up. Nerves, I guess. Hasn't repeated since.
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Re: Share your liturgical mishap stories here!
« Reply #487 on: November 24, 2017, 12:51:36 PM »
Every once in a while I'll smack my forehead on my music stand when doing a metania.
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Re: Share your liturgical mishap stories here!
« Reply #488 on: November 24, 2017, 12:58:08 PM »
I'd been asked today to chant the Epistle just prior the Liturgy. I went to the middle of the church and made up what tone of prokimenon could be. Becase after all these years I still haven't learnt the Church Slavonic numbers except "1" and "4". I'm afraid it wasn't the right tone. The same thing I'd done last Saturday.

Would the choir actually sing it in the tone you announced rather than the correct tone?
I think in the one I announced,a s that was me holding the Epistle book with the prokimenon and reading, quite far from the kliros.

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Re: Share your liturgical mishap stories here!
« Reply #489 on: November 24, 2017, 12:59:10 PM »
If even Dominika doesn't have the numbers down, there's hope for me yet.

 :laugh:

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Re: Share your liturgical mishap stories here!
« Reply #490 on: December 03, 2017, 08:58:01 PM »
Post-liturgy: held up the Cross-veneration line and stepped on someone's foot because between the bishop and the priest, I didn't know who was supposed to complete the Lord's Prayer.   :-[  I'd love to say such awkwardness is rare, but it's not.   ::) 

I have not yet knocked over any icon stands, so that's some consolation that will hopefully remain.   :D
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Re: Share your liturgical mishap stories here!
« Reply #491 on: December 12, 2017, 02:40:57 AM »
Not liturgical, but I recently turned the archbishop's coffee over, it was quite embarassing. Those occasions are not rare, I've been compared to a much older guy who may have his slips sometimes.  :P
« Last Edit: December 12, 2017, 02:41:17 AM by RaphaCam »
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Re: Share your liturgical mishap stories here!
« Reply #492 on: December 12, 2017, 11:56:26 AM »
Not liturgical, but I recently turned the archbishop's coffee over, it was quite embarassing. Those occasions are not rare, I've been compared to a much older guy who may have his slips sometimes.  :P

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Offline Alpha60

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Re: Share your liturgical mishap stories here!
« Reply #493 on: December 13, 2017, 11:19:36 AM »
I recently failed to adequetely secure a $5 candle in the holder (the technique of meting the base with another candle before inserting it doesn’t seem to work) and found myself in the rather awkward position of having to secure it wihin seconds of “Thine own of Thine own, we offer unto Thee, on behalf of all and for all”

As I see it the alternative would have been more embarassing still.
"It is logical that the actions of the human race over time will lead to its destruction.  I, Alpha 60, am merely the agent of this destruction."

- The computer Alpha 60, from Alphaville (1964) by Jean Luc Godard, the obvious inspiration for HAL-9000 from 2001: A Space Odyssey. 

This signature is not intended to offend any user, nor the relatives of Discovery 1 deputy commander Dr. Frank Poole,  and crew members Dr. Victor Kaminsky, Dr. Jack Kimball, and Dr. Charles Hunter.

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Re: Share your liturgical mishap stories here!
« Reply #494 on: December 13, 2017, 11:35:54 AM »
I recently failed to adequetely secure a $5 candle in the holder (the technique of meting the base with another candle before inserting it doesn’t seem to work) and found myself in the rather awkward position of having to secure it wihin seconds of “Thine own of Thine own, we offer unto Thee, on behalf of all and for all”

As I see it the alternative would have been more embarassing still.

From the Creed to the litany before "Our Father" you probably shouldn't be lighting candles at all.